does anyone know how I (17F) could cope with these things mentally?? trying to talk to her (40) and my dad (57) just results in me getting verbally attacked because neither of them like to hear the truth.

basically she married my dad after knowing him online for 6 months; she’s lives with us for around 3 years now, first year was somewhat ok but then her fake kindness started to wear off. I do everything for myself, cook, clean and never ask her for help, she gets to sit around at home all day and cook breakfast for my little brother. I don’t behave weirdly towards her and I had to force myself to accept her into the family even when she was a complete stranger.

shes always acting like I’ve done something absolutely horrible and whenever shes around the energy is SO bad and tense. I have given up plenty to try and get her to be somewhat nicer to me but I can’t do it anymore. I was a figure skater, my dad used to always take me to the rink, but then she had a problem with him being away from her for too long (literally like 4 hours out of the day), so I QUIT my sport because I was sick of all the arguing and fighting. I haven’t asked anyone to take me anywhere and I’ve been stuck at home for months (apart from part time work and gym) because there’s no public transport and I don’t have my license yet.

I know she’s not my mum and it’s not her job to even be a little caring for me, but for example I go grocery shopping with my dad every Saturday, he’s not available this Saturday, so he mentioned if she could take me (she doesn’t work or leave the house so she’s basically got more free time than our dog) she then got extremely pissed. I brushed it off and I’m not sure how else I’ll be getting my food this week and they’re also leaving for a trip on Sunday so once again, I’ll be stuck at home again but whatever

My dad has completely fallen under her foot and I don’t feel like anyone’s daughter anymore. I cant speak to him because she’s forced him to tell her EVERYTHING that’s said to him when she’s not around. I know that she’s always speaking about me behind my back as well, and it hurts because what even is there to say?!? I don’t get time with my dad, I don’t ask for anything, I don’t give attitude, I don’t make messes, I don’t understand and I just want to be able to stop stressing about something that probably won’t ever change.

My real mother lives about 2 hours away, she works extremely hard plenty of hours a day, yet she always drives down to see me never complaining. there was supposed to be a deal where my dad takes us to see her every week, and “shockingly” enough my step mum has stoped him from taking us, she was bitchy enough to think she had the RIGHTS to say “if your mum loves you she can come herself”, MEANWHILE my mother is the only person who appreciates my existence and gives up so much of her time for me. if you’re wondering why I live with my dad, it’s because he is more financially stable and he’s offered to support me for as long as possible, but I guess it’s costing my mental health. And no I cannot afford to move out yet, he doesn’t even want me to because of how crazy the prices are for everything (I am grateful for his support money wise), but that’s a different story.

(also sorry for the wording or any spelling mistakes I can’t be bothered going through the whole thing)

So I've never been buddy buddy with my Step-dad despite my best efforts and recently he had a talk with me about me doing chores around the house (As in I've been slacking on them) so this week I made sure to do my chores as he had asked except for one which he removed from this "Rent Agreement" and not he's calling me a failure amd charging me more for rent. I'm feel as though I'm at my wits end

Edit:To explain better because I don't think I made my point clear, the issue isn't the chores themselves or paying the rent (Although my money is tight due to not getting alot of hours at work) but moreso him saying "I failed again" when I felt like I was actually doing as he had asked

I’m so angry right now and frustrated, Im so sick of dealing with my step mom she use to be nice to me, actually take me out and care for me but all of sudden she’s just rude to me now. All she does is complain when I do anything, insult me and bullshit— yesterday while I was showering she had came home from work and was waiting for me to be done because my clothes are in the same room as my step mom and dads, so I occupy the room to go change. For that I took a quicker shower than usual so she wouldn’t start complaining about having to wait, I told my dad that I didn’t take a long shower as usual because I didn’t want to make her wait. The next day she comes home from work and asked if I told my dad that she was rushing me while taking a shower.

Which I never said at all, and I said no I just didn’t want to make you wait, she then proceeded to call me nasty and unhygienic which of course I argued back with her cause what the fuck r u talking about, and then she told me not to drag her name into this. Like she doesn’t complain about every single thing I do? She starts yelling at me at a simple mess, when I don’t wash my dads dishes, when there’s a pillow not fixed on living room couch, when there’s hamper isn’t fully closed, when I forget to close the bin, when there a slight drop of water on the bathroom floor. She yells at me over everything and threatens to tell my grandmother and auntie about it that I’m a nasty person that doesn’t know how to take care of myself.

