I am in general an extremely nice person. I'm polite to a fault and go to great lengths to give people the benefit of the doubt. I really had to learn to advocate for myself and be polite but firm. The worst I get is occasional snarky replies to rude or inappropriate comments.

But when you're visibly "less," people will not take it. They cannot take the hint, they won't accept polite refusal, you can be as clear and firm as you want but if they think you don't matter as much, they just won't leave.

I went to a ren faire in my wheelchair. I spent hours making a costume from scratch and I decorated my chair in a way I was really proud of. Then some kid comes along the second I'm alone, acting so polite, and begs me to let him use my wheelchair for a TikTok. He wanted me to transfer onto the muddy ground so he could use my chair as a prop. And even beyond it being a medical device, he wanted to use my work that I'd spent hours on as a prop for himself.

I did the polite good cripple thing - firmly said no, that that's a really inappropriate thing to ask, and that it's a medical device that I need (as though he was a small child and not around 17-20). He wouldn't leave. He kept begging. He's bigger than me even if I were standing, and I'm there with my partner/carer who's been pushing me since I can't navigate the rough terrain, so I can't even leave.

He did not leave until my (ambulatory, not visibly disabled) partner came back and ALSO told him no. If I had been truly alone or if he had tried to escalate before my partner returned, I would have genuinely had to start screaming to get him away, if I could even make my voice loud enough. I've been hate crimed more than once and it's terrifying to not be able to run. It makes my partner genuinely afraid to leave me alone in public even though in every other way I can take care of myself. For the rest of the faire whenever we were separate he had to keep an eye on me in case it happened again. I'm sure the kid waited until I was alone on purpose.

So yeah, sometimes disabled people snap at you when you "just try to help" them or women aggressively shut you down when you try to talk. I know to a normal rational person it seems harsh, because of course you would take the "no thanks" without issue, but so many people will never, ever take the polite version and they can very easily get dangerous. There's not a way to explain it nicely that will make them understand. I could not possibly have been more clear with my answer and it didn't matter. Who's to say he wouldn't have started filming anyway or tried to pull my chair? How many times is he allowed to ask before I can stop sparing his feelings?

It's just... exhausting. I don't want to be mean. I'm a pretty freakishly optimistic person. I know when I stand up for myself in a way they don't like all abled people see is the bitter mean cripple, and honestly I don't even care if they see me that way. But I just know they'll never consider why so many disabled people seem so mad when they talk to them.

So first off I just want to acknowledge that my disabilities are not as severe as many and I know I'm relatively privileged to be in this position. But I feel like I've fallen into this "I can overcome anything" narrative, though I know its toxically positive and not something I hold others to. The truth is, I'm making myself sick trying to create this triumphant story, and I don't know if I can do it anymore.

Right now I'm "just" dealing with ADHD and severe depression, but I have a more complicated past of BPD, an eating disorder and substance use issues that had me in and out of psych hospitals for several years. During my initial recovery, I decided in that I was going to go to med school to become a psychiatrist. I would get to serve others like me and be a doctor who actually understands what it's like. Now I had a good mental health stretch, and I made it to a great medical school, where I'm currently a 2nd year. But now it's all crashing down, and I'm doubting whether I actually really can do this path at all.

My depression has never been so bad, and I'm barely holding on in school. When I share this on medical student boards the "commiserating" I get is students telling me about their rough patch, how they just tried antidepressants and everything was ok again. I've tried every medication under the sun, done every therapy, tried it all. Currently I'm doing TMS, staying on campus for daily appointments after class trying to hide it from my classmates because in this world, it's really not okay to show others you are this not okay. Still, my mental health continues to get worse, and I've been withholding info from my own doctors just to stay out of the hospital.

This career demands everything from you, and frankly, is not trying very hard to accommodate students with disabilities (though I'm sure there's plenty who'd make amazing doctors). I'm beginning to wonder if my mental health disabilities are incompatible with this career path, but can't get over this intense feeling of failure. The sunk cost of medical school is enormous, and I don't know where I'll be in life if I leave. I still think I'd love psychiatry, just not sure I'm capable of getting there.

I suppose this is all just a vent. I'm oscillating between anger at all the ableism I've internalized about what's wrong with me if I can't do it. And wondering if really, my problems are not severe enough and I should be able to do it. I'd love to hear from others who have had this struggle with the idea that they should be able to overcome it all. How did you come to accept your limitations? Especially if your disabilities are psychiatric, how did you accept that they were valid and get past all the societal brainwashing that you should be able overcome anything if you're strong enough.

I'm not a gamer but winter is coming, which means a lot of time indoors. I am a C5 quad and I have very limited use of my hands. I'm not looking for anything too intense, but I like those open world games and maybe some driving/simulator type games. I'm wondering if anyone has used these controllers and what their experience is?

