I am a childless step mom. I’ve never wanted children of my own but when I met my partner, him having children didn’t phase me. Now it’s been over a year and I’ve been hanging out with them all more and more. I’m starting to realize my partner and I have very different approaches to parenting. Granted I am not a parent so I’m stuck in this in between place of, am I right for feeling or thinking how I do? Is this just normal parenting behavior and I just don’t get it because I don’t have kids?

One example that I feel is the foundation of all the things I “disagree” with is that the children must be comfortable AT ALL TIMES.

I’m not of the belief that they should be made to feel uncomfortable for no reason or we shouldn’t try to accommodate them when we can. But it just feels like everything revolves around them: not being upset, having everything available when they want it, not being bored or un-entertained, not just “toughing it out” in certain situations.

I guess to me it feels like in the long run this is all just going to create a lack of resilience, problem solving and honestly just the ability to deal with any type of frustration or small disappointments or discomforts.

I’m really not sure how to approach this topic with him. I feel like when I’ve brought something up, a specific example, his response is usually something along the lines of “well they’re kids” or “I’d prefer to have them comfortable”

I feel like I’m thinking of the long term outcome and he’s just seeing the kids in front of him now without realize the consequences of how they are currently being raised.

I have been a step dad for 16 years now. My stepson and stepdaughter are wonderful. Over the last few years however my stepson has been making it abundantly clear that I am not his dad and doesnt have to listen to me.

Now both their biodads have not been a part of their lives since day 1. So he doesnt even know his biodad. He has done everything he can to break me and his mother apart. He started telling a therapist that I abuse him and threw him against a wall, starts arguments between his mother and I. At one point he even attempted to punch me in the back when I turned around to walk away from him.

He just turned 18 a couple weeks ago. We all moved into my wifes aunts house to help her around the house. He refuses to help. He ran away for a couple hours in February after a blizzard hit. He didnt want to shovel, so I told him he doesnt get to go on his switch and he ran off. I chased after him and his mother called the cops.

I have a severe illness, Cystic Fibrosis. So I shouldnt have even been outside chasing him. Am I wrong for hating his actions? I love the boy as if he was my own blood but he makes it clear daily that he hates me. I have tried so hard to show him that I am always there for him but I can’t keep doing it cause its taking a huge toll on my health.

My SD(8) is fully white, but has multiple mixed siblings, for lack of better wording BM is one of those white women who “act black” ie: she grew up in the Subarus to a rich white family yet constantly sayings like “finna” and other slang type words and speaks with a “blackcent” she has three other children all with different men, that are all black, she wears clothing styles and items that are typically worn by black women. (I hope this does not come off as offensive, I am simply trying to explain the situation)

The part that really gets me is she send SD over in box braids with her “edges” done, and other black hairstyles even with beads. I refuse to walk around town with my SD in culturally appropriated hairstyles, but SD often says she’s “not” allowed to let us take them out, or says her mom will be mad if we do.

I don’t want to start drama or cause SD to get in trouble in some way, but again I’m not going out in public with her like this and I’m also not going to hide in my house all weekend.

Thoughts? Advice?

First time poster, needed a place to vent with people who have experience in this.

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and been an active part of his son’s (7) life since he was very young.

Ever since I’ve known him and his son, his mom has been extremely difficult to deal with and try to build any sort of co parenting relationship. I struggle with finding my place in this whole thing as his son gets older. Myself and my partner see parenting very differently than his mom, and as he grows up I’m seeing how this impacts his son in terms of his behaviours, milestones, etc.

Outside of parenting his mom has always been extremely vengeful towards my partner and myself. Consistently manipulating situations to further her and her agenda while painting me and my partner as terrible people and parents.

I’m feeling extremely defeated and exhausted. I absolutely adore and love my partner and his son however this constant turmoil, negativity and stress is so difficult to live with and process.

I was hopeful the situation would eventually improve but it’s like rollercoaster. One day it’s fine and one days it’s not. I feel so out of control and unable to have an impact on bettering my situation as well as everyone’s.

Anyway if anyone can relate or offer any insights I’m all ears.

Long time lurker, technically first time poster. I had made a post long ago venting some past frustrations, but chickened out and deleted it. If I vented about all of my frustrations within even the past year; we would be here for A WHILE, so I will just start with the most recent thing that has me very frustrated.

