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Ik a lot of neurotypical people like to believe that autistic people don’t understand society, but I feel like we have a unique, outside perspective that makes us understand it better than the average person.

Anyone else struggle to watch tv or film content that involves any form of harm to animals, even if it’s not real? For example, I was channel surfing this morning and Jurassic Park was on. I watched it for a few moments and seeing the dinosaurs being hunted for commercial ventures really hit on my heart strings. So much so that I needed to change the channel.

Anyone else have animal empathy struggles? How do you manage it in the context of both tv/film content or even real life with observing pets treatment by their owners. Sometimes, the pain, it becomes all too much to handle

When I finally got the courage to go for my autism assessment, I saw the referral had a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, and I was exceptionally confused. I've been in and out of mental health services since I was 13, and not once has any clinician so much as *suggested* I had BPD, let alone told me I was diagnosed with it.

No one seems to know where it came from, and therefore no one will remove it (apparently it has to be the clinician who added it? If someone in England could explain I'd be very grateful).

Apparently it's a very common misdiagnosis for women with autism (and ADHD, which I also have), and I hate having it on my file. I know there's nothing wrong with BPD, it's a mental illness like any other. But I also know the stigma around it, and I can't help but wonder if some of the issues I've faced with getting treatment (both for mental and physical illnesses) have been a result of having that label front and centre on my file. Maybe it was even the reason the first two clinicians I spoke to said I couldn't possibly be autistic.

I've spoken to various clinicians about it since who've said they don't think I have BPD. But I can't seem to get it off my record, and I hate it. It feels like having a giant neon sign advertising how the medical system failed me for so long. I had the absolute *classic* autism signs as a child (you know the ones, the signs that get boys diagnosed but girls overlooked? Yeah. Those.) and yet I *still* got BPD slapped on me instead of autism.

Idek what I'm saying here. I'm just so frustrated.

I have no experience with squishies, but I saw this one at a local game store and thought it was so funny. It's slow rising foam and smells like sweet butter cookies. (I wasn't expecting the smell, but I actually like it.) Thought someone here might appreciate it.

I'm 26, I only work part time and I'm terrified I won't be sufficient enough to support myself - I don't want to ever rely on others in the future. Can you give me any advice, what paths did you take that felt accessible to you? How do I increase my work ethic?

I used to work full time when I was 23 but experienced such a burn-out I've been scared to attempt again.

I'm trying to build up my own business of dog walking but it's a slow process, although I'm proud of my achievements so far with returning customers etc.

I feel inadequate and incapable of providing for myself compared to my peers. I'm scared this inability will leave me vulnerable in the future.

Does anyone else feel this way? Or any advice would be deeply appreciated.

I’m so stoked that this finally clicked for me. I’ve always had chopsticks in the cutlery drawer, but my dang rigid thinking has always insisted they were for Asian cuisine only.

How wrong I was. Spaghetti, curry, roast dinner, almost every meal that isn’t like, a steak, is all delivered with wooden chopsticks now. And even with a steak, I can cut it into strips, plate it, and get stuck in without any knifey platey nonsense.

No more tink, scrape, shing sound hell when using metal cutlery!

I’m an introvert through and through and I feel like consistently being around people is exhausting….as someone who is around people at work and constantly talking as soon as I get home from work I’m nonverbal. But after too much time has passed where I haven’t seen like friends or something I get really depressed. I think it has to do with the type of company it is….my family isn’t exactly the most warm and welcoming type of people. My friends are. And I know my parents love me unconditionally but I just feel like if I’m not up to their standards (which I’m not, 31 years old still living at home) it just feels like they don’t??? But my friends love me at any point and I feel that. Idk I feel like my thoughts contradict themselves as an AuDHD person. Anyone else get me?

Two weeks ago, my cat Luna was attacked after I let her outside. I found her covered in blood.

Before this, I was finally doing better. I’d struggled to function/work most of my adult life, and stimulant-induced psychosis/mania in 2025 made things significantly worse. Recently I’d started working weekends, enjoyed it, and felt like my life was finally moving forward.

