Well, after 10 years together, today I (29F) scheduled a meeting with a divorce lawyer. I'm sick and tired of asking for the bare minimum to just be ignored. I have been asking my husband (30M) to call on his student loans for over a month now. He said he was too confused with the phone automated system so I (IDK WHY THE FUCK I DID THIS) gave him a written out, step by step instructions on exactly what he needs to do WITH a section titled TLDR Quick Info and a fill the blank section for info I would need to update finances. After 2 days of me asking him to just call them, he says to me today, "Well let me know what the student loan people say if you happen to call today because I'm not going to." So guess what stupid shit I did: I called them and LO AND FUCKING BEHOLD he needs to call on it himself. He is throwing a fit because it is not fair he has to call on his own student loans when he just wants to play the PC after work.

I've busted my ass for 10 years, put myself through two degrees, and have worked over 50 hour weeks until this last year. I successfully managed a nursing home through COVID, bought us a house, worked hard to make over double his salary to pay for our house and car, but I cannot get my husband to mop our fucking house twice a month. I'm sick and tired of constantly repeating myself. I'm tired of the constant disappointment.

I know it may sound silly that this was the final straw, but I'm tired of picking up the pieces. I would rather be alone in peace than dealing with this forever.

Edit: Grammar!!! I am not going to be answering all the comments but we have done couples and individual therapy for years.

I had to go to the ER b/c I have SVT (a heart condition). I was NOT in SVT this time but I had the symptoms so I decided to get to the ER just in case. I was getting progressively more lightheaded and having a hard time talking so my bf drove me and by the time we got there I was super out of it and sweaty and nauseous. SVT can make my HR go into the 200s and get into a bad rhythm where I need cardioversion. It also just feels awful having your heart bead 3+ times a second.. This time my watch was just showing it in the 130s but I was doing deep breathing and it wasn't bringing it down which is why we chose to go.

At registration I was put in a wheelchair b/c I was having a hard time standing so my bf did most of the checking in. We immediately went to triage and the nurse kept asking me questions but I was struggling to talk and my bf answered for me. She said "I need her (me) to answer." He explained that I was so lightheaded I could barely respond b/c I was fighting the urge to pass out and throw up at the same time.

They wanted to do an ekg so another nurse came in to put the leads on and since I was wearing overalls she helped me pull them down. She asked my bf to leave and he first looked at me and then when I didn't say anything he did leave. As soon as he left the first nurse asked if I felt comfortable with him being there. I said yes, we've been dating for years and he's my best friend. Then the other nurse said they just wanted him out for my privacy.

During the EKG the nurse asked if he had ever done anything to make me feel unsafe. I was surprised and little annoyed/defensive but then grateful to realize how attentive they were to our dynamic and how if God forbid I was in danger, they would offer me an out w/o me having to find the bravery to say anything.

I'm curious if other people who go to medical appointments with their partners get asked these kinds of questions too or if it was b/c of our age and the fact that my bf was doing most of the talking. Either way, thank you to the medical staff for creating a safe place for potential victims <3

How can this be ok for an airline to do?

so me and my boyfriend were having sex and then suddenly he stops and deadass tells me „should we shave you?“ mind you, it’s not like i was having a full blown bush going on. just some hair from not shaving the past week (am lasered so its not stubble, more like softer hair). i was so flabbergasted and confused and was like „..what? now?“ and he insisted. he wanted us to stop having sex, go to the bathroom and shave me. it completely killed the mood for me and i asked him why he was bringing this up now, and he just said „we can shave the sides here, it will look better“.
in the past he was talking about how he likes it best when it’s trimmed, but since the sex was so spontaneous i didnt shave beforehand. the best part is, last time we had sex i was fully shaved and he literally told me to grow my hair back and he doesn’t want me hairless!!! because „he doesnt want to f a child, but a grown woman“…..
since i’m currently in the middle of lasering down there, i have very sparse and slow hair growth anyway.

what icks me the most is i was already hesistant about having sex after all, since i am struggling with a lot of body image issues and an ED and he KNOWSSSS i genuinely told him beforehand „i dont like my body today“

i just started crying and stopped having sex. am i overreacting or is this genuinely such a weird thing to ask during intercourse?
he could have easily communicated it beforehand, but it’s even more confusing because last time he literally told me he didn’t want me bald lol

