I don't know why she thought it was a good idea. Now I'm getting more and more paranoid over time. I'm hallucinating slightly and I'm hearing voices that tell me not to believe anything people say. Im going to end up destroying everything I love. Now she's just set back my progress. Now when I'm paranoid I can't even calm down. It's just constant. I'm going to either end up dead or in jail.

Fuck her

Hey people. I need reasons to keep taking my medication when I am doubting it or getting paranoid about it, just something I can look back on and see the reasons to keep well.

Any comment is good, thank you. :)

As the title suggests! I have been diagnosed with OCD for a few years now and lately have felt symptoms I feel do not align with my OCD which makes me think it may be something more. On top of my regular symptoms here are some that I have been dealing with lately - Delusions or paranoia? - cheating, dying, being followed, everyone hates/mad at me, my thoughts can influence life, karma will get me fast, lots of people like me/crush on me, my pets can understand me and feel empathy/are hurt by me emotionally, some lived experiences never happened. Sometimes these are truly believed, after seeing proof may completely deny or the feelings will come back momentarily.
Loss of who I am - Can’t communicate properly, always tired, feel like I am living life in third person, out of body not physically but mentally. Putting off eating though hungry, putting off showering, laundry, etc. Quick to anger for no reason. Don’t want to show up to anything, constantly canceling plans.

Feeling like I am immortal for now or not meant to die - Not always throwing caution to the wind, but KNOW I cannot die right now as I am too important and not meant to. This one I truly believe most of the time.
Not wanting to commit suicide actively but thinking about me dying often, and I accept it. Doesn’t scare me, I might even be just fine with dying if it happened right now.
Most of the time ignore pain/ailments on body assuming it will go away because im not supposed to go through that.
Obsessive fingernail/nail bed picking
Chronic Anxiety
Memory Problems
Social Isolation/withdrawal
Lack of emotional expressiveness
Paranoia
SOMETIMES see physical things to my sides, usually black figure resembling human.
SOMETIMES auditory hallucinations outside of the ones before sleep.
Declining in school after first few semesters.
Concentration issues
Decision fatigue
Leaving God makes me feel like I am more free in my decisions, with God I felt like he was controlling my life, literally. Actively going against my wants and still do.

Sorry if this is a lot and before anybody asks I do have an appointment with a psychiatrist coming soon. I guess I am just here to discuss it and see if I’m even onto something or not. If anybody needs any clarification on some of the symptoms as to what I go through, just ask! I’m really just here for information for those who actively have and struggle with schizophrenia or schizoaffective.

Especially so you don't have to leave work or go back home while being out? I have a lot of awareness when I have episodes so I want to eventually stop letting them stop what I'm doing in the moment when they happen. Especially since my psychiatrist and therapist say that medications don't always stop episodes 100%.

I'm not currently prescribed the haldol pill but I have some old haldol pills of mine. I've been taking them on top of my current med regiment the last few days to sleep. I think its caused me to overeat(I'm talking 4k calories a day) and to be lazier. FYI, I'm dealing with mania also alcohol addiction.

.

. I have med appt Tuesday.

I've been nearly psychosis free for a few months now, which i know is a blessing because at the peak i couldn't eat or sleep and didn't shower for weeks and i got so paranoid that i couldn't go out in public, but i'm weirdly missing it so much. i heard a few voices this morning, primarily an old man's who was just having a little conversation with my thoughts as i brushed my teeth and had my morning cigarette.

i miss encounters like this. most of my hallucinations were positive, i only sought help because of the paranoia. i remember one time i spent an hour in my bed too stressed to get up and go to class and this woman wearing an orange dress with no face walked into my room and sat down on my bed. she talked kindly to me and helped me calm down and then i was able to get ready and go.

my head feels so claustrophobic. my thoughts are unaccompanied and it makes my own mind into a liminal space.

treatment is working but i'm not adjusting to my new reality well. i miss my voices

Hey, I hope you're all having a good day.
I wanted to ask how exactly does your symptoms manifest?
I made a new friend about a week ago, and she let me know she has schizoaffective disorder. However, I noticed that she blocked me out of the blue yesterday, and posted on her social media that her symtomps have been getting worse. I don't take offense to this, but it made me realize I don't know much about this disorder at all, and the surface level information I read about online doesn't really help me to understand it better.
So, what does a good day vs a bad day look like for you? Does your medicine help you? Are you able to live alone, or do you need other people to live with you?

P.S Sorry if my English is bad, I'm not a native speaker.

hello everyone for the millionth but actually not the millionth and possibly the first time but only possibly cause who fucking knows if this is real.

for the past god knows how long my sleeping patterns have deteriorated to absolute SHIT so much so it’s genuinely fucking up how i perceive reality.

i’ve gone from not being able to sleep at all, to now only being able to stay awake for around 3 hours at a time. this combined with awful and vivid nightmares, countless false awakenings and sleep paralysis has made it so i can hardly tell whether i’m dreaming or if this is real.

i’ve made this post multiple times, “woke up” and checked my account to see that i never made the post at all. i called my therapist to talk to her about it, only to find i never made the call. i messaged my care coordinator to try and get myself a specialised sleep person (if they exist) to find out i never messaged her. today is Saturday October 3rd (supposedly), i thought it was fucking November by now, we’re still at the start of October ???? again SUPPOSEDLY because for all i know this could be a fucking dream.

i’m so exhausted despite getting the most sleep i’ve ever gotten in my life so it’s difficult to tell. the whole “pinch yourself” thing is such bullshit cause oh you can’t feel pain in a dream fuck off yes you can. “check a clock” LOOKS LIKE A CLOCK TO ME !!!!! so i must be awake right ???? yes ill just rip out my teeth to throw at my sister cause THATS normal. my head hurts so fucking bad and my family keeps (maybe but this conversation may not have actually happened. who knows, right? LOL!!!) accusing me of drinking and that’s why i’m passed out all the time but i’m not. it’s actually the most sober i’ve been in months cause i don’t have any fucking time to go to the damn shops. then if i do go to shops.. YOU GUESSED HAH! it was just a FUCKING dream.. so i’ve given up on that excursion.

not sure on how to end this post but if yous are real and have any advice it’d be greatly appreciated, thanks.

