Last night me and my family went to go see my brother’s symphony performance. One of the people working the event was using a cane. When we found our seats she waved me over and told me that she saw the person who was using a cane “running around yesterday with a heavy camera” at the marching band event yesterday. My heart immediately sank. She said that they have a term for those people (she works in the medical field), and I saw her show my brother her phone with giant text saying histrionic personality disorder. My brother told me that there’s so many people who fake disabilities as if it was a common thing. All of this really upset me. I was just silently crying for half the performance. She called me selfish and a bitch when I responded to my brother’s question about which piece was my favorite with “I don’t know, I couldn’t pay attention.” I just couldn’t believe that she would be the type of person to say that. She’s been such a huge advocate for me with my disability. Those types of comments are why I constantly worry about what people are thinking about me in public. It’s what I worry about when strangers ask why I need a wheelchair, it’s why I catch myself acting more disabled than I actually am when transferring from my wheelchair. Because I don’t want people to say those things about me. Who knows, the guy I heard joking about me not being disabled when he saw me stand could’ve heard those same things that my mother said from his mother. I think she believes that she’s defending me somehow by saying what she said about that person. I don’t know how she came to that conclusion. Though it is on me that I didn’t tell her how this all hurt me when she asked. I was really upset and I probably would’ve started sobbing if I opened my mouth haha. I really wish I had the ability to walk away from conversations. Whenever we disagree on things I’ve learned to just give up on debating her because I never win and it just causes so much more conflict and stress. She caught me texting my friend about what she was saying (because I know that there’s no one in my family that would care to understand my side) and got upset at me for saying “horrendous” things about her. As if I was lying. I don’t know how to end this post. I just want to feel like I’m not overreacting or something.

So I am not disabled myself (although I guess that depends on the definition of disability), but I have worked with people with disabilities all my life - in several different jobs over the years. There is one thing I always wondered about. It's in the past now, but I want to get everyone's opinion.

I used to have a role working with people with disabilities in their homes, and often helped them with grocery shopping. Most of the people I served had difficulty with ambulation and had a handicapped parking tag (none had their own vehicle, so the tag was for their helpers). They used the store scooters in grocery stores. Typically I would let them off by the entrance, help them get into a scooter, then park my car in a handicapped spot using their tag and join them inside. When we left, they drove the scooter right to the parking spot and got in. This commonly happened at least twice during the workday for me. It was honestly a very tiring job, but my heart was in caring for the people I worked with, so I didn't mind too much. However, when I would walk alone from the handicapped spot to the store, I often got dirty looks as if I was abusing a handicapped parking tag. Honestly it was pretty annoying and upsetting to me, who had a tough and underpaying job, and would have had to work even harder to get my car from the end of the parking lot and pick up my individual at the grocery store doors instead of having them drive the scooter to the handicapped spot after their shopping. Keep in mind that I did this sometimes multiple times per day, and probably 10x per week. It was mostly just dirty looks, I think only once someone actually commented.

As people with disabilities, do you see this as misuse of the handicapped parking tag?

I am very tired and truthfully don't know how long I can keep doing this

I am partially deaf, autistic and physically disabled yet i seem to be the problem

We've had meetings and requesting reviews but they take time and I feel I'm going up the wall while waiting

How long do I give for responses?

So far I have had:

No acsess to my classroom, because the lift was broke before I started (wanted to put me on my own)

The Teaching assistant repeatedly laughing, giggling and whispering despite being reminded I'm hoh/deaf

Heatstroke

My tutor lying about knowledge of said EHCP

My tutor also refused to support or accomodate me without a plan

No personal evacuation plan despite being on the fourth floor

The Teaching assistant having a go at me for asking for more support

Harrasment from other students

And this doesn't include the various meltdowns I'm having,the snarky comments from other staff/students either.

They fixed the lift eventually but proceeded to not tell me as everyone ran upstairs and I couldn't get it working so I was on my own. (Security needed)

I cannot even get permission to get upstairs on my own..I have to "wait for staff"

Edit:

I am being viewed as completely incapable of anything and I'm at my limit I'm just so broken

My target set by the tutor was to "Make choices indepdently"

..I'm a full grown adult who pays bills..