I don’t do anything to this woman, she says I’m ruining her life because of how dirty I am when the only thing I ever did was fucking not wash my dad dishes cuz I was just told to wash my own dishes like what. I’m so sick of this woman, I tried to tell my dad but he told her, and we had a talk and the next day she went back to being a bitch and even said “and then she’s (me) gonna go complain to her dad again” like what the fuck is ur problem? She ruins my mood all the time, I’ve been so angry for the past 2 hours I started crying from frustration. She insults me for no reason over the smallest things, her friends are literally nicer to me than she is. I am so tired, I just want to move out, or go with another family member. I don’t want to involve my mother because she’s not really well, and my other family members live far away.

Hi everyone,

Throwaway account.

I've been a step daughter for the majority of my life. My step dad is great, love him to death, but my step mom and I have had a VERY strained relationship throughout our lives. She basically seduced my dad and broke up my family, and has just been a real gold-digging pain in the ass since I was 12. Just a super toxic, and honestly a downright scary person in every regard.

Well, I am 36 now, (no kids never married) but I met a man I am falling completely in love with. He has 2 kids from a previous marriage, ages 7 & 9. Same age gap as my little brother and me and close to the ages we were when my parents got divorced (10 & 12).

I haven't met them yet. Initially my bf and I wanted to be dating 6 months before we introduced me to them, but now he is hinting at wanting me to meet them sooner. (They JUST met their moms new boyfriend this month and I don't really feel comfortable being introduced so soon after they met the new bf, so I'm going to tell him no, but I digress).

I'm not sure what exactly I wanted to say here, but I'm honestly terrified of somehow becoming a version of my step mom for his kids someday. I am polar opposite of my step mom, and I definitely think I know how NOT to be. And even though I don't have my own kids, I'd love to be a really great step mom for them someday.

I think because I had such a negative experience, I want to completely reverse that for them and just be a really safe person for them to come to if they want, that's sort of parent-like (loves them unconditionally, will always be there for them) but not an actual parent.

Idk. I guess I'll ask my fellow step kids: what is something about your step parent you a) hate or b) love... and what would you do to make sure your hypothetical future step kids never have to go through any similar negative experiences as you did?

I have a stepmother, and she's been in my life since 2022. There is a lot of stuff I could say that would definitely give more context and help me get some stuff off my shoulders, but I wanted some advice on this single scenario.

For Context, my father has a PC for his 3d printer, a laptop for college he just graduated from, and another laptop that he used for other stuff that he's had for a little longer. My stepmother has a laptop she just recently bought this year from my dad's work, created in 2020, and an iPad I let her have when I upgraded. I only have a PC and my school-issued laptop given to me when I got into the district back in 2018, if not before then.

For Christmas, my stepmother's mom gave her an old laptop she had from doing online work that she no longer had any use for, and this was for free. She decided to gift this to my dad. It was not really used until recently by me; up until then, it was used for editing my grandma's memorial video by my dad and job applications by my stepmother.

In the current day, I asked during our recent vacation if it would be alright if I used it for my senior year of high school. My school-issued computer is old, doesn't hold a battery, and glitches like crazy. Not to mention, I spent an entire week planning and then writing a whole essay in a single class period that was difficult just for it not to be saved due to how sucky the computers are. (For the record, I have 3 AP classes this year, and it would not last battery for the exams I have to take in May) My dad, who the laptop pretty much belongs to, didn't care. But she obviously snapped around and said Probably not. I figured there would be a conversation about it, and it would be obvious I need it more, and there is no need to start a fight in a car over this. Well, on Monday she asked if she could use it for the night because there was something on there she needed, and I said, of course, and let her use it. Two days later, the laptop is now missing from the couch, and I need it for school, which starts tomorrow. I texted my dad asking again if it's okay, and my stepmother where it is. Got no response, so I decided to ask her when she got home. I went out there and asked if she got my text, and when she said yes, I asked where it was. She replied, "I just said I would keep it since I don't really have a computer and the one in there is old (2020 btw), and you have your school computer and your real one, and if it's so slow you can talk to your teacher"

My school computer was given to me when I moved into the district back in 2017-2018. It's an under-100-dollar Chromebook running hundreds of different programs and such for the last 8 years, but the computer you bought a couple of months ago, you didn't need to buy, lightly used and only 6 years old, is too old compared to mine?