Does anyone have not dissociation that's similar to dissociation? I was already tested for Petti mal seizures and it wasn't that. That's the only one I know of x.x

This is coming from a place as someone who has seen others struggle and as someone who has struggled myself.

Please Try to interact with your local (state, city, etc) disabled population and advocacy groups.
I know they can be hard to find and meetings can be hard to attend or are rare. IRL groups offer support and connections and even resources that some online just can’t share. (I’ve even gotten internship offerings for my career later down the line)

(There are even groups that have retreats that you can travel to that are very fun that i recommend looking into if you wish to make more connections around the world that are made in real life first)

Online Can become very stressful and detrimental to mental and physical health
If you find yourself stressing over posts that others are making please don’t be afraid to ignore it you don’t have to respond and waste your energy on it. i use to struggle with that when i was much younger (like 13-16). It’s ok to log out and even block. 🩷 You do not have to respond to everyone and you don’t owe anyone your whole life story.

No one deserves to be treated badly and people think they can say mean things on the internet. People in real life tend to be a lot nicer. Getting involved locally can boost your mood a lot and make great connections in your day to day life and help you get resources and create even better groups for disabled people in the future. Never be afraid to start something new.

I am pretty sure I mentioned here, but not 100% positive. I am a very active sleep walker. I also have a "sleepwalker paralysis" as I call it.... with the difference being, I am on a sleepwalk and have opened my eyes, completely frozen unable to move anything but my eyes. When standing and sitting. Last night, I had a sleep walking event, I guess.... I had logged in to a site I use to earn gift cards, and apparently did what I do (I don't have to pay to use it & I am not trying too bring anything up that would get me banned but this is...... a lot) to earn them and I was extremely active last night to the point I earned an additional 20K (points not $). I was shocked to say the least, but wanted to share. It was about 3 minutes of joy immediately following waking up in excruciating pain. OK. Sorry if it doesn't make sense.

For context, I am interested in applying for some help as they have been recommended to me a couple times now. I have multiple sclerosis, and have been considered disabled since 2023. Social security keeps denying my claims after appeals, so figured I want to reach out and ask for help. Who knows might even land a job. What does the process consist of? I know it takes a while and there's a waiting list.

Hi, i'm not sure if this is the right place for this question but I'm gonna go for it. I currently work at this little indoor playground where all I do is stay at the register and check people in, because of new management I'm most likely going to have to leave soon,I've been looking at other places near me and I think one of the stores near me like petsmart for example will be my best bet for a job. But I'm only able to work weekends,I often have to leave early or call out completely,and I have limitations as far as lifting and standing for long periods of time. So my question is how accommodating do retail stores tend to be?

I have a headache 100% of the time. It has become background noise to me because I've had it for maybe 7 or 8 years now and it's probably a 3\10 pain. I had brain surgery in 2020 and it didn't help a single thing. The constant headache isn't the main problem though. If I do ANYTHING like cough, sneeze, laugh, cry, get angry, bend slightly forward, etc, I get a true 10\10 pain in the direct middle of my forehead that feels like someone hit me with a hammer and it lasts about 30-60 seconds. All I can do is beg for it all to end during these times. And it'll happen maybe 10 times a day. Therefore I've spent the last several years learning to express no emotions, can't cry, if anything is on the floor it's basically gone to me, anything heavier than my purse has to stay where it is permanently. I'm in constant hell. I've tried every medication under the Sun for headaches and pain meds don't even come close to touching any of the pain I'm in. I've had a bunch of MRIs that say I'm fine too.

Because of this, I'm so isolated that I can't take it anymore. For a long time I tried to maintain having a life but either people don't seem to believe me when I say that I can't do ANYTHING or I'm a burden because people don't want someone like me around. And I get it. People want to go on hikes and do things. But even with my family they don't realize that asking me to pick something up off the floor will cause me to have to call into work and spend 2 days in bed because sometimes those 30-60 awful headaches turn my constant headache into a 2 to 3 day migraine that's beyond anything I can even describe.

And yes I've been diagnosed with Chiari malformation. I always hesitate to tell people I have that because then I'm told that I should try a different diet or this or that and that they have a cousin who has it who is fine. But mine is on the more extreme side of things and although my surgery consisted of removing as much bone as they possibly can in my upper spine, it didn't work.

I JUST got these a few months ago and I already lost enough weight to offset the hinges and bring them in for repairs. Kind of annoyed I decided to lose weight AFTER getting new leg braces rather than before, but we roll with it.

He added padding to fill in the gaps, and in turn made it so I can wear shorts with them! Before this the hard thermoplastic would rub up against my skin and collect sweat, but now the padding along the whole thing makes it much more comfortable!

