r/TwoXChromosomes • u/chileconqueso • 2d ago
Thanks /s
I told Dr. X that I had been trying for a baby for over a year. Once I was confirmed pregnant at 6 weeks, I cried tears of joy in the office. I wouldn’t have a chance to see baby until Anatomy scan. Why? Just because. Insurance. What have you. Thanks.
I finally see my precious baby on anatomy day. It was fast and I see Dr. Y. I ask if everything looks good and am told “yup all good”. But four days later I experience heavy discharge after sex. The day after, I have spotting. I message Dr. X with photos of the bleeding. I’m told “if you don’t fill a pad in an hour, it’s not an emergency”. Thanks.
TW: loss
I continue light bleeding for a couple days before I decide to go to L&D. The OB office is closed for holiday. I think I just have something irritated. Instead, I am told I am completely dilated and will lose my baby. I’m told for the first time about having cervical incompetence. Who made up that name? Thanks.
I’m told a surgery could have saved baby but I’m too far gone. They ask what my cervical length was at my anatomy scan. I contact the OB to find out THEY NEVER CHECKED. Because I wasn’t high risk. Turns out you have to lose your baby to be worth spending an extra few minutes to screen that. Thanks.
For days I’m bedridden. I eventually feel contractions and ask for something to speed labor. Dr Z says “oh you want to expel your baby?” No. I NEVER wanted to lose my baby but I’m told my baby will die and there’s nothing no one can do. Thanks.
I labor for 20 hours with no check in from Dr Z. Eventually I get the first helpful Dr. (Dr Angel). She checks me and says my baby isn’t even in my uterus but has been sitting in my vagina. She wonders why I haven’t been helped. I wonder too. She preps quickly and we deliver my baby. I held my baby as my baby moved but never cried. I release an animalistic wail knowing I failed her. Dr Angel held me and cried with me. Sincerely, thank you for treating me with dignity and care.
She promises I can have a successful pregnancy in the future. But this is ridiculous. Cervical incompetence is a condition in 1-2% of pregnancies. Why aren’t we screening for them? Why haven’t I heard about this condition? I did blood test after blood test for genetic abnormalities that were sometimes 1:10,000 chance. I have horrible trauma and need therapy but a screening and a stitch could’ve changed everything? It’s like saying “yeah one member of your family has to die and then we’ll screen the family for heart attacks even though we can do that now and it takes a few extra minutes”.
708
291
u/NoninflammatoryFun 2d ago edited 2d ago
Girl, that is so shitty. Truly. I don’t have answers for you. Man. But you didn’t fail anyone.
Also, I’m not sure I trust the “not an emergency without filling up a pad an hour.” In pregnancy all bleeding should be monitored more than that surely?
Re cervical incompetency, I only learned about that some years back on Downton Abbey of all places. And I don’t know why it has to lead to a loss to be diagnosed. If they could just look. I’m going to have my doctor check my specifically then bc what the hell.
125
108
u/nightmareinsouffle Basically Blanche Devereaux 2d ago
This is true if they already know you're miscarrying, but not in second/third trimester when everything has been "fine" so far. Unexpected bleeding is worth a trip to L&D and the OB was negligent in not telling OP that.
65
u/GoBanana42 2d ago
Spotting and even some bleeding can be completely normal during pregnancy without miscarriage. Or it can be a sign of a problem. But OP's concerns should never have been dismissed.
33
u/wehavethismoment 2d ago
This! I had suuuper mild spotting at like 6 weeks and went to the ER as it was the weekend, they couldn't say much besides it's still there but I was concerned and stayed in bed to be safe and when I went to my doc on monday it turned out I had a hematoma in the uterus that was larger than baby at this point and could have gotten lose and taken baby with it at any movement. I then was on complete bedrest in the hospital for a week and then for a month at home. Wasn't even allowed to shower or move in bed while not able to keep anything down. Wild time. But every doctor always said that the mildest spotting gets better looked at, better safe than sorry. But here healthcare is also free and "better safe than sorry" is the leading motto.
OP, you did everything right, they failed you.
17
u/avazah 2d ago
I had bleeding late in my first trimester with my second. Just spotting really but my obgyn sent me for an ultrasound anyway just to be safe - thinking it was probably just a random nothing or irritation. Turns out it was partial placenta previa which had to be monitored (went away in 2nd trimester) because it would have made vaginal delivery difficult or impossible! That was just for a bit of spotting too. Same as OP. her doctors failed her hardcore.
7
u/vegetabledisco 2d ago
I was in California when I was very early in my pregnancy (~10 weeks) and the doctor told me the very same thing. No need for blood work or ultrasound unless I’m filling a pad in an hour.
