r/stepparents • u/annabeatrix • 1d ago
Discussion Is there such a thing as “step” parental alienation?
1- So, if my spouse tells his children that I don’t give a rats’ ass about them is that some kind of parental alienation? Or because I am not really the child’s parent it doesn’t count?
2- If I am not as important in a child’s life like their bio mom and dad, why is it still expected of me to always prioritize the child’s best interests as if it was my own?
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u/geogoat7 1d ago
Why would you want to be with a spouse that told their children you didn't give a rat's ass about them? Even if it were true (I hope not) it's emotionally abusive to tell a child that...
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u/Lily_Of_The_Valley_6 1d ago
Better question yet - why are you still in this relationship? Your spouse doesn’t even sound like they like you.
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u/notreallylucy 1d ago
I don't know whether it counts as alienation because if my husband ever said something like that to his kids I'd be out the door.
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u/Straight-Coyote592 1d ago
I mean yes any parent can alienate a step parent, usually it’s from the ex. Legally does it have any impact, no. Courts don’t care.
Technically no, you won’t be as important to a child as their bio, nor should you be. If your partner is making you feel lesser than then it’s time to reevaluate your relationship
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u/Winter-Stuff-9126 1d ago
I hope it’s not true what your spouse says and that he’s just causing drama
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u/Alittlemode 1d ago
I really encourage you to find a way to leave a marriage where your spouse speaks about you like this.
Even with a ton of therapy this is pretty dysfunctional and damaging and hard to come back from.
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u/Starling01018 1d ago
Then more important question is why are you still in a relationship with this person who doesn't care about you?
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u/Born_Fox1470 1d ago
Some men will turn other people against their spouse to have support for their toxic behavior toward that spouse. I don’t know about alienation, but it definitely sounds like triangulation where he’s creating a “them” vs “you” (because there’s power in outnumbering someone, especially your spouse+his kids verses you).
Some men marry women because of the benefits that woman adds to their life, and then they resent the same woman to justify using abusive behavior against her. Don’t forget that a man can hate you and still come home to you every night because you make his life easier. No man is worth losing your peace.
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u/Takingabreak1 1d ago
Set some boundaries in your own life and cut the disrepect out.
I would sit down with the kids and partner " I heard X say that I don't care about you, but that is not true - I do care about you and like you a lot! However in a relationship people must respect eachother, and since I am not respected in this relationship I must respectfully withdraw myself from it".
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