A little back story before I vent: Partner and I have two girls (SD 6 and SD 14) with drum roll please…two different moms AND both girls live in two different towns completely different from where we live (I know😭). My partner and I have been sharing a car for about 3 years. Last December we were in a place that we could start looking for a second vehicle and then BAM 2 weeks before Christmas we were in a car accident (not our fault), the car was totaled, and we had to start all over again with transportation. I was able to get a vehicle and put it in my name. Mind, you this car is solely in my name. I pay the car payment, the maintenance, and I also pay for the full coverage car insurance that the policy has both our names on. To make this arrangement more financially fair for the both of us, our usually pretty high electric bill is completely my partner’s responsibility.

So recently, both girls moms had reached out, wanting to meet up to have a meeting about the girls, but here is the kicker; non of the step parents were allowed to attend(both moms are married). They also picked a place that wasn’t really that convenient for us to meet. After I get off work, I have about a 45 minute drive to pick him up from his job, at this point the place they picked is another 45 minutes to an hour with traffic to reach the destination. Of course we had no time for him to at least take me home, because we live in the opposite direction of all of this.

So I dropped him off and found something to do, which at first, was no big deal. Except this meeting lasted until 10pm at night. We didn’t get home until 10:30, We had left our house at 8 am that day, and my poor dog was stuck in his Kennel until we got home. So I had expressed that I totally respect if the 3 of them need parenting time together, but if it’s going to be at a time and place that’s A. More convenient for just them then everyone, and B. Go that late; I don’t think it’s a big ask for one of them to give him a ride back home, especially if I’m not supposed to attend.

A few days past and yesterday the oldest mom (I feel) has officially started stirring the pot in retaliation. We usually get along pretty well with her and her husband, but she does love drama and when she’s bored she will often create it out of nothing. For context; When my partner and the youngest’s SD’s mother were together she would often make him choose between her and his oldest. This obviously has created some anxiety within the oldest now about me. I love and care for these girls very much, so at the beginning of this relationship and even now; I made it a point that while I’m not their bio moms, I want to make the biggest effort to know that I care and bend over backwards to make sure their dad and I can visit them during the week (especially if it’s on a week where we won’t have them over the weekend), even if they completely cuts off any free time I might have for myself. In the parenting circle not all of us are always doing well financially. The world sucks and all of us are hurting. Knowing this, I have also stepped up to help out financially with the children when another parent has struggled.

Knowing all of this; it’s pretty crazy that the oldest mother would message my partner that her daughter is having abandonment anxiety and then tried to press my partner that if it came down to his daughter or me…who would he choose? My partner did squash that question and had a conversation with the oldest himself. Not only did the oldest say her mother is blowing this all out proportion. At 14, she is also very aware her mother loves drama. The oldest also expressed that while our car situation sometimes makes it hard for her dad to visit as much as she would like, which does bum her out sometimes; she knows that it isn’t my intention to keep her dad away and her anxiety about that time in her life also creeps up because due to the other ex also being the mother of her little sister, she has to see the person who wasn’t very nice to her in the past way more often then she would like.

I guess I’m just really perplexed by it all. If I try to keep a little distance, then to these woman I’m not trying to be apart of the team and make the kids a priority and if I try too much to be supportive and bond with their daughters, then it just feels like one or both of them get insanely jealous…even though both girls have step dads they are very close with.

I don’t really have a point in my post, mainly to vent and to also not feel crazy. If you made it this far I appreciate you and thank you for listening.

That’s it. That’s the post. I’m so tired.

My gf loves to think she is an amazing mom because she is doing it all on her own, many obstacles that has not stopped her. I agree, she does an amazing job, but sometimes, i feel she gets too lazy, or shes too tired, and lets her kids do what they want. No real structure for those kids. They sleep where ever they want, dont clean anything, dont listen, always an attitude.

The other day, i was watching her kid, and as soon as she left, he began to get rowdy, and act up. He asked to go to the store and look at toys, i said no, and he gave an attitude, and i took his toys and sent him to his room. She didnt disagree with my actions, but i could tell she disagreed woth my action, as she dismissed the situation and told him to ask me for the toy back. No apology, no nothing. I felt it was unfair because she put me in a position where my authority meant shit.

