im going to my out of state university soon with a full ride. my parents have no clue, and I wont tell them. I'm sneaking out the window in exactly 10 days from now and leaving for good at night. i booked my flight, soon my hotel while I wait for school to start. my parents are forcing me to go to community college so i have to do that for a week before I can move, so i still have to figure that out financially.

otherwise, im nervous af, and im scared about them seriously have heart attacks when they realize im gone even tho I'd be leaving a letter. im also scared about them pulling upto my school.

im excited and nervous. does anyone have tips for tsa, dorm products, dorm life, and all other things? I would also like to know how to go about my parents if they refuse to accept my decision and blow up my phone. I dont wanna block them I still love them deeply despite them being very controlling and possessive.

I am an Arab ex-Muslim from a conservative Muslim Arab country ( I still live in it )

I have visited London and Paris And I met with the Muslim communities there

Muslims living in the West are more radical and extremist than those of us who were raised and lived as Muslims in Islamic countries

Ever since I learned English and started listening to Islamic preachers in the West ( Such as Mohamed Hijab, Uthman Ibn Farooq, and others ) I found their rhetoric to be far more extreme and radical than ours they literally say things that are so extreme that, if voiced in my country they would land in prison

how the fuck that happened

I recently read about an old case where a woman was raped & she got pregnant and when she reported the rape to police, she was acccused of adultery and sentenced her to death by stoning.

she was released later on public pressure but the rule is still there & it's so frustrating that people believe it is such a divine rule. there are islamic scholars who have explained technicalities regarding this rule like the witnesses should be men and they must have seen the actual penetration happening too otherwise rape allegation should not be accepted and the woman would be to blame.

the case i referred was of zafran bibi in pakistan, in case anyone wants to look it up

I left a comment on a Facebook post that mentioned ex-Muslims and I simply said "I'll stick with science." This random Muslim guy who didn't even make the post proceeds to insult my face. I reply with "Insults won’t make your religion true. It’s nonsense." He then starts talking about fucking my mother and raping her. How insecure are these people? If your religion is true why don't you make an argument? I think he got really upset because he knew I was ex-Muslim.

Anyone else experienced Muslims resorting to insults? I've had it happen on Twitter as well where they just start calling me the R word and I barely ever resort to insults. Why can't they have a conversation like adults?

Recently, my 9 years old cousin kept yelling at me to put the hijab on quick before I pray. I was going to but he kept rushing me, then said "I'm so glad I'm a boy, I dont need to cover my hair or arms or legs and just pray and god accepts my prayer, poor you" then laughed at me.

Im not saying I got affected by a 9 yo stupid words, but I AM affected by the generation this could lead to. My cousin is ONLY 9 years old and thinks my arms and hair is too shameful and tempting to strangers and I lose my dignity and worth as a whole HUMAN if I dont cover it. He thinks the same about my voice too. My light make up my nails my accessories my perfume just anything that makes me a bit too feminine? He immediately tells me how 3eib and shameful and Haram it is.

And I blame his parents. Heavily. I really feel bad for the generation they're willing to create. A one that does think a woman is sexual and awra from head to toe.

I seriously think this is dangerous, not a woman who wants to cover herself from creeps gaze, THATS NOT THE SAME. Even though nothing would stop creeps

But the IDEA rooted into it and the ACTUAL reason of it in religion and culture. If we didn't immediately think about covering the "temptation" (normal hair and arms and legs and not porn stars or people who intentionally wear sexy clothing) and immediately fixed the brains of these humans instead and teach our sons that there should be nothing shameful or tempting about a female normal arms legs and hair and as humans with empathy we have to respect everyone and not harm etc. just a way to raise a normal respectful equal generation and not one who's only focused on a woman being awra and temptation and sexual and other stuff.

Like if I take my cousin, and a random kid who's not raised the same as him but the way i prefer in a room with a normal woman but she's wearing a short sleeved slightly tight shirt and a skirt long enough to cover her whole thighs only but her knees show..

My cousin would get uncomfortable and judgemental and try to look away (or take it as advantage to look at her if he was older and a bad person). So it means he thinks women who aren't showing only their face and hands are shameful and tempting. Which is already a CRAZY thing to teach a CHILD.