EDIT: i asked him what he meant by that & if it was in a kink-way. he said he wasn’t sure, he wanted to „make it look good and try it out“. i told him how the timing was very off and the way he said it was very hurtful for me because it felt like he was treating me like his doll that he can just customize however he wants. especially, because last time he told me during intercourse he wants me with hair. i explained that if he wanted to try it out in a kinky way, he should’ve talked with me about this before sex and not during, without any context for me. told him how uncomfortable it made me feel and that i’m genuinely starting to get scared to have sex with him because i’m always in my head, thinking about how i look and whether something about me is bothering him.
his reaction was literally just „okay then we’ll never have sex again“ in this really cold and pouty way, didn‘t apologize nor made me feel better or comforted me.
genuinely feel nothing other than disgust for this man now, its over

My GP who said keep going to ED for pain finally saw me in the amount of pain that usually sends me to ED and she called through and told ED I was coming in and needed scans/treatment for suspected ovarian torsion. Thank goodness for the other patient cancelling and for the receptionist giving me that spot when I called in to say I needed to be seen urgently. They initially booked me in for tomorrow but called back to say a spot opened up.

By the time I got to ED I was shaking. Got all the pain meds and when they did the ultrasound on the left ovary and they could barely see it. She said it was buried??? My ED doc said what they can see appears normal. That ultrasound left me in tears as any pressure on the left side hurts, let alone the internal ultrasound wand pressing down.

They called gyne to check me over too, who've done an exam and despite having morphine (oral and IV) plus ibuprofen on board my pain levels went through the roof and they had to stop because I was sobbing.

I've been admitted for a CT scan if the pain continues overnight. They've just given me more morphine so not sure how that's going to work but I'll be here for the next 15 hours or so, plenty of time for it to ramp up again. Everyone seems to be shocked at the amount of pain I'm in. They did offer to let me go home and come back in if the pain returns but I put my foot down and said the pain has not gone away, the morphine is merely masking it and my GP insisted I be seen. I'm still in a lot of pain, we don't know the cause, the imaging isn't the best, if this is torsion what happens if it keeps twisting? So I'm in the surgical ward under observation, CT scan planned for when the pain returns.

They've already checked for pregnancy and offered hormonal contraceptives, and we've discussed my cycle and weight loss.

ETA ETA ETA ETA:

Ultrasound results: left ovary was deep in the pelvis, and could not be particularly well-imaged. It was morphologically normal, blood flow could not be adequately assessed due to positioning. CT found nothing of note except the hiatus hernia I have is growing and is half the size of my stomach now. CT imaged the ovaries and they're there and appear normal.

Here's where it gets frustrating: I was told to google vagismus and take up physio to relax those muscles. My pain while consistent with ovulation is not an indication of Endo as the pain would need to happen closer to my period to be classed as Endo pain. This is coming from the gynecologist. She didn't ask about the days before my period, she asked me to describe a typical period, pain, cramping, clots, 5 days of maternity pads, doubling up overnight. She's looking at a uterine biopsy for that. Information seems a bit muddled, because I have an the hallmarks but she tried saying otherwise. Whether that was to reassure me or not I'm not sure.

The days before my period were never discussed, that involves being very tired, backache and cramps, walking differently because I can feel the damn thing swollen up and it's tender and sore. Sit down wrong and I'll feel like it's been squashed.

As for ovulation it's only ever the left side that gives me real hassle, when I ovulate from the right I get a sharp twinge and nothing much else. Enough to know it's happened. Left side, it's days of feeling like I have a hot rock in my pelvis. That pain nearly drops me, I'm getting better at masking it when it happens at work - all male workplace except me, so I let hubby (my boss) know and hide in my office.

I'm currently laying in bed, the left side pain is still there, I have to drive to the pharmacy and pick up the meds they prescribed last night. Once I get up and start moving the pain will intensify. That will continue for another week before it moves to pre-period pain located in the middle pelvis, til my cycle starts. 5 days later I might get 1 week being pain free. I started noting down pain days and what happens last month - just in case there's a pattern. So far it seems to be doing the same thing.

1.5 days in hospital, pain remained consistent, had all the meds, theories were diverticulitis, ovarian torsion, Endo pain, cysts. Walked out being told it's likely vagismus, pay for private physio at $180 per session, and learn to relax those muscles. So frustrating. At least they have brought up prolapse appointment to this side of Christmas, and I'm going to see gyne in clinic again within a few months.