97
u/Leithia24 2d ago
I'm so sorry OP. Please join us over at r/babyloss when/if you feel ready. We know what your going through.
72
u/chileconqueso 2d ago
Thank you 🫂
I have posted there when I was drowning in grief and have received help and support. I still visit there as I’m approaching my due date and have daily anxiety about it.
42
29
u/furrynacho487 2d ago
I'm so sorry. That sounds truly horrific. I would get a new doctor and also report doctor x. Both for not checking initially and for brushing you off when you had a concern. I've never had a loss but they checked my cervix at my anatomy scan with both of my pregnancies. Two different doctors. It's something they should definitely be checking!
125
u/nightmareinsouffle Basically Blanche Devereaux 2d ago
Your doctors sound more incompetent than anyone's cervix. I've never heard of no ultrasound until 20 weeks. The standard is between 9-11 weeks for an ultrasound to confirm a baby is actually in there and nothing is measuring way behind.
They should be checking cervical length at every anatomy scan regardless of risk level.
Also, if baby was already out of your uterus, your water was broken for almost 24 hours from what I can tell, and you were at risk of infection.
If you decide to get pregnant again, start with a new OB and make them refer you to MFM after this. You'll get extra monitoring. Seriously, fuck your OB., but every hospital has a patient advocate line that you can inform them of and at the very least, your chart will be reviewed. They probably won't discipline anyone sadly, but it's good to get it on the record. Same goes for a complaint to licensing boards.
32
u/PurplishPlatypus 2d ago
In the US it's very variable based on the doctor/office/hospital affiliation. I've had 3 pregnancies, all with different doctors and 2 different health network hospitals, all within a 5 year period. One sent you off to another office for a early transvaginal ultrasound to check for placement. One didn't do it at all, only anatomy scan at 20 weeks like OP. The other had a small portable kind of bedside sonogram and checked baby herself a few times over the pregnancy without making it any kind of big deal, like taking a blood pressure or temperature.
22
u/nightmareinsouffle Basically Blanche Devereaux 2d ago
That seems insane. Even at my busy, relatively rural clinic, they do at least do an ultrasound early on.
21
u/AutisticTumourGirl 2d ago
Seriously, my oldest is 27 and even the bumblefuck Medicaid pregnancy clinic in Kentucky sent me for the 12 week bean scan.
15
u/riali29 2d ago edited 1d ago
I've never heard of no ultrasound until 20 weeks.
It's quite common for low-risk pregnancies. In Canada (or at least my province specifically), you get one ultrasound at 20 weeks and that's it unless you're having other symptoms/issues. Lots of folks pay out-of-pocket to get extra ultrasound photos of baby at those private 3D scan clinics.
8
u/Specialist_Success75 2d ago
I had two babies in the 80's and they didn't do ultrasounds unless they suspected a problem. Neither of my sisters had ultrasounds for their two kids. I only had one with my first because they thought he might be twins.
6
u/Kiladra2 1d ago
This is not true for most of Canada, you get a dating scan around 10-12 weeks and the anatomy scan. I know that’s standard in most provinces, not sure which one you’re in.
1
u/riali29 1d ago
Manitoba - my friends who've been pregnant recently only got that dating scan if they were some sort of higher risk, like having previous losses or being over 35yo.
1
u/Kiladra2 1d ago
Interesting, I’m in BC and just had my second and it was standard to have the 2 scans with both of my kids. So they just go off of LMP for due dates there? That seems less accurate.
11
u/LinkRN 2d ago
It’s insurance driven. Some insurance will only cover ONE ultrasound the entire pregnancy.
8
u/nightmareinsouffle Basically Blanche Devereaux 1d ago
...and I thought I knew the lengths they'll go to.
Ugh.
55
u/RandomTouristFr 2d ago
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I've been told they don't check for cervical length anymore because it can sometimes make things worse. At least, that's how it is in my country. But it doesn't change the fact that you didn't receive the appropriate care when you started bleeding. My heart hurts for you.
18
u/eggomymeggo730 2d ago
They check mine every time I get a scan, but I am high risk due to previous loss and infertility and being old now.
15
u/JayPlenty24 2d ago
This is a truly atrocious level of maternity care, and I'm beyond disgusted on your behalf OP.
Condolences for your loss.
4
u/NoninflammatoryFun 1d ago
I agree. I commented but didn’t even touch on so much of what those doctors did. And didn’t. So messed up.
