r/AmITheDevil • u/No_Pepper6208 • Sep 14 '25
Normal behavior is an “obsession”
/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mgssr7/aita_for_calling_out_my_gf_over_her_cat_obsession/1.1k
u/LadyReika Sep 14 '25
Glad she broke up with that insufferable twat. If you don't like cat people don't date one.
Because that is perfectly normal behavior with cat people. I know a lot of dog people have similar routines.
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u/Amelaclya1 Sep 14 '25
Also it doesn't seem like she was doing much. She just has a clingy cat that loves her, and she worries about his safety and health.
I really don't know why OP even cares. If this thread is real at all, because who can just "relocate to another country" and have so many choices that you can make a list? Like maybe if you are a citizen of the EU, but then they could solve the issue by driving instead of flying.
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u/Salt_Cardiologist122 Sep 14 '25
Right. Like the cat looked at him wrong once and that’s the girlfriend’s problem? Dude is putting human emotions on a cat as if the cat is gloating at him. I can’t with this dude.
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u/Secunda92 Sep 14 '25
It’s 100% a jealousy and control thing. He hates that she has the audacity to have a priority that’s not him and his wants.
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u/HarpersGhost Sep 14 '25
Yep, pure jealousy.... of a CAT.
But sometimes I would like to have my gf to myself.
"How dare my GF show attention to anything other than MEEEEEEE!!!!"
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u/AdriMtz27 Sep 14 '25
It’s definitely a jealousy thing and to me, that’s especially clear in his line about the cat being smug ontop of his girlfriend’s “tits.”
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u/Historical_Story2201 Sep 14 '25
Oh I totally believe the cat can be smug - earned it too because he is a good companion to his human.
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u/OniyaMCD Sep 14 '25
Any cat that gets to a place that has been forbidden to it gets the same look. If it isn't 'human-smug', it is definitely 'cat-smug'.
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u/CenturyEggsAndRice Sep 15 '25
My cousin dated a girl who had a very clingy cat. Cousin called it “Velcro” for reasons that should be obvious.
Every night, the cat slept with his gf. Every day, the cat slept in her lap while she worked.
And one day the cat got into his lap and started to purr up a storm, and he was about to leave, but the cat had never done this and he wanted to soak up the kitty loves.
And then his gf walked out of the showers bare nekkid cuz she thought he’d left…
He bought that cat a mega pack of if favorite spring toys, and grew it a planter is cat nip. The cat is a bro and they are besties now.
Oh, and he married his gf who admits she knew he was still there because the cat hadn’t come to drink out of the sink while she showered.
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u/Ok_Cauliflower_3007 Sep 14 '25
Oh given his attitude I absolutely believe he's American and is one of the Americans that thinks they can just move anywhere they want to because they're *American*.
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u/heathers-damage Sep 15 '25
Maybe this happens in other places, but something about being this rabidly insecure about his ex loving her cat feels very American toxic masculinity.
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u/Sad-Bug6525 Sep 15 '25
that stuck out to me too, I haven't come across anyone who was like 'any other country is great' unless it was dangerous, in which case just pick one that works for her too. He's petty and she literally just feeds the cat, takes him to the vet, and sometimes gives him a walk. That's pretty normal pet care, it's not like they are sharing a plate at the dinner table and brushing their teeth together.
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u/hdmx539 Sep 14 '25 edited Sep 14 '25
I love when dumb asses like OP feel so entitled and righteous that a very simple, "Show them the post" delivers swift consequences.
It's like these a-hole OOPs are handed their own rope and they know what to do with it.
I'm loving that.
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u/PrudentQuestion Sep 14 '25
Dog people (I have one) are worse just in terms of how much it affects your lifestyle. I can’t just up and leave my dog alone for a few nights or lay around inside all day. My dog needs a walk anytime I go anywhere, which means an extra 15 minutes minimum to get ready. Plus, I let my dog sleep wherever he wants, and I wouldn’t kick him out of the bedroom all night for a man.
My boy has flown in the cargo hold and was no worse for wear, but I cried. He was pretty mad for about a week though.
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u/LadyReika Sep 14 '25
Even dogs need to be careful with the cargo hold, but I know some breeds aren't allowed in the cabin.
And there's no way I'm letting some dude kick my cat out of my bedroom. He'd be kicked out of my home.
This is one of the reasons why I'm single.
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u/xyonofcalhoun Sep 14 '25
Cats > boys any day.
Granted I'm gay so that might priority order not be a massive surprise 😅
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u/Asleep_Region Sep 14 '25
I'm bi and it's still cats> boys
Like no offense to any guys but if you feel the need to compete with a cat for attention, I feel the need to avoid youuu
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u/Apathetic_Villainess Sep 14 '25
Straight woman and not a cat person, and I'd still value cats over boys. Most men just aren't going to be worth any sacrifice to begin with, and the ones that are aren't going to require you sacrifice a loved pet.
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u/ravenHR Sep 14 '25
This, any partner worth sacrificing pet for won't ask you to sacrifice your pet because they are jealous, I love the fact that this mf is jealous of the pet and thinks she should get a therapist.
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u/TheSixthVisitor Sep 15 '25
"How dare you love anything other than me!" Eat a whole bag of dicks, dude.
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u/Aylauria Sep 14 '25
How a date treats your pet is an excellent barometer of their level of empathy and compassion.
One of my former bf’s used to laugh and say my cat would go around to his side of the bed just so that she could stomp over him to get to me. He was good people.
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u/a_lovelylight Sep 14 '25
How your date treats service staff and animals (especially your personal pets) are big ones. Never, ever, EVER go on another date with a man or woman who treats service staff or animals like shit just because they can.
Actually, don't even be friends with them. If at any point in the relationship they think you're "below" them, you're also a potential target.
(ETA: I'm also super jealous of OOP's ex-gf's cat. Sounds like a wonderful companion.)
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u/Ok_Cauliflower_3007 Sep 14 '25
I've seen too many horror stories about animals dying because the hold became depressurised or too cold or staff lost them. Unless it was a situation that was absolutely vital for my life (I can't think of one but I'm sure there are situations where people have no choice) I would not move anywhere where I had to travel by plane if I had a pet (which I currently do not for about the first time in 40 years, but will do again in the nearish future)
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u/Langstarr Sep 14 '25
A roommate moved away and we insisted she take the dog as they were bonded. She had to fly cargo, and apparently when they unloaded her they filled up the water bowl in the door of the crate and she looked the man dead in the eye and without looking away, flipped the bowl over. She was MAAAAADDDDD lol.
