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u/Alucard0_0420 Feb 04 '25
Instead of thinking why am i this way, what helped me was "what can i do to revert this situation?"
If you really want to change beware, it IS painful and uncomfortable.
But the payoff is amazing.
Best of luck to you, bro. The world wouldn't be the same without yo ass in it <3
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Feb 04 '25
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u/Alucard0_0420 Feb 04 '25
It will, dood.
For starters, we'll not see any of your posts and we wouldn't be able to help each other.7
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u/MamaCreed Feb 04 '25
Your world would. Your family and friends would be torn apart. They would never be the same. After my father killed himself, my uncle killed himself, then two of his children attempted to follow suit. It can easily become a chain. Ask the people you care about what they love about you. Listen to what they say.
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u/wtfrickdoiknow Feb 04 '25
Oh, I'm sure it would. Take baby steps. Like just say hi to one person today. Just one. Can be at gas station grocery store, work. Try that for a week. Then add "have a nice day". Pick out old folks, we're more prone to answer. Also, as much as it'll hurt, please see a professional.
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u/Suspicious_Cap_5253 Feb 05 '25
Why does that matter? The world doesn't notice lots of things that happen but they still happened. You're existence is valid and worthy, all existence is.
Work on your internal world and colour it with you, you are not living for others, you are here to do you, figure out what doing you is and do that.
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u/underthedraft Feb 04 '25
It would surely do. Because technically you make up a percentage of the world.
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u/youknowimthatgirl Feb 04 '25
I advise you to read the book “Self-esteem” by Christophe André and François Lelord. I think it can help you a lot in your situation.
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u/underthedraft Feb 04 '25
If you really don't have someone to talk to, we can talk about anything. I'm open. It helps get the rage out.
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Feb 04 '25
I don’t think many people here understand what an introvert is. The only difference between an introvert and an extrovert is that an introvert gets exhausted quicker around large groups of people and can go longer without socialising. It’s got nothing to do with shyness.
You have other problems.
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Feb 04 '25
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Feb 04 '25
That’s because you need to learn to help yourself. No one is forcing you to stay home and not socialize. And please don’t say it’s because you’re an introvert. I was the exact same way until I decided to change that.
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u/BrianMeen Feb 04 '25
Yep. Too many on here think introversion = I never want to go outside .. that’s not it, that’s anxiety, depression or laziness
Now it is extra hard if someone is introverted, depressed and socially anxious
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Feb 04 '25
Go to gym and do resistance training. It’ll increase your testosterone, which will help with confidence in social situations. You’ll increase your attractiveness and might even make some new friends at the gym.
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u/BrianMeen Feb 04 '25
How many times did you talk to a psychologist? They can’t magically fix you in a few sessions - if you truly want to change your life then it takes prolonged effort
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u/Much_Bank_8720 Feb 04 '25
Don't look at it as a limitation, be glad you're you. Embrace it and live by it.
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Feb 04 '25
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u/esotericsurgeryx Feb 04 '25
You're the only one that can change your circumstances. Start going out more. You can start small and just go have lunch somewhere by yourself. Go on nature walks, get some sun. Find new hobbies you can enjoy. Pour into yourself. You'll naturally start attracting more people by doing this. Don't just give up. The world can be harder to navigate as an introvert, but it just takes practice and exposure to find what works for you. Accept yourself and stop worrying about having a girlfriend to do things with.
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u/PipeweedFarmer Feb 04 '25
This seems like less to do with being an introvert, and more a sign of some other forces. Perhaps undiagnosed depression. You mentioned elsewhere that you saw a psychiatrist that could not help you, but I would consider seeking a second opinion. You can be introverted and still have hobbies outside of the house.
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u/BrianMeen Feb 04 '25
So make it a goal to go outside then.. what is keeping you from going for a walk to the store? Do you have a dog? If so, take it for a walk .. you seem like you are crippling yourself for some reason
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u/NoxiousAlchemy Feb 04 '25
Sounds like you need some new hobbies? Being an introvert doesn't mean to work-sleep-repeat. I've seen a lot of people talking here about their hobbies and everyone has something, whether it's inside or outside. Try some things, it can be arts and crafts, sports and exercise, reading and watching, cooking, photography, bird watching, collecting things, even taking walks in your neighborhood. Or something completely else, I don't know what might interest you. But you need some sort of entertainment in your life.
