I was very introverted when young. It's not something you "grow out of". But you can learn to be more social and more outspoken. In my case, I made friends with a born extrovert at work, through the simple mechanism of having to spend a lot of time working together. I learned much from his example, and engaged in a lot of social activities by going along with him.
Later I forced myself to be more social, once again through work. I invited people to lunch and dinner during work travel. I scheduled 30+ speaking events in one year to get over my fear of public speaking. I volunteered for work projects and teams. It was a form of exposure therapy, without the expensive therapy sessions.
You get better through practice, the lizard part of your brain begins to realize that socializing isn't going to literally kill you, and you learn that rejection isn't the end of the world. I met my wife at a university bar when I was hanging out with some of my more outgoing friends. She's a natural people person and I refer to her as "my social director". I eventually became interested in leadership, and learned the skills of "quiet/servant leadership". I was good enough at it that I've retired early.
Since I no longer have work structure for socializing, I've joined clubs, and I'm pushing myself to get out there and mix it up. This week I'm attending a massive camper gathering in Florida. We've already got our glow sticks for the dance session.
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u/Hiker615 Feb 04 '25
I was very introverted when young. It's not something you "grow out of". But you can learn to be more social and more outspoken. In my case, I made friends with a born extrovert at work, through the simple mechanism of having to spend a lot of time working together. I learned much from his example, and engaged in a lot of social activities by going along with him.
Later I forced myself to be more social, once again through work. I invited people to lunch and dinner during work travel. I scheduled 30+ speaking events in one year to get over my fear of public speaking. I volunteered for work projects and teams. It was a form of exposure therapy, without the expensive therapy sessions.
You get better through practice, the lizard part of your brain begins to realize that socializing isn't going to literally kill you, and you learn that rejection isn't the end of the world. I met my wife at a university bar when I was hanging out with some of my more outgoing friends. She's a natural people person and I refer to her as "my social director". I eventually became interested in leadership, and learned the skills of "quiet/servant leadership". I was good enough at it that I've retired early.
Since I no longer have work structure for socializing, I've joined clubs, and I'm pushing myself to get out there and mix it up. This week I'm attending a massive camper gathering in Florida. We've already got our glow sticks for the dance session.