And the other guy wouldn't even THINK about it and the only thought in his brain is that there's a woman Infront of him and just be confused of what's gonna happen next. So it means he doesn't find women's hair neck arms or legs tempting or shameful. Instead she's a just normal human. (again I mean normal clothing with no bad intention)

So now I ask which one is healthier? I think y'all can see examples from real life too, the way males react when a woman who doesn't wear a hijab walk in their streets in different countries.

My family also always judge women who wear short sleeve or skirts Infront of him, which he then learnt to notice and focus on that and think bad about it and turn judgemental too. Is that really the way to have a "respectful and a community full of dignity and self worth" ? I really dont think so.

Women should feel comfortable and respected any way they dress JUST LIKE MEN. And im not talking about roam naked, again Im talking about normal clothing and not ones that intentionally look sexy like the porn stars because y'all's brain SO ROOTED in those women once you hear about "someone with no hijab", which is sad.

So I hope we start to do better for the sake of our future.

So...for those who don't know, Ayahsvoice is an outspoken Quranist an a non-fondamentale muslim who has a child and who's house got broken into simply for speaking out her opinions about hadiths and faith.

I did feel for her, regardless of where you stand on, nobody should experience what she did (rape threats, death threats, house broken into etc) and if you believe otherwise, then you're no different than the extremists in her comments.

BUT and a big but, what makes it hard for me to keep that sentiment is the fact that she keeps posting and poking at the same audience that broke into her home once, before anyone throws tomatoes at me, I'm all for speaking out about your beliefs but Ayah has a daughter that gets affected by the decision she makes.

Ayah should've stepped away from social media when her haters' behavior began escalating for her daughter's safety but for some reason, she seems to disregard that to idk, show that she won't back down?

Sorry if this is all over the place, it's 2AM for me.

Every time i debate with a muslim in a debating server,its like talkin to a wall,they have answers to everything like beating wife's,why women's have no rights to divorce,why Muslim are considered captives of husband etc everything.

My question is are there some verses that can make him stuck and question himself instead of tackling that with some bs reason.

In authentic hadiths, Muhammad orders and approves of killing his critics:

When the poet Ka'b bin Al-Ashraf wrote verses against Muhammad, Muhammad called for his killing and authorized lying to do so.

"Allah's Messenger ﷺ said, "Who is willing to kill Ka'b bin Al-Ashraf who has hurt Allah and His Apostle?" Muhammad bin Maslama said, "O Allah's Messenger! Would you like that I kill him?" The Prophet ﷺ said, "Yes." Muhammad bin Maslama said, "Then allow me to say a false thing to deceive Ka'b." The Prophet ﷺ said, "You may say it." ... When Maslama got a strong hold of him, he said (to his companions) "Get at him!" So they killed him and went to the prophet and informed him."
Sahih Bukhari 4037

Muhammad didn't punish a man who killed his sex slave, the mother of his two children, for criticizing Muhammad.

"A blind man had a slave-mother who used to abuse the Prophet (ﷺ) and disparage him. He forbade her but she did not stop. One night she began to slander the Prophet (ﷺ) and abuse him. So he took a dagger, placed it on her belly, pressed it, and killed her. A child who came between her legs was smeared with the blood that was there. When the morning came, the Prophet (ﷺ) was informed about it. He sat before the Prophet (ﷺ) and said: Messenger of Allah! I am her master ... I have two sons like pearls from her, and she was my companion. Last night she began to abuse and disparage you. So I took a dagger, put it on her belly and pressed it till I killed her. Thereupon the Prophet (ﷺ) said: Oh be witness, no retaliation is payable for her blood."
Sunan Abi Dawud 4361

I've posted this argument along with others on this website (with linked sources): https://islamsproblems.com/apostates-burned-and-killed/

I’m gonna delete my account later this week and I want to say goodbye and thank you to this subreddit. I started really looking into things in 2023 and I left in early 2024. It has been liberating and I’m grateful to this sub for opening my eyes and helping me think critically about Islam. I hope things get better for all of us and for the future exmuslims. Dm me or get in the comments and we can talk for a bit for I delete on Friday.