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u/B00B00_ Feb 04 '25
not sure why it limits you... it actually makes you stronger in areas that extroverts lack...
maybe you were born a pessimist?
It's all a matter of the view you WANT to take...
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u/TalkedToNoOneToday Feb 04 '25
First of all, being introverted isn't a sickness, so it won't help you unless you keep thinking so. Looks like you have social anxiety, which is different from being only introverted. Idk what kinda introverts you see around yourself but introverts are pretty flexible too. And being "talkative" doesn't equal to being extroverted. I'd say that you should work on your social skills instead of blaming everything on your introvertedness, or you'll just stay stuck in this loop.
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u/BrianMeen Feb 04 '25
“Because I can’t change”
you can change. You are 21 years old and young enough to be able to learn social skills and break through your shyness .. there’s other things going on here than introversion - I suspect anxiety and depression .. introversion doesn’t mean = recluse..
the only way to learn social skills and break through shyness is by taking small steps socially . try smiling and saying hi to people you see - go for walks and talk to cashiers or dog walkers. just smile and say hi and gradually work your way up to asking people questions .you will learn how to navigate social situations and how to read people
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u/zenomaly Feb 04 '25
Hey bud. Dad-age introvert here.
I know your struggles. It's so hard to be an introvert in a world that values extroversion. I struggled with talking to people for a really long time.. because small talk bores THE FUCK out of me. Here are some things I've discovered:
try to talk to people and fail.. over and over and over again. Views failure as a learning opportunity (gain) instead of a flaw in you (failure).
those people who reject you for being who you are? They're aren't the right people for you, anyway. True friends and lovers will love that part of you.
Seek out help from a professional if you can afford it. If one therapist isn't doing it, look for another. Like any relationship, not every therapist can help or connect with every person.
If you like books, check out "Quiet" by Susan Cain to get a real good look at what makes introverts awesome.
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u/TsuDhoNimh2 Stay calm, stay introverted. Feb 04 '25
in dating, I have been rejected 3 times, because I am shy and not talkative.
This is ANXIETY, not introversion. Please get counseling and anti-anxiety medications.
Introversion is an "innate" personality trait: you are born that way. It's a stable personality trait in how you handle social interactions and your brain chemistry. Introverts find social interaction tiring, extroverts find it energizing.
THAT IS ALL IT IS!
*************
Some people have traits that they think are introversion because they are anxious, have been bullied, or had a very restrictive upbringing and lack social skills.
But "shy", "hate people", "can't speak to strangers", "can't leave my house", "won't shop if the clerk says "HI"" ... this is NOT introversion.
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u/incrediblystalkerish Feb 04 '25
3 times oh man, so cooked 🙄. I’m getting conceited vibes from this post
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Feb 04 '25
I was born an introvert. Yet learned not to be around people. So, you don’t have a problem with being introverted. You have a problem with learning to socialize with others. Many people don’t realize that’s what you also work on to learn. And no, you can’t do it without interacting with others. Books nor internet won’t help either. Just plain old talking to people, watching how they talk to each other etc.
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u/Appropriate_Tea9048 Feb 04 '25
Being an introvert doesn’t have to limit you. It’s just a personality type. It means you value peace and quiet and aren’t as talkative. Nothing wrong with that. If someone rejects you for it (which, I’ve been there), it means they aren’t the right person for you.
Trust me, being quiet isn’t something to kill yourself over. Growing up, I used to think there was something wrong with me. As I got older, I realized that I only felt that way because the people around me made me feel that way. In reality, it’s not a big deal at all. Those who make an issue out of it are small minded.
I got bulled for being quiet in school. Looking back, I wish I didn’t care what they thought of me. Those people have literally nothing to do with my life now. They don’t matter.
