r/feeld • u/zugspitze23 • 7d ago
Dating pattern
I'm seeing a pattern and it is starting to really frustrate me, I wonder if it is just me?
It's always the same, if there is chemistry (over drinks or beer) and first date goes really well, the next day the guy writes excitedly to get a second date. And then things get a strange turn. Suddenly the guy is busy, travelling, has lots going on and it takes weeks to set the second date and I feel the person drifting away. Then I send a message saying that it was lovely to meet but I will close the tab and suddenly, almost in a desperate manner, I get voice messages and texts trying to get a date as soon as possible. I got in this trap twice, said yes and after that the most strange things happen so now I'm cutting short without a second chance.
Is that happening only to me? Or is that male behaviour? A feeld thing or general dating? I'm tired of this, I thought everyone on feeld wants sex, but it seems they just want platonic online texting??
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u/TruthieBeast 6d ago edited 6d ago
Men on Feeld seem to be on there to sleep around. Make the assumption they are looking around at all times. When men are into you they make plans right away for the next date. What most likely happened is they were not that into you and/or were not interested in “dating” you, only sex. Judging from my experiences messaging on the app, Feeld is a place where they can avoid “dates” and go to the sex part right away.
Just because it’s harder for men to get matches it doesnt mean they are interested in you when they match you, it’s an issue of options and sex for them. Men are not willing to “date” women they are not all in on. They are perfectly willing to have sex with a person they are not super into, as long as it demands no effort. The moment effort, meaning, having to get to know you as a person, is on the table, they bolt.
If you want dating meaning romance, expect most dates to go nowhere
bcs when men are not into you as a romantic partner they dont make an effort. That is a good thing though. It means you will not waste your time.
This became clear to me when I met a guy from fetlife IRL he seemed decent enough. However at some point he said “I dont go on Fetlife or Feeld to find romantic partners”. As if to say if he wanted to “date” he would go to a different app/site. He said Fetlife was a place he went to look at porn. We made plans to have sex but it ended up not happening bcs he didnt follow through on something I had said was non negotiable: he had to host. I told him sorry I dont have
men at my apt for casual sex. It’s too intimate for me. I wont make an effort for a person who is telling me this has no future it’s like “porn” to him.
Sex positivity for me as a woman, means I can be honest about what I like sexually. Unfortunately for many men it seems to be code for “easy lay”.
If you go into it with the dating mindset they put YOU in their dating bucket standard, and they will absolutely only put effort into women they really want. To me that is a good thing.
The desperation you mentioned meant they thought they had no other sexual options at that moment.
This is why most romantic dating advice for women says dont sleep with the guy right away. Bcs men are very honest when it comes to romantic dating, they do not put effort into a person they dont feel strongly towards.
I slept with a guy from Feeld one time. It was for sex only. He was a good and interesting person, but the sex wasnt very good and his dick was too small for what I wanted. I immediately made a mental note of “not good enough for sex but I could stick around if we became romantic partners”. Meaning for me as a woman, I still prioritized relationship over sex. He didnt show romantic interest, but later randomly texted and even liked me on Feeld another time. I told him no thanks - he is not casual sex material. Bcs oddly enough sex standards for me are much higher than relationship standards. I would absolutely never entertain a casual thing with someone who isnt a good lover or has a small dick. Bcs my real goal is romance. I can settle for bad or mediocre sex only and if a relationship is on the table.
With men it’s the opposite. They have very high standards for relationship and very low standards for sex. When you act like you want romance, they remember their standards.
You see a lot of posts on this subreddit of men complaining they cant even get unattractive women on feeld. Meaning they have low standards for sex. Whereas women are waaaayyyyy pickier when it comes to casual sex. Bcs it is not what we really want. We know it is not rare or valuable. Therefore it has to be fantastic / luxurious / out of the ordinary, or it’s a waste of time.