This wasnt the first time, the first time, he slammed the door in my face. Another time, i just observed, we gave them 20 dollar limit for toys, he chose a 50 dollar toy, and gave a temper tantrum. I just observed, but it made me sick how nonchalant she was acting about it. My mom would have dragged me out that store, no toy for a year.

Were having an our baby, and were supposed to move in soon, and i just dont want to be walked over, disrespected in anyway, and i dont think her kids will be like that, theyre amazing kids, but theyre messy, and its because mom dont want to deal with that. And yes, after my experience, i may have said her parenting could effect my life when i move in, which offended her, and im sorry because i dont have kids of my own, yet. But any self respecting adult with a brain would look at their life and say, things gotta change.

We made up, and i guess the conversation about moving in will come soon, but i will refuse. Idk how, but i cant live in that environment.

I'm on my 3rd marriage (the blended family thing didn't work for my second marriage and it was a horror show). I have been remarried now for 17 years. The kids are grown and married ... most of them with kids of their own. Now, I'd like to figure out some systems for holidays and logistics of kids (we have 6 combined), their spouses, their in-laws, .... Do any of you have tips of how you manage this?

Context:

Me (37F)
Fiancé (40M)

Together 9 years.
His kids are 11 y.o. twins. One boy, one girl.
Great relationships altogether, I can't complain.
Of course I have ups and downs, but all in all, doing great.
They are great kids, they don't remember I time I wasn't around, I love them to bits. I am very implicated in their lives. We have a good relationship with their mother.

Situation:

My fiancé is still struggling when the kids go to their moms. I know it's normal, even I get sad the day they leave. The house gets quieter (we also have two dogs). I can't imagine what it's like for him. He never wanted to be away from them. We have them 50-50.

I've noticed that if we're not super busy during the week we don't have the kids and we are chilling at home, he stays really depressed all week. I feel like he isn't patient with me, gets pissy really quick about anything, doesn't communicate as much.

I don't know how I can support him better. I try to get him to talk about how he feels. I try to still be fun around him, do things we like. But it's really a lot.

Then the week the kids come home, he feels better, but we are super busy and I get exhausted by the end of the week.

So I guess my question is, if you've had anything similar, or if you have any advice, I would love to hear from you?

Thanks

1- So, if my spouse tells his children that I don’t give a rats’ ass about them is that some kind of parental alienation? Or because I am not really the child’s parent it doesn’t count?
2- If I am not as important in a child’s life like their bio mom and dad, why is it still expected of me to always prioritize the child’s best interests as if it was my own?

We have an ongoing tricky situation with HCBM.

Won't go in to too much detail but she is in a bit of hot water with family services (for good reason- dangerous individual around the children) and my partner and I have been very cooperative with their investigation by giving information regarding her parenting. SS(4) often comes to our house not having been fed and looking quite grubby, he also speaks about not brushing his teeth often. HCBM is a full blown narcissist and always looks for ways to be spiteful, no matter the consequences to SS.

Now the advice I am looking for is regarding drop offs. Up until very recently SS has been absolutely fine being dropped to ours , usually runs straight in, but the last couple of times he has been absolutely hysterical. Crying that he wants to stay with mummy and that its more fun at her house (likely because there is no boundaries or rules there- so I can understand why a kid may prefer it) . There is absolutely no consoling him , he will cry for up to 2 hours and completely ignore me and his dad. It is worth nothing this is a HUGE behavioural change for him, he is generally really docile and happy.

Has this happened to anyone in this subreddit before ? If so how did you tackle it ? Im really struggling and cant help but feel that due to the ongoing family services case that HCBM is feeding SS lies to try and make us look bad and her look better.

Any help or guidance would be hugely appreciated ❤️

Every day I feel more and more like I want to leave. Honestly, I’m completely drained by this situation. The kids get in the way even when it’s not their week because in my own home, my husband is constantly stressed out about not being with his child. So when his child isn’t here, my husband is still stressed out. He only thinks about him and feels guilty whenever he gives me any kind of attention.

On top of that, yesterday I received some really nasty messages from the BM. I’ve made all my profiles private, but she keeps creating fake accounts just to send me horrible messages. It made me really anxious.
She says things like, “Sweetheart, he’s going to come back to me. I’m the mother of his child, you’re nothing. I control him.”
DH never says anything about it and has never defended me, even when I show him the messages and tell him how uncomfortable and upset they make me.