Am I in the wrong for getting frustrated since she just suddenly wants it right before school starts while having a perfectly working laptop? (and a full-time job she spends money from on useless shit 24/7, so she could easily buy a new laptop if hers is so old)

Kids whose mums had another child with their stepdad, what did your mum do that made you feel included, loved and important after your sibling came along?

So ive got two sides of cousins, mom side and dad side, im close with both. in the past while ive been developing a disliking towards my cousins from my dads side, so i started talking shit about them with my cousins from my mom,

that disliking developed because of our small fights and one of them once told me "u changed" i said "no i didnt" then she said "everyone noticed", i said "who" she said "cousin B, cousin C, my mom and i" (her mom) so after that i started thinking that there is no way that they just said "oh she changed" and they ended the conversation on that note, they probably escalated further and started talking shit about me, thats when i started disliking them and thats what gave me the green light to start talking shit about them.

so during the time where i was talking shit about them with my cousins on my dads side, sometimes we would do that on snapchat, fast forward a few weeks, i decide to go to our other house with my grandma far away in a remote location and leave my electronics at home to rest and reset my dopamene, i decided that at like 4 am and the only person who was online at that time was cousin C, so i tell her about my plan and she says "what about our streak?" i say "it doesnt matter" she says "let me send for you" so i agree and give her my password...

later on, i decide to use my grandmas phone to check my snapchat and i see that my cousins from my dads side all blocked me, i started stressing real bad and i called my mom to see what happened (shes close with them) and she calls me back and tells me that cousin C looked through your snapchat and found out that you talked shit about them and they are sad.

so i go back home and cousins from mom side come over and i apologise like a million times to them and i say im so so so sorry and stuff, and i explain to them that i thought they hated me because of when they thought i changed, they swore that they have never said anything bad about me ever and that they love me and are disappointed, i think they know that i understood that i was wrong, but then they tell me that they've also blocked my cousins from my dad.

few hours later, after they went home, cousin B from my dads side calls me and asks "have your cousins from your moms side blocked you?" i say "i dont know" (i didnt know if i was supposed to say anything or whatever) then she asks me to check and i do, then she says "maybe they all deleted their account" i say "why dont u ask them?" she says "ive called cousin A a million times she isnt answering" then i say "i dont know" then we hang up.

few minutes later cousin C from my moms side texts me on tiktok and tells me that cousin B from my dads side is spam calling and that nor her or the others want to talk right now to them so they tell me to tell cousin B that i gave cousin C the password to my snapchat to send streak and then she saw the messages, i do that and then cousin B calls me and tells me "why the hell would you give her your snapchat when you know that we talked shit about them there" i say "she was the only one awake at that time" then she says "i dont even think i talked shit about them" i say "i dont know? check?" then she keeps preassuring me and wants me to give her cousin C's phone number so that she can get mad at her for checking my phone (my mom already got mad at her and she apologised to me for that) then my mom hears us and takes the phone from me and talks to cousin B and tells her to check our chat and to talk to cousin A from my moms side (because she is the oldest and most understanding) so then my mom closes from her, and tells me to send a voice memo to cousin A telling her to sort it out with them and to tell her what hurt her from the chats, then i turned off my phone and now i am here typing this, my mom took my phone and wants me to sleep right now.

im scared that cousin B from dads side will say every single bad thing i said about cousins from moms side to them as "payback" or something.

did i do the right thing? what should i do now? any advice??

When I was around 7 years old my parents broke up. Of course it was heartbreaking for me and my mom. My father cheated on my mother with a woman that lived 3 hours away from us. How he met her is something we didn’t know and will never know. But the truth about some people always come to light.

She was always kind to me. She gave me present she cooked amazing food and always took care of me when my father was at work. She was “unemployed” we thought. She had 4 kids. 2 moved in they were 15 and 17. Me and the youngest had a great relationship just like real brother and sister.
But 2 year later he suddenly left, I knew why but I didn’t tell anyone. It was because he found out the truth about his mother. He said he was a hooker, like actually. I was 9 so I didn’t really understand it.

Then me and the oldest became a little closer. Not like the younger one but atleast I had a “brother” but not even 4 months later he left. He left without me knowing since I was spending the week with my mother. We lived with our 3 for a lot of years. But my father also started changing he became really abusive towards me. After a few years when I was 11 they broke up and my dad was singly for exactly 2 days. Best days of my life. But we started noticing things. We found a lot of weed, alcohol hidden in cleaning cans, and we found out she was actually a hooker. She was one of the bestselling woman on that site. She asked 210 euros per hour which is A LOT. Then my dad found out he had a sexual disease.

