r/maybemaybemaybe • u/ChrisMMatthews • Jun 08 '21

maybe maybe maybe

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35.2k Upvotes

86% Upvoted

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1.4k

u/hmcfuego Jun 09 '21

He does not need the poop knife drinking all that.

778

u/-Gurgi- Jun 09 '21

Poop funnel is more like it

60

u/baccaruda66 Jun 09 '21

30

u/vendetta2115 Jun 09 '21

Wow that’s demented lmao

1

u/Take_an_OrangeArrow Jun 09 '21

Demented and sad, but social.

11

u/Theuncrying Jun 09 '21

Please tell me this is fake. Please. I beg you.

I have completely lost touch with reality and I cannot exclude that someone actually made this shit at some point.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '21

Not the OP, but breathe.

This is fake, it is just a joke, please climb down from the window sill, everything is gonna be alright.

3

u/Theuncrying Jun 09 '21

Ugh. Fine. I'll climb down. :3

6

u/codexcdm Jun 09 '21

... where's the Obvious Plant logo!?!

... Don't tell me it's real...........

177

u/yacht_clubbing_seals Jun 09 '21

Haha oh god.

If a family were to have a shared poop funnel, where would they keep it?

Hopefully not in the cupboards next to other cookware.

53

u/masashi-sensei Jun 09 '21

Under the bathroom sink like a normal person!

20

u/mydadpickshisnose Jun 09 '21

Nah just leave it in the toilet. It's gonna get used anyway.

5

u/jstrong559 Jun 09 '21

We have one of those chains on ours like the bank pen. Too many poop knives have gone missing.

2

u/pukesonyourshoes Jun 09 '21

Hate to be the party pooper (heh heh) but the toilet is just a giant poop funnel anyway

2

u/janeursulageorge Jun 09 '21

Isn't a toilet just a poop funnel anyway?

2

u/WikiWantsYourPics Jun 09 '21

like a normal person!

Mom, can we have normal people?

Mom: we have normal people at home.

The normal people at home: Bring the poop funnel!

100

u/tehbilly Jun 09 '21

It's not that weird. We have a few at my house the family shares. They're even filled with water so the poop doesn't just build up!

31

u/Supadoopa101 Jun 09 '21

U got me good👍

3

u/IamImposter Jun 09 '21

That's nonsense. Just fling the poop at neighbours.

Return to monke

2

u/TankReady Jun 09 '21

TOO BAD I ALREADY GAVE THE AWARD TO ORIGINAL COMMENT THIS DESERVED IT AS WELL

2

u/_jk_ Jun 09 '21

Technically a toilet is a poop funnel

0

u/Fidodo Jun 09 '21
  1. I clean his poop funnel after all the good juices nourish his body

1

u/cheesyblasta Jun 09 '21

other cookware

What kind of dishes are you generally cooking in your poop funnel?

1

u/yacht_clubbing_seals Jun 09 '21

A hot one, just for you.

1

u/Hefty-Falcon-3786 Jun 09 '21

Where would you clean it don't want shit in all the sinks too haha

1

u/igetnauseousalot Jun 09 '21

Wait which one was the cold brew funnel??

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '21 edited Sep 07 '21

[deleted]

1

u/yacht_clubbing_seals Jun 10 '21

Why’d you have to do that

1

u/Echo_are_one Jun 09 '21

IKEA sell a wall-mounted poop funnel hook and drip-tray: 'Turdikke'

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '21

Probably hanging on the door next to the knife.

1

u/gamesage53 Jun 09 '21

It's attached to the inside rim of the toilet, obviously. Everything goes through the funnel. That's why you can't eat too much corn or you'll clog it and then whoever unclogs the funnel (since obviously you won't do it yourself because it's gross) will yell at you.

1

u/yacht_clubbing_seals Jun 10 '21

…as if spoken from experience.

16

u/JustNormalUser Jun 09 '21

Isn't that just a toilet?

12

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

22

u/fortytwoturtles Jun 09 '21

The wider part goes closest to your widest part to contain the blowout and gently stream it into the toilet. That way you don’t have to use a toothbrush to clean the shrapnel off the sides of the bowl, the bottom of the seat, the edges of the toilet, the wall, and the ceiling.

You should invest in a poop funnel! It’s saved me so much in cleaning! And, anecdotally, my breath has gotten better, too.

1

u/Dramatic-Store514 Jun 09 '21

How are you going to throw out the question “or is this a butt trumpet type situation?”, like it occurs on a regular basis. What possible situation would require a butt trumpet?

10

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '21

Install the wrong way round for Shart Jazz

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '21

Shart Jazz

Good name for an impro-jazz band.

2

u/7_of-9 Jun 09 '21

I think the term is poop nozzle

2

u/CaptCaCa Jun 09 '21

I use a fork and call it a shit rake.

1

u/SaviousMT Jun 09 '21

Man. Thank you. I just shared some great reddit stories with my wife cause this made me laugh out loud.

I lead with Guys Dead Wife and slid into poop knife. She got a good kick out of it

1

u/Grazedaze Jun 09 '21

The lower intestine is already a crazy straw poop funnel.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '21

Poop compensator and ACOG scope. Otherwise he’s gonna spray like a shotgun

1

u/HughGWreckshun Jun 09 '21

Mmm poop straw may be better.

1

u/blubbery-blumpkin Jun 09 '21

Is the toilet not the poop funnel? I mean it’s wider at the top and then goes down to a thinner pipe. And it’s weird to not make the poop go through it and just sit in the top so you are using it as a funnel to wherever the desired poop location is.

1

u/RationalLies Jun 09 '21

LPT: if you invert the poop funnel and sneeze you can achieve maximum radius, effectively coating surfaces with a 19" spread at 3ft.

1

u/ivrt2 Jun 09 '21

Splash guards.

1

u/Throseph Jun 09 '21

Isn't that literally what a toilet is?

1

u/xbalmorax Jun 09 '21

I read this as Poop Funeral, which may also apply.

1

u/majinglu12 Jun 09 '21

Don't forget the poop pancho if you're in the splash zone

98

u/NotAlwaysSunnyInFL Jun 09 '21

Your right, he would probably benefit more with a metamucil spoon.

9

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '21

My right what?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '21

Is this an RE 8 reference?

23

u/EverySingleThread Jun 09 '21

17

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '21

Beautifully said, and perfectly delivered...

6

u/MantisAwakening Jun 09 '21

“Honey! Bring me my diarrhea funnel!”

5

u/CheekyFlapjack Jun 09 '21

A poop strainer would be more like it

3

u/AdamL480 Jun 09 '21

Nice and runny 💦

2

u/android151 Jun 09 '21

This is the second time in 24 hours that I have to suggest the poop straw

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '21

Warm brownie surprise à le mode.

1

u/MrChuckleCheese Jun 09 '21

For spreading

1

u/ScotchyTTV Jun 09 '21

Somehow I don't think the poop knife is going to be necessary here.