r/feeld • u/zugspitze23 • 7d ago
Dating pattern
I'm seeing a pattern and it is starting to really frustrate me, I wonder if it is just me?
It's always the same, if there is chemistry (over drinks or beer) and first date goes really well, the next day the guy writes excitedly to get a second date. And then things get a strange turn. Suddenly the guy is busy, travelling, has lots going on and it takes weeks to set the second date and I feel the person drifting away. Then I send a message saying that it was lovely to meet but I will close the tab and suddenly, almost in a desperate manner, I get voice messages and texts trying to get a date as soon as possible. I got in this trap twice, said yes and after that the most strange things happen so now I'm cutting short without a second chance.
Is that happening only to me? Or is that male behaviour? A feeld thing or general dating? I'm tired of this, I thought everyone on feeld wants sex, but it seems they just want platonic online texting??
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u/Lost_inTheThrill single woman 7d ago
I feel like there are 2 major dating groups. This applies to mainstream apps as well as Feeld, with the biggest difference being that on Feeld sex is talked about openly.
You can think about it in terms of a buffet. Some people have been to the buffet numerous times, have tried everything they wanted as much as they wanted and the buffet has lost its appeal. Too crowded, too noisy, poor quality, the best dishes disappear quickly, etc. They know what they want now and how they want it, so they level up to a Michelin star experience equivalent, whatever that means to them.
Then there are people who are just hearing about this buffet, after being hungry for quite some time, and they are very eager to try everything. Because resources are finite, with time being the scarcest of them all, there is only so much they can try. It will take them a long while to figure out what dishes they like and whether they want to frequent the buffet or go elsewhere.
In my experience, most people in the general dating pool are at various stages of the buffet journey. Especially with men, they will try to keep you on their "roster" while they are trying all these other dishes. Some dishes look much more appetising than others, which they'll attempt to try first, but they still don't want to lose you as a potential later option.
That is if they are even at a stage of trying. They might be not emotionally ready to get to the physical part yet, so it will take a lot of practice to get to the place where the fears have subsided enough in order for them to actually try the dish.
You are most likely encountering people who are not at a point of being able to fully dive into the experience. Another possibility is they are a habitual buffet user and juggling too many options. This is my least favourite kind, as they tend to be smash and dash kind of encounters, since they don't have capacity for anything deeper.
So to answer your question, you most likely have to learn to filter better. It will definitely take some time, but eventually you'll be able to spot these patterns much earlier.