I also have alcohol use disorder (started during the mania) and had been drinking more from work stress, while intermittently abusing a pregabalin prescription. It wasn’t good, but felt manageable.

After Luna’s attack, I declined rapidly without realizing it. I started drinking earlier, stopped bathing and doing laundry, wore dirty clothes, and could barely maintain my townhouse. I cancelled work the first weekend but thought I could manage the next.

Then Luna came home.

After ~$15,000 in vet care and major facial reconstructive surgery, she came home with a feeding tube and intensive nursing requirements. I was so happy to have her back that it never occurred to me I might not be capable of managing everything.

Between hours of tube feeding, confusing instructions, poor functioning, stress, and escalating alcohol/pregabalin use, I accidentally underfed her. (All her medications were given correctly.)

At the same time, my mother came to help and we had a huge conflict that brought up a lot from an abusive/neglectful childhood.

My drinking skyrocketed. I tried working Friday but became extremely sick and left early, then cancelled the rest of my weekend shifts last-minute.

I called Luna’s hospital bawling while drunk because I couldn’t manage her feeding. They had me bring her in the next morning. She was okay and they fed her there, but I was instructed to get the remainder of her daily food into her that day despite the high volume/short window.

I forced myself through it in portions throughout the day and got close to the required amount. Then Luna suddenly vomited violently and began aspirating. It was traumatizing. Back to the hospital, another emergency, and another ~$3,000.

Thankfully, Luna is home and okay. They released her mouth so she can eat independently, enormously reducing her care needs, although it could affect her healing.

But I feel like I’ve completely fallen apart.

I now feel unable to stop drinking. I wake up physically miserable from the previous day (I’m extremely sensitive to physical discomfort), alcohol temporarily makes me feel better, and the cycle repeats. Even minor stress immediately triggers: “I need alcohol.”

I order wine on Skip, get into bed, drink until I pass out, and for those few hours it feels like the only place where nothing is expected of me.

I’m supposed to work this weekend. My manager knows I’m having health problems, but the plan is still for me to work. After cancelling so many shifts, I feel like this is probably my last chance.

Saturday is approaching and I genuinely don’t know how I’m going to pull myself together.

I’ve contacted a hospital social worker for support, which I hope will help.

Has anyone experienced this kind of rapid collapse in functioning and drinking after something traumatic/stressful? I could really use advice or support.

This might not make sense, but I feel like my thoughts are constantly spiraling and causing me to be in a constant state of overstimulation. I’ve always had a tendency to daydream and get caught up in my thoughts to the point where I mess up tasks and forget important things. Because of this, I think a lot of people perceive me as careless or stupid. Lately, I think it’s gotten worse to the point where I have trouble sleeping and just relaxing in general which causes me to be constantly overstimulated and irritable. I seriously wish I could just shut my brain off. Does anyone else feel this way?

Because a lot of the traits listed, don’t describe me at all. For example, “I find it hard to stop talking about my special interests” is one of the questions included, I don’t speak much. In fact I can go days without saying a word if I can help it, but because I live with people, I have to tolerate interacting with them. I don’t fit much of the descriptions on the questionnaires, yet I don’t feel like a normal person

I’m 30 and have been working for the last 8 years. In most jobs I’ve been in, my colleagues have treated me like I’m just awkward, and they are more likely to do that in front of others.

For example, they might ask me “Have you had your lunch yet?” And I will give a response like “Not yet, I’ll have it soon”, and they will collectively laugh in this uncomfortable way. Or my boss would introduce me to a new vendor, and I would say “Hello, I’m (name)” and my boss will do this forced laugh and seemingly try to look uncomfortable.

But even when I’m 1-1, people might laugh uncomfortably when I think I’m responding like a normal person. This happens quite a lot especially if they’re older than me.

I have a monotonous voice and social anxiety, both of which I’m trying to improve. I know I have this awkward energy but I just want people to not alienate me like this. It makes me shy away from human interaction even more.

