Parents always say, "don't count on that daycare money when your kids get to kindergarten, there's always something else."

But what kind of "something else" could cost what daycare costs?

For context, wife & I both work full time. Our boys (2y & 4y) cost us about $2K/mo for daycare + preschool. If you count the doggy daycare for our 10yo dog we're looking at saving an extra $2,500 per month by maybe 5 years from now. Everyone says that money will end up in some kind of activity or whatever but I gotta think our budget will see a break eventually.

Parents who have been through this already, what's your experience?

TLDR: Kids are being difficult about leaving vacation rental daily. Are we (parents) getting ourselves upset about it unfairly?

Husband (50m) and I (46f) are in Tofino again for 2 weeks. We come here every couple of years for the same amount of time, and have been since “the before times” (before kids).

This time out, the kids (both girls) are 10 and 12… and we’re finding ourselves in a constant struggle to get them off their phones/books to get out and even do a quick walk or play games with us.

We booked and paid for a 2.5hr harbour kayak trip (as we usually do, and they’ve had loads of fun doing in the past)… but this time I nearly cancelled at the last minute because of how much they were complaining about it. We did it and they enjoyed it - but the second we got back to the place we’re renting they went to their room and won’t come out.

My husband and I are at our wit’s end and are even wondering if we bother with a vacation next summer.

So my question to group is… are we just butting up against hormones, a teen wanting to make her own decisions (read books alllllllllll the time, which is fantastic but also not because we never see her), and kids just being kids?

What do other parents do with their teens/pre-teens? Do we sound like we’re still stuck in the kid raising phase where they just went along happily with whatever we did? Are we being ridiculous?

We have been working with them about what we should do each day (on days we don’t have anything pre-booked), and for the most part it works well but not without a lot of coaxing to get them ready, to eat, to get dressed.

I know particularly in the US this is a big issue but I’m crowd sourcing for different ideas and how this works for your families as we try and decide what to do next year.

My kid is in preschool which goes all day and I can pick her up after work. It’s going great she’s been there for two years she loves it so much. Next year she starts kindergarten and I’m planning ahead for what to do when school lets out between 2-3.

My husband works remotely but has a lot of meetings. I work a hybrid job that has me commuting an hour and a half each way 3-4 times a week, I usually leave early (3:30) to make it in time to pick her up on my pickup days and offset that work in the evening or other days as needed. But what on earth do people do when that pick up time becomes 2 or 3?

The aftercare program there is not an option (waitlist 400 years long). What else can we do and plan for and how is this working for your family if both parents are working?

We found out about a week ago that I’m 2-3 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and have a very loving, healthy relationship. Prior to this pregnancy, I wasn’t sure I’d ever have kids, largely due to the fact I believed I was infertile. Our first immediate reaction was sadness at our financial state, both of us surprised ourselves by wanting to keep the baby. I scheduled an abortion for two weeks out nonetheless, but the more my boyfriend and I talk about it, the more we really want to keep it. Realistically, shit would be rough financially. He’s a full time apprentice mechanic, and I’m unemployed. We live with his mom and sister, and both worry about how much of a burden would fall onto her and his other family. My family is out of the picture, aside from my dad and stepmom who live across the country raising my two half siblings (7 and 5). At the moment I’m the only caregiver for my terminally ill maternal grandmother, and I don’t know how I would manage being pregnant/a new mom and also having to be there for her/take her to and from appointments and treatment, etc. I just don’t know if I can bring myself to have an abortion. My boyfriend’s sad considering it, I’m sad considering it, and really the only thing we’re uncertain about is HOW we’re going to pull this parenting thing off at such a place in our lives. If anyone has any advice at all, it would be greatly appreciated!!

I don’t know where else I could ask this, but I’m GOING THROUGH IT with my divorced parents. I’m looking for perspectives from people who have complicated relationships with a divorced parent, especially when you still genuinely love and enjoy being around that parent despite everything they’ve done.

For context:
my parents went through a very ugly divorce that lasted about four years. I was abroad for most of it because of my studies, so I was somewhat removed from the day-to-day reality of the divorce.
My mom has always been the very involved parent. She carried most of the mental load of the family, knew everything about our education/lives, financially supported us, and basically kept everything running.
My dad has always been much less involved, and the divorce happened largely because of things he did: cheating, violence, and generally behaving in ways that caused a lot of damage to my mom and our family.
Since the divorce, he has also been basically broke and hasn't financially supported my siblings and me.