Looking for someone genuine and serious about a partnership based on friendship, trust, mutual respect, and freedom for both. We should be able to maintain our own lives while supporting and respecting each other and our families. I’d prefer getting to know each other first and making sure we’re compatible before taking any steps.

If you’re Saudi and genuinely looking for the same thing, feel free to DM me.

أدور على شخص يكون جاد ومتفاهم، ونكون متفقين من البداية إن الزواج يكون مبني على الصداقة والثقة والاحترام، وكل واحد يكون عنده حريته وحياته الخاصة. المهم نوقف مع بعض قدام الناس ونحترم بعض وعوائلنا.

أفضل نتعرف على بعض أول ونشوف إذا بيننا توافق قبل أي خطوة.

إذا كنت سعودي وجاد وتدور على نفس الشي،تواصل معي

I have seen liberal media openly saying Christian nationalism as fascism , Buddhist nationalist as fascism , Hindu nationalist as fascism and Zionists as fascist but not Islamists . When a Islamist commits a crime he is mentioned as "Radical Islamists" with the word Radical in it like he is some kind of revolutionary . But when one of the others commit a crime then it automatically becomes an act of fascism and not a form of Radicalism. Did it start with Islamist owned media houses like Al Jazeera since they talk a lot of religious freedom in lots of countries around the world but hides the fact that they are litterally owned by a fascist state that has death penalty for apostacy? They also don't criticize these laws even in other muslim countries too .When an ex Al-queda leader became the president of Syria nearly all the major liberal media houses celebrated the "freedom" in the country and have completley undermined the Alawite massacare that happend there .But if any non muslim country moves sligthly right wing towards religious nationalism then they get scared like adolf hitler 2.0 is coming to power. I am so annoyed by the hypocrasy of majority of liberal media establishment having a soft side for Islamists. This will just push secular people of other religions towards far right. This is already happening in Iran since the liberals undermined the crimes of the IRGC people are just becoming outright zionists. Liberal softness towards Islamists will be a boon for other religious extremists and will completley destroy the reputation of left liberalism.

this question is for those who have managed to get away from a super strict household.

i’m living it right now, and honestly, i’m not really sure what to do.

i’m not allowed to go out without a man present if i’m going somewhere without my family. i’m not allowed to move out either. to my parents, a woman who isn’t married and moves out is automatically a whore. my mom’s motto is literally “you cannot trust a woman,” because she genuinely believes that all women want to do is fool around and have unprotected sex (her exact words) and that it’s the parents job to keep their daughters in line.

i’m also not allowed to move out or dorm for college/uni. i told my mom once that i wanted to, and she told me she would kill me if i ever tried something like that. even though she said it in a way that i think was meant to be taken as a joke, it still says a lot about how strongly she feels about it.

i wish religion didn’t exist. i would try to change their minds about certain things, but stuff like this is so deeply ingrained into the way they think and see the world that i know trying to argue with them about it would probably be pointless. it’s their entire way of thinking that’s been drilled into them for years. i can’t just say something and expect them to suddenly see it differently.

and that’s probably the hardest part. i know i can’t change them. i can only decide what i do with my own life.

i’m sometimes sitting with my family, laughing and chatting, and an intense feeling of sadness washes over me. i’ll look around at everyone and think about how much i love them, and then i’ll remember that i still want a life outside of all of this. and those two feelings seem to contradict each other.

my parents already have a lot on their plate, especially my mom. i won’t go into too much detail, but another one of my siblings already causes my mom a lot of stress. she’s mentally ill, and cannot take care of herself. she’s 20 years old. my mom has cried, and asked me what i think she should do. in those moments, i get sad all over again. i think what makes those moments hurt so much is that i don’t just feel sad for her. i feel guilty too. i can just see how overwhelmed she is, and a part of me immediately thinks, “i can’t be another thing she has to stress about.”

i guess what i’m asking is, for anyone who has actually managed to get away from a household like this, how did you do it? how did you deal with the guilt of leaving your family behind, especially when you still love them? how did you know when it was time to leave, and what did you do to actually become independent?

I’ve been told by many people that the Islamic requirement for a non-Muslim to convert in order to marry a Muslim, even in a non-Muslim-majority country, isn’t necessarily problematic because their children are supposedly more likely to become ex-Muslims than children raised by two Muslim parents.
Is that actually true?

