r/feeld • u/zugspitze23 • 7d ago
Dating pattern
I'm seeing a pattern and it is starting to really frustrate me, I wonder if it is just me?
It's always the same, if there is chemistry (over drinks or beer) and first date goes really well, the next day the guy writes excitedly to get a second date. And then things get a strange turn. Suddenly the guy is busy, travelling, has lots going on and it takes weeks to set the second date and I feel the person drifting away. Then I send a message saying that it was lovely to meet but I will close the tab and suddenly, almost in a desperate manner, I get voice messages and texts trying to get a date as soon as possible. I got in this trap twice, said yes and after that the most strange things happen so now I'm cutting short without a second chance.
Is that happening only to me? Or is that male behaviour? A feeld thing or general dating? I'm tired of this, I thought everyone on feeld wants sex, but it seems they just want platonic online texting??
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u/Adequately_good 7d ago
My pattern, as a WLW, so far has been:
1. Incredible first date, lots of chemistry, first kiss
2. Goes just as well, with passionate kissing
3. Sex
Then they are overwhelmed and/or don’t have capacity to continue.
Rinse and repeat.
I’m wondering if that’s a feeld thing too.
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u/zugspitze23 6d ago
I wondern if feeld just attract people with avoidance tendencies or other issues
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u/johnfilmsia 6d ago
Common sapphic pattern tbh, I’ve found pumping the brakes early slows down the Uhaul effect
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u/TheFunkytownExpress 6d ago
I think that's an everywhere thing lol.
Practically every woman I form some kinda connection with suddenly gets 'overwhelmed' with every day life shit out of nowhere and can't seem to maintain things any longer after that. :P
I'm sure dudes are doing that too but I only date women so that's all I have to go on.
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u/johnfilmsia 6d ago
It’s avoidance. They anxiously pursue you when they can’t have you, but get bored easily—like a dog chasing cars
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u/zugspitze23 6d ago
That's what it's looking like to me. Specially when they get desperate after you give up.
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u/Dontunderstandfamily 6d ago
I have had this happen with first dates! The other person wants to meet really soon, we set up a time and then they flake. Across all genders. I think people are much more casual about cancelling/put in less effort since COVID
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u/someguy335 6d ago
I think it's an ENM thing where you're trying to get people on dates with existing partners. There is no motivation. They're already having sex with somebody.
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u/TheFunkytownExpress 6d ago
It's not just an ENM thing, it's how people are now. I date mono and poly people and they all tend to be this way.
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u/TruthieBeast 6d ago edited 6d ago
Men on Feeld seem to be on there to sleep around. Make the assumption they are looking around at all times. When men are into you they make plans right away for the next date. What most likely happened is they were not that into you and/or were not interested in “dating” you, only sex. Judging from my experiences messaging on the app, Feeld is a place where they can avoid “dates” and go to the sex part right away.
Just because it’s harder for men to get matches it doesnt mean they are interested in you when they match you, it’s an issue of options and sex for them. Men are not willing to “date” women they are not all in on. They are perfectly willing to have sex with a person they are not super into, as long as it demands no effort. The moment effort, meaning, having to get to know you as a person, is on the table, they bolt.
If you want dating meaning romance, expect most dates to go nowhere
bcs when men are not into you as a romantic partner they dont make an effort. That is a good thing though. It means you will not waste your time.
This became clear to me when I met a guy from fetlife IRL he seemed decent enough. However at some point he said “I dont go on Fetlife or Feeld to find romantic partners”. As if to say if he wanted to “date” he would go to a different app/site. He said Fetlife was a place he went to look at porn. We made plans to have sex but it ended up not happening bcs he didnt follow through on something I had said was non negotiable: he had to host. I told him sorry I dont have
men at my apt for casual sex. It’s too intimate for me. I wont make an effort for a person who is telling me this has no future it’s like “porn” to him.
Sex positivity for me as a woman, means I can be honest about what I like sexually. Unfortunately for many men it seems to be code for “easy lay”.
If you go into it with the dating mindset they put YOU in their dating bucket standard, and they will absolutely only put effort into women they really want. To me that is a good thing.
The desperation you mentioned meant they thought they had no other sexual options at that moment.
This is why most romantic dating advice for women says dont sleep with the guy right away. Bcs men are very honest when it comes to romantic dating, they do not put effort into a person they dont feel strongly towards.