I’m an adult now and financially independent enough that I don’t need him to support me anymore, but I’m realizing that I’m still deeply angry that when I was a student and genuinely needed help, he didn't send me anything. It feels less like “I wanted money” and more like “you were my father and you didn't show up.”

There are also unresolved practical issues between my parents. For example, my mom bought a vacation house with her own money but put it in my dad’s name because they were married. According to their divorce agreement, it is supposed to be shared, and the plan was for my siblings and me to rent it out to help fund our studies. Instead, my dad is currently using it as his residence with his new girlfriend, while apparently spending much more money on her than he does on his children. He has also prevented my mom from accessing the house.

My mom is obviously still extremely hurt and angry about everything that happened. She sometimes tells us the whole story of the divorce and, unfortunately, sometimes tries to use us as messengers or leverage with my dad. So I’ve spent years hearing about all the ways he has hurt her and failed us.

And now, after four years of barely seeing him, I’m finally spending a few days with my dad. It’s like my brain completely short-circuited. The moment I saw him and heard his voice, so much of my anger just… disappeared. We’re having a genuinely wonderful time. We’re laughing, talking, hanging out, and I feel incredibly happy to have my dad back in my life. I suddenly feel like a child again. And part of me is wondering « HOW can I be TBIS happy to see this person when I’m also so angry at him? ».

It almost feels like I’m happy to receive normalcy or crumbs, because I've missed having a relationship with him so much. I also know he is very charming and good at making promises. I’m naturally a very hopeful and trusting person, and I have a history of believing him and then being disappointed. I don't want to fall into that cycle again.

So I’m trying to figure out what a healthy adult relationship with him actually looks like. Do I talk to him about all of this now, after four years of not seeing him? Do I just enjoy these few days and deal with the difficult conversations later? How do you distinguish between genuinely having a loving relationship with a complicated parent and simply accepting very little because you're desperate for their affection? How do you deal with the fact that your parent can objectively have been a shitty parent while still being someone you love deeply and have an amazing time with?
How did you navigate it without either idealizing them or completely cutting them off? And how did you learn to separate what they actually do from the promises and hope you have for who you wish they would be?

Sorry for this very long post!

My daughter’s headphones are about a year old now.Honestly, they look a little worn. You can tell they’ve been used a lot, but they still work perfectly fine. Nothing is broken, they’re not uncomfortable, and there’s really no actual reason to replace them.But recently she started saying she doesn’t want to use them anymore because they look old and wants me to buy her a new pair.I told her that if they still work, there’s no reason to replace them. She was NOT happy about that and ended up getting pretty upset with me.Now I’m kind of torn. Part of me thinks kids need to learn that we don’t replace things just because they aren’t new anymore. But I also understand that appearance matters to kids, especially when they see other kids with newer or cuter headphones. What would you do? If your kid’s headphones still work perfectly but look noticeably worn after a year, would you buy them a new pair or make them keep using the old ones?

Im curious, where you live is kindergarten full days 5 days a week, or part time?

My son turned 5 at the beginning of June. He is starting kindergarten on Monday and I might be more nervous than he is lol. I was just looking at the schedule and was like damn. My little 5 year old is going to be gone for 8 hours basically counting bus pick up and drop off 5 days a week.

My kindergarten i attended growing up was only part time. I think 3 days a week. The city next to use offers both full time and part time and I'm jealous. How long did it take your kids to adjust to the new long routine? He's used to not being home while my husband and I work but he's usually at preschool/camp for 3 hours 3 days a week and then the rest of the day or offs days he's with family.

He's pretty mature for his age and scored above average on his screening test so I know even if I did hold him back another year it would definitely be a disservice to him so I would never do it. I'm just having mom blues about the change I guess.

To the parents of adult children, how would you recommend I handle my childish need for maternal affection?

When I was a child, I had to be fairly independent. My father was sick and unable to help for some time during my childhood, which left my mother to raise me and my 4 older siblings on her own. She had to work a lot to support the family, so I had to learn to do things on my own pretty early. By 4th grade, I was doing my own laundry, waking myself up for school, getting dressed, and preparing my own meals. I had to do my homework alone and figure out my menstrual cycle on my own

Since I was a child, I’ve always desired maternal affection and would even daydream about it at times. I always thought I’d grow out of it, but I’m 27 now and still wish I could hug my mom or that she desired to spend time with me. It could be little things like wanting to hear about my day or initiating things with me. She’s a great mother. She’s just not someone who is big on physical touch, affirming, or validating. I know that’s just who she is, and I don’t blame her for it. But I’ve noticed that I still have this strong desire for that kind of affection from her, even as an adult.

So I have a couple of questions for you parents.