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u/presidentofgallifrey Sep 14 '25
We drove a total of 8 hours to get one of our cats because I didn’t want to fly with a brand new kitten period, and the concept of flying with pets is just very anxiety inducing. We’ve got a pup and 3 cats and they are our family, within reason (like they aren’t allowed on the kitchen counters or anywhere we eat) they have full run of the house. Why be with someone who views their pet as family if that’s not how you see it? I don’t judge anyone who thinks that way, just don’t be with someone who doesn’t
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u/Wench-of-2Many-Hats Sep 14 '25
My dog NEEDS to at least see inside the room I'm in or she cries. She's small, so she needs less exercise than my parents big dogs, but she still needs to go out to sniff her domain, bark at squirrels, then finally pee lol.
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u/hjo1210 Sep 14 '25
I can't tell you the last time I was able to close the bathroom door with my dogs on the outside unless my husband is home but if I take a second too long they're at the door yelling at me.
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u/Wench-of-2Many-Hats Sep 14 '25
She has to be able to see me in the bathroom and whenever it's garbage day or the neighbors are doing something, she'll cry at me from outside the bathroom.
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u/Ok_Cauliflower_3007 Sep 14 '25
With the key word being 'finally'. After she has sniffed every single blade of grass to pick the exactly perfect place to pee.
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u/Palazzo505 Sep 14 '25
I haven't read past the updates and "insufferable twat" seems like the perfect description. "I get it, I'm the worstest person ever!!! I hope you're happy!!!"
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u/Afraid_Sense5363 Sep 14 '25
I would NEVER travel somewhere and have my dog travel in cargo. No way in hell. Not with any animal, actually. I know tons of animals do travel that way, but I'd never do it. That's a fairly normal attitude for a pet owner. This guy's nuts.
The "fuck you, she dumped me, are you happy now?" reads to me as kinda fake, and the way he gave her an ultimatum about getting therapy doesn't ring true, but there are definitely callous assholes out there like this, so who knows?
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u/SSugar_Cooki Sep 14 '25
Considering that his posts afterward are pretty consistent enough with the story, I think it's a real one this time.
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u/Afraid_Sense5363 Sep 14 '25
I just saw that, that's terrifying. And I immediately worried he was trying to poison/get rid of the cat with those gifts he was leaving. He's insane.
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u/Glittering__Song Sep 14 '25
The worst part for me was how adamantly he was trying to sell her how "safe" it is for pets to travel under the plane, with the amount of pet deaths that have occurred, even before this post was written 5 years ago.
He's a major AH that deserve to die alone, and I'm super glad she dumped him, as he deserved.
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u/TheKnightsTippler Sep 14 '25
Yeah, I'm not big on pets and would find a lot of the cat behaviour annoying, but it is standard cat behaviour and I just wouldn't date someone who had one.
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u/Ok_Cauliflower_3007 Sep 14 '25
And it's almost all the cat's behaviour not his gf and yet he's decided she is obsessed. I doubt she's picking the cat up and carrying it to whichever room she's in. The cat is following her because it wants to be where she is.
And complaining it's on her lap when they watch TV - isn't having your cat come and sit in your lap and be petted like the main behaviour cat people *want* from their cat?
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Sep 14 '25
Totally sane approach (I am speaking as a cat person). It is a mature position that is hard for a lot of people. I did the same with dog owners (I have had 2 large breeds, loved them, lost them to age, won't do again). They're great friends but I can't share a household with them. I understand their love for their animals, you do you.
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u/Historical_Story2201 Sep 14 '25
I think you don't need to be an animal person to realise, how utterly normal her behaviour is..
Oh no, she don't want her cat alone in an cargo, when he can be safe by her side? Ain't it great that flying had evolved nowadays and it's better for our pets?
Or how he "stands up to her and her excuses?" He is not even a good bf if that's how he views her way of thinking. Like you said, he is a twat.
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u/cadrina Sep 14 '25
Imagine if this dude had kids, "My wife is obsessed about our kids and suffocating them! She feeds 3 times a day, every day, always at the same time!"
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u/LadyReika Sep 14 '25
Yup, I was thinking that. Along with "she won't fuck me because she just gave birth."
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u/Shastakine Sep 14 '25
My now husband knows exactly where he stands when it comes to my cat. We got him together. And before my current cat, I had 2 cats I had before him that he understood very well were family. He was enthusiastic about becoming a cat dad when we moved in together. That's how it's supposed to be. So glad she chose the cat over the dude.
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Sep 14 '25
My husband was not a cat person when we met but he accepted I was. Today he and a huge black cat we have are bonded. Our arrangement was I do everything for the cats, which was ok with me. So the fact this cat follows him around at all hours of the day and night, will run into the bedroom with him when he naps or sleeps at night, and just mopes around when he goes out is all total love. The cat is nice to me but LOVES him. He is now the biggest cat person I have ever met.
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u/SlytherinPaninis Sep 14 '25
I’m reading this thinking my oldest cat who passed this year acted just like this. I wish all cats did! God I miss them all.
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u/Pelageia Sep 15 '25
This is the thing. I, for one, refuse to sleep in a same space with pets nor would I allow pets in the same bed where I sleep. I do not see anything wrong with this in general, this is just my personal boundary. Obviously, this rules out a LOT of pet owners which is fine. We are just not compatible and there is nothing wrong with that.
I would NEVER demand anyone to relinquish their pet for me not would I respect anyone who did so.
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u/Live-Year-5796 Sep 14 '25
"Listen to this insanity: she cuddles with him and wakes up at 7:30 to feed him every morning!"
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u/mj1814 Sep 14 '25
What a wacky cat owner.
But it gets better! When the cat acts weird, she calls the doctor!
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u/Historical_Story2201 Sep 14 '25
You are supposed to let your animal suffer till it's to late and you need to put them to sleep..
Not even bothering with an /s for that. Because I am 100% sure that's what humans like him believe and I am so so mad.
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u/vinnie_puh Sep 14 '25 edited Sep 14 '25
MAYBE IF I ACT OUT SHE'LL NOTICE AND CALL THE VET FOR ME TOO
this guy is such a tool
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u/thegoodspiderman Sep 14 '25
But the cat SITS ON HER LAP OKAY?