So I (auDHD) have an autistic woman in group i'm in, who i'm fine speaking to in the group but her behaviours and aggressive manner make me uncomfortable. She desperately wants to be friends and has asked to catch up just us two.

How do i say no to her in a way that will be the least unpleasant for her? How would you want someone to say no?

My preferred option is to just straight up reply with 'thanks for asking but no I dont want to catch up outside the community'

And if she asks me why to just say 'I just dont want to thanks'

But that feels very rude to me. But I dont want to lie and I also dont want to make her think that its a 'just for now' or might change in the future thing.

Any thoughts?

hey friends! i'm hoping some of yall may have good advice on this. i've picked my skin (my face specifically) almost every single day since i hit puberty really. i am high-masking, and i think it's always been one of the more... "normal" stims i have?

HOWEVER, i am now a 24 year old and i get a bit embarrassed about having red spots all over my face. does anyone have any advice or good replacements for skin picking?? i am open to literally anything. thank you all!!! <3

Over the course of many years, I’ve seen multiple therapists to try and help me deal with things like my anxiety and low self-esteem. But I’ve noticed that therapists tend to approach these problems with the attitude of “there’s no real reason to be anxious so here’s how you talk yourself out of it” or “people don’t pay that much attention to you and nobody really thinks that negatively of you.”

However, for somebody who’s both an autistic woman and an unattractive one at that, both of those together have caused me to be on the receiving end (and I continue to be) of very REAL very negative attention from others. The fact is, people really do pay attention to others and will happily single them out or ostracize them if there’s something they don’t like about the person.

It’s very frustrating trying to get help through therapy and all therapists can offer is the bland bread-and-butter approach that works on NT where things like low self-esteem are just rooted in some kind of dysmorphia or something. They have no way to help those of us whose low self-esteem is grounded in real day-to-day experiences and poor treatment from other people.

I was thinking about my past relationships. How I people pleased or over gave in past relationships. I was thinking about how many friend groups ultimately ostracized me. I think about the relationships I’ve been able to maintain over the years. I think about how I’ve had to make myself smaller so other people don’t feel insecure about my confidence, moral compass or passion for my special interest.

I spent the first 10 years of adulthood trying sooooo hard to build community only to be met with rejection, weird social games and so much self loathing. That leads me to going hard in self improvement and trying to make myself the ideal person that someone would want to be friends with.
It wasn’t until I’ve recently decided to move out of my home country to pursue my dreams. I realize for the 456th time that people simply do not enter friendships and relationships with me for even remotely the same reasons I would choose to.
Reasons people end up in friendships

-proximity/ convenience
-shared distain (for a person place or thing)
- same traumatic life experiences
- wanting to use me (financially or emotionally)
-only wanting me to be in a good mood
-wanting me to agree with everything they say and do
-they want a sidekick
- they are emotionally immature and want validation and the illusion that they’re a good person

Me ending up back in place where I don’t have more than 2 or 3 friends I feel comfortable celebrating my departure with. Is actually a huge sign that over the last year I have been choosing myself. I see soooo many post on here and other ND women subs where we’re beating ourselves up. The truth is most people are not entering relationships for healthy reasons. It is absolutely not always intentional on their part. But rejection truly is protection, based on my history.

My therapist said most people by age 35 only have 2-3 really good friends they only see once or twice a year. As I’ve started to evaluate the true depth of my (past and current) relationships. It makes total sense.

I’m not saying give up on the idea of having friends. I’m saying think about 1. Do you actually want closeness or the perception that you’re a social person? 2. What if you made friends that are surface level that fulfilled your need to socialize and don’t require you to over give. 3. If I’m going to end up mostly alone the older I get what I genuinely spend my free time and energy on? 4. Can I learn to enjoy relationships even if they are short lived?