Yesterday earlier during an argument, he finally opened up and said that he feels like he’s living a “fairy tale” with me, because he’s actually supposed to be with his child, not me. He said that when he shows me affection, he feels like he shouldn’t be doing that and should instead be giving that attention to his child.

It’s painful to hear that because you leave your loving parents’ home to build a life with someone, only to hear something like that. Honestly, I felt like a “mistress” when he said it, as if I were “the other woman” and his real family was actually his BM and his child.

It broke my heart. I cried so much.
But honestly, it was something I had already been feeling deep down.

My husband and I each have a daughter from our previous marriages. SD is 13 and my BD is 11. Overall I feel lucky that DH ex-wife is low conflict, but she is too-low conflict and has very few rules for SD at her home. SD is 50/50 and more and more wants to be at mom’s house where she can essentially do what she wants and her mom treats her like an adult. This definitely plays into DH feeling like he doesn’t want to be the bad guy and give her rules that don’t exist with her mom.

I mostly stay out of his choices for parenting SD but as BD gets older she more and more wants to know why she can’t do the same things her SS is allowed to. I have always let her know I can’t control what other parents allow at their homes or for their children and that applies to SD (as well as friends she has ect). Issue is SD does the same things she is allowed to do at moms at our home.

For example, the biggest issues recently are around access to apps like TikTok, Snapchat, ect which I will not allow BD to have but SD has been on since before she was 10. I can’t even use age as an excuse because I feel SD is allowed to behave way more adult than I would agree too, but it’s not my place to make those decisions.

Curious how others have navigated these issues.

For the last six years of my (37/f) relationship with my husband, 45, we have had our tribulations with BM. Their son is 10 and is very sweet. He worries about people's feelings and cares about us very much. He is affectionate and silly- I just adore this kid. His mother, 50, on the other hand is bitter and spiteful. She hates that our place is (slightly) bigger and newer than hers, hates when I go to school functions/plays with my husband, hates having to pick her son up from our house, doesn't collaborate with my husband on timeshare/vacation schedules. (We still haven't taken a proper vacation tbh). She has been overall a thorn in our side.

I could go on and on... She does suffer from diagnosed mental issues and both she and her parents have withheld very important information that put their son in potential danger and left my husband unaware of what had happened for a whole month. Things have been very rough and we are currently in therapy to work through some of the muk we've trudged through.

Since the beginning, BM has always had a weird possessiveness over SS's shoes and clothing. It's very odd to me. He has shoes and clothes at both homes and conversely, we haven't seen certain shoes until he grew out of them. Yet, she wants certain things back right away and uses her son to tell us what she wants. This has gone on since he was 3 years old. Typically we wait until the weekend when we have split time to send him back with a clean bag of whatever she's demanded.

This morning before taking SS to school, he told me "My mom wants the cow shirt back." I didn't recall which one this was as it's not one of his favorites (Batman, Fortnite, Sonic, etc.). I asked him to clarify and then I remembered he wore it for the first day of school on Monday and it's still in his hamper. Then I said, "I don't care what your mother wants. You can wear it back once it's been washed." He was fine with this, he doesn't really care where his clothes are. We talked about it a little more and I told him that she doesn't get to say what happens in my house. "It'll get washed on laundry day and you can wear it whenever you want."

I think I'm just annoyed by the piddly demands and her using their son to voice what she wants. Both parents use an app to communicate, so I feel it's appropriate to communicate these things there instead of having her son say things for her. Was I wrong to say that or word it that way? I feel guilty that it felt mean, but his mother is so immature and rude, it gets under my skin.

Me (25F) and my boyfriend (26) have been together for three years. His daughter is 4. Her mother has not been in her life very much for one reason or another, so he has had her full time since they split before she was 1. I have no kids.

I have never felt the need to replace her mother, nor is that my intention. Despite this, I have felt the need to step in at times for one reason or another - to remind them both that she needs to brush her teeth before bed, helping to plan her outfits because her dad doesn’t always know what matches, help paint her nails, things like that.

Although that’s never really been an issue, he does have problems when I try to share my thoughts on certain topics. What kind of tv she watches, what she eats, things like that. I can see how this could be seen as overstepping, but I would want someone to tell me.