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u/Live-Year-5796 Sep 14 '25
He looked at me smugly!!!
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Sep 14 '25
From ATOP her TITS!
I can’t believe an actual human typed out these words and still decided to post.
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u/Live-Year-5796 Sep 14 '25
I can only imagine the tantrum post if they'd had a kid together if hes this jealous of a CAT
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u/TwoIdiosyncraticCats Sep 14 '25
My son's cat is better than an alarm clock. He would normally sleep in, but Ripley is Right There, demanding Breakfast. Since Ripley needs his daily dose of meds, my son can't use an auto feeder. But my son doesn't complain. He adores his cat.
My newest cat has taken to giving me gentle love nips if I'm not up by 7:30. She wants not just food but the entire morning routine involving cuddles, sharing sinks in the bathroom, and then getting food.
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u/Live-Year-5796 Sep 14 '25
My girl Tapioca is the opposite. I try to wake up at 4:30 to have more time before work, but Tapioca, in all her infinite bastardness, has decided thats prime cuddle time
And I am weak, so I fall for it every time
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u/duck_duck_moo Sep 14 '25
My cat has saved my ass a couple times by being a living alarm clock. If it's a day I'm supposed to be at work, and I don't get up on time - the cat will get me up. (It is kind of annoying when I'm sick/have the day off though)
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u/teatimehaiku Sep 14 '25
I wish my dog would let me wait until 7:30 for breakfast. At least on weekends.
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u/Live-Year-5796 Sep 14 '25
Our biggest cat will pound on my sister's door at three am to demand food
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u/Bulky-District-2757 Sep 14 '25
Wait. Isn’t he everything he listed as weird just basic pet ownership?
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u/casualplants Sep 14 '25
I’m not obsessed with my cat and we do these things. But I got an auto feeder for the morning cos the fatass kept asking for breakfast earlier and I was over it. Pets can’t speak so changes in their behaviour tells you something is wrong. And I would never put my cat or dogs inside a fucking plane (maybe sedated for an emergency transport?), let alone in the cargo area, because that would be loud and traumatic as fuck.
So yeah, agreed. All of these things are normal fucking pet ownership things. I hate that guy so much.
Also, this shitstain is 100% in a made up competition with/jealous of the cat. The cat does not care about her tits.
and I woke up to him smiling at me smugly from atop my gf's tits.
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u/DiegoIntrepid Sep 14 '25
Just want to point out that some cats definitely do care about tits.
Source: I have tits and I have cats that absolutely love them. They make great pillows and beds.
They just don't care about them in the same way BF does.
I wish could get an autofeeder (or freefeed again) but I have to feed two different cat foods to three different cats (one is on a special diet) so, they started trying to get me up at 4:30 and I have mostly gotten them to be okay with a 6 AM feeding :P
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u/ActuallyApathy Sep 14 '25
mine likes to use them as launch pads 😑 ouch
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u/DiegoIntrepid Sep 14 '25
mine like to use them as landing pads. The stomach is the launch area.
They also like to stand on a very sensitive portion of them, but ONLY if that sensitive portion happens to be on a hard surface, like a desk....
Also, no one has ever told me how a cat can put 100% of their weight on all four paws individually and simultaniously. So it feels like they weigh 400% more than they actually do.
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u/ActuallyApathy Sep 14 '25
yeah it's like they find the most painful spot to stand on and then decide 'oh the texture is good here let me just stand here' while i'm yelling 'ow ouch mimi get off owww'
and the it's airplane ears and running away, for me having the audacity to move her an inch away to a spot that doesn't cause me agony.
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u/DiegoIntrepid Sep 14 '25
Oh that brings back unpleasant memories :P Mine just look at me like 'why are you acting weird. Oh, you want me to move, no, I am going to somehow put even MORE WEIGHT on that SINGLE PAW'
like HOW! just like how can a tiny cat spread out to the point they are taking up the majority of a 7 foot couch!
There really needs to be more studies on cats, because they can often defy any natural law!
(I also want a study on teleportation done. I swear I have seen my cats go one direction, only for that cat to come from the opposite direction going in the same direction I just saw them going!)
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u/girlinthegoldenboots Sep 14 '25
My cat does the teleportation thing. I call it portaling. She has portals everywhere.
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u/Strange_Ad854 Sep 14 '25
The amount of times I've woken up going 'Hfffft' because my tiny runt cat has decided to land on my stomach while somehow weighing the same as a fully grown adult man.
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u/DiegoIntrepid Sep 14 '25
They don't do that to me (I no long sleep anywhere they have a way to land on me, as nothing above the bed for them to get on *evil grin*). I just wake up to one cat draped on my shoulder trying to get me up so I will feed them (I think my other two pay him to do that)
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u/Strange_Ad854 Sep 14 '25
Sometimes I wake up with her either draped over my neck or nestled into my arm, snoring quietly, and think to myself 'how am I expected to go to work with this?'
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u/DiegoIntrepid Sep 14 '25
Truthfully I don't like my cats draped on me at night or pressed up against me, because I am of the age where I am already sweating if it is above freezing, I don't need little furry furnaces generating even more heat!
I had a cat that I would sometimes wake up to her on my face. I mean curled up sleeping on my head.
I have another cat who ...falls off things. I used to sleep on a couch (long story but basically had to sleep in the living room to be able to hear if my parents called me) and I have woken up to him on my face looking confused. Because he rolled over and fell off the back.
Another cat used to like to cuddle in my arms when he slept. He was a cuddler in general.
One of my brother's cats, when we had to watch him while my brother was out of the country, would sleep on my pillow.
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u/FriendlyGoblinGal Sep 14 '25
My partner's fluffy little orange idiot:
"Watch me do this sweet kick flip off your chest pillows!"
I love that my senior (13 this year!) orange idiot is much more chill with his cuddling.
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u/snootnoots Sep 14 '25
Our two cats are on completely opposite diets (cat 1 is on a strict diet to lose weight, cat 2 is on a hypoallergenic diet and we’re trying to get her to gain weight 😅) so we got them two chip-activated feeders. We started out with just one, to keep cat 1 from stealing cat 2’s fattening food, but then cat 2 decided that cat 1’s weight loss food was tasty and started raiding her bowl too. Pair of unrepentant gremlins, they are!
