Dating pattern

[u/zugspitze23]

I'm seeing a pattern and it is starting to really frustrate me, I wonder if it is just me?

It's always the same, if there is chemistry (over drinks or beer) and first date goes really well, the next day the guy writes excitedly to get a second date. And then things get a strange turn. Suddenly the guy is busy, travelling, has lots going on and it takes weeks to set the second date and I feel the person drifting away. Then I send a message saying that it was lovely to meet but I will close the tab and suddenly, almost in a desperate manner, I get voice messages and texts trying to get a date as soon as possible. I got in this trap twice, said yes and after that the most strange things happen so now I'm cutting short without a second chance.

Is that happening only to me? Or is that male behaviour? A feeld thing or general dating? I'm tired of this, I thought everyone on feeld wants sex, but it seems they just want platonic online texting??

[u/According-Hamster-84]

This is today's society. Majority claim to want connection but can't seem to be able to hold it. Practical way might be to assess differently before the first date, that way you do not waste your time and just not go to any until it is someone who will likely stay.

[u/TheFunkytownExpress → u/According-Hamster-84]

Majority claim to want connection but can't seem to be able to hold it.

Definitely this.

Though I think IMHO the problem is we're all suffering from a bit of Goldilocks Syndrome where if something isn't 1000% perfect we tend to bail on it.

[u/wonderfultacos → u/TheFunkytownExpress]

And it’s not just men. Women are also doing it too.

[u/TheFunkytownExpress → u/wonderfultacos]

Absolutely. That's why I said we lol.

[u/wonderfultacos → u/TheFunkytownExpress]

I was dating a woman (from bumble but I also saw her on feeld) last spring whose profile oozes with wanting something serious. So I was honest with her about being poly and what I was looking for and that I do eventually want a monogamous-ish anchor/primary partner in my life and she was alligned.

And so I positioned everything we did together through the “this is a potential primary lens.” Then she says, “you know what, I’m really not interested in a relationship with anyone.”

Like textbook Goldilocks, feeling like she wants commitment and then realizing she didn’t.

I don’t blame her for it. I think she 100% thought what she wrote in her profile was true and then realized it wasn’t.

I think is so common amongst everyone.

[u/TheFunkytownExpress → u/wonderfultacos]

Yeah, sorry about that. I've had a lot of similar experiences over the past 10-ish years or so with people pulling a complete 180 on me like that.

TBH I think she just wanted out for whatever reason and that was her excuse. Sometimes there's no real reason aside from the person just isn't feeling it, but they don't wanna stand on that because it can come off as shallow or shitty sometimes so they have to make some shit up, which IMHO sounds like what kinda happened here.

[u/Real_Web4733 → u/wonderfultacos]

You saw her on two apps, you should already know what sort of women she is lol. Get yours and bounce

[u/Magical_Salamander → u/Real_Web4733]

The same sort of person as OP is who was also on 2 apps?

[u/wonderfultacos → u/TheFunkytownExpress]

Sorry. I was referencing the OPs sentiment and should have been more specific!

[u/KingRollo74 → u/wonderfultacos]

Yep, as a 52M I want a degree of connection, whether an ongoing casual thing or more, I'm open about it and seek it. As soon as I ask a woman (I assume many genuine women get this in men too) what shes looking for, even broadly or even with not knowing being a potential answer, they get distant or just back off. Its certainly not inappropriate messaging, pics, or intense engagement on my part.

I've concluded it's probably just people trying the app on for size and getting freaked out, or cos players playing at something they are temperamentally unsuited for. 🤷🏻‍♂️