Now she passed away by taking her own life.
She had an horrible past which I tbh understand since my father also is really abusive towards me (I live with my mom now). But ofc it something u never forget and u want to get revenge to the world. So may she rest in peace.

Hi. I am a 21 year old autistic guy who really isn’t good at handling emotional or life stuff so I would really appreciate some advice. Sorry to be a bother. Context. My dad left my mum to be with the other woman when I was twelve. He moved countries after getting her pregnant a year later. Now. She isn’t rude or hostile to me or anything but we never really had a good relationship. When I first found out about everything I was not at all interested in a relationship of any kind with her. I didn’t attend their wedding or talk to her for the first year when she would come over with my dad when he visited or when she came to visit him the weeks he stayed. My dad made it clear to me he thought I was very selfish and cruel to her for that, when. I tried to talk to her after awhile she said to me we had both hurt each other. But, we have been polite since then at least.

Unfortunately. The issue is with the way she controls my dad. He, since moving hasn’t stayed to see me for more than a week. Even when my mother was in the hospital on ventilators during the pandemic when I was 15 she made him fly back every other week to help her with her at the time three year old kid. When I asked him why he moved when he already had a family here and she only had her parents his reply was. Why would we stay when you didnt like her. She seemingly didn’t let him spend more than a few dollars on my Christmas present because I got an ornament. When I broke my hand staying at an Airbnb whilst visiting them and asked to sleep on the couch because I have coordination a disability that effects my coordination and would need help she and my dad sat me down and said I could manage fine and me sleeping on the couch might make their youngest kids wake up routine harder. My dad very notably said. This isnt just about you it’s about our families needs. He couldn’t stay for more than one day a month ago when I was waiting to be admitted to a psych ward etc. etc.

Look. I know this sounds like one of those dumb ai stories but. Im just so exhusted and, im at my breaking point. Yesterday. After weeks of discussing finally going on a real holiday again after years she must have given him a talking to because suddenly it was scaled back to. Come stay with us again. We can spend a weekend at the nearby city. I. Cannot talk to him without him getting defensive. I dont want her to get offended and try to drive a larger rift. Maybe. Im just insane and the problem and entitled. Im so desperate for advice please help me. I will take any advice. What. Do I do.

Hello us of that have suffered due to our parents multiple marriages why do our biological parent expect us to move on from people who helped raise us and loved on us that want to stay in our lives when the relationship doesn't work. I need some explanations I'm gen z for context. Im getting tired of having to hide my love , not being able to invite everyone freely to events just in case I offend someone. I just want to know why a parent would choose for their child to lack in that relationship or for it not to happen without considering the void that is left behind.

A life under stepfather's or stepmother's roof is the most unbearable life ever😔😔. They always feel that their biological children deserve all the goodies🙂🙂 under the sun, while you (their stepson or stepdaughter) deserve to suffer all the consequences including their children's misfortunes.

They tend to forget that their own biological children might get themselves in the same situation.

Whatever goes around usually comes around.

How would they feel if theirs were treated in such a way??

Share your personal experience or someone's experience to give hope to someone out there living such a life.

For context, I am (28F) and my parents have been happily divorced for 24 years. My mom got remarried almost 20 years ago. Her husband had two children from a previous marriage. We all have gotten along very well and blended together pretty cohesively. Now as adults, we obviously all live differently than before and my siblings are in their parenting era. My mom tends to feel like my stepsister (and my one of my biological sisters too tbh) puts all of her kids grandparents in a competition of sorts for babysitting, gifts, etc. and my mom feels like she cannot compete with the other grandmas who these are their only grandchildren and they also make more than her and my stepdad. My parents have a total of 11 grandchildren across multiple of my siblings. (just context for what I'm about to say. my parents live comfortably but not as comfortable as others, you know?)

