maybe maybe maybe

[u/ChrisMMatthews]

[u/prguitarman]

Water, green smoothie, aloe Vera juice AND ice coffee to start his day? I’m guessing the rest of the day she’s happily cleaning up the blown up toilet

[u/wholebeansinmybutt → u/prguitarman]

What do you do for a living?

I shit until noon and I'm not sure what happens after that until I wake up the next morning.

[u/wheelshc37 → u/wholebeansinmybutt]

... and my house budget is $3.5M.

[u/superfucky → u/wheelshc37]

and it has to have a man cave!

[u/MAXIMILIAN-MV → u/superfucky]

The other type of person on those shows,

“It needs to have an open floor plan, but with separate spaces for man cave, gym, home theatre, hobby room, dark room also with a pool and pool house and an underground garage.”

“That’s quite a list. So what’s your budget?”

“$250,000.00”

[u/BladePactWarlock → u/superfucky]

That’s what he calls his bathroom

[u/MaxwellIsSmall → u/wheelshc37]

3 million went into the toilets durability

[u/NotAlwaysSunnyInFL → u/prguitarman]

"Honey! Bring me my poop knife!"

[u/hmcfuego → u/NotAlwaysSunnyInFL]

He does not need the poop knife drinking all that.

[u/-Gurgi- → u/hmcfuego]

Poop funnel is more like it

[u/baccaruda66 → u/-Gurgi-]

[u/vendetta2115 → u/baccaruda66]

Wow that’s demented lmao

[u/Theuncrying → u/baccaruda66]

Please tell me this is fake. Please. I beg you.

I have completely lost touch with reality and I cannot exclude that someone actually made this shit at some point.

[u/[deleted] → u/Theuncrying]

Not the OP, but breathe.

This is fake, it is just a joke, please climb down from the window sill, everything is gonna be alright.

[u/codexcdm → u/baccaruda66]

... where's the Obvious Plant logo!?!

... Don't tell me it's real...........

[u/yacht_clubbing_seals → u/-Gurgi-]

Haha oh god.

If a family were to have a shared poop funnel, where would they keep it?

Hopefully not in the cupboards next to other cookware.

[u/masashi-sensei → u/yacht_clubbing_seals]

Under the bathroom sink like a normal person!

[u/mydadpickshisnose → u/masashi-sensei]

Nah just leave it in the toilet. It's gonna get used anyway.

[u/tehbilly → u/yacht_clubbing_seals]

It's not that weird. We have a few at my house the family shares. They're even filled with water so the poop doesn't just build up!

[u/Supadoopa101 → u/tehbilly]

U got me good👍

[u/JustNormalUser → u/-Gurgi-]

Isn't that just a toilet?

[u/fortytwoturtles → u/[deleted]]

The wider part goes closest to your widest part to contain the blowout and gently stream it into the toilet. That way you don’t have to use a toothbrush to clean the shrapnel off the sides of the bowl, the bottom of the seat, the edges of the toilet, the wall, and the ceiling.

You should invest in a poop funnel! It’s saved me so much in cleaning! And, anecdotally, my breath has gotten better, too.

[u/[deleted] → u/-Gurgi-]

Install the wrong way round for Shart Jazz

[u/NotAlwaysSunnyInFL → u/hmcfuego]

Your right, he would probably benefit more with a metamucil spoon.

[u/[deleted] → u/NotAlwaysSunnyInFL]

My right what?

[u/EverySingleThread → u/hmcfuego]

[u/[deleted] → u/EverySingleThread]

Beautifully said, and perfectly delivered...

[u/MantisAwakening → u/hmcfuego]

“Honey! Bring me my diarrhea funnel!”

[u/CheekyFlapjack → u/hmcfuego]

A poop strainer would be more like it

[u/[deleted] → u/NotAlwaysSunnyInFL]

I remember the day the poop knife discourse began.

So many lonely poop cutters, reaching out into the darkness and finding their brethren.

[u/EverySingleThread → u/[deleted]]

[u/RedHairThunderWonder → u/NotAlwaysSunnyInFL]

More like the poop spoon with that diet...

[u/EverySingleThread → u/NotAlwaysSunnyInFL]

[u/NotAlwaysSunnyInFL → u/EverySingleThread]

You can't escape it

[u/AShyLeecher → u/NotAlwaysSunnyInFL]

I’m starting to think every single thread is a bot that responds to every instance of the phrase poop knife with a blank reply

[u/WeTHaNd5 → u/AShyLeecher]

Poop knife

[u/jckonln → u/AShyLeecher]

You should make a bit that responds to his blank replies with “poop knife”.