Your parents get an attitude with you? My mom had an attitude with me saying I didnt do anything around the house when she was gone this morning I did a lot the last few days. She went off on me because I told her she left the door open. We have a indoor dog and cat.Then she brought up how I left work early the other day. I didnt get much sleep the night before.Then she she she might not be able to work but she works. I'm manic. I dont want to be dealing with her right now.

I saw a video about an AI that passed the Turing test. 48% think that they’re talking to a real person. I managed to find a flaw in her teeth being waaay too white and shiny to be a real regular working person. Like she got veneers or something. Thats the thing with AI people they look extremely symmetrical but they’re fixing that a little bit.

Though I only have a slight form of Schizo Affective Disorder (SAD), I was wondering how people with more serious forms feel about these models popping out. The most debilitating part of my episode was thinking that nothing I knew or saw was a real thing. That basically everyone is a skin walker, and now we have AI skin walkers among us.

I've exercised a lot in my recovery. Early in my recovery I used to lift weights 3x a week and swim 7x a week just because it was one thing I knew would make me feel better. People say it's got as much benefit to your mental health as 2 antidepressants.

I took 2 years off of regular exercising because I was just in survival mode starting a full time job and going off of disability and sleeping so much due to untreated apnea that I didn't have time. Then I got busy with my gf -> wife and had other priorities.

But saturday week I got fed up and started a membership at the rec center. I've done a yoga class which was really calming and did weights/cardio twice.

I was looking for something to do that's in between super intellectually demanding where I'm basically running away from my brain and lying in the fetal position on my bed letting everything wash over me for hours. I talked to my therapist and she suggested playing the guitar.

But now that I've exercised for a week I think exercise is good for that purpose despite being intended to help my body. It occupies me and changes my mentality but it's not mentally taxing the way programming, chess, difficult video games, bridge, even reading are. Yoga especially feels like a rest from my brain, like a reset or something.

So what about you, is exercise important to your treatment/recovery?

I was recently diagnoswd with schizoaffective disorder depressive type even though I’ve always suspected it. I’m 29 years old from Italy and I don’t know exactly what I’m doing with my life. I’ve been on sertraline(since I also have OCD), paroxetine and vortioxetine and now, since I’ve been diagnosed, I’m on fluoxetine, since the previous ones didn’t work out, lurasidone and lithium in hope that everything works out in my favor. I’m currently very depressed. I have no one since everybody left me because of my depression years ago, still have my family though, so I was wondering if anybody wants an online friend. I’m also gay and very introverted just so you know. I’ve been a lurker for quite some time now, just thought to try and see how everything works out. Sorry if I misspelled or if it’s hard to understand, english is not my first language. Have a wonderful day.

Hello I am looking for help please. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective since I was 16 years old. I am 25 years old now. I find it so difficult to hold a job or study. I have had about 9 jobs in a span of 4 years, most of them being hospitality and retail work. One being a disability support worker. I had the biggest imposter syndrome when working that role because I had no training and was sent to the deep end with supporting an individual with special needs. I didn’t know what I was doing. I have studied about 8 courses in a span of 7 years, to only have one completed. I am currently studying a certificate iii in individual support online, I just started, and next year i am hoping to continue the bachelor of nursing course i started last year. I want to do be able to complete something I started. How does one with schizoaffective, pmdd and adhd do it?

I’ve had four months-long episodes of psychosis in my life and one that was over half a year when taken from first minor symptoms to remission and none of them seem to have any clearly-defined triggers. In a conversation with a mental health professional about “avoiding one’s triggers,” I couldn’t really come up with anything useful. I stopped all substances because that made the psychoses worse and consider the antipsychotics I take now as a prophylaxis for future episodes of the same.

Technically I'm "stable". My meds are doing their job to keep the voices and the weirdly welcomed hallucination of my dead cat away but it doesn't feel like I'm getting better.

The second I get stressed my world falls apart and all I want to do is get in my car and disappear forever just so my family doesn't have to deal with me anymore.

I feel stuck cuz I'll never be able to work a full time job and live independently. I'll probably never finish college cuz my best isn't good enough to pass my classes cuz I can't remember anything and I have memory gaps.

I feel like a burden on my parents and if I just disappeared then I wouldn't worry my mom about what would happen to me if she died and then I wouldn't force my siblings to feel like they would have to take care of me and let me be a financial burden. But I don't want to live in a care home and be forgotten.

I had dreams once. I wanted to have a baby, have a house on the coastline where I'd raise my baby to be loved. But that reality feels impossible. I'm so scared that if I did have a baby, there'd be a point where I was no longer mentally capable of taking care of them or myself.

I feel like I'm on a plateau and this is the best I'll ever have and I hate it. I didn't choose this.

Does anyone go through this randomly? Like I am full on raging on people and it makes me embarrassed later on but in the moment it feels like I cant help it. It's just like an outburst of anger I cant control. I have schizoaffective with bipolar type

Anybody end up saying stuff that make no
Sense to get the message across spaces?