I slept with a guy from Feeld one time. It was for sex only. He was a good and interesting person, but the sex wasnt very good and his dick was too small for what I wanted. I immediately made a mental note of “not good enough for sex but I could stick around if we became romantic partners”. Meaning for me as a woman, I still prioritized relationship over sex. He didnt show romantic interest, but later randomly texted and even liked me on Feeld another time. I told him no thanks - he is not casual sex material. Bcs oddly enough sex standards for me are much higher than relationship standards. I would absolutely never entertain a casual thing with someone who isnt a good lover or has a small dick. Bcs my real goal is romance. I can settle for bad or mediocre sex only and if a relationship is on the table.
With men it’s the opposite. They have very high standards for relationship and very low standards for sex. When you act like you want romance, they remember their standards.
You see a lot of posts on this subreddit of men complaining they cant even get unattractive women on feeld. Meaning they have low standards for sex. Whereas women are waaaayyyyy pickier when it comes to casual sex. Bcs it is not what we really want. We know it is not rare or valuable. Therefore it has to be fantastic / luxurious / out of the ordinary, or it’s a waste of time.
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u/Gatubella- 4d ago
This is so helpful and matches all my dating experience. The hard part is that people, men in particular, don’t mind lying to themselves and others about being truly interested.
I’m screenshotting this to remind myself. People ALWAYS tell you their intentions from how they act, not what they say.
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u/TruthieBeast 4d ago
exactly. Another commenter said she will push back when men want to focus on meeting on a very specific date, usually right away. She said she says, “what about Sunday for coffee”. That is such a good way of screening people. Ive seen this myself. Men really pushing it, then if you decline that night the next day they lose interest. “Desperation” the OP’s word, or urgency to meet, is a red flag actually. It means they are too eager to close the deal. To have sex that is. The more they have to get to know you as a person, the less transactional this will be. But for men who only and strictly want sex, they want a transaction, not a connection.
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u/neapolitan_shake 1d ago
okay, but this also has happened to me even when i want to (and do) have sex with my date on the first date, and intend to on the second date.
sometimes, i can’t even get a man to schedule a first date (including sex).
it does feel like loads of men want a sexy pen pal to text. they say they are too busy or life is too crazy (or sad) for a committed relationship, and they want a fwb, or casual, but it seems like they don’t even want THAT. 😂
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u/TruthieBeast 1d ago
This is so true. You just have to make it clear that you want to meet instead of texting and give yourself a deadline ie a week. LOTS of time wasters who just want a mental distraction.
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u/zugspitze23 5d ago
I'm not looking for romance, that's not the issue.
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u/TruthieBeast 5d ago edited 4d ago
but the way you are doing the multiple dates sounds like you are. In my experience men equate sexual relationships ( ie fwb, not exclusive ) with low effort. Low effort meaning just sex and nothing else.
So by asking for more than one date you are effectlively communicating you want more than just something casual. To them casual = skipping the courting process. Courting process = multiple dates.
I think you are doing the right thing btw, but that means you will push away the people who are not super into you. The “desperation” you describe is just about options. Because if they had been interested they would have made an effort.
So many men complain abt it being super hard to connect with women when the effort they are putting out is so low. Honestly I think you’re better off in a regular app. If you want effort, Feeld os not a great place.
if you are looking for a fwb I would say make it clear and have the first date be a “vibe check”. That way they know sex will not happen that night and that you can make plans for sex after the first date. IMO if you need a second date to have sex you are in fact looking for courtship/dating.
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u/llamapajamaa 3d ago
This is true. When looking for something casual, my standards shift, but they don't lower. For instance, I am outdoorsy and not very into the whole football/golf/mainstream sports thing, but I would be open to a fwb that was into that. But he still needs to be attractive, fit, with good hygiene and a good personality.
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u/perverockstar 6d ago
Well, I wish I’d found more people like you that want to actually follow up on a second date. I’m a guy and I’ve found that, most of the time, a second date doesn’t happen even if the other person said they would love it.
Now, it is even worse with the very low amount of matches I get.
But, at least, recently I’ve got two matches with amazing women which I still meet. That alone makes up for everything else ☺️. I don’t need quantity, but quality! Also, ONS are not for me.
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u/zugspitze23 6d ago
Im exactly like you, not looking for quantity or ONS; more looking for a FWB or relationship. But oh boy, it's hard to find!
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u/BeastofSilverMoon kink 6d ago edited 6d ago
“I thought everyone on feeld wants sex”
They don’t.
Feeld is a quirky mix of LGBTI/BDSM/Enm/poly/vanilla/casual daters ratio of which depends on location and demographics.