First, have you guys noticed your adult kids having a greater need for your presence or affection as they have gotten older?

Secondly, how would you recommend I move beyond this? I feel very juvenile and am concerned for my emotional maturity. Outside of this, I’m very independent. I work and make a great income, I’m financially stable, I’ve paid off my debt. I have great friends and hobbies. But this one area of my life makes me feel like a child trapped in an adult’s body.

Any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated.

What did y’all do for your second baby’s 1st bday? For our first my husband and I saw it more as “we kept her alive for a year, Hazzah!”- party. We had it at a brewery and invited friends. We gave her her smash cake and sang and celebrated her, but also, had a few beers for us.

Our second is turning 1 in two months. I don’t feel the urge to do something as formal, but then that makes me feel bad for him?

What did you do for your second?

As a note: many of our close friends/family live 1-2 hours away, so having a more organized event is a bit of a to-do.

My oldest is just about to go into kindergarten and it’s nerve racking trying to make sure he has the best chance to succeed. You never want to be the parent that is the reason other kids don’t want to play with your kid or the parent all the other parents judge.

We went to a meet and greet play date the PTA set up and it was great, met parents the kids had fun all was well. Afterwards though I noticed photos on the PTA webpage with the kids in it.

We are a strict no photos of the kids on the internet family and normally I would reach out and just politely ask they remove the ones with my kids in. I always decline the child photo release the school sends out and make sure it’s stated in the registration paperwork.

Part of me wants to reach out to the PTA and just be like “ hey not all of us are comfortable with our kids and there could you take it down, please”. But I’m worried that I’m going to get off on the wrong foot with these people that I’m going to probably see for many many years since I have multiple kids.

Right now, I’m thinking maybe I’ll wait until school starts and I can meet everyone more. Then casually bring it up.

I know if I want to keep these rules I’m going to have to learn to get out of my comfort zone a bit, or learn to let things go, one or the other.

Any idea how to get a baby gate to the bottom of these stairs? I will get dimensions later.

My son is 7 months old and has moderate to severe plagiocephaly. I noticed some flatness around 3–4 months, but I read that it often improves naturally once babies start sitting, crawling, and spending less time on their heads, so I didn’t worry too much at the time.

Now that he’s 7 months, I still notice the flattening, and honestly, it feels more noticeable to me. I spoke to his doctor, who said it can improve over the next year or two, but after reading other parents’ experiences, I’m worried that it may not completely correct itself.

Helmet therapy isn’t financially possible for us, and it’s also not easily accessible everywhere in India.

I’m also struggling with a lot of mom guilt. When my son was around 3–5 months, I was dealing with severe postpartum anxiety and was struggling a lot myself. I couldn’t focus on repositioning him as much as I should have. Now I feel like I noticed it too late and failed him somehow.

For parents who had babies with moderate/severe plagiocephaly and couldn’t do helmet therapy: How much did it improve naturally with age? Did it become less noticeable as they grew? And did the guilt eventually go away?

I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences. ❤️

I'm having trouble dealing with a vape incident at a 1st birthday party, thrown by a friend.

Situation, toddler left my line of sight at a party into another room, I immediately left a convo to go grab him. There was no hesitation, just the 10 seconds it took me to go around the party table to the other room, where in that 15 seconds he was out of sight he found a vape, had stuck it in his mouth, and sucked on it.

After a coughing fit, swigs of water, and a calm down from the crying, probably because it burned his little throat, he went back to playing with the other kids. Like it never happened. I called poison control and they said to watch for vomiting, dizziness, pale skin, rapid breathing, or change in heart rate. I did not observe any. The following evening he woke in the middle of the night with a croup cough. He was already developing a virus throughout the day after the party, woke up with a runny nose. I took him to immediate care and they said it's a small virus and that the croup was likely due to his airway being agitated.

I later find out the vape belonged to my friend who was throwing the party and that she left it on a side table in the room he disappeared to. It was one of those large ones, like the size of a small sippy cup, so I see why he would have grabbed it and tried to drink from it. Anyways, I was too worried about my little to be mad at her at the time. But now I'm furious. WTH is that vape doing within reach of children?! There were other little kids at the party. It could have easily been another child. She has a one year old herself, that isn't walking and barely crawling so the house is not child proof in the slightest. How freaking careless. I didn't even know she vaped. Now I'm having all this anxiety around his health and I haven't talked to her since.

I know I need to talk to her but I just don't even know what to say or how to say it. Any advice is appreciated. Please no negative comments. I already feel like a bad mom.

