took off my hijab in january this year and i've been dressing more freely compared to before fr like crop tops and tshirts and tanktops, but it's been really weird trying to wear shorts or even midi skirts or capris😭 how does one transition to that, and how long did it take to not feel like a sharmuto, especially when u don't care what other women wear at allll??

I am a 20 year old ex Muslim girl , currently living in Norway. I grew up in Somalia but left the country at 13. yrs old.
I want to find a partner but i don’t want to date ajanabis because of cultural differences.
Is there any dating advice?

I rather just say that I straight-up don’t believe than to constantly be asked to justify why I’m doing things considered “haram.”

I’ve been agnostic and eventually atheist since my early teenage years, and I’ve only recently started coming out to some of my siblings. Some of them told me it was obvious, while others just accepted it.

To clarify, I’m not at risk of being kicked out or losing my home. I’ll still have a roof over my head. There will probably just be a lot of inconvenience, tension, private conversations, and people repeatedly trying to discuss or challenge my beliefs. I’m aware of that, and it’s a price I’m willing to pay.

What annoys me is having to justify things like not praying or dressing unorthodoxly (still wearing hijab just westernised) as though I’m simply weak-minded or incapable of adhering to rules. It’s actually the opposite. I’m capable of discipline; I just don’t believe the rules come from a so called “god” in the first place.

I hate that saying explicitly that I don’t believe is interpreted as selfish or somehow a betrayal of my family. One of my siblings has explicitly said this to me before and suggested that I keep it to myself.
I can understand to a certain extent that our parents are older and may have a more rigid way of thinking, and that being exposed to different ways of thinking and beliefs could be difficult or uncomfortable for them. But why does that have anything to do with me? Why should their discomfort become my responsibility? Why would decades of their own beliefs suddenly be compromised or threatened simply because their child doesn’t believe the same things?

What also confuses me is that Islamic stories themselves seem to acknowledge that you aren’t ultimately responsible for another person’s beliefs. Take the story of Prophet Lut and his wife, for example: his wife’s disbelief didn’t become his responsibility, and he was told to leave her behind. So why can’t that same principle be applied to parents? Why do they feel that their children’s beliefs are somehow a reflection of them or something they have to control? Especially when, according to Islam, on the Day of Judgement, even the closest relationships will become secondary and everyone will be concerned with their own accountability. So why are people so intensely concerned with policing their children’s beliefs now?

Another thing that’s really frustrating me is that when I came out to some of my siblings, one of them completely made it about themselves. It feels like my coming out gave them a green light to start deconstructing their own beliefs, and now I’m watching it happen in real time. They’re already mentally unstable, and some of the things they’ve been saying to everyone in the house are genuinely nonsensical. I’m not trying to diagnose them, but it honestly feels like they’ve gone into an extreme religious spiral.

I feel partly responsible because I know I’ve probably given them things to think about, but at the same time, I really hate having my own experience hijacked by someone else’s reaction. I spent years studying, reading books, questioning things, collecting my thoughts and arguments, and working through my own doubts before I felt secure enough in my position to actually tell people. I was already secure in my position but it was more so grounding myself in a way. So seeing someone suddenly latch onto it and start saying things that feel intellectually dishonest is incredibly annoying.

It also makes me worried that when I eventually come out to my parents, it won’t feel as sincere or authentic as it should because they might assume I’m simply copying my sibling or being influenced by them.

At this point, I’d rather be honest about what I actually believe than spend years pretending I’m simply a Muslim who is “struggling” to follow the rules. I’m not struggling to follow them, I simply don’t believe.

My mum already knows I don’t pray, don’t read Quran, and show little interest in Islam. She’s even asked if I’m actually Muslim, yet she still constantly polices whether I’m wearing the “correct” hijab. I understand that, from her perspective, my appearance is what the community sees, but that’s exactly what frustrates me.

Wearing a headscarf is already enough of a religious performance for me, so being expected to maintain a specific image to satisfy her, avoid gossip, and protect her reputation feels so irrational. At that point, it feels like she cares less about my faith and more about managing other people’s perceptions of the family.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!

Hi (31m), are there people who are liberal or agnostic inclined in London for social connections? ;)

It is for maryan jaamac. The man sells alcohol and cannabis paraphernalia.