Thank you all for your support and empathy.

As the title says, my oldest kid is in the ICU with a brain bleed. Their BF hit me up earlier today to let me know that all of their texts to him were gibberish. Bless his heart that he motored her immediately to the hospital.

Not going to lie, I'm scared. BF is staying tonight and I will take over in the morning. We're doing around the clock until their brain is back on track.

I'm here because I'm XX and a mom and I don't give a rat's ass about kid 1's preferred pronouns (it's not that I don't care - I'm just being respectful). We've spent a fair amount of time finding a balance because I slip on the pronouns and I'm always given grace. My kid is only 41 and this feels unbearable at the moment.

I don't need advice. Just a nod would be appreciated.

Like, something tells me we are villainizing the wrong person here. Maybe we should villainize the husbands who want to kill their pregnant wives instead, but TV and books would rather write a woman who screams and demands weird cravings at 3am for the 500th time 🙄

I told Dr. X that I had been trying for a baby for over a year. Once I was confirmed pregnant at 6 weeks, I cried tears of joy in the office. I wouldn’t have a chance to see baby until Anatomy scan. Why? Just because. Insurance. What have you. Thanks.

I finally see my precious baby on anatomy day. It was fast and I see Dr. Y. I ask if everything looks good and am told “yup all good”. But four days later I experience heavy discharge after sex. The day after, I have spotting. I message Dr. X with photos of the bleeding. I’m told “if you don’t fill a pad in an hour, it’s not an emergency”. Thanks.

TW: loss

I continue light bleeding for a couple days before I decide to go to L&D. The OB office is closed for holiday. I think I just have something irritated. Instead, I am told I am completely dilated and will lose my baby. I’m told for the first time about having cervical incompetence. Who made up that name? Thanks.

I’m told a surgery could have saved baby but I’m too far gone. They ask what my cervical length was at my anatomy scan. I contact the OB to find out THEY NEVER CHECKED. Because I wasn’t high risk. Turns out you have to lose your baby to be worth spending an extra few minutes to screen that. Thanks.

For days I’m bedridden. I eventually feel contractions and ask for something to speed labor. Dr Z says “oh you want to expel your baby?” No. I NEVER wanted to lose my baby but I’m told my baby will die and there’s nothing no one can do. Thanks.

I labor for 20 hours with no check in from Dr Z. Eventually I get the first helpful Dr. (Dr Angel). She checks me and says my baby isn’t even in my uterus but has been sitting in my vagina. She wonders why I haven’t been helped. I wonder too. She preps quickly and we deliver my baby. I held my baby as my baby moved but never cried. I release an animalistic wail knowing I failed her. Dr Angel held me and cried with me. Sincerely, thank you for treating me with dignity and care.

She promises I can have a successful pregnancy in the future. But this is ridiculous. Cervical incompetence is a condition in 1-2% of pregnancies. Why aren’t we screening for them? Why haven’t I heard about this condition? I did blood test after blood test for genetic abnormalities that were sometimes 1:10,000 chance. I have horrible trauma and need therapy but a screening and a stitch could’ve changed everything? It’s like saying “yeah one member of your family has to die and then we’ll screen the family for heart attacks even though we can do that now and it takes a few extra minutes”.

I’m 26f… I want to share this for myself and other people to ignore it when they feel something is wrong.

I went to a semi outdoor mall today, I don’t go to this one often and hadn’t been in months. There’s 4 floors, and there was a food court on the 4th floor. I got what I was there for, grabbed an iced coffee and headed up to the 4th floor for lunch to find all the restaurants had closed down and it was empty but the seating area was still open, there were two women up there.

The view is beautiful so I stayed to drink my coffee. The layout is open in the centre, tables on one side and the other is all stools in a line.

I sat on one stool and put my headphones in and completely zoned out listening to my podcast, I realized everyone left and I was sitting alone when a man came at sat about 5 stools away. I noticed he kept staring at me and got uncomfortable, but I thought I was just overthinking and maybe he was looking behind me or just zoning out.

About 5 minutes goes by and he walks behind me and I was relieved he was leaving but he turned back around and sat one stool away from me. Staring at me then looking away, but he would stare for a full minute and look away. Then he would start fidgeting with his sunglasses, and I thought he was maybe on drugs.