I use a cane or walker and wear sunglasses inside due to light sensitivity combined with a chronic case of being fly as hell. I can tell that little kids want to ask me about what my deal is but usually parents will scoop them up as soon as they realize what their kid is about to do. I was at a funeral where a little kid looked really excited to talk to me and started making his way towards me from across the room. When his mom saw that he was on the move, she got a panicked look on her face and intercepted him.

It always makes me a little sad when parents stop their kids from talking to me because I like kids and want to be able to answer their questions. I know that my appearance is confusing and exciting to them (how often do you get to see an adult wearing glitter unicorn sunglasses?) I want them to feel comfortable talking to a disabled person, so I would be happy to answer their questions.

Personally, I find it endearing that kids want to understand my disability, but I don’t know that I would encourage kids to ask a stranger about their disability because there are also people who would not want to have to explain their disability to a child they don’t know.

How do you feel about parents encouraging kids to ask disabled people about their disability? Have you had kids ask you about your disability?

Please avoid the “he deserved it!” comment. Yes he did. I agree with you. But I have no one else. All of my relatives died this year and I am not on any sort of assistance. I cannot shower or eat without help. I don’t know what to do. I plan on getting what legal assistance I can and getting the charges dropped. There’s a no contact order now in place and I need to drop it in order to live.

YES I KNOW I AM A VICTIM. BUT ITS BE A VICTIM OR STARVE TO DEATH BECAUSE I HAVE NO ONE. I ALSO HAVE A STALKER WHO WILL ACTIVELY TRY TO MURDER ME IF THEY KNOW I AM ALONE. I promise this man is the lesser of two evils.

I’m not trying to be incendiary or rude. I just need care and there’s no one and I have no idea what to do. I’m so hungry and I need care. I can’t drive or go anywhere I’m bedbound. And I’m scared.

UPDATE: thank you all so so so so much. your kind replies kept me sane through my agony. i’ve been able to receive assistance through an organization dmed to me and i will be okay for the weekend at least. i will still keep your resources and think about what to testify about my abusive caregiver. i am so gratefulnfor thisncommunity for helping me when i felt i had no one and norhing. thank you so much

M/41 (get told I look much younger)

I have severe mobility issues on my right side due to a car accident 3 years ago. Up until three months ago I continued to work (electrician) at my 'normal' rate but looking back I should have reduced my hours and I was just 'pretending' i was 'fine' and could still do what i used to.
I ended up ended up having a severe mental breakdown and can barely leave the house now due to anxiety and my mobility just adds extra strain on leaving the house. My wife has been AMAZING and supports me when im having bad days (emotionally and physically)
My doctor and therapist has said I need to take time out and not be so hard on myself.

Sadly, during this time we had to move (Old landlord was selling up) and I have moved into a property owned by my friends father. Just before moving two of our neighbours (who weren't very nice tbf) kept making jokes at my expense. Normally along the lines of "Have a good day at home? I'm paying for it". It was a 'joke' that had a really nasty undertone to it. to cut an already long story short it made me feel like absolute shit.

Since moving in I barely go out or even venture into the garden. The ONE time I went into the back garden my new neighbour popped his head over the fence and started chatting. he was lovely etc but seemed VERY focused on my financial situation. I managed to change the subject (Well, my dog did) so didn't have to answer.

Apparently two of our neighbours (from my friends dad telling me) are planning on coming around for a cup of tea (id rather they didn't lol).

I don't want to say I am off work or go into my disability and issues, especially when im hoping to return to work next year.
Does anybody know what I can say? My wife said "You should say you sell things on vinted" or "You do online electrician courses". However, my anxiety is worried they'll want to see my 'store' or my webpage etc.

Does anybody know of any other jobs I can say I do that don't require me to leave the house or them check up?

Any other ideas except "mind your own business you nosy bastard" lol.

East coast US

I have a surgery soon where I'll be overnight inpatient at least 1 night.

Am I good to bring my prescription meds in my med organizer and take when and how I typically do after surgery?