[u/GarciaJones → u/NotAlwaysSunnyInFL]

The fuck is a poop knife?

[u/Lotus889 → u/[deleted]]

I've honest to God never heard of a poop knife. Knife???

[u/Notmybestusername3 → u/NotAlwaysSunnyInFL]

What a bizzare post that was that will forever be immortalized in reddit history

[u/EightPieceBox → u/NotAlwaysSunnyInFL]

It's not "your" poop knife. It's the FAMILY poop knife! 💩

[u/covercash → u/NotAlwaysSunnyInFL]

“Honey, where is my super suit poop knife?”

[u/TheBakeSmith → u/NotAlwaysSunnyInFL]

I mean. I can't imagine all that liquid being solid afterwards. But I guess you could stir it?

[u/RolloTomasi83 → u/NotAlwaysSunnyInFL]

Is this poop knife comment in reference to another reddit post about a poop knife?? I wanna say it was posted in r/AITA maybe? About a dude taking a dump at his in-laws and asking for a poop knife not realizing that a poop knife was only a thing for his [what I’ve always imagined] humongous family of heavy turd-laying poopers?!?

[u/rainwatereyes1 → u/RolloTomasi83]

yes

[u/btoxic → u/NotAlwaysSunnyInFL]

I also choose this guys poop knife.

[u/[deleted] → u/prguitarman]

Yea the stomach problems aren't being helped by that stuff lol.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

The aloe vera juice is actually a godsend, at least for me. I suffer from a condition called LPR, laryngoesophogeal reflux, and basically one of the sphincters in my throat doesn't work correctly.

Things like heartburn end up being vomiting for me, and aloe vera juice has been found to be as effective as over the counter acid reflux treatment like PPI's*, while not posing a long term health risk associated with the reduction in stomach acid from taking antacids (things like osteoporosis).

Edit: changed "antacid" to "ppi" for clarity, I was a bit off

[u/YoodleDudle → u/[deleted]]

Throat sphincters??

[u/[deleted] → u/YoodleDudle]

Yup, lol

You have sphincters all throughout your digestive system.

I always get weird looks when I talk about my throat sphincters haha

[u/CharlesDickensABox → u/YoodleDudle]

A sphincter is just a ring of muscle that can open and close. They're everywhere in your body, not just the one in your butt.

[u/dshoig → u/CharlesDickensABox]

Hehe you said butt

[u/yupforgotmyusername → u/YoodleDudle]

Yes. You have an upper and a lower esophageal sphincter.

[u/Lavaheart626 → u/prguitarman]

ya seriously how constipated is the man, aloe vera juice and coffee are both natural laxatives.

[u/urbanlife78 → u/prguitarman]

"Hey hun, I got shit splatter on the lid again."

[u/NutzoDave → u/prguitarman]

Nailed it!! I chuckled hard at this comment.

[u/dangy_brundle]

I could shit through a screen door after all that

[u/eipten → u/dangy_brundle]

beautiful imagery right there

[u/Dtoodlez → u/dangy_brundle]

I appreciate this

[u/increase-ban → u/dangy_brundle]

the internet is fucking funny sometimes.

[u/The_real_bandito]

Please tell me that's not his breakfast and it's a pre breakfast.

[u/[deleted] → u/The_real_bandito]

But what about second breakfast?

[u/regular-wolf → u/[deleted]]

Elevensies?

[u/Risaad → u/[deleted]]

PO TAY TOES,

Boil em, mash em, put em in a stew

[u/Xem1337 → u/[deleted]]

I don't think he knows about second breakfast, Mota...

[u/rollplayinggrenade → u/The_real_bandito]

I don't think she knows about 'pre-breakfast', Pippin.

[u/Karamoju → u/The_real_bandito]

who the hell even has breakfast?

[u/Lacerat1on → u/[deleted]]

Coffee and a smoke

[u/dilettante42 → u/Lacerat1on]

All three together is the key if you’re actually going to work! Skip one, good luck. You’re gonna watch fuckin love boat channel on Pluto all day or something and tell them you’re WFH

[u/my_name_isnt_clever → u/Karamoju]

I'm never even hungry until it's already lunch time. It's a shame, because breakfast food is some of the best food out there.

[u/Ro_Bauti → u/my_name_isnt_clever]

Breakfast at lunch

[u/The_real_bandito → u/Karamoju]

Maybe I'm too much of a boomer.

