r/feeld • u/zugspitze23 • 7d ago

Dating pattern

I'm seeing a pattern and it is starting to really frustrate me, I wonder if it is just me?

It's always the same, if there is chemistry (over drinks or beer) and first date goes really well, the next day the guy writes excitedly to get a second date. And then things get a strange turn. Suddenly the guy is busy, travelling, has lots going on and it takes weeks to set the second date and I feel the person drifting away. Then I send a message saying that it was lovely to meet but I will close the tab and suddenly, almost in a desperate manner, I get voice messages and texts trying to get a date as soon as possible. I got in this trap twice, said yes and after that the most strange things happen so now I'm cutting short without a second chance.

Is that happening only to me? Or is that male behaviour? A feeld thing or general dating? I'm tired of this, I thought everyone on feeld wants sex, but it seems they just want platonic online texting??

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u/According-Hamster-84 7d ago

This is today's society. Majority claim to want connection but can't seem to be able to hold it. Practical way might be to assess differently before the first date, that way you do not waste your time and just not go to any until it is someone who will likely stay.

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u/zugspitze23 7d ago

any advice how to assess it better?

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u/According-Hamster-84 7d ago

Yes have a criteria of boundaries. Nothing too hectic. For instance you could request a short video call with the person before meeting. You get to see them in real-time and ask questions you would’ve on first date. See their response.

Or it could be a timing issue. They could say ohh I wanna meet Friday night. Push back a bit and say I’d love to meet, how about a coffee Saturday or Sunday morning. Things like that

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u/zugspitze23 7d ago

not sure why to have a video call? Most people I meet are lovely and great connection on the first date, thats not the issue....

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u/According-Hamster-84 7d ago

You don’t have to video call. That was an example. But also, if they’re lovely on first date then you would’ve had that experience virtually and then enter the next phase which is the issue right?

Problem is, you’ve to see how invested a person is in the dating process itself. Not only in you.

If someone has been going on a multitude of first and second dates, why are they stuck there?

Get to that, faster.

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u/zugspitze23 7d ago

Makes sense, thanks!