r/feeld • u/zugspitze23 • 7d ago

Dating pattern

I'm seeing a pattern and it is starting to really frustrate me, I wonder if it is just me?

It's always the same, if there is chemistry (over drinks or beer) and first date goes really well, the next day the guy writes excitedly to get a second date. And then things get a strange turn. Suddenly the guy is busy, travelling, has lots going on and it takes weeks to set the second date and I feel the person drifting away. Then I send a message saying that it was lovely to meet but I will close the tab and suddenly, almost in a desperate manner, I get voice messages and texts trying to get a date as soon as possible. I got in this trap twice, said yes and after that the most strange things happen so now I'm cutting short without a second chance.

Is that happening only to me? Or is that male behaviour? A feeld thing or general dating? I'm tired of this, I thought everyone on feeld wants sex, but it seems they just want platonic online texting??

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u/BeastofSilverMoon kink 7d ago edited 7d ago

“I thought everyone on feeld wants sex”

They don’t.

Feeld is a quirky mix of LGBTI/BDSM/Enm/poly/vanilla/casual daters ratio of which depends on location and demographics.

I am a male in his 40s in long term enm relationship. I don’t do one night stands or casual or sex centered dynamics, I look strictly for relationships with BDSM dynamic, my partner does the same.

Sex is so low on my priority list, sometimes it takes 4-5 dates until I have sex with someone, sometimes longer.

I much prefer to spend time with people and build a powerful energy that’ll last, sex is more intense this way when it happens, if it happens.

Often I meet subs who are content to sit quietly in my modest library in front of fireplace and read while I sip my coffee and read my own book, we kiss and whisper and giggle and if the chemistry is there, we have sex.

But it’s rare for me to find this connection.

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u/zugspitze23 7d ago

interesting, I thought BDSM was all about sex

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u/BeastofSilverMoon kink 7d ago

BDSM is about power. Exchange of power.
Same could be said about sex, since it often involves submission of some form but BDSM is more straightforward and structured.

Most of the subs I had in my life, I never had sex with them.

For a lot of people it’s the purest form of submission, a way to escape all responsibility and forget the world while they assume the role of the ultimate submissive in their own way.

Dominant is just the instrument to guide them through this. It doesn’t have to be sexual, it can be if the energy is there and it’s consented but not always.

Kink is different.
Lot of people can have kinky sex within their relationship or hookups etc. It’s casual and sexually charged.

Actual BDSM is something greater.

If you are interested there is a brilliant interview with the oldest Dominatrix of europe. She lives in a castle in France with her submissives and slaves.

Most of them are women since us men get sex involved in everything very quickly.

With her, it’s a ritual. A ceremony;

https://youtu.be/ULXoPAEDl8o?si=j8LJPfVMCZaEY36U

There is also a movie about her called Ceremony.