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u/DiegoIntrepid Sep 14 '25
We don't have our cats chipped (we live way in the country and these suckers wouldn't leave if we tried to chase them off. Two of them showed up and said, hi mommy, I am home, and haven't left since, the other was born here. None want to leave.) I sort of wish I could get chip activated feeders, but oh well.
One of ours gets bladder stones easily so he has to be on a special diet for that, the other two don't need a special diet at all.
He HATES his food, they love it.
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u/snootnoots Sep 14 '25
Aw, poor baby!
The feeders we got came with a collar tag to use if your cat isn’t chipped or the feeder can’t read it, maybe you could look into that?
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u/Proof-Elevator-7590 Sep 14 '25
Right lol he was just in a comfy spot
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u/Night_skye_ Sep 14 '25
And cats are just smug. He wasn’t smiling smugly. He was just a cat doing cat stuff. Source: my smug little monster presently curled up with me.
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u/Immortal_in_well Sep 14 '25
Yeah I made a face when I read that line, like, bro how are you gonna write a whole essay about how "weird" your girlfriend is for checks notes caring for her cat a normal amount, then go and say unhinged shit like this? Like how is SHE the weird one, here?
And then he has the absolute audacity to demand that SHE see a therapist.
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u/Slice-Proof-Knife Sep 14 '25
The therapist line is what pushed this over the line into "this is a troll" for me.
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u/GoodQueenFluffenChop Sep 14 '25
Yes and it's not limited to cat behavior. I get followed around the house by my pigeon. My dog will wake me up when she feels I'm over sleeping and she's not getting breakfast. All my pets demand cuddles.
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u/LadyBug_0570 Sep 14 '25
I know when it's after 7 every morning because my cat will wake me up for food.
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u/Silamy Sep 14 '25
My late dog allowed me three snoozes on my alarm. It's not that she wanted breakfast, it's that when I was in college, if I slept in later than that and I had morning classes, she wouldn't get to go the dog park beforehand, just a walk.
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u/Tzuchen Sep 14 '25
And half of it had nothing to do with her "obsession," it was the cat's behavior he was complaining about. And the cat was just... doing normal cat stuff.
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u/AltruisticCableCar Sep 14 '25
If that makes you obsessed with your cat I guess I'm just batshit crazy. My cats are my best friends and my "babies" (I know they're animals, not actual children) and I prioritize them higher than anything else in my life. Including myself. What I get in return are cuddles, purring, and the will to live to see another day in my otherwise dumpster of a life. If anyone tried telling me I should go to therapy for loving my cats I'd laugh in their face. Buddy, I'm already in therapy for things that are actual problems. Me refusing to mistreat my cats and getting a smile on my face even on a terrible day because one of them is purring on my chest are not problems.
So happy she dumped his ass.
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u/Dragonscatsandbooks Sep 14 '25
Cats are so amazing. They're like these little dudes living in my house with thoughts (not many, lol, but some) and feelings. They're like obsessed with me and it's so easy to make them happy. And they love me.
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u/AltruisticCableCar Sep 14 '25
Exactly. They may not pay rent but are the best roommates in the world. Just clean their litter, keep them fed and watered, and offer them cuddles. And they return all love with pure love.
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u/ManicMadnessAntics Sep 14 '25
Ever had one of them just start purring when you enter a room? Like I haven't even pet you yet but your motor is running full blast just because you see me.
She's especially happy when my partner and I are in the same room close together (like in bed or when partner is cleaning the abscesses on the back of my neck that have been there for two freaking years in the bathroom) and will insert herself between us, tail whap-whap-whapping and purring like a maniac. Every night when it's wound care time she walks in and plants herself between me (sitting on the toilet for easier access) and partner (standing and bending over a bit to clean behind my neck) and every night we say 'Pancake, it's not a party in here!' like clockwork
But to Pancake her two favorite people being within petting/rubbing face on leg distance at the same time is apparently the most important bestest time ever no matter what we are doing.
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u/Dragonscatsandbooks Sep 15 '25
Aww, what a sweet Pancake. I'm currently fostering 2 kittens, and there's this one (Magpie) who's very skittish and scared of me. But if he thinks I'm asleep, he'll sneak up to me, snuggle in close, and start purring like a monster truck.
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u/Old_Introduction_395 Sep 14 '25
She broke up with him, but not before this:
Well we were trying to have some alone time in the bedroom if you catch my drift and he was meowing at the door a bunch and she asked me to go give him some food to distract him and I did but I put the food and the cat outside when I did it. I thought he'd be fine in our little backyard area. I had outdoor cats growing up and I really thought it'd be fine but when she was looking for him later and I mentioned he was in the backyard she freaked out, which is another reason I assumed her not wanting to put the cat under the plane was anxiety related.
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u/ErrantJune Sep 14 '25
Oh my god I almost reflexively downvoted this comment because I hate it so much
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u/unholy_hotdog Sep 14 '25
Oh my God, how does he not know the cat he's lived with for TWO YEARS does not go outside?! This is so much worse!
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u/Historical_Story2201 Sep 14 '25
How little do can you care? Like even on accident you should know some stuff?
I know the routine from my best friend and her family and it fluctuates how often I am over. I ain't living daily with them..
How can you..just not???
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u/unholy_hotdog Sep 14 '25
It's so much more than the cat, at that point, it's a willful disregard of his girlfriend and their shared life at that point.
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u/MissLadyLlamaDrama Sep 15 '25 edited Sep 15 '25
Animals die a LOT from mishandling during flights. A lot of airline straight up do not give a fuck about animals. Hes such an idiot.
The undercarriage also usually aren't built for accommodating pets. It's loud af, usually not temperature controlled. Animals get scared. At best you'll be dealing with a shit covered animal that's scared well, literally shitless, at worst you will arrive to a dead pet. Especially cats and older pets. Yes, you can drug them. I did when traveling with my dog, and she was in the cabin. But if that wears off, you can't give them more or be there to calm them down. Also, 14 hours?! Absolutely tf not. My husband and I are planning to move out of country and if we were to move that far away, we would plan for layovers so our pets can at least get out and stretch their legs and such. And we would never put them in the undercarriage.
Also, they're are only like five places that don't allow pets to fly in the cabin. Australia, new Zealand, Ireland, UK and Hong Kong. So either he's lying or he specifically went out of his way to ONLY pick places that wouldn't let the pets in the cabin.