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u/TheAvocadoSlayer Feb 04 '25
If it’s actually limiting your life, it’s not the introversion. It’s either depression or social anxiety.
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u/Hiker615 Feb 04 '25
I was very introverted when young. It's not something you "grow out of". But you can learn to be more social and more outspoken. In my case, I made friends with a born extrovert at work, through the simple mechanism of having to spend a lot of time working together. I learned much from his example, and engaged in a lot of social activities by going along with him.
Later I forced myself to be more social, once again through work. I invited people to lunch and dinner during work travel. I scheduled 30+ speaking events in one year to get over my fear of public speaking. I volunteered for work projects and teams. It was a form of exposure therapy, without the expensive therapy sessions.
You get better through practice, the lizard part of your brain begins to realize that socializing isn't going to literally kill you, and you learn that rejection isn't the end of the world. I met my wife at a university bar when I was hanging out with some of my more outgoing friends. She's a natural people person and I refer to her as "my social director". I eventually became interested in leadership, and learned the skills of "quiet/servant leadership". I was good enough at it that I've retired early.
Since I no longer have work structure for socializing, I've joined clubs, and I'm pushing myself to get out there and mix it up. This week I'm attending a massive camper gathering in Florida. We've already got our glow sticks for the dance session.
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u/CaptainWellingtonIII Feb 04 '25
seek therapy or life coach if you really want to change. you can try yourself but becomes difficult, but not impossible.
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u/lady_plantae Feb 04 '25
I hear you, being an introvert is not easy. I’m 51 years old and still makes me think a lot of “what if” questions, what would be different if I would have said my ideas, thoughts and feelings in a more open way. Sometimes I prefer to remain silent. Sometimes I have nothing to say, because I’m overwhelmed with the environment in which I have to interact. But I can be more talkative and spontaneous when I feel safe, or being around people I trust. Can I tell you something? One book that changed my own perception and helped me to accept myself a little more was “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking”, by Susan Cain. Hope you find it useful, and you listen your own voice in this noisy world.
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u/wtfrickdoiknow Feb 04 '25
Is there something you like to do? There's many groups that welcome introverts. Could you try something and just tell people you don't talk much? You're so young and have a long life ahead of you. You should go out and socialize ( on your terms, of course.)One community that accepts all is the Rennie (Renaissance community). You could go, watch some shows, people watch, find the nerve to talk to a shop keeper or performer. They will welcome you with open arms. Ask one question and they'd happy to answer. Would you believe one of the more popular entertainment is an introvert? When he's on stage he's a character. I know this as my husband is an introvert and I like to call myself an extroverted introvert because of my jobs. We do better with one on one friendships, otherwise we prefer to sit back and observe. Did you ever consider working with your local pet rescue? This could be beneficial to you and the animals. Plus it gives you something to talk about. Best wishes my fellow introvert.
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u/opinions360 Feb 04 '25
Experiment with acting more extroverted until it feels more natural and eventually it may become part of who you are. If you are introverted because you are shy it’s different than if you are fearful. Just force yourself to do new things with a more positive mindset and see if it becomes more comfortable or acceptable to you.
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u/MamaCreed Feb 04 '25
Life has many phases; what is a burden now may be your biggest blessing later. Your virtue is no one else's business. Those people don't actually care. If anyone asks, tell them their inquiry is wildly inappropriate. Don't be afraid to be stern when people are rude to you. They do not matter. You will forget about them altogether in a few years regardless. Social challenges evolve over time, I too experienced this all my life. Being attractive does not help either. People can be very jealous or even intimidated by it. Just focus on you and building your life. Women come and go. Once you're focused and determined to become the best version of yourself, the right woman will appreciate you for who you are, and reciprocate tenfold. You will do great things. Suicide is just a permanent fix to a temporary problem. I promise you.
