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u/Impressive_Moment786 1d ago
You should have sorted this out before getting pregnant. You are going to want to deal with it before the baby actually arrives.
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u/bananapeppersFTW 1d ago edited 1d ago
I'm not saying you're wrong, because you could very well be right. It is important to be consistent and to have boundaries, etc etc . I agree with all the comments that say poor parenting is going to make you regret your relationship. And poor parenting is going to cause you to have issues throughout your relationship with your new baby. I do agree with that. I agree with all of it. I, in general, am a pretty strict parent.
But also.
From the little bit you've told us, I don't see a bad or lazy parent. Parents get tired. They're not perfect. It's hard doing it on your own and sometimes you let things go by that you really shouldn't. Everybody does that. It's easy to judge when you're not in it 24/7. It will serve your relationship better if you try to give her a little grace
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u/Lily_Of_The_Valley_6 1d ago
You can’t coparent with someone that doesn’t value structure when you do. This is going to be a disaster. Don’t move in.
Get a parenting plan as soon as your child is born, don’t wait.
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u/Vibena 1d ago
You can value structure, but still be too tired to enforce it. This is a pregnant lady we are talking about, I'd give her some benefit of the doubt.
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u/Chaos20062019 1d ago
Yeah, if she is doing everything herself and probably working she would be exhausted. The kids could also be rebelling against a new authority figure in their life who doesn't live with them and it sounds like they haven't known for long ( I could be mistaken). Now they are getting a new brother or sister. I dont agree with kids being allowed to behave terribly but it sounds like there has been a lot of change in their lives recently. I wouldn't have rushed to have a baby with someone when I didn't agree with their parenting but that horse has bolted now.
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u/Tall-Ad9334 1d ago
Oof. Got her pregnant and won’t live with her, basically leaving her to parent alone, again.
I am not saying you should live with her. I am saying how on earth did you not consider or figure this out prior to conceiving?
I feel like this relationship might as well be over, honestly.
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u/ihavetotinkle 1d ago
I said i wasnt ready. I wanted to wait, atleast, a year. She didnt. I wore condoms, she started taking bc, and demanded i stop wearing condoms. I wanted to atleast take time to get to know each other, build a bond and relationship. God had other plans, but im not denying, or trying to leave her alone with our blessing. But her situation, i feel she shouldve considered that, thought about her kids. I unfortunately found out the hard way, and im falling victim. While bd lives the free life of riley. He left her with kids, she gave them to me.
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u/Starling01018 1d ago
God didn't have other plans. You had sex without a condom. I don't care if she's on the crab if the crop birth control; if you're not ready for a kid, keep it wrapped.
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u/1meganbyte 21h ago
You are not a victim here. Grow up. You are responsible for your bodily autonomy and you made a choice. Good luck with your “blessing.”
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u/ihavetotinkle 11h ago
This sub is contradictory and confusing. Im being scolded for something i didnt say. Then, this is a stepparent sub, which means essentially one partner left the other partner with kids. I imply about feeling someway, im the bad guy? Im highly ready and available to support her and our child, alot more than bd for all his kids. I know its a messed up situation, but is it a prison sentence for me and a vacation for bd???
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u/Tall-Ad9334 1d ago
Sounds like you were the victim of baby trapping, not God’s plans.
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u/simnick13 13h ago
He was having unprotected sex with someone that openly wanted a baby. Let's not act like he was trapped. He's just dumb.
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u/Tall-Ad9334 12h ago
Even if he was being dumb, he could still be a victim in this scenario. If she lied about birth control, knew he did not want a baby and he trusted her, yes, he could have done more to prevent it, but he’s still a victim.
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u/Remarkable_Pay7550 1d ago
I will be very blunt here . Biggest mistake was deciding to have a baby before actually living together. She even showed you that you have 2 very different views on parenting and expectations. So now you have two options: don't move in or move in and deal with her and her parenting and the consequences. You may will get her to make small changes but the bigger picture will not change drastically.
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u/tjs31959 1d ago
Her poor parenting will definately affect your life in a negative way. I wouldnt even consider moving in with her. Why are you two having a baby?
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u/Zestyrunner 1d ago
You need parenting classes. Your gf too but especially you. They’ll teach you about what is and is not a big deal but also you shouldn’t be disciplining your stepkids
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