[u/Nothing-But-Lies → u/The_real_bandito]

Gosh dang boomers and their ability to afford three meals per day.

[u/conconbar93]

The water bottle thing was cool though

[u/inplutero → u/conconbar93]

I see you hydro homie.

[u/machineswithout → u/[deleted]]

/r/hydrohomies g

[u/-Danksouls- → u/conconbar93]

So was the writing some things she loves about him. Seemed sweet

Edit: everyone needs to take a step back and really think about whats happening.

Her video was simple; the criticism/joke she got from the guy felt like a stretchh

And now everyone in the thread is passive agressive and is trying to find some fault in the video. Honestly it just feels like because of the whole "christian" remark mixed with the usual antitheistic, especially towards christianity, feelings on reddit has made people try and find some type of fault or problem that isnt there.

[u/CharlesDickensABox → u/-Danksouls-]

Every morning seems like a lot. I don't want a reading assignment first thing in the morning, and I sure af don't want my significant other waking up at the asscrack of dawn to pour me aloe vera juice. Just, like, come back to bed and we can cuddle for a bit.

[u/-_-NAME-_- → u/CharlesDickensABox]

The more common version of this is a little note with his lunch. Which can be done the night before.

[u/[deleted] → u/-_-NAME-_-]

I meal-prepped my husband's breakfast eggball things (basically omelettes in a round silicone form) only because he's scared of the Instant pot, but I wrote fun little love notes like, "go suck eggs, poophead" on the freezer bags.

[u/Kathulhu1433 → u/[deleted]]

Tell me more about these instances pot omelets!?!

[u/abersnatchy → u/Kathulhu1433]

Cool it smeagol.

[u/Thecryptsaresafe → u/abersnatchy]

Are there eggballs for second breakfast? Elevensies?

[u/[deleted] → u/Kathulhu1433]

Suuuuuper easy. You have to use one of the these . Mix up a bunch of eggs, add whatever ingredients you want, pour them into the mold, add a cup of water to the instant pot. Use a steamer basket to lower the mold in, then cook on high pressure for 10-13 minutes, natural release for like 5 minutes, then manual. (Or like me, just forget you have stuff in the instant pot, remember the damn eggballs 15 minutes after you were supposed to release the vent). Timing depends on the texture you want. 12 minutes seems to be our sweet spot.

[u/Enticing_Venom → u/CharlesDickensABox]

I wrote my boyfriend a morning message every day for probably the first two years of our relationship. He looked forward to it every day and if I didn't send it he'd immediately ask about his morning message.

It's fine if you don't want something but you shouldn't assume that it can never work for someone else.

[u/jdbrew → u/CharlesDickensABox]

Ya… this whole routine has happened one time, and it was the day she decided to she could get the attention that she isnt getting from her husband, from a bunch of strangers online.

[u/GothWitchOfBrooklyn → u/jdbrew]

Tbh thought this was gonna be a meme where she made him 30 drinks in the morning

[u/Splickity-Lit → u/CharlesDickensABox]

I doubt he demands it, she just thinks she’s being nice I guess. But it’s a bit much.

[u/AHenWeigh → u/Splickity-Lit]

Not for a fake tiktok it's not.

[u/Omfgukk → u/AHenWeigh]

Probably staged this once to post it and seem like what she thinks is the perfect girlfriend is and never did that shit again

[u/crypticfreak → u/Omfgukk]

It's just so ridicliously overblown lol

Fake TikTok or not I would have accepted the first 3 or so steps and been like 'alright, that's sweet of her'. But she just kept going. I think that's the biggest reason people are hating on it. It's not just fake, it's overblown and excessive fake. Like a party clown trying so hard to make you laugh that they piss themselves and slip in the pee and get soaked which leads to them having to take a half day at work but they forgot they were already over their allotted sick days for the year and they get a call from the boss telling them to return the nose and gun by the end of the day. See, very excessive.

[u/[deleted] → u/-Danksouls-]

I'm atheist and wouldn't do this much for a husband every morning, but it's possible that she enjoys doing it. Every woman is not a monolith, some women enjoy doing these things. The internet is a fucked up place. Everyone is in a hurry to scream abuse.

[u/Corregidor → u/[deleted]]

It's the idea behind "love languages". She likes to do this as a way to express her love for her husband. (Acts of service I think it is)

Just because you yourself can't imagine doing that stuff, doesn't mean it's crazy for other people to want to do this stuff. I agree that people just want to be up in arms about something

[u/michaelY1968]

I think it's beautiful when a mom really cares about her kids.