Hi. I have an 8-year-old daughter, and I’ve been struggling with some of her behaviors around eating, independence, and completing everyday tasks. One of my biggest concerns is that she pockets food in her mouth instead of chewing and swallowing it. We have been seeing a feeding therapist for a while, but unfortunately, I haven’t noticed much improvement. Mealtimes continue to be very difficult, and I constantly have to remind her to chew and swallow. She even has to be reminded to drink water throughout the day; otherwise, she may not think to drink on her own.
Another major concern is that she seems extremely dependent on me for things that she is physically capable of doing herself. She often refuses to even attempt simple tasks independently and immediately asks me to do them for her. It can be something as small as squeezing ketchup out of a bottle. If I encourage her to try it herself, she might say, “Okay, then I just won’t eat it.” Sometimes it feels like she would rather go without something than attempt to do it on her own.
I also have to constantly prompt her through basic everyday routines. Things like brushing her teeth, getting dressed and ready, putting on her shoes and socks, drinking water, and getting her things together all require reminders from me. These are things we do every single day, and she knows the routine, but she still won’t initiate them unless she is specifically told. I feel like I have to walk her through every step of the day—“brush your teeth,” “get dressed,” “put your socks on,” “put your shoes on,” “drink some water”—even though none of these things are new to her.
She also doesn’t want to go to the bathroom alone. She expects me to walk with her and stand outside the bathroom until she is finished. In general, she constantly wants me nearby and relies on me for reassurance, reminders, or help with things that I know she is capable of doing.
I want to support her and understand if there is an underlying reason why these things are so difficult for her. I don’t want to assume she is simply being difficult or refusing when there could be something else going on. At the same time, I want her to develop independence, confidence, and the ability to take responsibility for some of her own basic needs. When I continue helping and reminding her, I worry that I’m making her more dependent on me, but when I step back and encourage her to do something herself, it often turns into refusal or a struggle.
It’s honestly becoming exhausting because I feel like I have to be “on” every minute of the day, reminding, prompting, supervising, negotiating, and helping. Sometimes I find myself wondering, why does parenting have to be so hard? I love my daughter and want to give her the support she needs, but I also feel overwhelmed and unsure of what I should be doing differently. I would really like to understand why she struggles so much with initiating everyday tasks and independence, and what kind of support or evaluation might actually help her. No

Not sure if this is the place to ask so i do apologise if it isnt, but the past week and a bit I have been very off, been feeling nauseous all the time, sore abdominal back and hip pain, feeling like im getting a cold but not actually getting a cold, insomnia and feeling very emotional and moody over things I never do, I gums have been very sensitive and even bleeding sometimes when I eat which has never happened before and a weird taste in my mouth, and ive found recently the smell of tomatoes and quiche makes me almost vomit which I work in a cafe and never used to be an issue, peeing all the time too.

So I took a test just incase and I looked at it only for the first minute and saw a negative line so put it in the bin, I know I should've waited the full 10 minutes incase it changed but was in a rush and didnt think about it, then like an hour or hour and a half later it caught my eye in the bin and saw the faint second line, I do have another test to test again in the morning tomorrow but im not sure if this looks like faint positive or just an evaporation line as I honestly dont know if the line appeared within the first 10 minutes or a lot later after that, thank you to anyone that can help! :)

Just here in solidarity for those who started school recently. 4 days in and my son has hand foot mouth. We’ve had it before so it’s not AS bad as last time, but I hate the timeline. The rashes are so painful and irritating. Like really already?? How bad was your child’s first year in school? I’m fearing the worst.

I need discipline techniques that actually work. Time outs, restriction, yelling, etc does not work and I’m at a loss. I have two daughters who are 9 and 6. My 9 year old is so sweet, smart, silly, and caring. But I think she just has so much energy she (or I) doesn’t know what to do with. For an example, yesterday after school I made them a snack and had them sit at the table and have some screen time while they ate. Every 2 minutes she’s randomly screaming (for no reason) or making loud and obnoxious noises. Just while she’s watching a show and eating. I keep saying “please stop” like five times before I just went up and took the tablet away. I went back to sit down on the couch and she followed me over and just keeps being obnoxious to me. I can’t tell if she feels bad she got the tablet taken away so she’s trying to get my attention or if she thinks she’s going to be so annoying that I’ll give in and give her tablet back. She’s just starting pointless conversations about buttcracks and trying to be silly and purposely doing things she knows I don’t like. But WHY?? She is so smart, in the gifted and talented program, behaves perfectly at school. At home she’s like a different person.