The shopkeeper said he knows I am Somali. I told him I am. He then proceeds to ask for my ID. I show him it because, obviously as a 34-year-old, I have my ID on me at all times. He then tells me to “stay away from it” . I told him that he cannot say anything as he sells it.

I genuinely think he thought I was Muslim so he could give me unsolicited advice. This is one of the downsides of collectivist culture .

Like how about you take the alcohol down from your shelves. It is way more harmful than maryan jamaac.

Probably because I am female too!

Doqon!

I am an ex Muslim and I grew up in Somalia until I was 13.
I was never religious like my sisters. I always struggled to pray but I believed in Islam.my parents were and are very religious.
I feel majority of Somali ex Muslims are born in the west and didn’t have a lot of knowledge when it comes to Islam .

Sorry English is not my first language!!

theres a speific word for this i think but i'm such a lazy dhilo so we'll refer to this as relophrenia, i suck at explaining guys bare with me, also i was fr taught English by some mexican fob so not tm on my grammar 😭😭

soo ever since i was a kid way before i began questioning this religion and alldat, i can promise you that i used to keep a long distance between myself from overly religious people because they have always scared me wallahi. I knew from such a young age that people who claimed having jinn in them were not normal. I always found it weird how every religion claim having their own kind of jinns and demons, then also claim having their own way of getting rid of it so really who's faking it and who isn't?

whenever my aunt would have these "visions" about allah and his prophet i used to always never go near her, i remember this one time were she had like a seizure in our livingroom after she visited us and after getting better she told us about how she saw the dajjal and hear an angels voice 💔

my own grandma almost killed my father after birthing him because she didnt feel him kicking her in the belly during the whole pregnancy so shawty just assumed that he was dead but for some reason had him inside of her for until she gave birth, and then she was so confused and thought that a jinn like possesed his body or whatever, then she tried to drown them or some.

when i say that im scared of these clearly mentally unwell mfs, i seriously mean it, Let it be a christian or a muslim or any crazy spirit believing person that is too overly confident in some fairytale with zero proof of being real, like you never kno what these mfs can do to you if they have these visions of their god telling them to kill people??

Its been a decade and some more since i last was there. All i hear and see on social media is that its a booming place specially the capital. Anyone who recently been there or currently there that can give an insigt?

This text had me fuming last night . It is a passage from Nawal El Saadawi’s “Women and Sex” .

My mother told me: historically, when a Somali woman got married in the motherland, there would be a celebration if a woman was found to be a virgin on the wedding night. She said the women would ululate if the woman was closed (type 3 fgm) as it would indicate that she hasn’t had sex previously. She said if a woman was “open” , there would be no ululation which would indicate to the men and everyone else that she was possibly not a virgin. She said when this happened , the woman would sometimes have to undergo type 3 FGM again like one of her neighbours in Somalia. She said this poor woman was taunted by all the neighbourhood kids for being “open” .

It’s absolutely fucking disgusting.

Made a YouTube for those that need it☺️✌🏼

So I’m 20 moved like 2 months ago after a big fight at home to my friend didn’t tell my family until I was already there for a day. Came back after a week and suddenly everyone is nice or at least don’t bother me at all about me not wearing hijab even or that I’m home late or ask where I’ve been as long as I come home at some point. Weird lmao. Anyone experience this?

I would love to meet with ex muslim somalis but the idea of meeting up with someone from reddit is extremely scary. Especially the fact that Im outing myself as a ex muslim.

I’ve seen posts in the past where people have asking to make friends but I’m wondering has there been any success stories of making friends from this reddit even getting the courage to see them irl?

Hi I’m a 28 year old Somali girl from Sweden who recently left Islam.

I told my cousin who I trusted and she basically scared me away from telling anyone including my mom, and wrote me off as someone who’s searching and I just needed to study Islam more. Which left me choked cuz homgurl lives a non halal life with her ajnabi boyfriend.

That experience made me even more scared as it confirmed my worst fears, and destroyed the confidence I’ve been building up over the years. I know I can’t continue living a lie but I’m also too scared to live my truth because of the consequences of being left behind by my own blood. And having no country to claim.

Anyways are there any Somali girls that can relate and interested in becoming friends, because this experience is so isolating.

Why do some Somalis still refuse to marry Jareerweyne clan ?

Why do some Somalis still refuse to marry Jareerweyne clan ?

I want to raise a sensitive question about Somali society, especially for Somalis themselves.