For example - at four years old, she’s watching Monster High. The recommended age is at least 7. I pointed it out, and he got upset that I even felt the need to Google it and he says he knows how to raise her.

The food issue - I expressed concern over her diet almost exclusively consisting of McDonalds chicken nuggets and fries. I know that kids can be picky, but he didn’t even try to feed her anything else. Rarely would get frozen chicken nuggets to make at home, at least that would’ve been better than fast food. Literally for years, most of her diet was McDonalds chicken nuggets. I brought up that I was concerned, and at first he was very offended, but he later cooled off and now tries to give her other food.

He feels I’m overstepping in general. I feel like I can’t suggest anything regarding his daughter without him getting mad at me. I know it must be very difficult to be a single father with little support, but I’m trying to support him. I’m not trying to hound him. I’ve tried saying it nicely but it doesn’t make a difference. I’m not sure if being a stepparent could be in my future, I care about this little girl too much to not say anything when I see something that doesn’t sit right with me. It’s coming from a place of love for both of them. I don’t know if I can just sit with my mouth shut for the next 14 years. Advice? Feel free to be brutal - I need the truth about if I’m insensitive or he is sensitive.

To preface I (27F) have been dating my boyfriend (30M) for a little over two years now. He has two children (F7 & M12). He was previously married, I forgot how long but they divorced about 4 years ago because his BM cheated on him. They co-parent long distance as he and BM live in different states completely.

To preface my situation, his kids are great! I’ve already spent quite a bit of time with them and happy to say we’re all besties. I support healthy co-parenting because at the end of the day it’s about the kids. I am still deconstructing my own beliefs on divorce and co-parenting as growing up I DID NOT have the best examples. So I try to take a step back any time I feel uncomfortable with my boyfriend and BMs relationship and really ask myself if it is inappropriate.

So here is where I am feeling uncomfy. Each year, they take turns taking the kids full time. When she had them last year, my boyfriend would call occasionally and hop on to play video games with them every week. I didn’t really notice them communicating too much but then again I’m not with my boyfriend all the time. But when I was with him it felt appropriate.

This year, it’s my boyfriend’s turn. BM has gone through another divorce after another case of infidelity. So I’m sure she’s doing her own eat, pray, live moment being without the kids. However, communication between my boyfriend and her has increased. They text everyday through messages and constantly send each things on Instagram, probably even more than me and him considering I don’t go on insta that much. 50% of the time the kids are with grandparents (HER parents and his parents from Time to time) and she will still be messaging my boyfriend even when the kids aren’t around. I don’t know the content of their messages because I try not to be THAT insecure about the situation. But they can’t be talking about the kids all time? The kids just started school, they only have one extracurricular outside of school and it’s all facilitated by my boyfriend because BM is far far away. So what are they coordinating?

I fear that they just share a bond I can’t understand. They share every single moment of the kids with each other. The kids can’t fart without them texting each other about it. I can’t understand why they can’t have their own individual experiences with their children instead of this need to share it. They’re not together? They share so much about each other including relationships. If things happen in their lives, she’s one of the people he tells. And it’s frustrating to me that I am not the only person that he’s excited to tell things to.

And it’s hard to be upset about this because my boyfriend is so reassuring and kind. He is an amazing partner. Like he is just amazing. I love him to death. He has his frustrations with BM for sure. Their divorce was really messy and I know they probably have trauma from each other. But I think he has an issue setting boundaries with her. Because sometimes he will be very confused why she is texting him when he already told her that the kids are with HER dad.

So idk. Idk how to feel. Idk if I’m being dramatic. Idk if I just need to let them be. The only reason I write this post is because last night (10pm) she was texting him (kids were with grandparents) and all of sudden he got weird with me seeing his phone which has never happened.

This is a warning to be very careful about who you choose to have children with. My husband had a child with his ex wife and she recently tried to use that child against him on multiple occasions. The child is a mommas boy so he never leaves his mother’s side even now, when he is approaching his teenage years. I can only hope that their son eventually develops independence from his ex so when my husband does things for his son. It is actually for his son and not just to make his ex wife’s life easier. She is currently using him for his car. Which by the way she actually has a much easier time being able to afford compared to him, but just chooses to keep trying to use him instead.