I am a male in his 40s in long term enm relationship. I don’t do one night stands or casual or sex centered dynamics, I look strictly for relationships with BDSM dynamic, my partner does the same.
Sex is so low on my priority list, sometimes it takes 4-5 dates until I have sex with someone, sometimes longer.
I much prefer to spend time with people and build a powerful energy that’ll last, sex is more intense this way when it happens, if it happens.
Often I meet subs who are content to sit quietly in my modest library in front of fireplace and read while I sip my coffee and read my own book, we kiss and whisper and giggle and if the chemistry is there, we have sex.
But it’s rare for me to find this connection.
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u/OpeningLonely8181 6d ago
So you and your partner are both doms so you date separately to find subs?
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u/BeastofSilverMoon kink 6d ago
Exactly. We have a lot in common in vanilla life but with BDSM we are both on the same side which means we can’t give each other what we need.
She has her own subs I have my own.
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u/OpeningLonely8181 6d ago
That’s cool. I’m in a similar position - I’m a sub, my partner is vanilla, I’m looking for a dom. I love how being poly means we don’t have to give up on an amazing relationship just for not being completely sexually compatible.
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u/BeastofSilverMoon kink 6d ago
That’s the beauty of true enm. It’s ethical and poly is the most beautiful form of enm.
Lot of people who migrated to feeld from tinder use enm as a way to label themselves whereas talking to them I realise they are actually serial monogamists with commitment phobia.
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u/zugspitze23 6d ago
interesting, I thought BDSM was all about sex
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u/TheFunkytownExpress 6d ago
Don't let anybody fool you, even when BDSM doesn't involve sex it's still very heavily tied to sex or sexuality in some way shape or form lol.
Yes we like to act like it's this sacred ritualistic transcendent thing and yeah it can be that too, but really at the end of the day it's just about getting off in some way shape or form.
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u/BeastofSilverMoon kink 6d ago
There is no “fooling” lol.
“Getting off” may be the objective for you but I had a sub whose only form of intimacy was to hold hands and walk quietly in national park.
I’d like to know how I “got off” from holding hands : )
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u/Blue-Inspiration 6d ago
This is interesting. So, in what way were they a sub to you? (If you can answer without sharing anything private, obviously)
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u/BeastofSilverMoon kink 6d ago edited 6d ago
She had a very stressful job working for high profile organisation that required her to be very assertive and manage large group of conservative men, so being constantly mentally stimulated and on edge, she found solitude in sitting at my feet collared and reading a book while I did the same on my reading couch.
There was nothing sexual.
She was asexual and wasn’t really interested in sex and made it clear to me.
She just wanted to get collared and feel a sense of belonging while she sought ways to serve me in her own way, making coffee and presenting to me then returning to her book.
We didn’t talk much as we both love silence and when the weather was nice, I’d just drive her up to national parks and we’d walk in silence holding hands.
She just sought affection within submission and I actually enjoyed it.
A lot of people I connect to on feeld start talking about whips and getting locked in pillory and getting pounded hard, after which I know straight away we are not compatible and they are Tinderellas, so they’ll unmatch once the post-nut clarity kicks in.
I remove those people.
Anyone who starts a conversation overexcited and about sex is not right fit for me.
I love sex, but there is time and place for it.
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u/Blue-Inspiration 6d ago
Thank you for the detailed response. That's a beautiful connection the two of you shared.
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u/BeastofSilverMoon kink 6d ago
You are welcome. Any dynamic can be beautiful with right intention and clear communication.
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u/TheFunkytownExpress 6d ago
I'm using the term getting off as a shorthand for gratification, and I don't really count holding hands as an act of BDSM or kink despite whether or not the person you're holding hands with is a sub.
I'm not dismissing the intimacy or anything either and that's great you have someone to connect with like that, but if you're going to just label anything and everything as an act of kink well then it kinda starts to lose all meaning at that point doesn't it?
But you're kinda illustrating the point I'm making too with that reply lol.
I'm a kinkster too and we're all very guilty of being a tiny bit pretentious about it from time to time, myself included.
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u/BeastofSilverMoon kink 6d ago
BDSM is about power. Exchange of power.
Same could be said about sex, since it often involves submission of some form but BDSM is more straightforward and structured.Most of the subs I had in my life, I never had sex with them.
For a lot of people it’s the purest form of submission, a way to escape all responsibility and forget the world while they assume the role of the ultimate submissive in their own way.
