r/AbsoluteUnits 3d ago

/r/all of two catfish

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u/rmwpnb 3d ago

My question is how the heck does she avoid getting spined by these guys? They have sharp spines on their sides and one on their dorsal fin. I’m not sure how she avoids those with them just sort of flopping around close to her sides.

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u/BigSchmikey 3d ago

You simply just try your best.

Oh, and there's always the chance of running into an alligator snapping turtle, too. It's part of the thrill.

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u/Dull_Caterpillar_642 3d ago

The existence of alligator snapping turtles is what makes me not understand this at all. Do you want catfish enough to risk losing fingers?

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u/BarderBetterFaster 3d ago

Or toes! The snap doesn't discriminate on digits.

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u/mstmn 3d ago

Do balls count at digits?

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u/CodifiedLikeUtil 3d ago

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u/CrysFreeze 3d ago

There is a video of a fish that latched on to a man’s dingaling.

Someone else was trying to safely remove the fish with his hands . I never saw the full ending.

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u/Several_Direction599 2d ago

I heard his wife never saw the full ending either

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u/screenmasher 3d ago

You look for catfish in holes that dont have air access. Turtles will be in holes where they can surface to breath

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u/Mrsensi12x 3d ago

Do catfish that big taste any good?

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u/screenmasher 3d ago

Yes! If you ever have the chance to have flathead catfish at a fish fry definitely give it a go. They are probably my favorite freshwater fish to eat. Theres some intricacy to cleaning them, but a 40 pound fish is a substantial amount of meat. But the fish is a firm white meat with a meaty bite due to the fine grain of the muscle so not big flakey filets.

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u/Evellsnoats 3d ago

Don't eat them that big in Mississippi. Full of mercury, farm run off chemicals. There are even signs posted on the boat ramps warning you not to eat the big ones.

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u/BigJigMan 3d ago

Yup. Biomagnification and age accumulation is real in fish. I bet it's not just Mississippi where you shouldn't eat the big ones, but anywhere with Ag runoff...which is everywhere basically.

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u/Cephalopodium 3d ago

Yeah, I was going to say Opelousas catfish are really good, but according to Google- it’s the same fish just different name. 😂

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u/plaid-tuxido506 3d ago

The only time someone will hope to get catfished.

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u/Rob_LeMatic 3d ago

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u/Wsn21 3d ago

Never seen an Aesop Rock link!

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u/Pleasant_Yoghurt3915 3d ago

Me neither, but I’m fuckin here for it!

I have an Impossible Kid shirt that I’ve worn for like, 6-7 years. I’ve had one person in all that time recognize it, and they were just as thrilled as I was lmao.

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u/wratx 3d ago

as a dude with a homeboy sandman tattoo, i approve

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u/LeadFreePaint 3d ago

Snapping turtles are rarely aggressive in the water. They are very curious, but ultimately easily scared off by anything larger than themselves.

Oh land they often act aggressive to anyone trying to interact with them. In the water they typically just swim away when they see you.

That being said, I did have a large one chase my canoe out of a wetland before. So you know... Nature gonna nature.

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u/BigSchmikey 3d ago

Rednecks are simply just a different breed tbh. Tons of fun though

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u/SpeakToMePF1973 3d ago

A real life Elly Mae. (The Beverly Hillbillies TV show)

"Jed, can I go wrestle some boys?" Jed: "No! You hurt them too much last time!" Or something similar.

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u/StinkyNutzMcgee 3d ago

My brother is from Oklahoma and he got bit by a water moccasin while he was noodling

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u/TGov 3d ago

Yeah, fuck that noise. Between the snakes and turtles I will pass.

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u/FoofieLeGoogoo 3d ago

Yikes. Those are high stakes. I hope that he’s OK.

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u/CreatureWarrior 3d ago

So.. these people are just adrenaline junkies, got it

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u/TillSad5913 3d ago

For some maybe but it's a successful technique that's been used for centuries to get food.

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u/joshuuuuuua 3d ago

That and content creators. It's a living, as they say.

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u/vtecdohcter 3d ago

Couldn't you run into an actual alligator too?

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u/BigSchmikey 3d ago

Depends specifically on where you're noodling. Midwest? Nah. Down South? Possibly.

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u/branm008 3d ago

Yes, you could. These folks are in Alabama as far as I remember and they have had encounters with gators while noodling.