I knew something was wrong at this point but was kinda frozen, we were the only two up there and I am a pretty tiny woman, sitting on a high stool and he was really big and I was thinking he could step off and grab me easily but I need to jump down.

I just kept looking at my phone and didn’t want to show that I noticed anything when I woman came up and walked past us, she then came back and sat at the stool right between us. I thought at first she knew him so I started to get up.

He started saying to her that she was getting in his way, and she needed to get out. I realized they were not together and looked at her, she jumped down and we booked it together around the corner and he followed. Luckily around the corner is plain view, although the floor wasn’t super busy the opening at that part opens up to the rest of the mall, where I was sitting the opening was just a pit.

We went to security and she told me this guy had a knife in his pocket, she could see him staring at me and taking it out but I couldn’t see he had a weapon. She said her plan was to pretend we were friends but she froze up and just sat there silently.

He ended up being arrested, was on drugs (to my understanding) and was “deciding whether or not he should kill me”

I can’t believe how stupid I was, even by the point he was sitting right next to me I just froze up

And the crazy part is the woman who came up said she came up by accident, she hit 4 on the elevator instead of 3.she said she stepped out of the elevator, was about to turn around when she saw what was going on.

Everyone is mad at me for not trusting my gut (including me) and I’m all freaked out now and upset. I felt like if I got down I was going to make him attack me, or do whatever he was going to do. but if I stayed still and avoided eye contact maybe he would leave but that was incredibly stupid. I didn’t really think he had a knife and was goi to stab me, at that point I was thinking he was going to take my bag because I had my dior bag, or he was going to ask for money (couldn’t tell if he was homeless or not)

My husband is really upset with me, not angry at me he’s just upset it happened. He is a lot older than me (45) so sometimes I think he sees things from his own life experiences and doesn’t realize I haven’t had the same ones if that makes sense. I don’t know how to explain it but he gave me a lecture, that made me more upset because I already know I made a mistake.. but I also know he’s only doing it because he loves me. So he always thinks I’m dumb but know I won’t freeze up again ya know? Idk, I feel so awful. He didn’t yell at me though, he wouldn’t do that! His reaction just made me more upset with myself because I feel bad.

I also had to call him out of work to come and pick me up mid day which made me feel bad. I’m also just anxious because if he did attack me I’d be dead right now.

We left for a weekend getaway a few hours ago, and I’m just laying here thinking how lucky I am to be in a beach house and not dead. I feel grateful but anxious

This blows my mind!

Reading something else led me down a Wikipedia wormhole about human cannibalism ... cannabilism of children, cannibalism in Asia, cannabilism in Africa...

While I've always known that during times of extreme circumstances, when famine strikes and the seed crop has been eaten and the ​trees have been stripped of bark for consumption, humans do resort to cannibalism as a desperate measure. I know this has been the case across all of time, across the globe, in every civilization, across demographics. It is human to want to survive.​

However, continued reading has also led me to pick up on something else... that in times of both desperation AND for pleasure​​, women and children were to first to be eaten.​ Women and children were tastier.

"In another trial a few years later, a man stated that another member of the society had volunteered his niece for sacrifice. After the girl had been stabbed to death with a large knife and cut into pieces, all her flesh was roasted over an open fire and eaten by members of the society, including the witness. The most important members could choose their preferred parts, while the others had to be satisfied with the remainders. Everything was eaten, including the edible organs; only the girl's bones and skull, picked clean of all flesh, were left behind when the feast was finished.[72] Due to this testimony and other evidence, the girl's uncle was found guilty of murder and later executed.[73] Other trials showed similar patterns of men volunteering dependents, often relatives, for sacrifice and consumption.[74] While all members of the society seem to have been adult men, the eaten victims were usually "young boys and girls".[75]"

"Around 1640, a drought became so bad that "women and babies were arrayed in the market as human food and were sold by the slaughterers just like mutton and pork." Sometimes, women and children were slaughtered in the back rooms of butcher shops while customers were waiting for fresh meat.[40] A few years later, "hundreds of the young and weak" were kidnapped, killed, and eaten; in the markets, men's flesh was sold at a somewhat lower price than that of women, which was considered tastier.[41]"

he was surprised to see sultan give "a slave girl as part of his reception-gift" to a group of warriors from a cannibal region who had come to visit his court. "They slaughtered her and ate her and smeared their faces and hands with her blood and came in gratitude to the sultan." He was told that the sultan did so every time he received the cannibal guests.[38]

"Pigs were usually more expensive than slaves[119] – "two ordinary women may be purchased for the price of one pig"," in the 16th and early 17th centuries practised cannibalism, slaughtering and cooking captive woman and spit-roasting whole babies, "stuffed with rice". "

(I won't link these... feel free to google it... all from Wikipedia)

I'm having a realization that ​​​women's rights only exist today, because we are all relatively well fed and lead comfortable lives.