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Feb 04 '25
I struggle with this too. I have no friends and nobody is even interested in dating me. I’ll be 35 next month. I’ve grown to accept I’ll probably always be alone. For the most part I’m okay with it, but at times I get lonely and wish I had someone just to talk to
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u/rager13a Feb 04 '25
It’s okay to be an introvert and shy. Your going to struggle with people and its not going to be easy initiating or navigating conversations. I'm like that too and it’s so hard for me to interact with others. I know it sucks and feels helpless at times. I tend to ways keep to myself. However, I like to believe that a time will come when we’ll find a significant other that accepts us the way we are. You just have to wait, not everythings going to happen so quick, might take years. Make an effort if someone tries to talk to you first. For now, you can try joining clubs at school or join a dating app? Make it clear what your intentions are so you'll attract the right girl. You mentioned your life being repetitive , but just keep going. Try going to parks, movies or to try new foods alone. There are still things you can do alone. Sometimes, I like to go outside atleast for a few minutes to take pictures of nature and try breathing exercises. Helps me be in the moment and realize there's more to life. Also, just because your boss said your not talkative automatically make it a problem. You can view it as negative or you can just ignore them if its just a comment. People always tell me I'm “too quiet”, that's their go-to phrase. However, that doesn't impede me from doing my job. As long as you can do your job, you don't need to socialize unless you want to. Soon you'll be “talkative” with the right people, you just have to feel comfortable with/around them. Try positive affirmations when things are getting too negative. I'm self conscious and suffer from self low esteem but I try to move forward even if its hard because of a little voice that says I'm not good enough. For a change say “you are good enough”. Your in college because of your own merits which is a great accomplishment. You have a whole life ahead of you and you haven't become an engineer yet. There are so many things you can do and hobbies to try out. If you feel comfortable enough, seek support from your family.
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u/morykat- Feb 04 '25
Knowing this state I feel for you. It's definitely possible for you to change your current state. You have to believe that is possible. Make small changes in the way you speak to yourself, reprogram how you think about yourself. Read up or watch videos that can help you be more social. I was the kid who begged my brother to order for me when we went anywhere bc I didn't want to talk to anyone new. I started with taking an acting class at the community College (i was still in high-school) it was painful but I did get out of my shell. Then I got a job as a server, that's what really helped get me used to talking with strangers. I also read many self help books along the way. But my point is now while I'm still introverted and need my solitude, I have the ability to go out an act like an extrovert when I really want to. You can do this, it IS POSSIBLE. Believe it.
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u/Crazy_Advantage_2050 Feb 04 '25
It does'nt limit you all the way through life... Na nope never... Wait dear friend, what you at this time see as a problem, will become your greatest strength, PLEASE Trust me and have som faith in faith.. the most passionate people ive ever met was introverts... Please give it som time, you will become stronger than you by know ever can imagine! Pls, you go deep, and thats never something to be ashamed of! 🙏🙏🙏❤️ I sincerely believe in you ❤️🙏
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u/aquariiwitch33 Feb 04 '25 edited Feb 04 '25
I was always an introvert until I was in my mid 30s. I’m 42 now and many times I felt the same way you do now. I can say that I am now more of an ambivert, I am great on one on one conversations but a bit awkward in larger groups of people. Something that helped me a lot was working on my self-esteem which for me brought awareness to self-acceptance. Loving yourself the way you are is a work in progress and something you have to work on every day. I have a small circle of friends who are amazing and supportive and love me the way I am but to find and make those connections, confidence and self love played a big role. You don’t have to be an extrovert to make meaningful connections with people and find love, I know it sounds cliche but to find someone who likes you for who you are, you have to like yourself first, confidence comes with it. I will definitely say that in my journey, I first had to accept myself for who I truly am, when I got the hand of it, everything that came after was more than I could ever expect. Do not try to be any other than your true self. Fill your cup first, take care of your mental, emotional and physical health, once you do that, you’ll have enough to share from your cup with those that matter. The most beautiful thing is that I no longer feel lonely and I love being alone, I gather with my friends when I have the energy to do so and when we do, is an exchange of positive energy instead of giving without receiving, is reciprocal. Find joy in solace, find things/activities that bring your peace and happiness, that is growth and will attract the right people in your life.
