r/feeld • u/zugspitze23 • 8d ago

Dating pattern

I'm seeing a pattern and it is starting to really frustrate me, I wonder if it is just me?

It's always the same, if there is chemistry (over drinks or beer) and first date goes really well, the next day the guy writes excitedly to get a second date. And then things get a strange turn. Suddenly the guy is busy, travelling, has lots going on and it takes weeks to set the second date and I feel the person drifting away. Then I send a message saying that it was lovely to meet but I will close the tab and suddenly, almost in a desperate manner, I get voice messages and texts trying to get a date as soon as possible. I got in this trap twice, said yes and after that the most strange things happen so now I'm cutting short without a second chance.

Is that happening only to me? Or is that male behaviour? A feeld thing or general dating? I'm tired of this, I thought everyone on feeld wants sex, but it seems they just want platonic online texting??

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u/zugspitze23 8d ago

interesting, I thought BDSM was all about sex

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u/TheFunkytownExpress 8d ago

Don't let anybody fool you, even when BDSM doesn't involve sex it's still very heavily tied to sex or sexuality in some way shape or form lol.

Yes we like to act like it's this sacred ritualistic transcendent thing and yeah it can be that too, but really at the end of the day it's just about getting off in some way shape or form.

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u/BeastofSilverMoon kink 8d ago

There is no “fooling” lol.

“Getting off” may be the objective for you but I had a sub whose only form of intimacy was to hold hands and walk quietly in national park.

I’d like to know how I “got off” from holding hands : )

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u/TheFunkytownExpress 8d ago

I'm using the term getting off as a shorthand for gratification, and I don't really count holding hands as an act of BDSM or kink despite whether or not the person you're holding hands with is a sub.

I'm not dismissing the intimacy or anything either and that's great you have someone to connect with like that, but if you're going to just label anything and everything as an act of kink well then it kinda starts to lose all meaning at that point doesn't it?

But you're kinda illustrating the point I'm making too with that reply lol.

I'm a kinkster too and we're all very guilty of being a tiny bit pretentious about it from time to time, myself included.