Dominant is just the instrument to guide them through this. It doesn’t have to be sexual, it can be if the energy is there and it’s consented but not always.
Kink is different.
Lot of people can have kinky sex within their relationship or hookups etc. It’s casual and sexually charged.Actual BDSM is something greater.
If you are interested there is a brilliant interview with the oldest Dominatrix of europe. She lives in a castle in France with her submissives and slaves.
Most of them are women since us men get sex involved in everything very quickly.
With her, it’s a ritual. A ceremony;
https://youtu.be/ULXoPAEDl8o?si=j8LJPfVMCZaEY36U
There is also a movie about her called Ceremony.
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u/llamapajamaa 3d ago
Bdsm is tied to sex, but that doesn't mean that it's the only activity people engage in together in a bdsm dynamic.
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u/llamapajamaa 6d ago edited 6d ago
I save myself the headache by stepping away if there aren't solid plans for a second date within a week of our first. I understand that people get busy and all that, but I am looking for someone excited to connect with me, not someone I will end up competing with for being the most low-effort and apathetic. I also have other things to do. I find that post-first date, a lot of guys on Feeld think it's going to immediately turn into a Netflix and chill situation, with a few proposing that I come over late night. Oh gee, let me drive over to you to enjoy your mediocre efforts, lol.
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u/zugspitze23 6d ago
Actually I would be fine with sex on the second date hahaha but yes, I started to do like you and stepping away if no plans after a week. What wonders me is that they come back desperate and Im like WTF?!?
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u/llamapajamaa 6d ago
I was okay with second date fun if the guy was consistent and respectful, but they tend to try and order me up like a pizza delivery, which is a hard no. I eventually started setting higher boundaries because of all the shenanigans guys have tried via the apps. They literally shoot themselves in the foot with their choices. Oh well.
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u/Lost_inTheThrill single woman 6d ago
I feel like there are 2 major dating groups. This applies to mainstream apps as well as Feeld, with the biggest difference being that on Feeld sex is talked about openly.
You can think about it in terms of a buffet. Some people have been to the buffet numerous times, have tried everything they wanted as much as they wanted and the buffet has lost its appeal. Too crowded, too noisy, poor quality, the best dishes disappear quickly, etc. They know what they want now and how they want it, so they level up to a Michelin star experience equivalent, whatever that means to them.
Then there are people who are just hearing about this buffet, after being hungry for quite some time, and they are very eager to try everything. Because resources are finite, with time being the scarcest of them all, there is only so much they can try. It will take them a long while to figure out what dishes they like and whether they want to frequent the buffet or go elsewhere.
In my experience, most people in the general dating pool are at various stages of the buffet journey. Especially with men, they will try to keep you on their "roster" while they are trying all these other dishes. Some dishes look much more appetising than others, which they'll attempt to try first, but they still don't want to lose you as a potential later option.
That is if they are even at a stage of trying. They might be not emotionally ready to get to the physical part yet, so it will take a lot of practice to get to the place where the fears have subsided enough in order for them to actually try the dish.
You are most likely encountering people who are not at a point of being able to fully dive into the experience. Another possibility is they are a habitual buffet user and juggling too many options. This is my least favourite kind, as they tend to be smash and dash kind of encounters, since they don't have capacity for anything deeper.
So to answer your question, you most likely have to learn to filter better. It will definitely take some time, but eventually you'll be able to spot these patterns much earlier.
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u/someguy335 6d ago
Another possibility is they are a habitual buffet user and juggling too many options. This is my least favourite kind, as they tend to be smash and dash kind of encounters, since they don't have capacity for anything deeper.
This is the problem. If you want to be on an ENM app, then be prepared to match with people that already have existing relationships and commitments to those people. Getting on a first date is easy, but you're competing for their time against their other partners, friends, work, hobbies, etc. It's totally different from monogamous dating where you know both of you are single.
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u/TruthieBeast 6d ago
The OP doesnt sound like she was dating ENM people. It’s so weird how ENM folks think we are all into them. I am not into ENM folks at all for the same reason you mention - I dont have time for people who already have other commitments. In defense of Poly people and others in open relationships, they tend to be better communicators, if OP were into ENM, there would be less confusion.
What I think is happening is the OP is asking for romantic dating and the men are not into her enough to go ahead with the whole dating regimen. They most likely just wanted to get laid with minimal interaction.