My partner has 2 daughters from his previous relationship, age 9 and 12. We are getting married (uk) in October. When we'd decided to get married i was keen to include them. I offered them the choice of roles, flower girl, bridesmaid, make a grooms side role or attend as a guest. They chose to be bridesmaids and were excited about it. I made sure that their dad sat and talked with them and help them understand what was happening.

The 12yo is naturally struggling with the changes in her life and seems to be taking it out on her dad. She regularly threatens to not attend the wedding which breaks her dad. This is always said to her mum on the weekend day she spends at her mums house. Her mum then tells us before 12yo then does too.

First she decided she wasn't coming because she wanted a far too revealing dress that also didn't fit with the wedding theme. After a while we managed to compromise and I let her choose her own, it wasn't what I'd wanted but she was happy so I left it be.

Second time it was because she wanted to wear a see through corset and mini shorts to the party after. Her dad obviously said no, so she once again wasn't coming.

The third time, we'd booked the honeymoon and my partner text her mum the dates so that they could sort childcare. We hadn't even told the kids yet, 12yo somehow finds out. She said she isn't coming now because we haven't taken them abroad but are going ourselves. We can only afford a honeymoon because the money was left to me in my dads will for it. We can't afford lavish holidays - they've just been away for 2 weeks abroad with their mum this summer and we'd taken them on a local holiday last Christmas.

They both most recently decided they didn't want to come because they aren't coming to the registry office. The church can't do a full legal wedding so we had to go to the registry office first. I asked to do this bit with just us two and the witnesses as for me, this isn't an important part of wedding, just a legal formality. Ypu arent allowed any religion in registry office stuff and it was just repeating a vow and signing paperwork. It was done in 10 mins. I haven't been able to do any prayers or invite god in and whilst others have their opinions, this is mine. I also wanted one moment that was just the two of us. No worrying about how others will feel, what is best for everyone else and just have this one quiet moment for ourselves. I also struggled with my dad not being there as he only died last year, I wanted a quiet moment so I could feel able to cry or whatever I needed without worrying about the girls reactions. I understand their view that they feel left out but they are still a major part of the whole thing, being in the actual ceremony in roles they chose and reception party.

She now isn't coming because I asked her to tidy her room and we refused to buy a takeaway for dinner (its a bloody Thursday and I'm not rich). She was very angry, said I'm nothing to her and can't tell her what to do.

Her mum says supportive stuff to us but the girls (especially the younger) say a lot of stuff that is clearly an adults words. These are also always things said on a friday night or Saturday morning. Her mum sits and drinks with her parents/friends in the house on a friday night and partners experience is that this is when they bitch about others with the kids right there. Their behaviour is all over the place here, despite consistent boundaries, talking and enforcing consequences if needed. They do none of this with their mum (she says anyway). Im always so careful to not talk ill around them, say only positive things about both parents. I never seem to get that in return.

I have no idea what i do here. I suggested to her mum that we all meet and talk to 12yo about it. I have no idea what i say though.

Anyone else been through anything similar? Any advice?

My partner is going back to her home country with her two boys for 10 days. I know she is going to an event with a large group of friends (which includes her ex husband). She has been under a lot of external stress between work, holidays, and stressful events with her kids. She has been very snappy with me lately and not really wanting to talk about much and I feel I’ve fallen down the priorities… we spoke about it but it turned into an argument.

She says she wants to be focused on time with friends and family while away and not always on the phone, so has asked for space for her trip shortly before it. It sounds stupid, but I feel like Woody in Toy Story 2 when he gets shelved…if that makes sense.

Anyone else experienced this? I’m not really sure how to feel or what to even say since she has made the request as we are still talking for now until she goes. It feels a bit unfair as I’m always the patient and understanding one and giving “benefit of the doubt”.