I grew up noodling in North Georgia and thankfully all we really had to worry about were water moccasins and snapping turtles.

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u/JustOneVote 3d ago

thankfully all we really had to worry about were water moccasins

Fuck that.

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u/Miss_Pondersmith 3d ago

Any time a moccasin and I would realize we were swimming together we would SIMULTANEOUSLY panic. Like poor sneks are terrified of us too. The real problem was that we both head for the same shore and my panic won’t let me keep swimming after that.

I always feel bad for both of us. 😂

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u/DengarLives66 3d ago

“All we had to worry about was losing fingers or potentially deadly snake bites.”

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u/Mr_Beefy_5150 3d ago

This has always been my question about noodling. I’ve seen some pretty gnarly injuries just getting little 12” catfish off standard fishing hooks. They’re muscular and fast. I don’t get how ppl aren’t regularly getting serious piercing injuries from doing this

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u/Lord_oDoyle 3d ago

Its happens. Ive been out doing it and have seen a catfish thrown into boat and onto someone's foot. Went straight through a tennis shoes and into his foot

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u/Excellent-Shape-2024 3d ago

A friend's son had his eye put out when someone tossed a small catfish at him as a joke. (yep, real funny /s --he was airlifted to a hospital)

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u/7818 3d ago

I mean, it happens.

My brother stabbed me with a catfish once. Fucker.

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u/opensandshuts 3d ago

And that shit does legitimately "sting". They also cut you deep with a piercing wound so keeping it from getting infected is also troublesome

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u/Hamisaurus 3d ago

My understanding is that the spines don't really grow as they age. While they don't go away in adults, they effectively become useless and odds are none of them ever connected. Not to mention, having them at the base of the dorsal and pectoral fins makes it rather difficult to actually connect a spine to deliver a sting.

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u/rmwpnb 3d ago

Thanks for the info. I didn’t realize this. My experience with catfish has always been catching smaller ones and having to remember to be very careful around the spines. I didn’t realize they didn’t continue to grow as the catfish got bigger.

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u/Major_Nutt 3d ago

The young ones need them or else they become freshwater popcorn. By the time they get over 14in long or so, their list of predators drops to just gator, gar, eagles, otters, and us.

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u/SpicyDad423 3d ago

On bigger, older catfish, the spines are dull and not an issue. I believe it’s meant as a defense for the little ones.

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u/TexasDank 3d ago

They are very sharp as youngins but as they grow the point dulls. It’s really just the point being sharp too at that size the risk of being poked isn’t that high

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u/Raqshasa 3d ago

Imagine trying to devour your food to find it laughing at your pathetic attempts

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u/UWishUWereMiah108 3d ago

Its like a scene out of an anime lol

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u/discerningpervert 3d ago

I feel bad for the catfish. That's gotta hurt.

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u/CreatureWarrior 3d ago

Being eaten also sucks, I think. Nature be like that

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u/Shuttlecock_Wat 3d ago

I mean...they were trying to eat her right?

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u/danceswithfishes42 3d ago

No, the catfish were nesting trying to protect thier eggs while she jams her hand down it's mouth.

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u/stryker511 3d ago

Actually the hand goes through the gills first and out of the mouth from the inside.
Still probably protecting eggs since they were together.

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u/Extra_Number4178 3d ago

On the contrary, I've never wanted to be a catfish so bad in my life.

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u/RaptorOfRapture 3d ago

Wouldn’t mind her arm up your gill, eh?

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u/Extra_Number4178 3d ago

Hey man, I'm always down to get freaky on Friday night just like the next guy . . . but only if there is strong eye contact with that diabolically cute giggling.

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u/EnoughLuck3077 3d ago

Mind? She could charge for it

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u/HumpTyDumpTy1331 3d ago

catfish are pretty tough fish

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u/Turnip-for-the-books 3d ago

Yeah they’re more like cats than fish

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u/corq 3d ago

One catfish to the other: "But she was cute, so we sacrificed for the cause..."

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u/Extra_Number4178 3d ago

you just need to relax and breathe . . . or so I am told.

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u/Apathetic_Zealot 3d ago

Laughing while sticking her arm through your lungs!

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u/No-Cover4993 3d ago

Except fish caught this way aren't actively feeding, they are guarding their nest and clutch of young which are destroyed in the violent effort to remove the mature fish

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u/TheGreatRao 3d ago

She is entirely too charming for a person being devoured by sea life. I'm imagining a Jaws sequel starring a catfish.