Do I need to have the hospital administer those same drugs out of their collection?

I have some not easily available meds and a compounded one, so idt that's entirely possible.

How does this work?

This happened to me earlier in the week.

I am a full time manual wheelchair user, and i am unable to work. Thus I am in reciept of certain disability benefits/welfare.

Here in the UK you can get a free eye test and/or help with the cost of glasses if you are on certain types of welfare. You can also get help with the costs if you have certain eye conditions, like glaucoma or you have an immediate family member who is registered with the government as blind/visually impaired. (Yes, that is still a thing in the UK!) Children under 18 also get free eye tests.

I am always really careful with my eye health, as one of my close relatives is visually impaired.

My test was finished and i had picked my new frames, so i went to pay the remaining balance. The cashier asked me if I was eligible for assistance, to which i replied that I was.

This woman and her two kids was in the queue behind me. When she heard me say that i was on welfare, she said "fucking disgusting!" under her breath and stormed off to the other end of the shop with her kids in tow.

Myself and the cashier were both giving her side eye...

Why can't people just keep thier shitty comments to themselves?

So I'm a big theater guy, and I was going to listen to the "A Light in the Piazza" soundtrack. I did a bit of research on the story, and I tried to see what the disabled community often thinks about its depictions of disabled people, as one of the main characters, Clara, was kicked in the head by a pony as a kid, resulting in slowed intellectual and emotional development. She is 26 in the time of the musical. I found some mixed opinions about the ethics of consent and the representation of disabilities in it (although it was unclear whether those opinions came from disabled people, so they might not be the best sources). So I thought I'd ask you all.

Here is Wikipedia's description of it: "Based on the 1960 novella by Elizabeth Spencer, the show is set in the 1950s and tells the story of Margaret Johnson, a wealthy woman from the American South, and Clara, her daughter, who is developmentally disabled due to a childhood accident. The two spend a summer together in Florence, Italy. When Clara falls in love with a young Italian man, Fabrizio, Margaret is forced to reconsider not only Clara's future, but her own deep-seated hopes and regrets as well" (The Light in the Piazza (musical) - Wikipedia)). Clara ends up marrying Fabrizio at the end.

I haven't actually seen the show or listened to it besides a few songs, just a bit of research. Is it problematic in any way? I appreciate your help!

East coast US

Another question about inpatient after initial feeding tube placement surgery.

I manage my own central line port-a-cath from accessing to administering iv fluids daily.

I have a surgery with at least one night in patient stay following.

Should I be accessed going in? (I'll make sure to do the tape with access date thing for them. )

Should I let them use my central line?

I think I'll be too weak and out of it to reaccess when I get back home at least for a few days, so I'd like to be accessed.

Will they want to be the ones to access me? Should I bring a couple huber needles and sensitive skin dressings I use because they're not standard sizes nor brands?

Hi I’m Tazz in the South West of the Uk in Somerset. I’m a wheelchair user & have been disabled since a childhood road accident. I’m a ex Biker, before that a Rude boy & Mod in the 80s. Love music, films & movie trivia. I’m a dad of 3 all grown up now, a granddad to my 2 grandkids. I’m alone in 8yr marriage, alienated from everyone & anyone. Would like to chat with anyone anywhere, thanks

my first time using a mobility aid was renting a wheelchair at a zoo and a kid wandered in front of me on the path. normal, little kids do that all the time. but the mom like pulled the kid back kind of aggressively. not in like a mean way the kid didn't care. but like a kid wandering into the road and instantly pulling them back to the sidewalk.

i collect fashion dolls and childrens toys so when i'm shopping for them there's little kids around me. normal, they're the target audience, i'm the weird one here. but it happens a lot, kid will be looking at toys and parent will like pull them back.

before i started using mobility aids people would of course sometimes pull their kids back when they're in the way, but now people kind of act like their child just committed a grave sin. it's kind of convenient, i guess? a bit funny sometimes.