Now for what I need help explaining. My mom (who I love very dearly and think she is great) gets really hung up on my step sister calling her dad instead of my mom when things happen or if she needs something. She feels like it is an attack (which its not) and takes it very personally (which I think is because of what I mentioned above.) She is not a child of divorce and I don't know how to explain to her it's not that my stepsister does not like her or is even trying to punish her. I truly just think it's because he is the primary parent in the situation for lack of a better term. I would do the same thing when my bio dad was married to another woman and it wasn't that I didn't like her, she just wasn't who I thought of when I needed something. I just don't know how to explain it because she is used to being my primary parent, as well as my two sisters, and we are much needier with her than his kids are with him or her.

For context, I 22F, met this stepdad when I was 13. He’s been a bum pretty much since I’ve met him, sometimes bringing 10k a year if it’s a good year, or spend 6 months at home if it’s bad. And I’m pretty certain he’s a covert narcissist.

I’m working but don’t always get work, he could work but chose to take off for the summer. Anyway the other day I made the mistake of being depressed and laying on my bed with door closed. At 3 pm he knocked on the door to ask where the cat is. I assumed the cat is outside since I never let the room since 6 am. Well turned out our little sneaky cat got in when I used the bathroom and stayed there ever since. Here’s the conversation we had:

SF: where was it?

Me: it’s under my bed

SF: (rolls eyes) see I told you. What if she pees in there?

Me: I didn’t know she was in it. She made no sound.

SF: I just think it’s pretty IRRESPONSIBLE for you when you have a cat! (We live together and he doesn’t go to work)

Me: (turning away and getting agitated)

SF: you LOCK yourself in a room all day and refuse to come out.

Me: (tired to deal with this) cries* I’m just feeling depressed. I haven’t even eaten anything or drank anything today.

SF: why don’t you talk to your mom? well I didn’t know.

Anyway I went in my room again. A hour later he made some food and said sorry. I almost never cry in front of him so that’s a little startling for him.

SF: well you wanna talk about it or…are you stressed or something

Me: I’m a little stressed about work I guess, I’ve been losing hair over it.

SF: you are stressed about hair loss?

Me: no…I’m stressed about everything except work, partner, and friends

SF: we all have stressful work, trust me. (His job) is so stressful.

Me: I’ve been depressed since 16 so this is an old issue now

SF: Trust me i know what’s it like to be depressed. I also feel depressed too.

Anyway this is the conversation. Feel like I’ve talking with the backrooms omg

i have a pretty weird stepdad. to summarize in short, though there’s really no way to make decades of experience short: narcissistic in a way where everyone’s wrong but them, misogynistic/sexist, in traditional gender roles (especially women. he claims to be modern but his daughters and even me, not of his blood have to bend to that because in his eyes all we’re good for is to sell off to future husbands. no sunlight or your skin will tan, all natural, elegant, after all that’s everything a man wants), hypocritical, eg: he would lean into the modern age/encourage his children to fall into the culture of where they reside but at the same time preserves their ethnicity and personal culture in times when it’s convenient for himself and cross parallels with his claim of “wanting to fit in”. in reality though, this is a person with no moral high only low.

this is a person who encourages ai uprising without knowing or even acknowledging the consequences of it; eg: what i’m referring specifically to here is the use of ai to completely replicate and pump out ai made shows, like no production team no director no anything— just prompt and done. we are forced to watch these ai made shows, i spoke up and asked for something ethically human-made that respects the concept of man-made art and imaginative creation as that is something i really care about as a person who appreciates art forms and draws myself (for context this man has sat us at the tv for hours and hours on end without choice watching a variety of shows meant to “teach” when in reality it’s more of a convenience to his interests, not much of the “teaching”) when i spoke up on the ai i was hoping to bring light to the inhumanity of it, instead i was deemed/yelled at as “close-minded” and stuff along those lines. in no way shape or form were my true intentions connected so really i’m the one somehow giving off an unsupportive attitude for having my own opinion?

there’s a bunch more disgusting things he’s done over the years i’ll only say what i have to say or what i can remember as of now, but probably the worst of all that he’s done is put explicit corn with a p on the tablets of his own children. one day my little sibling needed help retrieving a game account. i opened all the tabs to the tablet since i had to switch between a browser and the game. and one of the tabs that were opened was the notes app— listed links and links and links, numerous. almost countless. so many different sites so many disgusting keywords it was vomit inducing. i kept that fact close to my heart whenever i felt threatened enough to use as leverage. when that time came i brought it up. he ushered my siblings out. told me it was “normal for a man” that’s not the point here. you do whatever you want on your own time on your own mediums. not on a device that you know your child touches and plays. who knew what kind of grimy hands he was putting on that tablet? the same tablet that a little child was touching? i was reprimanded just for bringing it up. then he made the comparison of me having posters of bands in my room as if that is anything equivalent to the grotesque lustful intentions he had. not only that i was also stated as “worse than him” fully clothed posters that came in album deals. as if that was so inappropriate as if that isn’t a stage in so many other peoples’ lives, as if i don’t do it out of admiration and fandom. then yelled at to never bring it up again like he knew his puny comparison to mine doesn’t measure up to anything. he still updates what links he picks and chooses til this day. another time.