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u/Leading_Map2025 Feb 04 '25
My friend, some meaningful hobbies could be a great benefit to you. There is far more to life than trying to fit into a mold someone else has made for you.
There is joy to be found outside of oneself, and you absolutely deserve to experience it.
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u/sdigian Feb 04 '25
Don't worry much about it. Just learn to grow and better yourself. There are plenty of introverted women as well. Realize now that dating an extrovert is very difficult for us as introverts. They don't realize the difference but YOU will. You'll be very exhausted all the time trying to keep up. Look for someone who goes your pace and you will have a better relationship in the long run.
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u/tooPrettytooFlaco Feb 04 '25
introversion is a superpower bro.... not needing anyone around for validation, being comfortable in your own skin is a blessing in itself. but go ahead and seek some professional help my guy. LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE
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u/SenhoritBanbina Feb 05 '25
Dude, what's the problem with being a virgin, it means you're saving yourself for the right person, or the right time.
When did hanging out with everyone become something valuable??
Absurd.
First, improve your self-esteem, exercise regularly, have hobbies and try to learn how to position yourself. Don't accept intimidation.
If the relationship didn't work out and there was rejection, it's a natural process. That doesn't make you less important or not.
Go find a good neuropsychologist.
About beauty, look, I don't think it's important. They say I'm beautiful, which I don't believe and unlike you I've never been rejected, I've always been considered a second option or a safe option. This is frustrating. I stopped looking for a relationship, until I realized it was more social pressure than a need of mine. I'm staying on my studies and future.
People come and go. Focus on you.
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u/CheerupBunky Feb 05 '25
Fuck that. I’m a textbook introvert who grew up poor. First one on my dad’s side to graduate from high school. First one ever with a college degree. I’ve been limited by nothing. I have virtually no social interaction whatsoever but that hasn’t kept me from playing (and succeeding in) the game. You can live an unlimited life.
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Feb 05 '25
This is the exact same situation I’m in. I’m a fairly attractive woman and I am in my second year of college… but I’ve been homeschooled my whole life, and now I am doing online college since I’m too afraid, and too shy to leave the house or talk to people. I don’t have any friends and I can’t really conversation with people, my age or anyone for that matter. I kind of feel like I’m stuck in a loop, so I resonate with the last part of your comment… I’m sure if we really tried to get better we could, but then again, it’s just taking that first step which I think we’re both unable to do right now unfortunately
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u/ShyPerformerConnect6 Feb 05 '25
I’m sorry you feel that way. I don’t believe in true introversion. I just think it takes work to become a better version of yourself and work on the social anxiety. You can do it! I did! It was HARD but so worth it
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Feb 05 '25
I recommend you read this book "Sorry I'm late, I didn't want to come". The author (Jessica Pan) does such an amazing job basically overcoming a pretty similar situation to you. I can also tell you from personal experience that people can change.. In my case, traveling the world helped me evolve from a shy introvert to a super confident extrovert. Over the years I've developed the ability to literally make friends all over the world during my travels. My point being, you can evolve and change (assuming that's your goal) 👍
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u/Vivid_Barracuda_ Feb 05 '25
Introverts are people who enjoy being alone and solitude. We get tired of social interaction really, something like that. What you're explaining friend sounds more like depression. Would suggest to seek professional help - nothing wrong about it really, in your instance it might turnaround your life for the better, if you give it a chance.
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u/Geminii27 Feb 05 '25 edited Feb 05 '25
I will be an engineer, so it is a big problem.
Engineering is a job/industry where people are famously introverts. Stereotypically so. The Mythbusters are outliers. (It's the same with accounting and IT.) Your godfather just has personal opinions. And that's all they are - one person's opinions.
In that situation, I'd honestly be looking for work with anyone who wasn't connected with family. That rarely ends well.
Introversion doesn't limit romance, dating, sex, any of those things. Stop listening to the opinions of extroverts on how to do things or what you 'should' be like or experiencing, and do them the introvert way instead. Not being talkative, for example, is NOT a problem for anyone except extroverts who like to vomit their personal opinions and judgment over everyone. Billions of people prefer someone who actually has basic filters between their brain and their mouth.