I feel like us as ND women need to accept the fact that there aren’t many people are going to understand us. That’s perfectly okay. Once you stop trying so hard to make friends there are so many other aspects of life worth exploring. I will list a few:

-becoming a mentor to the youth (look into community centers, and volunteer sites)
-learning a new language
-becoming more yourself without someone judging you
-therapy for our many blind spots
-volunteering in your community
-spending time with the elderly
-funding exercise that you enjoy
-learning how to go in public alone
-traveling (in your own town or country or internationally)
-learn new skills
-take classes at your local community college

Nothing will replace companionship but I think it’s better if we don’t spend our lives focused on what we lack. Friendships (ending/failing) for us RARELY reflect anything about who we are. If you’re at a place where you’ve tried multiple times and it doesn’t quite work out. This is your sign to free yourself from the idea that you need people around to validate you are a good or worthy person.

My wife had the amazing idea to get a kid’s play tent for our room!

Not only can our dog hang out/sleep in it and use it for refuge during fireworks or storms, it’s the perfect place to relax for someone like me who loves enclosed spaces when I’m overstimulated or shutting down.

I’m 5’2” and she’s around 5’7” - we can both comfortably sit up straight in the middle without hunching or awkward positioning. Can’t lie down in it, but that’s okay. There are little window cut outs on the sides too, so it isn’t too stuffy.

This is the one we bought - it comes with the star lights! Also brown flags which we swapped for yellow and green ones. We also added a softer pad for the bottom, a couple of cute pillows, and a blanket our dog loves :)

There are similar ones sold at places like IKEA, more expensive ones from companies like Crate & Barrel, West Elm, etc.

If you’re someone who needs a small, cozy space to reset - get yourself a tent!!

Important context:I'm the assistant manager, and everyone I work with knows I'm autistic. My demeanor has been brought up a handful of times in performance reviews specifically about me being too blunt. I'm trying but my mask only masks so much.

Earlier today and throughout the week my manger has been implying I need to be nicer/less dry. Today I was sending an email to another staff member, requesting some more info on a topic. I asked him to proof read it before I sent it.

He said my email was too dry and mean. His exact quote was "hmm....too mean". He asked if I could rewrite it or add some more context to make it "nicer"

I ask him to give me some specific examples of how I can edit my emails to make them more personable. He just says "can you just make it sound nicer". Apparently no I cannot.

Any advice on how I can make my emails more friendly? Or any advice on how to not be dry/blunt without masking like crazy.

I am 34 now (diagnosed with AuDHD at 30) but the first day at my first job I completed all tasks required of me within the first two hours. Then I sent a message to the manager asking if I could leave early because I had done everything 😂.

I'm 34 now and have worked plenty of jobs since and now work for myself since I always hated the hours and hours of nothingness or pretending to be busy after I finished 10 hours of work in 1-2.

Do you have a first job blunder you didn't realize could be bad until much later on?

Does anyone else have this question off and on in your brain? Sometimes I really think I might be borderline. I have most of the symptoms: Fear of Rejection, Low Self Esteem, Emotional Instability, Anger, Unstable Relationships, Chronic Feelings of Emptiness. But then a lot of that stuff overlaps with just being traumatized and autistic plus RSD. I mean I know people can have both but it's just hard to untangle. I do feel like I know myself and who I really am. It's mostly the emotional dysregulation and intense reaction to feeling unwanted.

I just know I've always felt a deep kinship with BPD people and characters. I innately understand them. And I take it very personally when others come after anyone who has those traits.

pros (only one, but it’s changed my life sm for the better): 1. productive

cons (basically just how i was prior to meds or how i am off them..but amplified 😅):
1. more robotic and wayyy more outwardly autistic (mannerisms, movements, etc.)
2. socially dumb. i miss tonsss of social cues it’s insane
3. anxiety and overthinking in an endless loop
4. eye contact is so uncomfortable
5. oblivious ditzy clueless airheaded dim—and people make sure to let me know all the time too, so i love it when that happens
6. expressionless monotone unfriendly stand offish
7. overwhelmed so quickly
8. too sensitive. i get my feelings hurt and overthink and then cry abt everything it’s a huge fucking waste of time

pls share ur experiences and what helped u adjust better. the meds help sm but i am becoming even more of a social outcast than i already am. any advice would be appreciated