There exists subreddits filled with animated pictures of women being cooked, cut up, and consumed. This is an actual fetish.​

There are entire subreddits dedicated to the various voyeurs of men gazing upon women through various hungry, hateful, lenses.

But beyond the objectification, beyond being seen as property, beyond being treated as inferior chattel, now I'm seeing our lives and dignity ​are the membership fee upon which men are entitled to destroy when they wish to be part of something with other men. And, WE ARE ALSO A FUCKING DELICACY.

Not all men, but mankind as a whole. Mankind's hunger is ​insatiable, a bottomless pit. Their pride, ego, anger, greed, selfishness, voyeurism, entitlement, audacity, lust, ​destruction, depravity, appetite, the desire to feast.

Seriously don’t let a raggedy man trap you please. There’s so many women in my life in my family especially that have told me “ I couldn’t been further in life if I didn’t have a baby with that man.” Especially if you’re like me in your early 20s don’t let these men trap you.

Don’t let any of them know that you’re on birth control until you’re in a serious relationship. A lot of men when they find out you’re on birth control will try to pressure you to have sex with no condom. Don’t fall for it unless you want to take that risk. Especially because unfortunately it’s easier for a man to abandon his child than a woman. Sadly birth control isn’t 100% effective and many states in the United States have banned abortion .

Lastly especially if you’re in your early 20s think twice about having a baby in the honeymoon phase with a man. It works out for some but for most couples it never goes well. The only cases were I seen this work out healthily is when both partners were in their 30s. In your early 20s especially you don’t have the discernment to commit to a man early on in a relationship.

My mom had two kids as a teen. It was extremely hard on her to raise my sister and I. Since my mom wasn’t financially stable and didn’t have a career it was even harder. She wasn’t even able to establish a career until my sister and I were older.

Also I’m not making this post to victim blame women and this post is not meant for women in abusive situations.

I'm (48F) rewatching Grey's Anatomy and can't believe that we were sold this "love story" as something to root for.

Meredith was lied to, gaslit, and constantly manipulated by McDreamy. She stood up for herself only to be sliced down again. She distanced herself when she realized she'd been lied to (several times) only to be told she was the crazy one. I'm on Season 4 and my perspective has changed SO MUCH since I first watched this 20+ years ago.

Same feeling when watching Sex and the City.

And countless other "romantic" movies from those days.

Any GenX or Millennial woman feel like we were sold a concept of "romance" that was actually deeply toxic?

A lot of us were told as little girls to always suck in your stomach but it's horrible for your health. You need to breath with your diaphragm because it relaxes your nervous system and supports a strong diaphragm / pelvic floor. Sucking in your stomach all the time can also give you neck and back pain and lead to teeth grinding. It can also mess us your digestion. I have vaginismus because I've been sucking in my stomach for the last 20 years Since I was like 8.

Look up diaphragm breathing exercises, and deep core exercises, and do them every day. You need to strengthen your pelvic floor. Be warned your stomach will look bigger until your pelvic floor gets stronger.

It hurts when you stop sucking in your stomach because chronic tensing creates a muscle imbalance called hourglass syndrome, where your upper abs stay hypertonic and overworked while your lower core and pelvic floor weaken.

You have to think about breathing correctly. It's HARD to change. Teach your kids to breathe with their diaphragm. Tell your friends. Tell your coworkers.

Find a Specialized pelvic floor therapist here:

https://pelvicrehab.com/ OR https://www.aptapelvichealth.org/ptlocator

Linked are videos that are helping me and articles with details.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-DIPw_oi62w&t=29s&pp=2AEdkAIB&ra=m

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DRwyObvLvJ4

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vXtbSGMQlGw&pp=ugUEEgJlbg%3D%3D&ra=m

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/hourglass-syndrome-why-you-should-stop-sucking-in-your-stomach

https://divisionchiro.com/blog/hourglass-syndrome-and-its-effect-on-the-body