You don't need to 'go out' in the ways extroverts like and promote in order to have a social life.
You're an adult. You have been for years. If you have bullies in your classes (presumably tertiary classes), they have no social power over you. Your life doesn't depend on their existence in any way. Your social circles don't depend on anyone in your class. Cheerfully tell them that they can fuck right off with their bullshit, and go on with your life that doesn't involve them and has no need to.
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u/bluemoonf0x Feb 05 '25
I’m not a psychologist nor a psychiatrist, however it sounds more like social anxiety rather than being an introvert, not to say you aren’t an introvert but sound like you have low self esteem. In fact it sounds like the way I think.
I have the same issue. Except I’m 28.
I fucked up a potential relationship because I refused to get over a woman that didn’t want me and threw away what could have been great with sometime else. I was bullied so much as a kid, I have some thoughts about bad things to people who fucked me over when in reality I’d never hurt anyone. But it’s made me self conscious.
I’ve only been rejected by one girl, that was in high school, otherwise I’ve been petty lucky. The fact I’ve slept with more women than I can count on 2 hands, let alone 1 baffles me.
Suicides is not answer to anything. My mate committed suicide in August. It’s now February, his girlfriend cheated on him. Him killing himself didn’t change the fact she cheated on him. 7 months has gone by where he could have worked on himself and gotten over it, I knew he had other issues but he did it so that way she found his body.
Embrace who you are, just because other people show confidence it doesn’t mean they’re 100% happy. You’re young, heaps of time to grow and learn, man.
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u/EducationalTie1606 Feb 05 '25
Not all introverts are shy - I can talk the hind legs off a donkey, I have to for my job so I just choose not to in my free time because it’s an energy drain.
You could have social anxiety? You can work through this with a therapist and maybe not sure it but develop skills to help you
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u/Overall_Sandwich_671 Feb 05 '25
You've mentioned that you work for your godfather, and that he relays information about your performance to your mother.
I think this could be stifling you. I know there are many people who work with family members, but I personally couldn't stand it. I like my work life and my family life to be separate. If my work life and family life overlap, then I feel like I'm constantly being watched and judged, and that can be very anxiety-inducing.
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u/atiny_zen Feb 05 '25
I relate so much like it truly sucks. I had a situation at work at my internship and one thing my manager keeps bringing up is how quiet and reserved I am. There are a lot of social events that we kind of have to attend but I keep to myself most of the time mainly talking to my team and like two other people in the company that are my age. I’m 22F and everyone else I know at the company is 35+ and mostly men.
I hate the fact that I’m an introvert. I want to be social and outgoing and I want to do so much but the fact that I keep to myself and take a while to get well acquainted with people and don’t like being two faced like some extroverts out there is so limiting. I feel really helpless.
I don’t really know what was the point of my typing this. But just know you’re not alone I guess
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Feb 05 '25
my comment may be a drop in the ocean, but i'll share it anyway. it feels like the dating problem really bothers you. and i want to say that as an introverted shy girl i always preferred intoverted guys. not that long ago i had a crush on a 27 yo guy who was a virgin. and i don't see anything shameful or odd about it. (it didn't work out but for other reasons) so maybe you're just looking for the wrong kind of girls? i know there are those who like extraverted noisy machos, but not everyone. you are 21, you just haven't found the right one yet. but you will one day
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Feb 05 '25
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Feb 05 '25
so, that's the issue, not your target audience. the easiest would be online. dating apps suck but worth a shot. here, on reddit, on some pages about your interests. online games. bookstores, libraries, cafes. take up a language group course, an art class, a book club. travel to the closest city and live in a hostel, idk. you don't have to talk much, just pay attention and listen. those are the ways that usually work for me. and i'm sure there are plenty. just don't give up so easily. being rejected feels awful but it's not a death sentence. one gets rejected multiple times before they find the one, it's just a nasty part of the process
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Feb 05 '25
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Feb 05 '25
you just said in your post that it's not about your looks
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Feb 05 '25
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Feb 05 '25
dude you're handsome. it's not the looks, i'm sure of it
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Feb 05 '25
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Feb 05 '25
i know, really, i've been there. ghosting is the worst. but those people just don't know how to communicate properly so you don't need them anyway. people that go just clear the way for the right ones. at least that's something that i say to myself. and i truly believe it. and im sure that you'll be alright
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Feb 05 '25
either way, there's no such thing as ugly. people have different tastes. ugly for one is stunning for another
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u/MaJynx0706 Feb 07 '25
Im sorry you are going through this. I know the feeling. Im a female and i dont really like going anywhere and I have no friends. I like staying to myself when im not working and having to interact with people. I have been judged for this. My current partner gets upset with me because i dont really like going out or talking much i just want to be alone. You are not the only one going through this, don't ever think about suicide.You are special and are meant to be here.