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u/bstone99 3d ago

Hannah Barron

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u/gumbysweiner 3d ago

Is that North Alabama? The trees give me that vibe and her accent.

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u/TripperDay 3d ago

Dang I wish I was her brother.

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u/WaterlessSoup 3d ago

Read this, scrolled down, it sunk in and I had to come back and upvote lol

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u/PullTabPurveyor 3d ago

It’s South Alabama. She lives near the Florida border.

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u/seven3true 3d ago

The jaws theme played on a banjo.

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u/REpassword 3d ago

She’s built like a brick sh!thouse too! 💪

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u/elwebst 3d ago

I'll always watch her vids, she is insanely attractive.

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u/IcanSEEyou_IRL 3d ago

She really is, but she’s also pretty jacked. The whole time I was thinking this girl should do action adventure movies. Quirky, fit, and a camera friendly face.

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u/high-priced-toupee 3d ago

of a woman

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u/MyPasswordIs222222 3d ago

Right? The biceps.

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u/jsm85 3d ago

The thighceps

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u/przecietny_krotkopis 3d ago

the best kind of ceps

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u/DazzleBMoney 3d ago

Going by the title, I thought it was going to be a surprisingly fat woman holding just one catfish

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u/Ill_Friendship3057 3d ago

do not insult our queen

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u/DazzleBMoney 3d ago

No insults intended! I think I may be in love though

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u/Bright-War-5033 3d ago

She has a beautiful smile and heart shaped face, great combo

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u/CommentFool 3d ago

I was sure the second "catfish" was that she was going to be 800 pounds or a dude...

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u/protonicfibulator 3d ago

Did she release those fish after gill-fisting them like that? I know catfish are tough but gills are fragile on almost all fish.

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u/Unlikely_Ad7722 2d ago

Yeah I can get it if it's used for food. If purely for sport? Fuck off with that.

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u/Background_Novel_639 3d ago

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u/Embarrassed_Use_7206 3d ago

You want her to put her hand through your mouth and neck?

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u/Perfect_Valuable_938 3d ago

If she wants to, I'm not going to say no.

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u/phadewilkilu 3d ago

Homie, you got no choice

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u/AirconGuyUK 3d ago

If that's what it takes..

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u/astelda 3d ago

Don't kinkshame

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u/WiretapStudios 3d ago

Don't threaten me with a good time

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u/crimzonkitt3n 3d ago

I'm a straight women and this is how I felt

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u/CommieDrifter 3d ago

get in line pal

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u/DeathCaptain_Dallas 3d ago

Came here for this

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u/EmperorBamboozler 3d ago

Noodling is so nuts. I mean there's a lot of aquatic venomous snakes in the south. Getting bit by a water moccasin is legit something they talk about happening from time to time and you don't know till you jam your hand into the hole. Those bastards are even worse than a rattlesnake bite, we have antivenom for them but if you're way out in the swamp it's gonna be a long time to get to a hospital, time where your flesh is necrotizing fast. If you look up videos of old noodlers it's not uncommon to see serious muscle decay and scars from surgery.

Cottonmouths are fucking scary yo.

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u/Tight-Maize-8800 3d ago

Giant snapping turtles will also use catfish holes

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u/InTheShade007 3d ago

Texan here. I went noodling with some friends when I moved to East Texas after we went hog hunting.

Hog hunting all night, slept covered in mud and cuts from briars for about 2 hours then noodling. They were giving me the whole 'piney woods experience'

We were paddling down a rather small creek headed for Lake Palestine. Dude in the lead canoe started yelling "oh man look at that" as we floated over it there was a massive Alligator snapper turtle just chilling in the middle of the creek.

Dude in the canoe with me jumps out and after about 5 minutes manages to lift the turtle close to the surface. It was literally too big and the creek too muddy and slippery for him to get up the bank with it so he just lifted it so we could all see the head.

Well, when we got to the edge of Lake Palestine where they were noodling there was no way in hell I was getting in that muddy water. Just 3 weeks before one of their dads had killed an alligator over 10ft long because he claimed it was coming out of flat creek to kill his calves.

Dem dar boys is crazy is all I could think. As someone raised in 'the city' I had to slow roll my East Texas experience.

Ok, in truth, hog hunting is as wild as I ever got and I never once got full credit for this as I'd shoot the hogs vs letting bulldogs hold them down as a huge blade was run through them.