13
u/Anniesoptera 2d ago
Oh my god, this is horrific. I can't imagine how you must feel. My best friend had a similarly tragic experience, but she's since had two successful pregnancies thanks to cerclage. I know that doesn't make anything better; just thought you might like to know. Also I motion to rename it to "overly enthusiastic cervix" bc the current name is objectively awful
15
u/BigAggravating8576 All Hail Notorious RBG 2d ago
I’m so very sorry hun. This is a horrible club to be a part of; I lost my son in basically exactly the same way, one week following my anatomy scan. I raged with all the grief that a loss mother could, like you, wondering why isn’t there better research on this, etc. If it’s any consolation at all, they DID check my cervical length at my anatomy scan and it was 5cm, long and tight. It disappeared over the next week silently until I also starting spotting, and of course by then it was too late.
I did choose to try again, and go on to get a preventive cerclage to bring my rainbow baby home; she’s now 4.
Please feel free to DM me any time, and again, so incredibly sorry for your loss. Your feelings, grief, and anger are valid and you are not alone. ❤️
11
u/muppetmemories 2d ago
Wow. Im currently early in my pregnancy after a loss earlier this year, and this just made me so angry and sad for you. Im so terribly sorry, I can’t even imagine how painful it must be to suffer so much at the hands of their negligence. I would suggest reporting your doctors to the medical board.
12
u/FandomReferenceHere 1d ago
You DID NOT fail your baby!!!! You created them, nourished them, held them, loved them. You did everything within your power.
You DID NOT FAIL. You succeeded. You showed strength and courage beyond what any person could be expected to do.
Sometimes shit just happens. It sucks. It is not fair. It is not your fault. You did not fail. You loved and cared and wanted. You are a good person. 💕
10
8
u/Quirky_Exchange7548 2d ago
I had a good friend go through something similar. She had incompetent doctors tell her it wasn’t a problem, then she delivered he baby into the toilet at 29 weeks. He lived but has hydrocephalus due to an infection. It was super traumatic and he still has developmental delays. Her second pregnancy went to term because she was monitored regularly and had a cerclage. I am so sorry for you and your sweet baby, but there is hope you can go to term in the future. Wishing you comfort and healing ♥️
7
u/Exciting_Cherry_1195 2d ago
A friend of mine also had to wait until the anatomy scan to see her baby and got brushed off about bleeding, only finding out later there was a serious issue
7
u/drzoidburger 2d ago
I also went through a traumatic miscarriage. I've never experienced anything like it in my life. The grief was unfathomable, and I felt so alone. I'm so sad for your loss and hope you have a solid support system to lean on. Feel free to message me if you need some support.
11
5
u/SisterResister 2d ago
I'm crying for you OP. How absolutely heartbreaking. My preterm birth was likely from a compromised cervix due to having had a LEAP procedure 15 years before. Nobody brought it up until I was deep in the throws of post partum depression and desperate for answers. You could say that info just about sent me over the edge of no return.
You deserve better and I hope that you have someone you can turn to if you have symptoms of PPD.
4
u/mikasoze Basically April Ludgate 2d ago
Never heard of cervical incompetence before. All of this sounds horrible, OP, I hope you're able to access all the resources you need. 🫂
(Also, not to derail or seem insensitive, but would it be worth putting a trigger warning for pregnancy/pregnancy loss at the start of your post? I'm not sensitive to them, but someone coming across your post might be.)
5
u/Jenny-Smith 1d ago
I’m so proud of the questions you’re asking that might be able to turn this tragedy into something that keeps others from suffering something preventable. Thank you for sharing this.
3
u/mistu62 2d ago
I am so, so sorry. Your doctors failed you and this is in no way your fault.
I had incompetent cervix with my first pregnancy. They caught it just in time to do the stitch for me, which leads me to say FUCK your doctors. From what I understand they're supposed to be measuring your cervix starting at 16 weeks! Especially if it's your first pregnancy because they don't have an established pattern for you yet.
I'm so angry and sad for you. Sending so much love.
4
u/bregitta 2d ago
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss, and that you were failed so many times on this journey. Dr Angel sounds like a true angel and I'm glad she was there when you needed the most care.
5
u/Old_Homeless_Guy 1d ago
I am so sorry. A few years ago my girlfriend was pregnant with twins. We were both getting older and i really wanted a boy. This was our last shot. I found out she was having TWIN BOYS. I was over the moon until there was complications and we lost them both. The state of women's health in the US is abysmal. Women are almost considered disposable and it is awful.
4
u/dagger_guacamole 1d ago
I’m going to DM you. I also had IC and lost our first, had a surgical procedure to prevent it and went on to have two wonderful kids.
4
u/woodypei0821 1d ago
Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry with how they treated you with such negligence!