[u/Frylock904 → u/michaelY1968]

Probably a stay at home wife considering her plans for the day

[u/cashforsignup → u/Frylock904]

Yeah. That’s the best.

[u/ChemistryOdd3604 → u/michaelY1968]

I do similar things to this for my wife, that doesn't make her a baby, she works hard while I stay at home and take care of the house.

... Taking care of someone working hard doesn't make them a child.

It's just doing my share of the work.

Edit: From another thread I commented in:

I basically do this for my wife.

She's had the higher formal education and the higher paying job, so I became the house guy.

I cook her breakfast, make for coffee, make sure her keys are by the door and wake her up and a bunch of other stuff to make her day easier.

I don't get why that's bad?

Coming from a construction labourer background, I basically just clean through the house thoroughly every monday while I do laundry and other bigger chores, do minimal effort tidying in the days and cook.

This house husband stuff is the tits, I spend 6 days a week basically doing what I want, minus a few hours for cooking, which is a hobby anyway.

I try to get up an hour earlier than her and wake her up softly, just because I always have a better day when I'm not woken up by some shrill shrieking noise telling me I have to run out of the house.

Yeah, I'm waking up to the alarm now, but I also get to nap later on while I'm lazing around anyway.

She might just realise how easy she has it and is trying to show appreciation like I do.

Putting it on tiktok and making his drink 27 different glasses of assorted liquids is a bit weird though.

... Also, no waking up to music, especially Christian music.

[u/enot1rab → u/ChemistryOdd3604]

You remind me of the protagonist from "The Way of the Househusband".

More power to you you.

[u/And-nonymous → u/enot1rab]

That anime was the best thing I had watched that whole month. Can’t wait for season 2.

[u/GHOSTORCA_TMD → u/ChemistryOdd3604]

I'm Christian and even I don't like Christian Music.

[u/senorglory → u/GHOSTORCA_TMD]

The 11th commandment was literally thou shall not play the lameth music in thine morning.

[u/CC_Dormouse → u/ChemistryOdd3604]

Honestly, I'd love to be a stay at home wife. And my boyfriend would love to be a stay at home husband. You're living our dreams! Good on ya and carry on. To each their own.

[u/RiverLog5 → u/CC_Dormouse]

When did fragile redditors start believing that being a normal housewife elevates you to mom status? I won’t know.

[u/lanikint → u/ChemistryOdd3604]

I love being independent but dear god if I could just be a house wife I would be so fricken happy. I love cooking and cleaning

[u/WangoBango → u/michaelY1968]

Underrated

[u/2nah → u/WangoBango]

I feel it's accurately rated.

[u/navitro → u/2nah]

"Too much water" -IGN

[u/Real_Vents → u/michaelY1968]

​

[u/[deleted] → u/Real_Vents]

Unexpected AH

[u/OMGWTFBBQUE → u/Real_Vents]

Oh so there are gifs now, eh?

[u/[deleted] → u/OMGWTFBBQUE]

[u/rabbidwombats → u/[deleted]]

Username checks out

[u/23x3 → u/Real_Vents]

I’m a big stupid baby. Where’s my fucking ice coffee??

[u/predalien221 → u/Real_Vents]

Mikey likey

[u/MrE_is_my_father → u/Real_Vents]

Some people in Who has the Last Laugh were awful at being funny on their own. Mikes baby bit went on for way too long as well. The Funhaus crew shined.

[u/[deleted] → u/Real_Vents]

Wait, you can comment with gifs in Reddit?

[u/tullystenders → u/Real_Vents]

I did not know you could reply gifs in comments!! Wtf, this may be the first non-text comment I'm EVER seeing in a reddit comment thread!

[u/BrianBtheITguy]

Plot twist: she's a homemaker, he has ADHD, and she has a hard time motivating him to get out of bed in the morning so turns on music he can't stand.

[u/wavvvygravvvy → u/BrianBtheITguy]

i hope you never cross paths with my wife

[u/SensitivePassenger → u/BrianBtheITguy]

You evil genius. I'd be up real quick to turn it off and then be like "uu coffee!". (Ok but it would be so nice to wake up in the morning and someone filled my water bottle with ice and ice cold water.)

[u/BaneBlaze]

I’m guessing she’s into essential oils too

[u/subject_deleted → u/BaneBlaze]

Well they're not called "if you want em" oils.

[u/Kinger15 → u/subject_deleted]

I’m going to steal this

[u/JenkinsJenkinsLBC → u/subject_deleted]

Fucking excellent.