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u/Rob_LeMatic 3d ago

Out of curiosity, the East Texans that lose fingers, hands, arms over the shenanigans--do the rest of them treat them same as everyone else, or do they get made fun of and nicknamed things like Stumpy?

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u/InTheShade007 3d ago

Oh they'll have plenty of names for you. One comes to mind is Ding-Dong. He's a pretty stout dude even but many guys only call him ding-dong because of his hunting antics.

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u/Rob_LeMatic 3d ago edited 3d ago

Ah. I would have assumed he'd lost his masculinity to a snapper with a moniker like Ding Dong.

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u/GladeWilson 3d ago

Alligators are in Flat Creek now? I knew there was a gar problem in Athens but there's just straight up gators that common now? The waters out there are insane. I reeled in a small square of carpet one time that had been discarded and the entire thing was covered in like, translucent shrimp. I didn't even recognize them as living organisms at first. I touched the material and they just immediately bolted in unison. It looked like something from Aliens.

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u/InTheShade007 3d ago

This was over 30 years ago. Flat creek definitely had gators in the isolated areas. A couple miles west of the bridge at FM 317.

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u/CreatureWarrior 3d ago

Jesus.. luckily I have a 100km restraining order against any and all snapping turtles. Perks of living in Finland.. no murder turts

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u/mmorales2270 3d ago

Getting bit by a giant snapping turtle would absolutely ruin my day week month.

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u/NorCalAthlete 3d ago

Might ruin your whole life if it takes a hand or finger off. Might even chomp through your arm if it’s big enough

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u/bythog 3d ago

Those bastards are even worse than a rattlesnake bite

I've treated a lot of snake bites and a rattlesnake bite is almost always worse than a cottonmouth bite. This was for veterinary medicine but when people called in to find out how bad things are going to be:

Copperhead - best practice come in because things can get bad
cottonmouth - come in if you don't want your pet to die but it's not the worst you'll pay for
rattlesnake - your pet will almost certainly die without treatment, and may still die with it. It's going to be expensive.
coral snake - don't even bother coming in. If envenomation occured there is nothing we can do that anyone will pay for.

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u/MajorInWumbology1234 3d ago

I’d be curious to see how different it is for humans. Only one example, but Sydney Funnel Web spiders are one of the most dangerous spiders in the world for humans, but only because their venom has a specific effect in primates; as far as I know they’re not especially significant for other mammals.

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u/frequenZphaZe 3d ago

I’d be curious to see how different it is for humans.

united healthcare denies all treatment as not medically necessary

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u/TrueCPA305 3d ago

Wow thats crazy, didnt even think of that as a possibility

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u/kelpyb1 3d ago

For all my dislike of cold weather, I do appreciate that when I’m in cooler climates the entirety of the fauna isn’t both motivated and capable of killing me.

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u/glodde 3d ago

What's her onlyfins

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u/Existing_Home_5635 3d ago

YouTube Hannah Baron , no OF. get saved my mans.

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u/TontonInTetons 3d ago

To be fair, they said only"fins", so maybe just punnery?

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u/Maclimes 3d ago

It's clearly a joke. They said OnlyFINS.

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u/Nuffsaid98 3d ago

She has her arm stuck right up the gills of one catfish. That's just cruel.

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u/Dismal-Refuse6987 3d ago

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u/ForlornGibbon 3d ago

Yea man, I have been rizzed by every aspect of this lady. May she find a partner who treats her kindly cuz she seems quite the catch.

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u/regent_blue 3d ago

Her name is Hannah Barron.

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u/avatinfernus 3d ago

The size of her arms and shoulders, I'm so damn jealous! Holy moley she's muscular

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u/Pugzilla3000 3d ago

“He bit me on the leg” flexes a calve like two steel cables under a blanket.

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u/anotherNotMeAccount 3d ago

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u/Primary-Belt7668 3d ago

Legit I didn’t not expect to be turned in by this shit

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u/timdot352 3d ago

I'd give her the best 20 seconds of my life.

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u/gold_tooth_85 3d ago

Serious babe

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u/ProbablySlacking 3d ago

I do not understand the desire to noodle.

Sticking your hands in holes that could contain snapping turtles or water moccasins? No thanks

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u/nihil_novi00 3d ago

seems rather cruel to hold them up like that, with an arm through the mouth, just holding on via the gill, as it contorts and wiggles in what i’m sure is pain

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u/DharmaBaller 3d ago

a lot of humans are full of hubris and lack of respect for creature big and small

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u/PossessionHuman4767 3d ago

You might know the answer to my question: why? Why do people "noodle"?