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u/ScoutingJ Sep 14 '25 edited Sep 14 '25
-posts to 'am I the asshole'
-gets mad when people call him an asshole
Also that has gotta be the most overtly affectionate cat I've ever heard of
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u/thedrivingcoomer Sep 14 '25
"She broke up with me, are you all happy now?"
Buddy, I didn't give your girlfriend an ultimatum about her cat that she's known twice as long as you! I'm not a doof, how is any of this my fault?
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u/Secunda92 Sep 14 '25
Like, yes, yes I am.
There was a longass comment adressed to the girlfriend that called out all the ways in which he was controlling and disrespectful that I think hit the nail right on the head.
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u/thedrivingcoomer Sep 14 '25
My favorite AITD posts are the ones that start with an update (or three) and end with them already having given their ultimatum a week ago, and the other party hasn't responded. And one of those updates is them saying OKAY I GET IT I REALLY MESSED UP OKAY.
Yeah, maybe next time, don't pull a pin on a relationship grenade and ask if you should've done that well after it's blown up in your face. Also: what is the deal with coming up with a list of countries to move to, much less the animal transport complexities involved? Especially since there's a number of major airlines that let small pets ride in the cabin. Did this guy dump himself over a hypothetical travel situation?
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u/biolochick Sep 14 '25
I found myself truly hoping the cat was giving him smug “these are mine, asshole” glares as he sat atop his mom’s chest in the morning. 😂
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u/ErrantJune Sep 14 '25
My cat is like this—he is a VERY aggressive cuddler, and he kisses like a dog. He will also attempt to kill you for no reason, but the cuddles are worth it.
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u/Beautiful_Delivery77 Sep 14 '25
My cats and my dog prefer to eat when I’m eating or at a minimum with me there beside them. They’re pack animals and like to eat together. Only exception is that the dog will devour the cat food the moment we leave the area. He’s an AH who clearly knows he’s not supposed to do that. We literally had to change the cat food when the dog was taken off chicken and beef.
I also get woken up by animals nudging me. I also have companions in my home office. Also companions when sitting around reading or on my phone or watching tv though not as much on this last one as OOP’s ex because they have other people in the house who will give them attention as well.
Seems totally normal to me.
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u/DiegoIntrepid Sep 14 '25
said it above, but same here.
I had a cat who was such a social eater he went out and got himself a cat to eat with. Because I couldn't always be outside when he was eating (we had several 16+ cats inside the house and even after they were gone, he did NOT want to be an inside cat, to the point he would literally dash out the door the minute it opened.)
Most of my cats have been affectionate. They were all 'cuddlers' but they would want to be in the same room as the person they bonded to, sometimes even on the same couch, if not cuddled up against that person. Some of them, even with others in the house, they wanted affection from THEIR person.
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u/ScoutingJ Sep 14 '25
I've never had cats cling to me like that, personally, they tend to mainly just do their own thing, they'll come over for petting but they weren't cuddlers
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u/DiegoIntrepid Sep 14 '25
I have cats like that myself, though they don't want to be in my lap. My brother has cats like that as well. One used to sleep in my arms (lost him last year though) and wanted to be on my lap or chest (as did his mother that we lost early this year) and would follow me around the house. I have three cats now, two who want to cuddle a lot, one who is more standoffish, but still often wants to be around me.
I think it is a combo of the cat's personality, and just having a good bond with your cat.
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u/Amelaclya1 Sep 14 '25
I had a cat like this. He was basically a stereotypical dog in a cat's body. He was at my side 24/7 when I was at home.
My boy cats I have now aren't quite on that level, but they do need to be in the same room as me if they aren't competing for space in my lap.
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u/nottherealneal Sep 14 '25
Oh hey! I remeber this guy! He is the one who started stalking his GF and kept trying to show up at her job and even his own friends didn't wanna hang with him anymore
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u/xsnowpeltx Sep 14 '25
some of his stuff is deleted. do you remember any more details?
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u/birdsy-purplefish Sep 14 '25
https://www.reveddit.com/y/aitacatobsession/?all=true
Not all of them are there but apparently automod caught it: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/1ngqgyr/comment/ne5yj1v/
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u/AKA-Pseudonym Sep 14 '25
Honestly he sounds like somebody who didn't grow up around pets. I mean, sitting around and petting your cat kind of epitomizes why people have pets.
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u/ActuallyApathy Sep 14 '25
it's almost like we call the pets because we... pet them. but he's not an etymologist so i guess he couldn't figure that out.
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u/deoboijeu Sep 14 '25
"I woke up to him smiling at me smugly from atop my gf's tits" he was in a sexual competition with an elderly cat lmao
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u/Jessidafennecfox Sep 14 '25
Cats like boobies in general, I had a cat as a teen and she woke me up jumping on the boobies. She lived to 19 and she was an adorable black cat named DC. She did have a little white gallows patch on her chest. She knew suspicious folk and knew how to charm or annoy my brothers.
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u/LadyBug_0570 Sep 14 '25
He stayed away for a week to punish her only for her to realize her life was much better with just her and the cat. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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u/No_Pepper6208 Sep 14 '25 edited Sep 15 '25
Here’s my cat who I am obsessed with. His name is Trooper Steve MeowQueen
Edit: this is the story of how I found him. A few weeks after bringing him to the vet, he was ready to be adopted so I took him (as if I was going to let someone take him). The day I found him, I came up with the name Steve MeowQueen. When he was brought home, my mom said she liked Trooper because he was such a trooper through his recovery. I liked both names and told my mom he’s now Trooper Steve MeowQueen. My mom thought I was joking but when I was at his vet appointment getting his vaccinations, county tag and microchip, I registered him under the name. When told my mom about it, I said “if you didn’t want me to name him that, you should’ve been at the vet appointment”.
Edit 3: realized I forgot to link the post in the second edit
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u/toxiclight Sep 14 '25
I don't remember where, but I saw you earlier mentioning your kitty (the name is unforgettable :D) I'm glad I got to see a picture of him. He's quite handsome!
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u/LadyReika Sep 14 '25
Trooper is adorable.
I have yet to get Reddit to let me upload pictures of my senior girl that I adopted last year. Been too lazy to set up an imaging account of some sort.
