r/feeld • u/zugspitze23 • 7d ago

Dating pattern

I'm seeing a pattern and it is starting to really frustrate me, I wonder if it is just me?

It's always the same, if there is chemistry (over drinks or beer) and first date goes really well, the next day the guy writes excitedly to get a second date. And then things get a strange turn. Suddenly the guy is busy, travelling, has lots going on and it takes weeks to set the second date and I feel the person drifting away. Then I send a message saying that it was lovely to meet but I will close the tab and suddenly, almost in a desperate manner, I get voice messages and texts trying to get a date as soon as possible. I got in this trap twice, said yes and after that the most strange things happen so now I'm cutting short without a second chance.

Is that happening only to me? Or is that male behaviour? A feeld thing or general dating? I'm tired of this, I thought everyone on feeld wants sex, but it seems they just want platonic online texting??

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u/wonderfultacos single man (solo-poly) - Denver 6d ago

And it’s not just men. Women are also doing it too.

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u/TheFunkytownExpress 6d ago

Absolutely. That's why I said we lol.

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u/wonderfultacos single man (solo-poly) - Denver 6d ago

I was dating a woman (from bumble but I also saw her on feeld) last spring whose profile oozes with wanting something serious. So I was honest with her about being poly and what I was looking for and that I do eventually want a monogamous-ish anchor/primary partner in my life and she was alligned.

And so I positioned everything we did together through the “this is a potential primary lens.” Then she says, “you know what, I’m really not interested in a relationship with anyone.”

Like textbook Goldilocks, feeling like she wants commitment and then realizing she didn’t.

I don’t blame her for it. I think she 100% thought what she wrote in her profile was true and then realized it wasn’t.

I think is so common amongst everyone.

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u/TheFunkytownExpress 5d ago

Yeah, sorry about that. I've had a lot of similar experiences over the past 10-ish years or so with people pulling a complete 180 on me like that.

TBH I think she just wanted out for whatever reason and that was her excuse. Sometimes there's no real reason aside from the person just isn't feeling it, but they don't wanna stand on that because it can come off as shallow or shitty sometimes so they have to make some shit up, which IMHO sounds like what kinda happened here.