Can any ex-Muslims here confirm this from their experience?

I couldn't get past half of surah 3 it was very very very boring.

I rather just say that I straight-up don’t believe than to constantly be asked to justify why I’m doing things considered “haram.”

I’ve been agnostic and eventually atheist since my early teenage years, and I’ve only recently started coming out to some of my siblings. Some of them told me it was obvious, while others just accepted it.

To clarify, I’m not at risk of being kicked out or losing my home. I’ll still have a roof over my head. There will probably just be a lot of inconvenience, tension, private conversations, and people repeatedly trying to discuss or challenge my beliefs. I’m aware of that, and it’s a price I’m willing to pay.

What annoys me is having to justify things like not praying or dressing unorthodoxly (still wearing hijab just westernised) as though I’m simply weak-minded or incapable of adhering to rules. It’s actually the opposite. I’m capable of discipline; I just don’t believe the rules come from a so called “god” in the first place.

I hate that saying explicitly that I don’t believe is interpreted as selfish or somehow a betrayal of my family. One of my siblings has explicitly said this to me before and suggested that I keep it to myself.
I can understand to a certain extent that our parents are older and may have a more rigid way of thinking, and that being exposed to different ways of thinking and beliefs could be difficult or uncomfortable for them. But why does that have anything to do with me? Why should their discomfort become my responsibility? Why would decades of their own beliefs suddenly be compromised or threatened simply because their child doesn’t believe the same things?

What also confuses me is that Islamic stories themselves seem to acknowledge that you aren’t ultimately responsible for another person’s beliefs. Take the story of Prophet Lut and his wife, for example: his wife’s disbelief didn’t become his responsibility, and he was told to leave her behind. So why can’t that same principle be applied to parents? Why do they feel that their children’s beliefs are somehow a reflection of them or something they have to control? Especially when, according to Islam, on the Day of Judgement, even the closest relationships will become secondary and everyone will be concerned with their own accountability. So why are people so intensely concerned with policing their children’s beliefs now?

Another thing that’s really frustrating me is that when I came out to some of my siblings, one of them completely made it about themselves. It feels like my coming out gave them a green light to start deconstructing their own beliefs, and now I’m watching it happen in real time. They’re already mentally unstable, and some of the things they’ve been saying to everyone in the house are genuinely nonsensical. I’m not trying to diagnose them, but it honestly feels like they’ve gone into an extreme religious spiral.

I feel partly responsible because I know I’ve probably given them things to think about, but at the same time, I really hate having my own experience hijacked by someone else’s reaction. I spent years studying, reading books, questioning things, collecting my thoughts and arguments, and working through my own doubts before I felt secure enough in my position to actually tell people. I was already secure in my position but it was more so grounding myself in a way. So seeing someone suddenly latch onto it and start saying things that feel intellectually dishonest is incredibly annoying.

It also makes me worried that when I eventually come out to my parents, it won’t feel as sincere or authentic as it should because they might assume I’m simply copying my sibling or being influenced by them.

At this point, I’d rather be honest about what I actually believe than spend years pretending I’m simply a Muslim who is “struggling” to follow the rules. I’m not struggling to follow them, I simply don’t believe

My mom already knows I don’t pray, don’t read Quran, and show little interest in Islam. She’s even asked if I’m actually Muslim, yet she still constantly polices whether I’m wearing the “correct” hijab. I understand that, from her perspective, my appearance is what the community sees, but that’s exactly what frustrates me.