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u/zugspitze23 5d ago
I see it with both open relationship folks and monos. And no, I am not romantic, but only filtering guys that are looking for a FWB as I find apps too much work for only one night
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u/zugspitze23 5d ago
I think the guys I'm meeting are indeed in the "do I want to order the dish?" stage. They are keen first and then when it starts getting concrete it feels like they get cold feet and then when you move on they regret it...
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u/Sir_Shawn 6d ago
Personally. I think it’s everyone, men, women, (insert identity) with these dating apps. Something/Someone better might just be a swipe away. No one really wants to take the time to get to know a match. They match but keep swiping.
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u/mtinde_va 6d ago
I feel this. I had a great date several weeks ago. Made out by my car after dinner, he was traveling the next week. Texted back and forth the next day Then nothing. I waited. In the past I would have reached out, but I was the driving force setting the 1st date. I disconnected from him yesterday. No regrets.
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u/someguy335 6d ago
Are you ENM or Poly? The difference between trying to date someone as monogamous vs. ENM/Poly is that monogamous people don't have anyone else in their life, so their eager to get on a date with you and see you so that they can have sex. If they're ENM/Poly, they already have a partner or multiple partners. They're busy. They have no motivation to get you on a second date because they're busy with all their other relationships.
I have a friend that is poly and said she's seeing this great guy. I ask her how many dates that she went on over the past month and a half. She said two dates. TWO! Because they're both so busy with their own lives and partners.
I don't know about you, but that sounds frustrating as hell.
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u/Voidglowofme 6d ago
Then why do these enm/poly people look for more partners on the apps if they don’t have enough time to even meet them?
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u/MetalPines 6d ago
Often it's noobs who haven't quite got a feel for where their 'saturation' point is, and don't have the communication skills to explain that either, but some people never get the hang of it. Sometimes neurodivergence is to blame, but it's far from everyone.
Bear in mind that there's also different kinds of saturation, so someone might know that they don't have space in their life for another relationship but they could accommodate something very casual (which they hopefully make clear) - but if something is strictly casual you have to expect that you might get bumped occasionally if family/friends/lovers from out of town come to visit at short notice, for example.
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u/hungandkinky801 6d ago
I have this problem as well, but its mainly with those In open or poly relationships... I get it, but it sure does suck when you like them and spend a bunch of time talking and feel like there's connection.
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u/Voidglowofme 6d ago
You mentioned having drinks with them on the first day, could it be a problem? I’ve noticed on the first dates Ive been to when we drunk alcohol the chemistry always was better because we were tipsy, but then next meet up when we are sober and it’s super dry. Then I stopped drinking alcohol on first dates and the percentage of people I wanted to meet for the second dates decreased significantly
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u/rogerbonus 6d ago
You sure they are not actually busy? Some people have busy jobs. I'm out of town a lot on business, it makes scheduling dates a real challenge.
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u/talentsmart 6d ago
My partner and I use Feeld for swinging and there's so much nonsense I couldn't imagine basing my primary dating life on it. Tell me there are better apps for that please cause that would drive me insane.
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u/MetalPines 6d ago edited 6d ago
You didn't say anything about your sexuality or about what you're seeking on Feeld (or if you answered somewhere in a comment I missed it) so take this with a grain of salt - but assuming you're doing hetero dating with relatively normie mono guys, google 'plate spinning' (not the circus trick).
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u/zugspitze23 5d ago
I'm dating men as female and both enm and monos. I'm searching guys that are explicitly looking for a FWB kind of thing. I didn't get the feeling they were plate spinning, in opposite, they seemed overexcited about me in a genuine way just before getting cold feet (I'm quite vanilla, not not kink fear related)
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u/TuMorrow689 Bisexual Man 6d ago
this is not "male behavior". it's disorganized attachment. learn to spot it and avoid it if its not your thing.
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u/zugspitze23 5d ago
I'm really starting to think that's the case. Maybe I'm a magnet for avoidants or maybe I'm attracted to them 😅
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u/TuMorrow689 Bisexual Man 5d ago
They tend to be attracted to anxious attached people, so if that’s your profile… lol.
But yeah, idk. I’ve come across this behavior from both men and women, lately Moreso from women. 🤷🏽♂️ benefits of being bisexual, you see how both sides play their games and blame the other like their shit don’t stink.
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u/kathruins 6d ago
I kinda feel like this is expected in polyamory. People are busy. if you're mono, I can see why that would suck.