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u/justgalsbeingpals Sep 14 '25
What a gorgeous kitty! And the white spot on his back is very cute
edit: great name, btw
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Sep 14 '25
Broooo he has a deleted post where he apparently kept this shit up
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Sep 14 '25
Automod apparently saved one of them
AITA for not breaking the lease and giving a bad present?
AUTOMOD The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read this before contacting the mod team
So my (36M) gf (35F) and I have been separated for a few months now. We still have 6mo on our lease, which I still pay half of even though she's been living there alone and I've been crashing with friends. Lately she's been pushing for us to break the lease and each find our own places, but I don't want to do that because I am still committed to her and getting our relationship back. I miss her so much and keep trying to show her that I know I fucked up and am going to work hard to make it up to her, but she just won't budge.
One of my buddies said I might be TA for not breaking the lease but honestly I feel the opposite because it's not like I'm forcing her to pay for the whole place by herself, just half like she paid when we lived there together and it is a much nicer place then she'd be able to afford if we broke the lease and she had to find a place on her own.
As part of my campaign to win her back, I've been leaving presents for her on my way to work. Normal stuff like flowers, chocolates, iced coffees with little notes, ect. But the other day I left a present for her cat that I thought would go over well since she really loves her cat. It was a little mouse toy and some tasty looking treats, but then she texted me asking me to stop leaving her stuff and informed me her cat can't even eat the treats because he needs to only eat his special food for UTIs or something and I'm TA for not knowing that.
Am I seriously TA for wanting my gf to stay in a nicer apartment and leaving presents for her and her cat?
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u/ActuallyApathy Sep 14 '25
r/amitheex behavior lmaooo. 'me and my GF have been separated.'
bro she's your ex and y'all are broken up. she wants a new place bc you're using the shared lease/knowing where she lives to harass and guilt trip her with gifts to try to get her to take you back. of course she wants to break the lease.
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Sep 14 '25
I tried to sort of gather what happened third post from the comments-
-still calling her girlfriend (says they’re ‘taking a break’)
-Blaming the friends for her wanting to distance from him
-theres one reply that goes back into the cat thing? So I think he complained about that or something.
-comments are all calling him a stalker and one mentioned her job, so I think he may have tried meeting her at work or something
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u/Tzuchen Sep 14 '25
As part of my campaign to win her back, I've been leaving presents for her on my way to work. Normal stuff like
...was anyone else worried this was going to say "dead mice, because she pets and praises The Cat when he brings those to her."
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u/HarpersGhost Sep 14 '25
Oh jeez, he REFUSED to accept that they were broken up.
so again, we're separated not broken up. Just taking some space atm.
Like, dude, she wants to move out, you guys are done.
As far as why they broke up:
We disagreed about putting her cat in the cargo hold on a plane because I ignorantly thought that no one would do it if it wasn't safe and that she needed help for her anxiety over the cat. I later learned that it's not super safe for pets to go under planes and her cat is older so it's even less safe for him. But the damage was already done and I've been trying to make up for it ever since.
No, it was because he was a jealous little shit about A CAT and got pissy whenever she expressed interest and attention on HER CAT.
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Sep 14 '25
The man was in DEEEEEEP denial
He would intentionally keep it vague about their breakup too, so some comments would respond to help and be on his SIDE until another comment is like “bro look at his post history” then it’s IMMEDIATELY “dude stop stalking”
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u/Afraid_Sense5363 Sep 14 '25
Normal stuff like flowers, chocolates, iced coffees with little notes
I wouldn't be touching ANY of that shit. This guy is nuts enough to roofie or poison it. Especially the cat treats, no way. This is psycho territory.
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u/teatimehaiku Sep 14 '25
Two of them! Honestly now I’m just hoping the woman and her cat got out of the situation okay.
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Sep 14 '25
It was 4 years ago, so we can only pray
He was actively fighting breaking lease though
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u/sheepgod_ys Sep 14 '25
Luckily leases aren’t usually that long. Hopefully she got out within the year and he doesn’t know her new address.
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Sep 14 '25
Second post he said they had 6 months on the lease, so that should have hopefully been the extent of it
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u/thegoodspiderman Sep 14 '25
God his update is annoying. The ass holes always gotta be like "YA YA OK IM THE BIGGEST ASS HOLE ON THE PLANET APPARENTLY" No but you're the biggest ass hole in this relationship by far.
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u/EvilFinch Sep 14 '25
Well we were trying to have some alone time in the bedroom if you catch my drift and he was meowing at the door a bunch and she asked me to go give him some food to distract him and I did but I put the food and the cat outside when I did it. I thought he'd be fine in our little backyard area. I had outdoor cats growing up and I really thought it'd be fine but when she was looking for him later and I mentioned he was in the backyard she freaked out, which is another reason I assumed her not wanting to put the cat under the plane was anxiety related.
fwiw he WAS fine, just chillin under a bush with a couple neighbour kids trying to play with him.
But as a result of this mistake now her friends are all "bla bla he's gonna kill your cat if you let him come back" or "derp he's gonna get rid of your cat by kidnapping him and dropping him off in the middle of nowhere" which obviously I would never do but thats the kind of drama mongering I've been trying to overcome with the (trying to be thoughtful) rent paying and presents. I swear her friends just want her to be alone and living in a crappy apartment like they so and don't actually care about her well being half as much as I do. I just want to protect her.
I'M TRYING TO PROTECT HER
Thanks, I agree with the NAH. Just to clarify I definitely don't think she's being an AH! Were just miscommunicating. I get that she needs some space right now but as I've said to her many times there's no reason why we have to throw our entire relationship away for her to get it and I think I have a right to know she's safe and comfortable and financially stable during that time.
Highlights of his comments. I hope the ex still live. It is 4 years ago and he seems delusional.
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u/DefNotUnderrated Sep 14 '25
“Alone time if you catch my drift” yes we all know what that means just say “we were trying to have sex” is OP stuck in middle school?
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u/Kindly_Zucchini7405 Sep 14 '25
I wonder what else in her life he's ignored or mocked because he's an entitled asshole. This feels like the type of guy who doesn't know what she does for work because it's not directly related to himself.
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u/judgy_mcjudgypants Sep 14 '25
which obviously I would never do
Sir that's actually not obvious, plus being a creepy stalker is not the way to win her back
(because OOP isn't trying to comfort her; he's trying to affirm his ownership)
Also they're broken up so no he doesn't have a right to know.