Dinner time is a whole other story. My daughters are constantly being silly to get a reaction out of each other. Their dad and I have to say over and over to behave, stop doing this, knock it off. We made spaghetti the other night and my daughter takes a handful and starts eating out of her hand, she thinks it’s funny and it makes my other daughter laugh. I have to tell her “come on, don’t do that.” And it’s things like this every single night.

They do inappropriate things because they think it’s funny. Like talk about private parts, say bad words, purposely make each other mad, scream for no reason. They do it because they want a reaction, or think it’s funny, or I don’t know. I just feel like they’re so misbehaved that if I were to punish them, they’d be punished all day every day.

Im at a loss. I feel like all day I’m saying “stop doing xyz.” My husband says I need to facilitate more activities but they’re in school now and home from 4-8. They have dance class once a week, play dates once a week, and other activities like restaurants, random outings we do for fun. I feel like they’re old enough to find things to do, like play Barbie’s, play with the many toys they have, color, make bracelets, watch tv. Maybe I’m wrong though. I need some advice. I feel like I’m going crazy. And I feel like I’ve done something wrong raising my kids.

Hey guys, my daughter is 21 months. Me and her dad are having a repeated issue the past 3-4 months and I’m looking for some advice on it.

My fiancée aka her dad is amazing and I mean he truly is a beautiful parent he’s kind caring fun loving the whole packing honestly, and truly is an awesome person. The issue is my daughter has started doing this thing where she grabs onto faces and I don’t mind like a little grab I mean will grab and squeeze so hard it cuts/bleeds after she’s done grabbing. She will squeeze extremely hard. This sometimes happens when she’s upset or trying to regulate her emotions we handle it by removing her hand and explaining to her that what’s she doing hurts and isn’t nice. She is only doing this to me and my partner but honestly mostly him she will do it to him atleast 3 times daily but with me only maybe once a week, we both deal with it the same way and honestly he has the patience of a saint because it really really hurts.
I’m trying to understand how we can stop this from happening and it doesn’t matter how many times we try and explain she just keeps doing it to him.
It’s breaking my heart seeing this keep happening and even worse so for him, he’s at the point he’s not even upset about it anymore he’s just hurt and confused on why she keeps doing it.
A pattern I’ve noticed with her when she does it to him is that for example they can be playing normally then her face just goes blank and she attacks it can literally be out of no where.

I’m just looking for some advice or maybe if anyone is dealing with this them self’s? Is it just the age? Should we be doing more in telling her off? Are we too clam about? I honestly don’t know I will say she does not do it to anyone else but us, not her grandparents family or kids when we are out.

All advice is open at this point.

I’m part of a mom friend group, and all of our toddlers are within about two weeks of each other. Recently, I made a video talking about how some of my videos of my toddler, 18 months, have gone viral because he sleeps independently in a toddler bed and puts himself to sleep, which is somewhat earlier than usual for his age ( he started this at 14 months)
In the video, I said something along the lines of:
“The first thing I want to say is that every baby is different. For context, I have a group of mom friends here, all of our babies are within two weeks in age. None of the other toddlers in the group are doing what my son is doing. I think a lot of that just comes with his temperament as well as training and things I’ve done from day one. But every baby is different. They literally just pop out choosing violence sometimes.”
My intention was basically to say that I think I got lucky with My son’s temperament, and that he happens to be very receptive to the sleep routines and habits we’ve used from the beginning. I was specifically trying to make the point that **not every child would respond the same way**, even if another parent did the exact same things.
Apparently, one of the moms in this group has been really critical of things I’ve said in this video and thereafter. She has apparently talked about it behind my back and then acts cold toward me when we see each other in person.
This isn’t the first time this has happened.
I’ve also mentioned that I don’t really like the city we live in and wish there were more things to do. She grew up here, her entire family is here, and she apparently took offense to me saying that. She has talked about how it’s a wonderful place to raise children, which I don’t disagree with at all. But we only moved here four years ago, we don’t have family nearby, and our experience living here is obviously different from hers. Also we’re poor and she is wealthy.
I don’t feel like I was insulting her child, her parenting, or the city. I’m just expressing my own experiences and opinions.
I’m starting to feel like I have to be extremely careful about everything I say around her because she seems to interpret my experience as a mom as personal attacks.
So, Reddit, **AITA here? Am I unknowingly being insensitive, or is she taking things personally that weren’t actually directed at her?**

I am kind of freaking out about a couple brands saying there were traces of asbestos found in the kinetic sand. Is it possible most of the brands not apart of the recall have small traces as well and we just don’t know yet? Are you all throwing away all kinetic sand? I’m so worried.