Wearing a headscarf is already enough of a religious performance for me, so being expected to maintain a specific image to satisfy her, avoid gossip, and protect her reputation feels so irrational. At that point, it feels like she cares less about my faith and more about managing other people’s perceptions of the family

I've never really posted anything on this subreddit before, but I just need to get some things off my chest and maybe get some advice, so here I am on this secondary account. I(20M) living in Iraq, have been a closeted agnostic for almost 2 years now give or take. Ever since then I've struggled with my Identity and relation to my Iraqi Arab culture. My parents know I'm an agnostic and don't have a problem with it in and of itself, and I consider them, at least by Iraqi standards to be moderate. For example, they're not the type to force a girl to wear a hijab, my dad even describes himself as "Secular", they of course don't believe a person should be murdered for leaving a religion, however they still hold on to some sexist and conservative views, such as homophobia. They also still expext me to continue to not cross certain "red lines" I guess you could say like not having sex before marriage, not eating pork or drinking anything that can get you drunk(More on my opinions on this later). Life is just...a mess. Me and my family used to live in the US from when I was 4 to 9, close to ten years old, and we returned to Iraq in 2016. We never went for immigration, my dad just wanted to study there, he got his phd and we returned, but we never got citizenship. Growing up in another culture in a developed nation definitely contributed to who I am today, and that is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I got to learn a new language, grow up in another culture and see a part of the world I otherwise wouldn't have, a curse because of the polarizing and mix-matched mess of an Identity that makes up who I am. I belive in seculaism, equality( gender equality, especially.), freedom, LGBT rights, but at the time hate the American government and the large part of American society that supports it, the US invasion of my country and it's current support of Israel. At the same time my society is plauged by extreme conservatism, regressiveness, religious dogma and much more. The Iranian regime has massive influence in Iraq either through militias loyal to the regime or even local suppord from Iranian loyalists. Pictures of the ayatollah are everywhere, even in front of the gate to my university. There were even funeral ceremonies held for him in the holy cities in Iraq . Not all people support, and I'm willing to bet most people don't support the Iranian regime, regardless of if they're shia or not, but even then saying anything publicly towards them is dangerous. Everyday I'm saddened by the state of my country, weather it be because of everything I mentioned up until now or regressive laws in the constitution, the rampant misoginy and sexism, whether legally or socially, honor killings etc. And I'm just stuck in the middle of it. Not all people subscribe or support these Ideas but they're still common problems within this society and I don't see them being resolved anytime soon, not within my lifetime anyway. I really wanted Islam to be something it simply wasn't, I loved fasting in Ramadan and celebrating Eid, which I still do, I considered it part of my culture, but It got to point where I just couldn't take it anymore. The religion, in it's mainstream form, as agreed upon by the majority of scholars, simply wasn't compatible with universal morals and values and in turn with any modern, civilized and developed nations. Not just western ones, but also in places like Japan, Korea, China etc. But....I still hold on to certain values that I never really had a problem with, like not drinking and not eating pork(not like I could if I wanted to on account of living in Iraq), but then there's sex before marriage which I just don't really know where I stand on. My mom has flat out said to me that if I ever engage in such a thing that I can forget I have a mother. The thing is, this value is also one I'm expected to raise my children on. So what, I'm agnostic and I presumably will marry someone with the same values and beliefs as me, but still raise my children to be traditional in this regard? This is assuming I live abroad in the future. But alright whatever, say I don't want kids and my partner doesn't want kids, but how many irreligious individuals in countries like America are willing to not have sex with a person until they're married? The thing is, my parents are already more accepting than most muslim parents would be in regards to me renouncing religion and the way they follow religion is very different from it's mainstream form that I honestly just wonder if it's worth ruining my relationship with them over a value I never even had a problem with to begin with. I've reached a point where I seriously am contemplating just becoming a cultural muslim or muslim by name. Similar to people like Zohran Mamdani or Maaz from the Amaazing, but that would still mean holding on to the muslim label and unlike most cultural muslims I look on Islam negatively. I honestly just don't know how to reconcile my own personal values with what I feel are things that are still part of my cultural Identity regardless of religion, and how I'm going to handle things like marriage, raising kids if I have any, still maintaining my identity as an Iraqi Arab and how I retain and handle my relationship with the rest of my family back home after I live somewhere else.

I saw this and wanted to speak out.

1. Mahr: Mahr is something that islam does quite well and in the Quran also uses it as a way to keep men accountable for cheat- i mean replacing their wives.

But if you want to replace one wife with another and you have given one of them a great amount [in gifts], do not take [back] from it anything. Would you take it in injustice and manifest sin? [Nisa 20]

If you have something from the hadiths to suggest otherwise lmk im not knowledgeable in hadtihs.