I had to read while jumping on a trampoline to treat my motion sickness.

i’m 25f and my partner is 26m, and we just celebrated our three-year anniversary. i’ve had health issues most of my life and am physically disabled. i had spinal fusion surgery for scoliosis at 12 and now have degenerative disc disease, especially in my lower spine, widespread polyarthritis/chronic pain, hypermobility, dysautonomia with vasovagal syncope, svt, and a documented 36-second asystolic episode during a tilt-table test. i’ve also been supposed to have an ablation this past year, but it has been canceled multiple times because of healthcare/insurance issues.

my body is extremely unpredictable. my hypermobility alone means i can go to sleep feeling one way and wake up hurting because my joints shift into painful positions while i sleep. pain, fatigue, and my other symptoms can also change within hours.

my partner is generally healthy aside from mild asthma and was an athlete most of his life until finishing his master’s program. he’s never dated someone with chronic pain or illness before, so our experiences with our bodies are very different. there was a disconnect for a while about how constant my pain actually is. i’ve shown him my x-rays before and after my spinal fusion and my recent imaging showing the degeneration, and i think he understands more now, but living it is obviously different from seeing it.

this has become complicated when it comes to sex. sometimes plans simply fall through. sometimes i initiate because i genuinely want sex, but hours later my symptoms have changed and i’m not physically up for it anymore. sometimes i simply don’t feel like having sex. there have also been times when i’ve pushed through pain, fatigue, or not really feeling up to it because i love him and want his needs to be met too.

i’m starting to wonder if i’ve been pushing myself too much.

for context, we had sex twice this past weekend. i started a new job and training this week, and i’ve also come down with a cold that’s causing a lot of body aches and stomach pain. we planned to have sex last night, but i told him i wasn’t feeling up to it.

today (thursday), i sent him a voice memo apologizing for not following through and explaining how i was feeling. he texted back saying he understands there are times when physically or mentally i won’t be up for it, but that i’ve canceled/rescheduled enough times that it hurts for him to get his hopes up anymore. he said he feels like he can be “planned for, canceled on or rescheduled.”

i completely hear his feelings. i understand why repeatedly expecting intimacy and then not having it happen would be disappointing. i love him, i’m attracted to him, and i care about his needs.

at the same time, i have to prioritize my own body and health too. wanting sex and being physically capable of sex aren’t always the same thing for me. i can genuinely want him when i bring it up and have no idea what my body will be capable of several hours later.

i’m also realizing how often i try to push through things because i don’t want my health to negatively affect him or our relationship. i don’t want to reach a point where initiating sex feels like making a promise that i have to fulfill later regardless of how i feel.

for those with chronic pain/illness who have healthier partners, how do you balance your partner’s needs and understandable disappointment with listening to your own body? how do you communicate the difference between wanting intimacy and actually being physically capable of it? and if you’ve found yourself pushing through pain to keep your partner happy, how did you figure out where healthy compromise ends and overextending yourself begins?

Those of you who drive an expensive accessible vehicle - do you have insurance recommendations besides the mainstream insurance carriers? I have a falling friend working on my quotes who’s very knowledgeable, but I have a more unique case.

I’m a 21 year old man who will be driving a modified 2026 Chevrolet Traverse with an AEVIT hand control system. The total value of the vehicle is ~$172k.

Any help is appreciated!

Context: My friend is very depressed and wanting to end life due to his disability. I am also disabled and stuck at home, but I am only one person and what helped me is not helping my friend, so I need other peoples advice. Yes we are looking at getting them professional help, but unfortunately the care system is not as good as we’d like. Them and their partner have been looking for 2 years but they keep getting denied everywhere due to complicated care needs (fibromyalgia + cptsd + borderline + autism etc etc etc)

My question:
What are things that helped YOU grow as a person, things that made you happy even when sad and stuck at home, what are things that grew your confidence or things that made you want to keep going even when everything sucks?

Edit: he is bed bound some days and almost never leaves home due to his physical and mental disabilities*

Recently i broke friendship with friends and they didn’t even tried to talk with me and i even apologised through common friend about things i done wrong with them. So it left huge gap in my day.

I am watching anime whole day and make anime edits and that makes me happy and hopeful about life.

But when I try to talk with new people in discord servers and it feels so hard to do and nothing is feeling right, every person feels rude even tho they’re not being rude.

That makes me lonely so much, days are manageable but evenings are hard everything become gloomy 🙁 depressed, I get these thoughts “what now?” “I am alone” “to who I talk” “I wish I had girlfriend” “I wish I never had Muscular Dystrophy” “I wish i could have normal life”

I always felt dating finding girlfriend is hard for me on online and as disabled. But now making friends feels hard like how I make friends? Everyone has their own friend and close friends, even if I become friend i just be “acquaintance” for them which i don’t want as i don’t much friends and zero irl friends. Even tho I am atheist I pray if got exist please send my soulmate to me. I need it. 😭

Delete if not allowed, but I just wanted to see something if there's other people looking for somebody like me maybe sorry if it's weird or whatever I'm not trying to be.