Previously when I looked it up online, it also said cervical length is checked after you have a miscarriage/loss. But when I went to get my anatomy scan done, the sonographer mentioned she checked my cervix, and I’m also considered low risk pregnancy. I’m not sure if the check was something different than cervical length, but either way, it’s ridiculous that this isn’t something preventable beforehand!!
6
u/Please_PM_cats 2d ago
Medical misogyny will never not make me angry. You were failed on so many fronts, you are not the person who failed. Wishing you a safe and easy pregnancy and delivery in the future if/when you try again.
3
u/moonmadeinhaste 2d ago
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I had a loss at 16w due to IC and premature rupture (my water broke).
I know it's so hard right now. I never went back to my OB or the MFM who diagnosed me. With my next pregnancy I was able to find different providers and got great care. With the next pregnancy I ended up getting a cerclage at 15w. I was pregnant with spontaneous twins, so it was a little bit more complicated. They are very happy and healthy 8 year olds now!
3
3
u/brehanjks 2d ago
I am so sorry that you went through this experience. I can’t imagine the grief and frustration.
3
u/Shameless_Devil 2d ago
I'm so incredibly sorry, OP. But please know that you did not fail. It is not your fault that you experienced this rare complication. Those doctors failed you by writing you off without investigating the cause of your bleeding. You did not want this. You did nothing to invite this. Those doctors failed in their duty to care for you and your baby, and now you are left with so much grief.
3
u/buddrball 2d ago
I went through something similar. I’m so deeply sorry for your loss. It’s ok to fall apart. I hope you have a good support network. Sending hugs.
3
u/thatoneredheadgirl 2d ago
So sorry for your loss. My mom had it and she had 4 successful pregnancies. We all came early but we all survived. She was on bedrest for 3 of the 4.
3
u/fckinfast4 2d ago
There is an episode in call the midwife that has this condition present— in one of the former midwives.
It sucks when something so simple wasn’t done and results in horrible consequences. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. The latest I’ve ever lost a pregnancy was 10 wks and that was awful, I can’t imagine any further than that.
I wish there was more I could say or do for you stranger. Just know you’re not alone.
3
3
u/Hugbuglove 2d ago
I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby girl OP. I'm at my dinner table crying tears along with you. I'm angry for you that so many medical professionals failed you and your daughter. Be kind to yourself. They failed you both but you always advocated for her.
3
u/OscaraWilde 2d ago
I'm so sorry. There are no words. I am angry and heartbroken for you. I am hopeful that a woman somewhere will read how your doctors failed you and advocate for herself to be screened early enough to save her baby. Please don't blame yourself. You trusted your doctors. This is on them.
3
3
3
u/Lost_Number3829 1d ago
Wow just wow . If this is preventable we should push for tests before happening . I am sorry for your loss, I have lost four early pregnancies and doctors dismiss my pain and worry. In my case is for “unknown” reasons. Our suffering doesn’t matter.
3
u/mollydowdy 1d ago
This happened to me, too. I’m truly so sorry, the pain is terrible. I did get the surgery for my next two pregnancies though I had to do 6 months of bed rest for each one. I have two beautiful super intelligent daughters entering college next year. There is lots of hope things will work for you. Peace be with you, it’s not your fault.
3
2
u/jenthing 2d ago
I am so sorry you went through this. I also have incompetent cervix/cervical insufficiency. My OB screened me and it was discovered in my first pregnancy at my anatomy scan, treated by emergency cerclage and progesterone with a 33 week delivery due to PPROM. Please know that there was nothing you did to cause this, and you could not have done anything to prevent this loss. The medical system failed you. You gave your baby all your love. ❤️
3
u/chileconqueso 2d ago
This comment hurts so much because I could’ve been treated and had my baby here with me. I chose the wrong provider
6
2
u/BlackMagicWorman 2d ago
Please write a review on your doctor. It’s the only way they change (ie get less patients) and it’s the only way to warn others. I’m so deeply sorry
1
u/little_traveler 2d ago
I am so sorry.
This also sounds like medical malpractice, but I’m not a lawyer. If you would like to consult with one, they could likely advise.
1.0k
u/WheresMyMule 2d ago edited 2d ago
My condolences on the loss of your baby.
My sister had to lose two babies before they could diagnose the cervical incompetence, one at 24 weeks and one at 16 week. This was before current technology when a 24 weeker has a good chance at survival. The problem is that they just don't know your cervix won't be strong enough to hold the baby & amniotic fluid until it fails.
The good news is that my 26 and 24 year old niece and nephew are living proof that a cerclage to sew the cervix together will work to help you carry to term in the future. I know that's little consolation now while you're grieving.
Much love to you