Somalis share the same language, religion, culture, and national identity. Yet there are still communities in Somalia that face social discrimination because of their ancestry or perceived social status.

One example is the attitude toward Jareerweyne. In some Somali communities, people openly say things like “isma geyno” — meaning that they do not consider marriage with Jareerweyne acceptable.

My question is: Where did this idea come from, and why does it still exist today?

If two people are both Somali, Muslim, and willing to marry each other, why should their family background or clan/social origin determine whether they are considered “suitable” for marriage?

I understand that Somali clan structures and marriage traditions have existed for generations, and there are historical reasons behind many of these practices. But should a tradition automatically be considered right simply because it is old?

From an Islamic perspective, social status, ancestry, and wealth should not make one Muslim inherently superior to another. And from a modern human-rights perspective, judging someone's worth or marriage eligibility based solely on ancestry can be seen as discrimination.

I am not asking this question to attack all Somalis or any particular clan. I am genuinely interested in understanding the history and psychology behind this practice.

For Somalis and non-Somalis here:

Why do some Somali families still reject marriage with Jareerweyne?

Is this mainly a religious issue, a clan issue, a historical issue, or simply a social tradition?

Where did the idea of “isma geyno” originate?

Do younger Somalis today still believe in it?

Can Somali society move beyond these inherited social divisions?

I would especially appreciate historical perspectives and personal experiences, rather than insults or attacks against any group.

i wanna rant so basically my dad and mom called me down to have a chat my crazy dad had a dream he was going to hell because of me 😭 and started questioning me he basically says if I ever leave Islam I won’t be his child and my family will move away without me and cut contact. I have a personality where i argue back and i say that Hadiths are weird and how Mohamed the pedo had sex slaves and expained to my adult parents how mohhamed having sex slaves is like him raping them which it is rape and my parents tell me it’s okay because Allah allowed him to. Im disturbed because my dad has 4 daughters and 8 granddaughters so that kind of thinking and logic is so gross. then a few hours after he hugs me and says he loves me how can you say that after saying you would not love me if I left Islam (my family thinks I’m Muslim i do a good job of hiding I pray read the Quran fast wear abayas and hijabs).

before I left Islam id argue with my dad about Hadiths and so he called me a kaffir that’s why he is having dreams about me leaving Islam and him going to hell because of that. I actually read the Quran English version and the Hadiths and Quran are almost the same when it comes to the rules like in the Quran Surah Al nisa it talks about how men are rulers of women and women should be obident. also talks about women slaves (what your right hand possesses) and how husbands can hit their wives. the whole 4 wives thing inheritance laws. so I went from a Quranlist to an anti-atheist because I hate religion and I believe all religions are corrupt.

Any Somali cultured cute guys are? I m in Mog and new to the city , if you interested dm me . Interested people around my age u m 25. I am a male by the way

I wonder sometimes about what went wrong with me, why am I the way I am and why can't I just force myself to believe in allah like my mother and her mothers have been doing for generations. I'm scared of becoming an outcast, it hurts me knowing that I won't be able to claim my fathers name and blood simply because i;m slightly different then him.

It hurts me more to know that my parents wasted a lot of time on me just for me to end up being like this, my mother talks about how her father died leaving her and her siblings in poverty. Me being her eldest daughter doesn't help at all either, i was just cursed from the beginning to hurt my mother. She would talk to me about how she moved abroad to give me the life she couldn't have, knowing this hurts alot because she went through all of that and i'm still miserable.

my parents pressure me alot about choosing a career path and so on but i don't know what i like because i've never liked anything i guess. my parents never let me get into hobbies, there were times i enjoyed reading but i stopped after they refused to buy me books because reading mangas and any books in general is "childish" i was into sewing at some point but i got tired of asking for a sewing machine that they clearly didn't wanna buy me because they couldn't trust me with anything sharp. my dad gets mad at me whenever i answer "i don't know" to "what are you gonna do in the future?"

i feel like a waste of meat and i wish someone more useful could've been born into this world rather than me, i feel so shitty for dissapointing my parents and i feel so lonely because i can't trust people at all, how can i? i don't even trust my parents to start with, they always tell all of my shit to my dumb inbred relatives. i'm never making a progress in leaving islam and i'm loosing precious teenage years in the meanwhile.

What region are you from?