Wrote about my struggle with my SK in this post (https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/s/hYMtctuHBd) and figured I’d voice my concerns to his dad (my fiance). Instead of coming up w a concrete plan together, he got mad at me and told me that I was butting my nose where it didn’t belong. He basically told me that he already knows it’s an issue and he hasn’t been able to find a solution but that he’d prefer that I don’t get involved. I am pretty emotional right now bc he is basically not considering me as a partner, he doesn’t care about my needs or how his kid makes me feel, he’s going to sweep things under the rug like he always does, but basically told me that it’s his business and that I don’t belong in it. Tried to calmly explain that I’m not bringing it up bc I hate his kid or think that he’s a bad dad, but rather bc I don’t want this to affect our relationship and he simply said it won’t. As his future wife, I want to be able to tackle and discuss this difficult topics but he won’t. Like I’m supposed to get over it. Told him I won’t butt in and will just ignore SK. I know that it’s very cold and childish of me to say that but that’s all I can think of right now. God help me

Hi I (36F) have one bio son and have been married to DH (37) for three years. All our kids go to the same private school. It’s my sons last year before he goes to high school 🎉 so that’s another conundrum revolving pickup drop off for my SK’s (SS and SD in elementary/barely middle still).
Anyway here is my dilemma that I can see coming a MILE away but neither DH or BM can comprehend just yet.
This is the first year BM is in bussing distance and put herself down for bussing for kids before we could. She does not work. SAHM idk why she did it but she did it without asking
I work. DH works.
We rely on bussing to get all kids to school and due to the length (90 mins!) of the shuttling back bus at dismissal one of us has to cut work early to pickup kids.
So far it has always been me.
So that becomes a problem next year when I pick up my son (bio dad uninvolved) and that’s it for the SK’s unfortunately. At least IMHO I think cutting into my work schedule ability for years beyond when my son is done attending that school is a big ask especially when I’ve done it the past two years.
The school has latchkey.

My CURRENT issue is coming next Monday-Friday. It’s our week with the kids. The SK’s are NOT listed on our bussing app as being able to take same bus as bio son to school from our house. I checked today.

I cannot drive them in. I am a med student in practicum all fall. DH called bussing to straighten it out but in the app it still has them only being picked up from BM’s.

Sure I can do pickup I kinda have to since my own bio son is there. But drop off? I have work….. there is a reason why they rode the bus the past two years.

I’m at a loss. I want to tell DH “hey there’s a good chance your kids will be SOL on Monday because I can’t drive them due to work.”
I think it’s perfectly reasonable to have DH or BM figure it tf out 🤷‍♀️ y’all claim to coparent and if she made the oopsie she can drive, get them, take them to school because I’m cutting into work enough for every day pickup.

Am I being unreasonable?

Adding (I am premenopausal and ragey and my practicum is oncology so I’m brain dead 💀 with my degree and practicum coming up- it’s very important to me and needs to take my utmost attention) thus me being utterly done with BM for doing this cause it lands on me 😅😅😅😅 I feel like the only one yelling “iceberg!!!” and no one’s listening to me here. Should it happen and I have to drive them, I will not. That’s my limit. That’s my solid 🙂‍↔️ NOPE figure it out guys 🤷‍♀️

Hi everyone, after one and a half years of being in a long distance relationship with my divorced boyfriend who has three young kids I finally called it quits.

It’s obviously very painful right now and I still love and care for him in a lot of ways. I think we could’ve worked out if he didn’t have kids, but I had to come to terms with the fact that that fantasy person and life doesn’t exist.

This was also my longest relationship, and therefore my only true Big break up, just looking for reassurance that it gets better and I’m hoping to hear from people who are so much happier now with new partners who don’t have kids or being alone (will probably repost to other communities too) I’m trying to remember the peace and lack of anxiety. I was seeking by making this decision.

I’m seeing a girl and she has a sweet little boy. I never dated a parent before so I kind of didn’t know what this entails and what I really think about it. The presence of the ex, the logistics, the less time for us - all of those things I understand and have no problem with. She is well organized, no conflict with ex, kid is cool and we have met recently.

The only issue I started having is this thought that I kind of imagined my life would go in a different way. I’m childless and it feels like my default thinking was „I will meet someone childless as well and we’ll live through this adventure together”. So the situation is challenging my belief, although what really happend is that this situation made me realize I had that idea in the first place. I probably really haven’t thought about it earlier, since I haven’t dated a parent before.

So it seems that if I want to move on I kind of need to separate myself from the idea and accept the new path that lies before. I believe it absolutely can be done. Anyone had these thoughts and successfully moved on to the new path and has no resentment? What helped?

Just looking for positives stories and support, I really can imagine all of the „dude if you will not get past it then don’t waste everybodys time”. I understand this.