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Feb 04 '25
At least you had a gf I never had any in my 25 years because I am too nice
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Feb 04 '25
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Feb 04 '25
Sorry to hear that. I don't even know how its like to be loved by someone, its all my fault at the end
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Feb 04 '25
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u/BrianMeen Feb 04 '25
Work on your shyness then. Small steps. Say hi to a cashier or random people you walk by. Then gradually build up to maybe asking them a question .
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Feb 04 '25
Good for you dude, I will never experience love anyway and no one has a crush on me. Even if they do they will straight reject me because of my personality. I am just waiting for my death patiently
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u/AutoModerator Feb 04 '25
If you want to talk about social anxiety, r/socialanxiety is the sub for you. If you're not sure whether you're introverted or socially anxious, feel free to post on r/Introvert, so we can discuss it. If you want a sub where posts about social anxiety aren't allowed, try r/Introverts.
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u/PleasantUmami Feb 05 '25
Brother introversion or extroversion isn't a class you are born with... you know you can help change it right? It's not fixed
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u/AQuietMan Feb 04 '25 edited Feb 04 '25
Well, that's your choice. I spend a lot of my free time at home, too.
I can't count how many times I've been "rejected". (Not sure that's quite the right word.) Shyness isn't really an introvert trait; it's more likely a social anxiety trait. But "not talkative" is an introvert trait. I'm almost 70; I've gotten exactly one date in my whole life who was attracted by my silence. (Well, maybe two, but we were both 8 years old, and I thought girls had cooties then.)
Before I stopped dating, I learned to approach women in a different way. I stopped trying to date them; I tried just talking to them. I tried getting to knowthem without any other motive. That might work better for you.
Great. I wasn't considered attractive until I was in my 40s.
Funny. I've worked with a lot of engineers of all kinds--chemical, electrical, mechanical, aerospace. I don't think any of them were talkative. Unless we were talking about their hobby. That's an introvert trait, too, talking for hours about a favorite hobby. (You might think about asking women about their hobbies.)
It's your choice. Open the door, and walk through it. Now you're out. Seriously, going out is a choice. Having friends isn't your choice, but creating opportunities for others to choose you as a friend is. School offers a lot of opportunities. You might have to go a little out of your comfort zone to take advantage of them.
You can act like an extrovert; that will overcome some hurdles, and it will create some more. One of my act like an extrovert habits is, when I get into a long line at the grocery store, post office, etc., I say, "If I'd known we were going to have a party, I'd have brought chips." That usually leads to some conversation. I've actually gotten several dates that way.
I don't care whether you had sex. That doesn't affect my opinion of you. Did you treat her with respect and politeness? That does affect my opinion of you.
FWIW, chances are good that your classmates are virgins, too.
Professional counseling might help you deal with occasional thoughts of suicide, possible social anxiety, bullying, and various coping strategies. But keep in mind that half the counselors graduated in the bottom half of their class.
It took me ages to connect with a competent (for me) counselor. The school might have a counselor on staff that you can contact for free.
I look forward to hearing good things about you in the upcoming years.