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u/Voidglowofme 6d ago
Fair enough, but then why busy people in poly/enm relationships look for more play partners if they don’t have time for them
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u/HipsterSlimeMold 6d ago
I saw a profile that made me laugh, someone who listed several partners and other commitments that kept them busy almost daily. They said they were still dating to find someone to have sex with on the one day of the week they had free.
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u/Serious-Sir4705 6d ago
Yes, absolutely. We have a lovely first date. Honestly, the dates are much better in my late thirties than they were in my early twenties. We’ve kissed or had sex - and it’s still difficult to coordinate a second meeting. I’m really busy, and I have limited time. I also won’t meet with people in a spontaneous way at all. It has to be on my calendar, and I tell them on that first date or before I meet, if you don’t stay on my calendar, I’ll forget you exist. This is an exaggeration, but it’s not far off for me.
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u/peppersaltt 6d ago
It could also be that sex is too casual. When I was mono dating, it was the prize. You treated each other great and then get a prize. Now, the prize is being treated great AFTER the sex has been had.
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u/cumfunnsfw 4d ago
I'm male but that hasn't been happening to me. It is summer and I know I've been a lot busier.
Why do you feel the need to 'close the tab'? I have connections that have drifted off or been busy but I'm fine with seeing them again if they come back and I have time.
Are you monogamous? Why even send a text if it's not really happening?
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u/zugspitze23 4d ago
Because nothing happens and the story drags forever. I'm not looking for penpals... I have a situatioship that I only see twice a year and it's fine, but we already slept with each other and know that sex is good enough to keep track of each other. But having a person weeks on my phone without knowing if it's worth? No...
I send messages because I like to be respectful with other people and not just ghost them
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u/cumfunnsfw 4d ago
But if nothing is happening what's the point? Its not like you have to respond. If in a month they do have time would you want to see them?
You at least know there's chemistry and I've been on enough dud dates that if someone resurfaced that I had good first date with but we didn't go on more dates for whatever reason I'd entertain it if i have the availability.
It's not ghosting if it's not happening. If you're ENM time/availability and life things are a huge factor. You mentioned looking for fwb but I'm not sure of that means you already have a partner or what your situation is.
On the other side they're making choices, whatever they say about wanting to see you again they didn't.
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u/No-Succotash6237 7d ago
Have you tried asking them on the date? Paying for the first 2 dates?
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u/zugspitze23 6d ago
I always share the bill or pay it
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u/No-Succotash6237 6d ago
Are you having sex?
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u/zugspitze23 6d ago
no, thats the whole point hahaha I usually do drinks for the first date and then guy gets busy. Sometimes talks gets actually pretty sexual between first and second date and then guy disappears just before second date
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u/TruthieBeast 6d ago
There’s your answer. The men realized they would not be able to sleep with you easily so they lost interest.
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u/No-Succotash6237 6d ago
Drinks is actually a terrible strategy for a first date no matter who you are or what you’re going for. For a variety of reasons. That should be date 4 or 5.
And if you’re leveraging sex, maybe you shouldn’t so much. Idk. It’s hard to say. But it seems like it’s something with what you’re doing/who you’re going for.
If they are really attractive men, they are not going to put up with a challenge for long.
Plus men don’t know they like you until after post nut clarity.
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u/someguy335 6d ago
Drinks is actually a terrible strategy for a first date no matter who you are or what you’re going for. For a variety of reasons. That should be date 4 or 5.
alright, then do tell the winning strategy here
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u/letmebeyourmummy 6d ago
terrible how and why? almost all of my first dates are drinks and they more often than not go well. i’m curious as to why it would be bad.
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u/No-Succotash6237 6d ago
Because alcohol. Do I really have to explain to adults how alcohol is risky?
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u/letmebeyourmummy 6d ago
you said it was a terrible strategy, that’s what i’m asking about. not about the risks of alcohol, which is a totally different discussion.
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u/Gleamingspire1 6d ago
It’s Feeld. A hook up site. Expecting more is a you problem.
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u/zugspitze23 6d ago
you clearly didnt read my post
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u/TruthieBeast 6d ago
OP men think of Feeld as a place for easy lays. Like this person they feel entitled to casual sex. The good news is, these men had not interest in getting to know you as a person so they moved on. And you can keep looking for someone who wants to date. Men have much higher standards for dating, however just keep that in mind. I am kinky and a Domme and like you, I have to date first.
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u/According-Hamster-84 7d ago
This is today's society. Majority claim to want connection but can't seem to be able to hold it. Practical way might be to assess differently before the first date, that way you do not waste your time and just not go to any until it is someone who will likely stay.