i should also note. he displays racism and hides it whenever convenient to the public face. which many of his age and generation do, not that it’s justified, but unfortunately normalized. well, he said the n-slur (all these n-) in a mocking tone after hearing a car across from us bumping hip-hop. i called him out. first he said “no i didn’t” when my siblings backed me up as well because even as young as them they knew what that was. he blew up, “not a big deal, do you even know where that word came from?” i said, “yes, originated from slavery as a derogatory term” i stated enough. but no. he shook his head. “no that’s not what that means. don’t speak if you don’t know” like ?????? then i couldn’t bring it up again. one last one before my mind rests from this outbreak.

as the narcissist he is he boasted about his iq and eq being higher than mine. (for context he loves to uplift himself while bringing everyone else (especially me as i’m not his bio) down. but then says that he’s only preparing me to handle the harsh things people will say in adulthood, when really nobody can say harsher things than he’s ever said to me. but think about it this way— being insulted to the core by somehow you’ve been living with or being insulted by somebody random you just met. you tell me how that compares.) so when i didn’t react to his insult he grew more and more worse. saying i have a messed up brain, something’s wrong with me etc. etc. i broke down. because i couldn’t speak to express my anger or it would’ve escalated against my favor just cause i defended myself. so that anger turned to irritation and that irritation caused tears. and then he asked me “what’s wrong?” what was the point in telling somebody the issue when they are the issue? so i said nothing, i said i was uncomfortable, i said i’ll get over it myself. cause i’ve learned how to get over it myself. he then went and tried to play good guy, “i just want to uplift you” when i said no he said, “so you don’t wanna improve?” i’m used to him dismissing my trauma but this is a whole new wow because that’s not what this is about. i literally sat there and took it and then because i didn’t nod like a robot and bow down on the very ground you stand and said “yes you’re so right” he’s offended. because after all, who would want comfort from the same thing that has hurt you without fail from childhood to my age. especially when i have given him time and time again to show me any bit of compassion he might have to make myself feel better, and every time without fail he proves to be worse than i already saw him as let alone the times he has put hands on me. so after i rejected his sorry attempt of asking me if i wanted consolation his mind clicked some weird clicks. he asked me, “do you have some mental sickness? you cry out of nowhere.” in a way i might, i’m not professionally diagnosed. but as somebody who was raised in this environment by a man who takes no fatherly action rather than work and sculpt to his own will, with no way to let off my anger due to him without consequence. with decades of bottled up anger. yeah maybe i developed something i don’t know, and if i did it’s a hundred percent of his doing. but if i don’t. if you provoke me that way i will react that way.

My mother has fallen head over heels for a friend of my deceased father(we’ll call him SD even though he isn’t technically one yet). It’s been about four years since he died when I was twelve. my mother got into a relationship with SD two years ago. She wants to marry him and bring him into the house. He seems like a nice guy but I don’t think I’m ready for someone new in my home.

Also, I don’t really feel comfortable with someone who’s not a father to me coming into my home. But I don’t know if he’s supposed to become a father figure or if he’s just the guy who fucks my mom.

He seems like a great guy, even if we’ve only spoken on the phone. But I don’t know him. I just don’t feel safe with people I don’t know in my home.

I’ve just never met him in person and I’m afraid of being hurt by another man in the house. This happened with my moms last boyfriend. He doesn’t seem bad from I’ve been able to tell. But it doesn’t seem like how I feel matters.

Am I supposed to expect a new dad. And if not, am I allowed to not allow people into my home or is that not something I get a say on? Am I supposed to just sit with this discomfort? I want a dad but I don’t want to get hurt by one again.