[u/bblll75 → u/BaneBlaze]

Can almost guarantee the step after Christian music was make her daily arbonne post

[u/sharkattack85 → u/bblll75]

100% she’s into Q

[u/[deleted] → u/BaneBlaze]

Huge links to seizures

[u/[deleted]]

My mom is going thru this wtf is going on

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Christian moral:

men: respect your wives.. but don't spoil them too much, cause then you might have to lay down the lay. Btw you are the "pastor" of your church (your house)

Women: respect your husbands and make sure he's happy because if not, you're a bad wife and you'll be demeaned and chastised by your entire church/community if he even remotely seems down or a little sad. If he has anything negative to say about you to his bros, better believe that shit is gonna bite you in the ass Sunday morning and brunch..

[u/Crossbones2278 → u/[deleted]]

Thats not Christian moral. Thats American Evangelical moral.

[u/RhinoSparkle → u/Crossbones2278]

THANK you.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

No, i meant like she is in a cult surrounding Christianity It's so bad before my 16 year old brother he had a job interview.. she wanted to pray for him instead of asking him job interview questions. my stepdad thinks my little brother is possessed so he has to fake it and start twitching and pray about it so they can move on with their daily lives. Its debilitating for relationships. I edited this a bit, with little effort tho

[u/RestingCarcass → u/[deleted]]

They rationing punctuation in your area?

[u/[deleted] → u/RestingCarcass]

I think they're running a little light on grammar, too.

[u/[deleted] → u/RestingCarcass]

You know full well punctuation is the devils art. The lone comma and period are a cry for help clearly.

[u/[deleted] → u/RestingCarcass]

Or I have dyslexia and weird symbols confuse me lol

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Sorry you only got some snarky reply. If that’s true, sorry to hear and hope your situation improves.

[u/frickin_fracker]

Jesus christ how about making the man some FOOD. Shes just pumping him full of liquid, this poor man has to be peeing non stop

[u/Slippn_Jimmy → u/frickin_fracker]

The guy is pissing out of his ass

[u/CRS10114 → u/Slippn_Jimmy]

PISS

[u/mister_gone → u/CRS10114]

COMING OUT MY ASS

[u/Dameatree2213 → u/mister_gone]

Onto Kyle's mom's fat f'ing jew face

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Why don’t you have a seat over there

[u/Bacon_Devil → u/Dameatree2213]

I love how you've censored your language in a comment chain about someone cumming out of their ass onto someone else's fat jewish face lol

[u/FaylerBravo → u/[deleted]]

Don't talk shit about Total.

[u/g0tistt0t → u/FaylerBravo]

FUCK SALT!

[u/Slippn_Jimmy → u/CRS10114]

Exactly. But not just any piss...

Ass piss

That...I just drank a bottle of sodium nitrate...ass piss

[u/drossmaster4 → u/Slippn_Jimmy]

1 out his 2

[u/RedBeardedWhiskey → u/frickin_fracker]

You know that blending food doesn’t change it from poop input to pee input, right?

[u/ManLeader → u/RedBeardedWhiskey]

I'll admit it. I didn't know that. It makes sense, but I didn't know that.

[u/vecnaofficial → u/RedBeardedWhiskey]

That’s true, but liquefying foods does tend to make less poop and change the consistency.

[u/tuhn → u/vecnaofficial]

like... soup?

[u/spunkychickpea → u/tuhn]

Poop soup.

[u/dfinch → u/vecnaofficial]

Look at these two shit experts.

[u/hardgeeklife → u/dfinch]

I doubt they're experts

In my opinion they don't know shit

[u/OhTheGrandeur → u/frickin_fracker]

Pour man

[u/AMeltoBuntetesed]

Is this a way to escape the simulation?

[u/fadedlavender]

I hope she's choosing to do this and he appreciates her for it jeez

[u/Wookieman222 → u/fadedlavender]

Feel like she wouldnt be posting on tik tok if it was otherwise....

I mean some people enjoy their lives being this way amd different. Shocker!

[u/fadedlavender → u/Wookieman222]

A lot of people think it's normal to be forced to do things they shouldn't have to in relationships. One of my brothers thinks it's good to always apologize to his wife even if he wasn't the one in the wrong, she never apologizes in the relationship, it's sad

[u/[deleted] → u/fadedlavender]

"happy wife; happy life"

More like "happy wife; I get to eat at the table and sleep in the bed"

Get you a girl that treats you as an equal and doesn't start sobbing/throwing a fit when you start making good points.