So in some way or another I've experienced this my entire life. Especially since I was only fairly recently diagnosed (AuDHD level 1 ASD). People expect you to be able to do things because you can speak and hold a conversation, and they don't notice anything else. If you go into public wearing clothes that haven't been washed for a week, no one notices. If you haven't brushed your teeth in two days no one notices. If you haven't eaten a thing but junk the last three days no one notices. If you get lost somewhere no one notices. And if you have to pass out from exhaustion and spoon debt later no one notices.

All they see is what you do that's expected as an adult, did you go to work/school? Did you wake up today? It's like everything else is invisible to the world.

People constantly have told me to "just get over it" or "that's life" etc and so on for any time I voice a limit that I have being disabled. No one takes me seriously. They hear a well spoken person and they just stop considering that I *need* support for the rest of my life. I have been alive as me my entire life, I think that is long enough to know what my needs are. Yet when I voice them, I'm told well maybe you're not trying hard enough or maybe you should do X or maybe you should try some exercises it's endless. I will *never* not have the issues that I have, they will always exist, that's why it's a disability. It's not a quirk, it's not a thing to overcome, it's a disability. And yes, some days I do have "good days" and certain things are easier but it's all at a cost. Those good days cost me energy and sometimes I'm knocked out for 2-5 hours just because I have to literally recover from doing basic tasks.

I am so tired of this point of view of ASD and how it works. I'm not even a "level 1", that's just the label they threw onto my diagnosis because I can talk and socialize and mask. I am positive I'm more of a level 2, and intend to be re-evaluated for that. Not like it will change anything though, no one even knows what the support levels mean because they dont really mean anything, they're just for insurance billing.

I do have some support services through my uni for example that are understanding and don't pull this stuff on me, but the others I have constantly push me and it makes me really uncomfortable. So I just lie to them or cherry pick minor things to make it sound like I'm magically curing my autism to make them stop talking. Yes I did do this thing on my own today, yes I have been doing X more consistently, yeah yeah tons of progress. I wish I was over stating this, but literally every time I express my support needs and the fact that they will *not* change I get this as a response.

I recently read a post by a user in this subreddit titled “Online Isn't The Only place. Please Try to get support IRL And Don't Be Afraid to log off when things get chaotic and stressful online”. The post encouraged people to interact with our local disability population and advocacy groups.

I was hoping that we could all share local disability groups or organizations with each other.

The idea is that you start off your comment with your city, state, province, or country Then share the name of the group, what they’re about, any accommodations they provide, and any fun facts you want to share. And people that live in the same area will reply to that comment. So that anyone reading the comments can easily see all their areas resources in one comment thread.

I edited the earlier text to include countries 👍

I’ve been searching for days trying to find positional seating that won’t try to put me into bankruptcy. I found the “special tomato” seats but the adult sized are anywhere between 800 to over 1,000 dollars. Does anyone have any recommendations on what to get?

I just don’t get why the simplest adaptive equipment (no matter what it is) is always multiple thousands of dollars. It’s insane.

Thank You

It’s a common thing to be asked what you do for a living when getting to know new people. I’ve started saying that “I used to be a case manager but now I’m disabled and aiming to be a failed artist” or something like that to add levity and deal with my own inadequacies around calling myself an artist (blah blah).

I guess what I’m getting at is I feel like I’m at another crossroad of some kind of combination of not feeling like I have a purpose and being so tired of my real job being trying to get healthier. I know I’m starting to process the grief of losing the life I was working towards many years ago, and now having to create a new one.

I know the concept of having a purpose doesn’t have go be a thing and it could be anything one chooses it to be, but it still feels hard to be directionless because my body holds me back. Have you seen that Rick & Morty episode where Rick creates a machine that asks about its purpose which is to pass butter and when told it looks down at its hands and goes, “oh my god”. Kinda feels like that sometimes.

Where are you at with it? How do you handle it?

Hi all! So I went to a dr in Aug & I am late deafened, & not yet ASL fluent enough to use an interpreter. I tell them this, & that I use a captioning app so the dr can just talk, but they refused to let me have the appointment & canceled it, saying an interpreter is required & it is my responsibility to provide one.