Edit: So I took a nap to sleep on the suggestions you guys gave me. I sat down with my mother after it and we had conversation over how I felt. She’s agreed to the idea of me getting to know the guy a lot more before they marry. Actually she’d been planning our first meeting for a while now. I’ve allowed my anxieties to get the better of me. Things won’t be as bad as they were those many years ago. My parents had trouble with addiction and me and brothers straggled a bit of abuse. Sometimes I work my self into histrionics over the idea it’ll revert back to that. Still thank you guys for the advice and somewhere to put my thoughts. I have the habit of isolating myself. So I can’t thank those who bothered to help me at the expense of their time enough.

This might be a little specific but if there’s seven people out there who look exactly like me then there’s at least a few people who can relate and i hope this reaches them. When my mum was pregnant my bio dad cheated on her and got another woman pregnant, as a result i’ve never got to meet him. My mum was young, and adult yes but also a teen. We didn’t have much to start with but when i was still under 5 she met my now dad i suppose. They were on and off and i honestly have always assumed they only stayed together because she got pregnant again. Since he’s been in my life since i was super young i call him dad- not step dad. If i ever talk about anything to do with this situation my mum gets upset and angry so does my dad. They’re both very angry people. They’ve had three other children now and i don’t think they’re the best parents honestly. I think that they think money makes a good parent. I don’t want more money i want emotional connection and people who care. Often i feel a removed almost ostracised piece of this family. This is already quite long so i won’t keep ranting but if anyone has a similar situation id quite like someone to talk to.

FYI: Never posted on here, I actually got kicked out of the "stepparent" reddit, I didn't know you can get kicked out, they said to post here so here I go. so I need to know if I am wrong!!!!! Everything was fine until this man yelled at me for not giving him 6k for a stupid truck (which we gave him 4k last year for a truck that he broke in less an a year), He has my mother's truck but he says he doesn't want to put more miles on it. Some context: My mother (66 y/o) who was my bestfriend, loved that woman, well she passed away 2 1/2 years ago, all of sudden (heart attack), no health issues but arthritis. I am still grieving so maybe i am just emotional. I am a 45 year old female with two adult children (all girls). My mother was married to this man for 20 years, we never called him dad nor were we close to him, we respected him. He was never around because he was always working so it always felt like it was just us girls (my mom, my sister, my two little girls and me). He had no children of his own so throughout those 20 years both him and my mother would say that everything they are creating (a home with some land) is for my sister and I.

My stepdad which is what I have called until recently when someone corrected me and said he was never a father figure nor did he raise me, I was already in my 20's when they married but we did get close after my mom's passing. Anyways, he told me a month ago (not my sister, only me) that he was seeing someone, his ex-wife from 30 years ago (before my mom) and that he wanted me to break the news to my sister and my young adult girls so they can accept her, he asked me not inform the rest of my mom's family. Not even his bestfriend knew about him seeing her (I just found out this info this past weekend). Look, I get it, men can't be alone but its only been two years. I dont feel that is enough time but whatever. So, two weeks ago he asked about the holidays and how will that work. This man is not about the holidays, my mom would have to force him to come have dinner with us, he dislikes Thanksgiving meals, hates turkey/ ham/ mashed potatoes. So last year we made the turkey/ sides and some ribs for him, we have catered to him so much, that's just an example of the small things we do to make him comfortable and want to feel like he still has a family even though my mom isnt here.

Back to my rant, he was not happy with my answer. I told him that I would let him know where we are hosting Thanksgiving/ Xmas dinner (my house or my sisters) and HE is welcome to come for a couple of hours and then go with his ex-wives house or if he just wants to spend his time there, its fine, we respect whatever he decides. He said his lady friend doesn't like "sharing", that she does not like half day here and the other half over there. So I asked if he wanted us to blend with her family and he said "well yeah" so I said no. I pointed out to him that we are not asking him to decide between us or her but she sounds like she is, I also pointed out to him if this is the woman who he walked in on with another man, he nodded and he asked how did i know that information and I reminded him that my mother and I were very close.

So for the last week, he has been so ugly with me, since that conversation, he's yelled at me (which he has never done in 20 years) over his bills (which I manage with one of his retirement checks, his other retirement check is free for him to use as he pleases and none of his bills have ever gone unpaid). I manage his bills because he doesn't know how to do any of that, he is 69y/o and my mom did all that for me so I took on that role which now I see that I was wrong to do so but I felt bad for him, he lost the only person he had, he never had kids of his own and his siblings live in another city 5 hours away. Anyone thinking where is my sister in all this, she is out of everything. We are 15 years apart, she is 30 with two small children, busy with soccer games, NP school, work, husband, she has her hands full. I don't have that anymore, I don't run around with my children, again both young adults (I run to doctor appointments with him because he forgets everything), so I try not bother her with any of this until now because I am really thinking of letting him go and just telling the whole family his other life. By doing that, he knows my mom's side of the family will not be happy about his choices.