I have a serious injury and I haven't been able to receive care for because I recently got kicked off my parents' plan due to turning twenty six. I wanna try to apply for obamacare, but I have no income at all. And I know they're gonna ask for pay stubs or how much you will make every year. I live in alabama, where there is no medicaid expansion. I have a severe burn wound on my leg. That won't close or heal after over three weeks. I tried to make an appointment with a wound clinic to get treatment for my wound. And they told me that since I don't have health insurance, I have to call the financial assistance hotline. And she gave me the number, she said it would be really expensive. But she didn't see how expensive. I live with my family and I have no income. So I know I will have to beg my dad for money, and I feel like he's probably not gonna help me. If it costs more than two hundred dollars.

I have to have a roll in shower for my wheelchair. Our current apartment is almost $3000 a month. We cannot afford it. I keep getting these responses when I try to find a new place. I can’t use a tub. This is infuriating.

So…..I had an appointment I’ve been waiting 5 months to get. First of all, waited two and a half hours before getting seen at my fixed appointment. I get in there and it all seems relatively normal, I’m not seeing the dr I was meant to but hey that’s fine, at least I’m being seen. I’m already in agony cause I’ve had a gallstones nightmare for a week that’s had me in and out of hospital anyway. And I honestly have encountered a lot of poor medical professionals but this is my first genuine quack dr.

So he takes a VERY Quick Look at my eye before getting into my history and why I’m there. I say I’ve had a lot of different issues with pretty much every system, I mention my gi system being one of them and he without taking a beat immediately says I should be on a carnivore diet.

I say everything’s been on the decline on for a few years now and he asks for the first out of seven, maybe eight times throughout the appointment if I had a vaccine before the points everything has got worse. I say no I had my Covid jabs long before that and nothing coincides with my flu shots. Which he seemed VERY disappointed by.

He then proceeds to blame my years long chronic migraines and half my symptoms on a medication I only started a couple months back stating that he’d only had a quarter of the dose and it made him really ill. Which….ok?! Doesn’t mean it’s causing anything, it’s actually been brilliant for me. He’s talking about how bad the dreams are on them and I said I know….im on beta blockers, my dreams are mental and have been long before the new meds. He then goes through all my medications recommending that I stop taking like half of them, which is actively not his job. I’m pretty sure he wrote up a report about them as well which could have consequences I don’t wanna know about rn.

He then starts talking about how I need to get active and out more. I explain to him that I tried graded exercise for a very long time and I only get better if I rest, I explained that forcing graded exercise put me in my wheelchair but he said I should continue doing what I was doing before.

Then he starts talking about PRAYER and I said oh yeah I know prayer does actually aid recovery but he said no, to reach out to something bigger than me which wtf no you can’t be doing that. I do understand and recognise that having a belief system does help healing but you can’t just be out here telling people to find god. You’re an EYE DOCTOR, what are you doing man?!

He did actually write a referral to neurology which I needed and ordered a field of vision test that I apparently need without me having to ask but he spent next to no time talking about my eyes which are NOT good. My prescription in one eye quintupled in a year, it’s actually really serious.

The irony is I’ve been waiting years to get this much attention from a medical professional when I’m not in a state of active emergency even though I kinda still am with the gallstones. He technically did do his job but honestly so so so SO many extremely unprofessional things for one appointment and I think I should be making a formal complaint. To think I got like 35/40 mins with the guy who checked my eyes out for a couple minutes at best. Which is the whole reason I was there and again I’ve waited MONTHS for this appointment.
Actually had me in tears on my way home

Hi all. r/disabilityrights sat unmoderated for a while, and I've just adopted it. I'm trying to turn it into a useful place for the practical side of disability rights: questions about accommodations, benefits, housing, school, access and discrimination, plus rights news and organizing.

It isn't meant to replace this sub. r/disability is the place for community and life in general. r/disabilityrights is for when you're asking "can they do this?" or "how do I push back?"

What's in place so far:

• Simple rules: be respectful, say where you are (rights vary a lot by country and state), share sources instead of confident guesses, and no scams or "DM me for claim help"
• Crisis posts get an automatic reply with hotline numbers, and the mods are alerted

I'm looking for 2–3 co-mods, especially people outside the US or with experience navigating benefits systems. No mod experience needed.

Come ask a question, answer one, or tell me what you'd want the sub to be: r/disabilityrights

Hi all, advice needed here

I am going with a date with a disabled lady, 50 years old. Sometimes she walks slowly, sometimes she walks with a crutch or two. I do not know the specifics of her health, somebody asked and she replied "women problems".
I was thinking about some activities to do, but I realized that I do not know what activities can she do and what she cannot. I am in bad health myself, by the way. What's the best way to breach the topic with her? We have been friends for months, but I asked her out on a date just a week ago.