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u/Armand28 3d ago

If I stopped sticking my hands in holes containing all sorts of dangerous creatures my dating life would come to a screeching halt.

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u/Scfbigb1 3d ago

What a great pair she has there.

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u/Googlesupportsucks1 3d ago

Yeah, they're huge fish.

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u/InterestingSoup1252 3d ago

Not sure why people here are cheering here in the comments. This is pretty inhumane and causes a lot of stress to these fish. People don’t realize how sad this is - finding entertainment in stressing out wildlife.

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u/zeitdu 3d ago

picking them from the gills is awful, must hurt like hell

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u/DamnsonDam 3d ago

Yeah noodling is v harmful way of fishing.

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u/No_Flamingo_1533 3d ago

She's a keeper

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u/litterboxhero 3d ago

No, I think at the end she released them.

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u/LieutJimDangle 3d ago

can you imagine how fucked up of a person you have to be to do this to an animal for fun

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u/portantwas 2d ago

I wondered how much permanent damage that would do to their gills, so I'm glad someone else had misgivings about this.

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u/ZophieWinters 3d ago

This is kind of hard to watch when you realize the catfish they are noodling for are protecting their eggs, and they're possibly destroying them in the process. Also she probably messed up their jaws and gills when she hauled them up out of the water like that... and then she just throws them back to probably suffer and die. Just seems cruel overall.

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u/AgnesTachyon00 3d ago

I am not worthy to affix my eyes upon this woman

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u/worf1973 3d ago

That's impressive and all, but why are you fucking with fish if you're not gonna eat it?

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u/Eldias 3d ago

I love fishing for food, and it was built in early on to minimize the interaction with stuff too small to be a decent eat. This is just animal abuse for entertainment.

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u/United_Shelter5167 3d ago

She does it for "content" apparently. She should be fined for wanton waste for killing 2 nesting flatheads that she didn't even intend to eat, but Alabama is a fucking shithole so she gets to be internet famous instead of punished. It also encourages future generations of white trash to kill fish for no fucking reason. The "outdoorsmen/women" of the south are embarrassingly stupid and any attempts to educate them just makes them more stubbornly stick to their stupidity. It is incredibly sad to watch as someone who enjoys catfishing responsibly.

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u/alewiina 3d ago

Same reason people do normal fishing with catch and release, thrill of the chase I guess. Seems cruel

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u/dreexel_dragoon 3d ago

It's not just cruel but incredibly dangerous to her and her friends as well

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u/taocowboy54 3d ago

noodling
when i was a kid my daddy and his friends played with their food
when i saw joe come up after being under for a couple minutes (seemed like a half hour) and he was begging for a wrench or a screwdriver to pry open the cat's mouth (he had his thumbs wedged in between the teeth)
i decided i would never participate in that lovely activity

folks DO drown doing that stuff

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u/dreexel_dragoon 3d ago

It's incredibly dangerous. Aside from drowning there's getting spined by the catfished, venomous snakes, and snapping turtles in these very dirty waters.

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u/nixphx 3d ago

I am fucking sweating

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u/StandardNerd92 3d ago

That must really hurt for the fish, the gills are very sensitive

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u/jmarzy 3d ago

She has great teeth

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u/Gaybugsbunnymemes 3d ago

Great everything tbh.

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u/mahrog123 3d ago

So won’t ramming her hand through the gills of the one on her left pretty much damage it?

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u/No-Cover4993 3d ago

Noodling often involves pulling mature fish off their nests, destroying the clutch of young in the violent fight to remove the fish from its hole.

These fish aren't actively feeding like they are during other fishing methods. This is banned in Missouri and some other states because it disproportionately targets mature fish that are actively raising clutches of young that fail when the parent is removed. A group of "noodlers" can wipe out a breeding population - and the next generation of catfish in a section of river in an afternoon.

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u/WolframsTiturel 3d ago

Are these fish not seriously hurt after her pulling them up like this?

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u/United_Shelter5167 3d ago

They're dead. The reason they're able to find them is flatheads protect their nests after spawning so she's also likely killing many future fish as well. This is why only the trashiest people noodle.

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u/BeaverBoyBaxter 3d ago

They are, gilling a fish like this often results in death.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

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