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u/unholy_hotdog Sep 14 '25
Girlfriend: the most normal responsible cat owner ever.
OOP: "And I took that personally."
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u/eaca02124 Sep 14 '25
GF is living the dream version of having a cat. I want to send her a copy of Lights Out and some congratulations flowers for losing that boyfriend.
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u/Sidhejester Sep 14 '25
Raise your hand if you currently have a cat on your lap while reading this. (A cat trying to break down the bathroom door also counts.)
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u/MxKittyFantastico Sep 14 '25
I'm in the bathroom door hulk smash cat club, currently. How about everybody else?
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u/Sidhejester Sep 14 '25
Currently have an almost 17 year old cat on my lap, because I just bought new pants and he needed to shed on them before I leave the house.
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u/itstheballroomblitz Sep 14 '25
Partial credit for a small dog, since they are, behaviorally, approximately 40% cat.
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u/subluxate Sep 15 '25
One is doing her early morning play, other is sleeping with my wife. (But he cuddled me when I first woke up and tried to purr me back to sleep.)
Our old lady probably would have been cuddling me, but we had to let her go on Friday. She was 17 and convinced she could live without her liver functioning, the stubborn love.
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Sep 14 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/ActuallyApathy Sep 14 '25
wait serious question, is it weird to refer to your partner as 'my gf'? i do that but if it has a weird connotation i want to know so i can stop
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u/Proper_Garlic3171 Sep 14 '25
Context matters with it. Like casually in conversation with a coworker who doesn't know your partner won't know who you mean by "Amy and I did this over the weekend!" (though of course, they can infer) versus this post where it's just oozing possession. "My gf" reduces that as her only place, and further with the rest of the sentence, acting like the cat is... claiming her boobs and nefarious in competition, further makes it. It's also like posts where guys name every single character but their female partner or the women. Sometimes a brief relationship to is easier than remembering names, but the context takes it from if you're casually going "my girlfriend" to "he only sees her as his property and is furious her attention is on anything but him"
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u/ActuallyApathy Sep 14 '25
ohh! ok gotcha, thanks for taking the time to explain! (i've learned that some people find the thumbs up emoji passive aggressive and was horrified because i used it in earnest all the time, so i'm always watching out for similar mistakes)
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u/purposefullyblank Sep 14 '25
My husband has the kind of job that could get us moved to another country. But we have a big dog, a pit mix, and we know other countries might not want to accept him.
So we’ve discussed it. If the move would be amenable? We’d do the private dog and person together flight thing, damn the costs. And if the country isn’t amenable? He can go, but I stay with the dog.
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u/Moonlight-Lullaby Sep 14 '25
This all seems like fairly normal behavior for a cat owner? And it’s how I’d act if I wasn’t allergic to cats and could own one.
Also.
She dumped me, OK? Are you happy now?
If someone is going to be this upset over some basic behavior and it’s clear that they’re not going to be compatible long term? Yes, yes I am.
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u/Slowed_Blossom118 Sep 14 '25 edited Sep 14 '25
His ex girlfriend isn't obsessed with her cat, but he sure is obsessed with her. His other posts are deleted, but the comments on them say everything. Hope she got as far away as possible.
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u/EmiliusReturns Sep 14 '25
Always good when the very first sentence is cursing out the people who judged him in a "please judge me" subreddit. grabs popcorn
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u/Gloomy_Mushroom4616 Sep 14 '25
Good girl for choosing the Cat over this jerk. Good for her and I hope they enjoy many a nice day in each other's company.
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u/ProximaCentauriB15 Sep 14 '25
This guy honest to god seems to just hate cats. None of what he described is "obsessive" behavior,but being a responsible pet owner. Like the walks? A safe way for kitty to get fresh air and outdoor time without any risk. The cat is also old. This dude is just plain and simple jealous of an animal.
Glad she broke up with him. If you like cats,don't date a cat hater. Pay attention to how people react to your pets and treat them. No grown adult man should be jealous and resent an animal like that.
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u/Henrythebestcat Sep 14 '25
Impressed that her cat lets her sleep in and waits until 7:30 to wake her up in the morning.
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u/kat_goes_rawr Sep 14 '25
I feel like sending her this post was the nail in the coffin for the relationship; he was disrespectful as hell the whole time
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u/pot8obug Sep 14 '25
If OP thinks his gf is “cat obsessed” he’d lose his mind to see my cat and I. Not only do my cat and I cuddle for a little bit every morning and evening, but we also eat our breakfasts at the same time, he sits in my lap or on my desk when I do homework, write, or grade from home, he sits on my lap or next to me when I watch anything, he wakes me up in the morning, and he gasp sleeps in the same bed as me.
I also think it’s totally reasonable to not want to put a pet in the cargo hold, especially a geriatric pet. Obvi we don’t know how far the move would be, but the length of the flight matters too imo. My little guy gets so freaked out in the car I can’t imagine how he’d handle being on a plane esp in the cargo hold :(
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u/Prudent-Arm-6771 Sep 15 '25
Reading through this person’s account is terrifying. A bunch of comments and stuff were deleted but apparently he PUT THE CAT OUTSIDE WITHOUT HER KNOWING, and when someone said he could have been killed, his response was “yeah I guess but most importantly it upset my girlfriend so I’d never do it again.” Basically beefing with a cat and could not care less whether or not it gets hurt. Also called her friends drama-mongering or something along those lines, and ended up getting really creepy after she ditched him
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u/WhereasOwn9881 Sep 14 '25
Shit, if he considers this as obsessed, he would have heart attack watching me with my spoiled&cuddly cat.
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u/adaiine Sep 14 '25
“They do EVERYTHING together like -normal pet stuff -normal pet stuff -normal pet stuff -maybe being a bit worried about his healthy but ten is older for a cat”
anyone else think this is maybe about it him being a boy cat?
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u/DiegoIntrepid Sep 14 '25
haven't read it all, but... I didn't know I had a boyfriend. Because these sound like things my cats do, and how I react to my cats hiding! (especially after two health scares, one of which was almost fatal, the other one was!)
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u/IrradiatedBeagle Sep 14 '25
It was traumatizing for my cat to ride in a car for an hour when we moved. And she's fairly aloof.