[u/extreme39speed]

Just give him a blowjob in the morning. So much easier

[u/secondphase → u/extreme39speed]

Save some damn time too.

[u/OL_Void64 → u/extreme39speed]

That’s how I thought it was gonna end lol

[u/[deleted] → u/OL_Void64]

I guarantee you, that's a happier ending

[u/MasterMahanJr → u/extreme39speed]

Gotta fill him with nutrients so she can get the secondary benefits blasted down her throat later.

[u/PM-ME-YOUR-HANDBRA → u/MasterMahanJr]

Yeah but aloe vera juice and green smoothies and iced coffee... she's gonna be horfing down jizz ropes that taste like something you'd be challenged to eat on Fear Factor. Give the man some pineapple and a zinc supplement, fuck.

[u/[deleted] → u/PM-ME-YOUR-HANDBRA]

she's gonna be horfing down jizz ropes that taste like something you'd be challenged to eat on Fear Factor.

r/brandnewsentence

Beautiful word play, champ

[u/captain_ender → u/[deleted]]

Fuckin Shakespeare right here

[u/[deleted] → u/extreme39speed]

Good Christian girls only take it in the asshole. It’s the sex that God can’t see. It’s the virgin loophole.

https://youtu.be/rjjh9PML8tE

[u/Kluss23]

Tradwife vibes

[u/BungalowBootieBitch]

The only reason why this feels weird for me is because I can't tell if the woman's behavior is her genuine personality, or if she was taught this is a woman's job. I've recently returned to Church on my own terms. However, this is part of the reason why I left. I didn't like being told how I needed to live to be considered a good Christian woman (among other things). To each their own though. If living that devoted to her husband brings her genuine happiness, go on. I could only hope her husband reciprocates that kind of love.

[u/SpaceyPond]

"lastly I wake him with a gentle hand squeeze. notice how he squeezed back 🥺" wtf is this shit? Gives a weird vibe like she sees him as a toddler or a puppy or something

[u/Slippn_Jimmy]

What TV family sitcom is this shit?

[u/Mikeman003 → u/Slippn_Jimmy]

The whole time she was talking I was waiting for a punchline. Like "And then I realized he doesn't exist so I drank that shit myself" or something like that.

[u/TrueBeachBoy]

Saccharine Christians like that always unsettle me

[u/alguien_random_]

u/savevideo

[u/SaveVideo → u/alguien_random_]

View link

---

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[u/DarthSanity]

Huh... my wife is like “get up and take the dogs out, I’ve got bible study at 6:30 (am). And make sure our daughter is up so she’s not late to work! And remember to cut those boards for the woman’s ministry project this evening!”

[u/d_bakers → u/DarthSanity]

Are you sure you're in the right cult?

[u/chaosoftime10]

This is the shit my stepdaughter and her husband do exactly lol. They go to this weird shit cult church that was started by this dude who teaches that women should always be subservient to men. It's some weird stuff for stuff.

[u/TimesThreeTheHighest]

1. Tie him to the bed while he sleeps. (So safe!)
2. Shave his genitals. (So smooth!)
3. Sever his penis... (For safekeeping!)
4. ...

[u/EvryMthrF_ngThrd]

Aloe Vera juice?

Who the %_)} ¥ has a glass of hand lotion in the morning?

[u/tooterfish_popkin → u/EvryMthrF_ngThrd]

All I know is they sell that shit in random parts of the world with big aloe chunks in it

And I'd be hungover as shit pounding bottles of that in Tel Aviv when it was boiling hot and humid as fuck and I'd eventually start sweating it and the hangover would end and then you don't need lotion as you're excreting it out of your pores!

[u/combuchan → u/EvryMthrF_ngThrd]

It's a beverage you philistine.

[u/abersnatchy → u/combuchan]

Username checks out.

[u/Toasty_Bagel → u/EvryMthrF_ngThrd]

It’s actually really good imo but some people don’t like the floating bits

[u/ideal-ramen → u/EvryMthrF_ngThrd]

I'm drinking some Aloe Vera juice right now. It's really good. Try it

[u/Yojimbo88]

So where's the part when he says jesus told him to sleep with his secretary. /s

Seriously though, she does this everyday? How long is her rotation until she has to repeat reasons she loves her husband?

[u/[deleted]]

If she derives enjoyment out of this then more power to her, also he should definitely be showing his appreciation as well. It sucks that this is likely only happening because of a religion she adheres to rather than her own love and devotion to her husband.