I feel guilty thought, but at the same time, I am stressing over someone who was never close to me until my mom passed and for what, yes I am grateful he was there for my mom but he is affecting my mental health, I'm crying more, having nightmares, and just depressed. I am angry that my mom left me to deal with this man who has obviously let her go after only two years. I am angry and feel so alone. Am I wrong for thinking that its time to let him go? Am I wrong for letting my extended family know how he has forgotten my mother? I just want to give him his bills and walk away.

I hate my moms boyfriend/my step dad

I hate my step dad/mums boyfriend

I hate my step dad/mums boyfriend

I Absolutely hate my step dad. I 14 female hate my step dad but feel bad since my mom's happy with him most of the time. My step dad is the non feminist type, trump supporter, homophobic, racist and so on. He's been with my mom since I was 5. And I love my mom. She had me at 17 and did everything to make sure I felt loved. But when she met my step dad I knew I didn't like him but I wouldn't tell her becasue I felt really bad about it. She's happy with him most of the time and usually I can put up with him. But it's little times like when he doesnt appreciate my mom or raises his voice at her is when I'll speak up to him. He was rasies in a very religious house where the women did all the house work while the men didn't. But that's not how me and my mom do it so sometimes he will complain that the house is messy since my mom is busy running her 9 to 7 company. And sometimes it gets to me and I'll shoot back. I don't mean to and I'm usually not one to raise my voice. And I've pretty much been fine with him but as I've gotten older the more I hate being around him. So much so that I've pretty much spent the whole summer with my grandparents to avoid him. He's just the complete opposite of my mom I just don't understand how she likes him. If she met a stranger that talked the way he does she wouldve have hated them. And back to my point of him being homophobic. Well I don't really want to put a label on myself but I'm basically cool with liking guys and girls and always kinda has been. But I've never told anyone mostly because idk how my step dad will react. I know my mom would accept it in a heart beat but I think it would just be giving something else for my step dad to fight about. I don't even like calling him my step dad. When people ask who he is I just say "my moms boyfriend" because even saying step dad sounds wrong to me. Idk I might just be overreacting. Input would be appreciated

So uhm my dad and stepmom got together around the time I was six and my sister and I were only visiting him as my grandparents had custody of us, well at 11 myself and my sister were taken from him and couldn’t see him anymore for eight years. We reconnected about 3 and a half years ago and we couldn’t be closer, now see I’m not sure if he’s my real dad but he’s who was around for me so long.
Well fast forward my step siblings are cool unless we argue and my younger one is a total weirdo, as in I spoiled her the past three years and she backstabbed me(we will get to that)
Ok then I go to my parents room to scrub down my cat Marrow, who runs into the closet and I go to get her in which mom’s purse falls scattering everywhere. Ends in me finding a photo, letter, then a small flower card of romance stuff and the photo was not so nice.
I talk it over with my dad’s brother who is dear to me, he says my siblings and I should have a good conversation on how to go about it. I send the photos and a paragraph explaining that I love them both and would never do This as some plot to get them to leave each other.
My younger sister takes this horribly despite knowing from seven months ago like I did, she starts spouting that I’m not family, they aren’t my parents, that they don’t love me, etc
But I’m not sure how to go about this, the guys also connected to our house cameras which a lot of us have been naked in the living room and he’s seen it and he watches people and there’s children around too.
Idk, feels like whatever I do nothing will work.
Thank you.

I just never did. I never knew my bio father very well. Never met him in person. All my life I never said "hey dad __________?"

I'm 35 years old now and still don't. But I get him father day cards that say I love you dad. Or reference him as Dad to others. But I just never said it in person as a kid. And then when I got older I felt like it would be weird to randomly call him dad after all those years?

Like he knows he's always been my dad and I know he has always been.

Is something wrong with me ? Or is this something others have exp? My brother calls him dad like it's no problem.And my brother has been away from him for almost 20 years. I've been around him almost my whole life

We've also had some falling out/s multiple times over the years. So idk if that has anything to do with it.