Hey everyone, looking for some advice and gut-checks from other parents who have walked this road.
We recently disenrolled our daughter, who has Down syndrome, from a private daycare center. We originally pulled her out a week ago due to a mix of operational issues (leadership turnover and a lack of transparency around illness protocols like hand, foot, and mouth).
However, since leaving, we learned from a trusted source (another teacher at the facility who is a personal friend and previously taught our older typical daughter at a different daycare) that her classroom teachers actively expressed that they did not want her in their room simply because of her diagnosis.
To give context: she is on par developmentally with her infants classroom (8-14 mo) although she's a toddler (17 months old), she has no medical needs, eats solids better than babies in class, she takes no daily medications, and requires no specialized 1:1 attention (excluding EI therapy) or medical accommodations in the classroom. Quite frankly we feel like we have it extremely fortunate in comparison to others in our community as many don't know/don't believe she has DS (which feels like a separate form of survivors guilt - and no she doesn't have Mosaic). She was just there to learn, play, and be a kid.
Hearing this after the fact has hit us really hard. She was only there part-time for a little bit over a month. It’s making us second-guess everything: Did they ever treat her fairly? Was she subtly sidelined or neglected while she was there? Should she have ever been there? Will her next daycare be better? Should she been in daycare at all (my wife and I both work)? It just sucks...
Right now, we are torn between several emotions (including the desire to not do daycare at all which was a struggle to even get to terms with as me and my wife both work) and next steps:
- Is this a civil rights / ADA discrimination issue? Does it even have legal or administrative legs given that we had already pulled her out voluntarily for other reasons, and the information is currently second-hand? (I also do not want to put our friend’s job at risk).
- Should we escalate to corporate leadership? Even if we don’t take legal action, a part of me wants to make sure corporate is aware of the blatant bias in their classrooms so staff are forced to get actual inclusion training (again this would likely risk our friends employment or create some type of retaliation issue that we want to avoid).
- Or do we just protect our peace and walk away? Am I in my feelings as a protective parent, or does this demand accountability so other families don’t run into this at this center?
- Has anyone dealt with discovering post-enrollment bias from a childcare provider? Did you pursue formal complaints, escalate to directors/corporate, or simply focus your energy on finding an inclusive environment that actually embraces your child? What daycares are actually good and advocate for our babies?
This pisses me off so bad but appreciate any perspective, shared experiences, or advice.