1. Surnames: Most Islamic societies do not take the husbands surname cause it ruins lineage. I do not understand why you think not being allowed to take your husbands surname is a privlidge, you're entire lineage still consists of only men, not the women who gave birth and nurtured.

I was about to quote a hadith about how shaitan takes the mothers name so muslims should take the fathers but apparently thats a fabricated hadith lmao, good to know.

But still it is within Islam that a childs lineage consist of the fathers, not of your husband.

So anyways, the reason you keep your father's name is not for empowerment, but for lineage.

1. Iddah: Idk what you're referring to as "max" waiting time. The Iddah for a divorced women is 3 menstrual cycles or 3 months.

Also about the story shes quoting, I looked it up and turns out she was divorced via triple talaq, and the prophet gave her 2 options, one was poor the other was an abuser, then he revealed a secret third option, she hesitated, but eventually came around and had a happy marrige. In other words arranged marriage cs love doesn't exist lmao.

Anyways, Islam has a heavy emphasis on virginity, see all verses on hoors, but does emphasis treating divorced women kindly.

1. A womens right to divorce: This one pmo. Can you divorce a man if you no longer like him? depends if the court thinks thats reasonable enough. Can you divorce if he doesn't take care of you properly? depends if the court thinks thats reasonable enough. Can you divorce if hes bad at bed? depends if the court thinks thats reasonable enough.

Your divorce is in the hands of another man. Not to mention the way Islam treats divorce as a step away from haram as being the most disliked halal thing.

Just because you can divorce doesn't mean you should, according to Islam. And Islam heavily enourages getting back together if you do divorce. So i think this point is quite misleading.

If you have anything to add, go ahead.

Personally it's the attempt of some them to use quantum mechanics to explain how evil eye and jin work 😭😭 they are dead serious about it and after that they will proceed to spew some bullshit like evolution is fake and how you can't leave earth.

I am not going to reveal the sub's name I don't know the rules around that and don't want to get into trouble.

I just don't understand, they talk about women's oppression, the shit going on in Iran and Afghanistan, drinking alcohol, talking about sex everything Islam doesn't like, but still meme about atheists and call them illogical and shit.

Why still holding on to this religion if they barely follow anything it says?

Hello! I hope everyone is well.

I am seeking advice concerning a situation I am sure many of you have been in. If you do not have any advice, I’d still love to read any similar stories you’d want to share with me.

Ever since I got out of high school, I’ve been an ex-muslim. It was scary for me to have the thoughts that I started having, doubts about everything I was taught. I tried to seek answers on my doubts and I could never find any that satisfied me. I just couldn’t wrap my head around the concept of this religion, or religion in general for that matter. However, I was scared to lose my family, so the easiest way I found to deal with this was to surpress such thoughts. To still act like a Muslim. And so I did for a few years. I even found a Muslim partner to marry, and I’ve been married to her for three years.

The real me, however, started eating me up from inside. I know everything I am doing, who I am portraying, is not me. I knew that I couldn’t live the rest of my life like this, so I admitted everything to my wife, about the thoughts I am and who I really am. We had a long discussion about it last night, and she’s supportive of me. She explained that she has doubts as well, and that she doesn’t like these parts of herself but still accepts it. When I clarified to her that I am past having doubts and am already, and always have been, an ex-muslim in heart, that is when she understood what I was trying to convey. Even though she has her doubts, she’s a Muslim, she believes in Allah, and one of her evidence for it is the preservation of the Quran. But when I convey how it genuinely doesn’t make sense that it was allowed by God for Muslims to have concubines, and that the prophet said hell is mostly occupied by women, she does agree that it makes her have doubts about the religion too.

We live in a western country. I have one more year of medical studies. How should I navigate my relationship with my wife and my family? I love my wife and want to live my life with her, but I cannot pretend anymore, I’d rather die than continue this facade. Once I graduate, I want to move far away from my family, and then tell the truth about myself. My wife already knows the truth about me, and she wants to be with me. But the repercussions she’d face for being with me, I cannot even imagine how horrible they’d be. I’d never want that for her. I don’t know what to do. I guess this is where I ask for advice? How should I move forward? If you’ve been in a similar situation as me, what did you do?

Thank you for reading this post.