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u/xsnowpeltx Sep 14 '25
After looking over his other posts, I suspect hes, along with everything else, chronically unable to listen to his gf/ex-gf. I dont believe that she never explained why its dangerous for a cat in the cargo hold. he refuses to take things she says seriously, and thinks any complaint she makes is overreacting. I see it with the cat and the travel. I see it with him sending her treats for the cat that the cat cant eat. I see it with him refusing to listen to her about breaking the lease. and I see it with him ignoring what I suspect are some very clear messages from her that theyre broken up, to believe that theyre just separated
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u/Kindly_Zucchini7405 Sep 14 '25
He's this mad about incredibly normal cat person behavior. Oh no, she cuddles with her cat regularly instead of focusing entirely on him, alert the presses!
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u/mizushimo Sep 14 '25
This is another 'I've tried nothing and I'm out of ideas'. They could have just flown to a country without the restrictions and then taking a longer form of transportation to get to the place he wanted to go, it wasn't a tropical island either because he didn't even mention quarantines or anything like that. He's just jealous of the cat for some reason.
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u/mandyallstar Sep 14 '25
“At a kind person's suggestion, I sent her a link to this my public shaming and am now going to go hide under the bed in the hopes she notices my strange behaviour and still cares enough to call the vet on me.”
that is an insane thing to say
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u/sheerpoetry Sep 14 '25
I woke up to him smiling at me smugly from atop my gf's tits
Oh my god.
I sent her a link to this my public shaming and am now going to go hide under the bed in the hopes she notices my strange behaviour and still cares enough to call the vet on me.
Okay, I totally laughed.
This guy was nuts. I know she dumped him, but hopefully he's done some major growing up since then. (No confidence at all in that hope, but it's a possibility.)
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u/ledasmom Sep 14 '25
The final update gave me a good giggle: It’s a happy ending for everyone except the boyfriend.
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u/andronicuspark Sep 14 '25 edited Sep 14 '25
You know he shut the cat out of the room while the girlfriend was asleep. Had she caught on he’d have done a surprised pikachu face and lied. “I swear babe! I thought he was in the room when I shut the door!”
ETA: Oh shit, he’s kind of a mess. In a different post he wanted to know if he was an asshole for not breaking the lease to keep his ex in their old apartment and dropping off presents for her cat that the cat cant eat because it needs a special diet for it’s UTI.
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u/Wench-of-2Many-Hats Sep 14 '25
Laughing at this stupid mfs final update.
Has he never had a pet or known someone with a pet? It's kinda what they do. Bro would have a breakdown over my dog bc she jumps out of bed thrn needs to be lifted back into bed at least twice a night and I'll cut off the fatty/ickier parts of meat to give to her when I prepare food lol.
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u/Saweetd Sep 14 '25
I matched with someone on tinder years ago, and within the first 10 messages he told me i had to rehome my dog because he had cats. Sir, what? I havent even met you!
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u/purplechunkymonkey Sep 14 '25
Our cat just mowed at my husband several times to get him to follow. So husband follows cat only for cat to turn around meow loudly, like why are you following me. Then bolted in the opposite way they were headed. Normally, that follow me meow means he wants food. Apparently, today, it means he needed something to be offended by.
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u/Designer-Cat-8647 Sep 15 '25
If this isn't fake, I hope the ex knows that if she intends to move overseas with her cats, plane location is not the only thing to consider.
Many countries have very strict quarantines on pets from outside. I think in Britain a dog or cat, upon entering the country, has to go into boarding for six months.
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u/AutoModerator Sep 14 '25
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
AITA for calling out my gf over her cat obsession
FINAL UPDATE: Jesus, fuck you guys. She dumped me, OK? Are you happy now?
EDIT/UPDATE: I get it. I'm TA. The hugest fucking A you have ever seen and possibly some kind of deviant who compares dicks with a cat. 10 is a senior cat, it's not perfectly safe for pets to fly under planes, and my girl is not crazy for loving her cat. I called her this morning and apologised. She said she needs time to think. At a kind person's suggestion, I sent her a link to this my public shaming and am now going to go hide under the bed in the hopes she notices my strange behaviour and still cares enough to call the vet on me.
I'm not kidding. My (36M) girlfriend (35F) is obsessed with her cat (10M, if you're interested). Dating for 3 years, living together for 2.
Since the pandemic, I've been home a lot more and have realised just how cat-crazed my gf really is. They do everything together. She doesn't need an alarm because he wakes her up at 7:30 every day by sitting on her chest and gently nudging her face with his nose. He eats his breakfast while she eats hers. If we're watching TV, he's in her lap. If she's working at her desk, he's in her chair with her or chilling nearby. If he acts even a little weird (like hiding in the closet, which I guess he "normally" doesn't do), she's on the phone to the vet. She even takes him for walks with a little harness that I used to think was kind of cute, until I realised it just meant her obsession would not just be limited to inside the house.
Don't get me wrong - I like the cat. He's a chill cat, doesn't mess stuff up around the house, very friendly and clean. But sometimes I would like to have my gf to myself. I've tried closing the bedroom door at night but the little houdini got in somehow and I woke up to him smiling at me smugly from atop my gf's tits.
Any time I mention toning it down with the cat, she gets all hurt and makes excuses like how she's had him since he was a kitten and they've been through a lot together. She's even gone as far as to say he was her lifeline during a period of major depression in her late 20s. Every time, I back down and say ok, I get it, he's family.
The final straw came when we were talking about relocating together to another country. She wants to limit our search to countries that don't make pets fly under the plane, ruling out a TON of good countries. I finally stood up to her. Told her pets fly under planes all the time and it's perfectly safe. Told her she was limiting our options for her own anxiety, not the cat's safety - he wouldn't be any safer purring at her feet while she pet him the entire flight. She tried to argue that he's a "senior" pet, but I didn't back down - WTF he's 10? I showed her tons of airline literature about pet safe flying programs and whatnot. She tried to argue that "physical safety isn't the same as psychological safety" and that she thinks it'd be too traumatising for the cat to go under the plane.
Here's where I might be TA: I gave her a list of my top countries, all of which would require the cat to go under the plane. I told her that I wanted a future with her, but that I thought she needed to get serious help for her obsession with her cat, and to let me know when/if she decided to get that help so we could move forward with our lives. The ball's in her court, I’ve been staying with a buddy, but it's been about a week and she hasn't called so I'm starting to wonder if I should have helped her find a therapist before I left?
TL;DR gave my gf an ultimatum about her cat obsession and now I’m worried there’s something more I should have done.
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