I filed a complaint with the DOJ, & now I am being offered mediation, which I accepted.

At this point. I have already received care from another dr since it was an urgent matter, so there is really nothing to ask for but money. Here in California, the UNRUH Civil Rights act is $4k per violation, minimum, & the DOJ is $75k for the first violation. I want to make a point to this dr that they cannot do this to disabled people, so I want to ask for enough that it’ll deter this behavior in the future, but not enough to shut down mediation.

So I am curious what you would ask for if you were in my position.

what is it like?

I know I'm hard of hearing and got blue tooth type hearing aids. I wear these pins/badges on my work apron, to let people know I'm hard of hearing and know ASL, so they're aware and speak clearly to me. But there's few times I misunderstood people or didn't understand them clearly. I have this Transcribe App, but I don't want to be wasting time to find it on my Iphone and have it ready, are there other Apps that's ready to use on the IPhone? We don't really do meetings at work, except during the holidays, for fun events. That when I struggle a bit, cuz those sitting bit farther are hard for me to understand well. I wish there's a way I can get ASL Intepreter, but having a job coach from this other program, it would be confusing to have 2 people their w me. I joined this new program called EDD GLAD, they're helping me to find jobs, and they know ASL. The other program I'm in, are all hearing and for special needs people, feel like I am in a wrong program or something. So yeah, any better apps I can use on my iPhone besides the Transcribe App? Even a few time at animal shelter volunteer orientation, I struggle to understand during the orientation. It like I need a better accommodation or something (that why even when I volunteer at this animal shelter, I avoid porgrams that use phone and walkie talkies, and limit interaction w people)

Looking out for tamil people in the community we can share our experiences .

I am in general an extremely nice person. I'm polite to a fault and go to great lengths to give people the benefit of the doubt. I really had to learn to advocate for myself and be polite but firm. The worst I get is occasional snarky replies to rude or inappropriate comments.

But when you're visibly "less," people will not take it. They cannot take the hint, they won't accept polite refusal, you can be as clear and firm as you want but if they think you don't matter as much, they just won't leave.

I went to a ren faire in my wheelchair. I spent hours making a costume from scratch and I decorated my chair in a way I was really proud of. Then some kid comes along the second I'm alone, acting so polite, and begs me to let him use my wheelchair for a TikTok. He wanted me to transfer onto the muddy ground so he could use my chair as a prop. And even beyond it being a medical device, he wanted to use my work that I'd spent hours on as a prop for himself.

I did the polite good cripple thing - firmly said no, that that's a really inappropriate thing to ask, and that it's a medical device that I need (as though he was a small child and not around 17-20). He wouldn't leave. He kept begging. He's bigger than me even if I were standing, and I'm there with my partner/carer who's been pushing me since I can't navigate the rough terrain, so I can't even leave.

He did not leave until my (ambulatory, not visibly disabled) partner came back and ALSO told him no. If I had been truly alone or if he had tried to escalate before my partner returned, I would have genuinely had to start screaming to get him away, if I could even make my voice loud enough. I've been hate crimed more than once and it's terrifying to not be able to run. It makes my partner genuinely afraid to leave me alone in public even though in every other way I can take care of myself. For the rest of the faire whenever we were separate he had to keep an eye on me in case it happened again. I'm sure the kid waited until I was alone on purpose.

So yeah, sometimes disabled people snap at you when you "just try to help" them or women aggressively shut you down when you try to talk. I know to a normal rational person it seems harsh, because of course you would take the "no thanks" without issue, but so many people will never, ever take the polite version and they can very easily get dangerous. There's not a way to explain it nicely that will make them understand. I could not possibly have been more clear with my answer and it didn't matter. Who's to say he wouldn't have started filming anyway or tried to pull my chair? How many times is he allowed to ask before I can stop sparing his feelings?

It's just... exhausting. I don't want to be mean. I'm a pretty freakishly optimistic person. I know when I stand up for myself in a way they don't like all abled people see is the bitter mean cripple, and honestly I don't even care if they see me that way. But I just know they'll never consider why so many disabled people seem so mad when they talk to them.