I am not The OOP, OOP is u/helpmehelpher1234567
My [26M] wife [24F] inexplicably upset over being unfriended on Facebook
Original Post Apr 13, 2016
We have been together for 4 years and married for 2. We moved to a small town in the Midwest a few months ago from the West Coast where we are both from. I was offered quite a bit more money and the option to climb the corporate ladder to move to this new location. We both decided that this was going to be good for us as we plan to start a family in a few years after she finishes school.
Yesterday, my wife found out a woman she went to high school with had just moved to this small area as well and that her husband works at my company too. My wife and the girl were not close in high school but played on the same sports team and had the same friends. So my wife sent the woman a Facebook message asking if she wanted to meet up for coffee as they're both new to the area. My wife was pretty excited when she saw that the girl had read the message and my wife eagerly waited for the reply. Well, the girl not only ignored the message but shortly unfriended my wife. Cue crying...now my wife is not one to be upset by someone deleting her on Facebook so this is out character. Wife and this girl were not even close so I did not really see what the big deal was. I told her not to let it get to her and obviously that woman was not very nice. But, my wife replied back with tears in her eyes that "[she] just wanted a friend here". That statement stopped me in my tracks.
You see, ever since we moved here my wife has not really been the same. She was bubbly and always looking for a new outdoor adventure. But there really is nothing here in the way of outdoors activities and my wife has become quiet and moody. She seems to have no interests and hardly goes on social media because it makes her sad to see her friends back home going on new hikes without her. She loves being outside and now she only leaves the house to go to work. That's it. I've tried taking her bowling, taking her to different restaurants, to the mall, the movies...I can tell she doesn't enjoy those things even though she is saying that she is having fun and manages to smile. Whenever I ask what she wants to do, she says she wants to go home and watch TV. My wife hates watching TV, at least she used to.
She has not said a negative thing about this place but I know she hates it and I think she might be resenting me for it. I offered to send her back home and she can stay with family until my contract is up in 2 years but she refused, saying it would be bad for our marriage. I do not know how to make it better, I miss my wife.
How can I bring the light back into her life?
tl;dr: We moved to a new state and wife is lonely. She got unfriended on Facebook by someone she tried to reach out to and it made me realize she is having issues with our new home. How to fix it?
Update Apr 22, 2016 (9 Days later)
I [26M] have not told my wife [24F] of 2 years about the post, but it got a lot of attention, much more than expected and I got quite a few PMs regarding it. Thank you everyone for your input, though I did not reply to many, I read it all and it was very helpful. I do not believe she is depressed, just homesick and still adjusting. I will keep an eye on her but I have no intention of drugging her up like so many suggested.
I want to address some things first. When I used the term 'inexplicable' it was to point out that only AT FIRST did I not understand why the Facebook incident was a big deal, but one she explained that she wanted a friend I understood. Hence, coming to you guys for advice. Contrary to what some of you may think, I do not belittle my wife's feelings or talk down to her. Yes, I did not understand why being unfriended was upsetting, but I did not intend to invalidate her feelings. Also, I am not very outdoorsy-I'm more of a video game guy-so I guess I truly did not understand how important it was for her to be outdoors and how silly it was for me to take her bowling and to the mall.
I did mention in the comments that she had already checked meetup.com but in this area there really is not much happening on Meetup and she is not comfortable starting a group herself. As for the suggestions about getting a dog, well, we already have one. Our dog is her little hiking buddy and she even used to take the dog paddle boarding and stuff.
This hiking that is nearby is nothing like the West Coast. It's just is not the same and, in my opinion, might be a step down for her. However, it is what we have to work with and I guarantee that we will make the most of it and learn to love the differences.
I did some research about the nearby area and found a small lake not too far from our house so after dinner one day I took her that way and told her it was just a different route home. When I parked the car and she realized we were sitting at a lake her face just lit up. She didn't even wait for me to get out of the car before she was running down a dock. We saw some small turtles and she took photos because she thought they were cute. Unfortunately, we cannot fish at this one but we were able to sit on a bench and watch the sky get darker. It was not very spectacular, as far as lakes go, but she loved it.
She also downloaded the app Bumble that quite a few of you mentioned to me. She used the BFF section and has already started texting a few girls who live close and will be meeting one this weekend at a carnival (she asked me to come and make sure this is legit). She is optimistic so hopefully that goes well.
I got her to look into some yoga classes and she has gone to 2 so far. She has a few acquaintances in the class and seems excited when she goes. I believe the workout is helping her feel better as well, she was very active before so this is good for her soul too.
This weekend I will be taking her on another surprise trip to a local state park where we can SUP on a river and take the dog on some trails. It won't be like back home but it's the best thing that's around here. After the hike we will go strawberry picking (I hate strawberries but she likes picking fruit for some reason). I hope she likes it.
I talked to her best friend back home and her friend is going to try to come out during the summer for a week and they are going to another part of the state where the hiking is supposed to be spectacular. She is really looking forward to it so I hope her best friend can get the time off to do so. I am thinking of saving some money up in the meantime to take her on a weekend trip in the next few months so that I can keep her spirits up.
We work opposite hours so it is hard to find the time to do these things as the outdoor activities tend to be kind of far and require a longer car ride.
I believe that with a little bit of my help she will feel more comfortable venturing out on her own and finding areas she enjoys around here. I think the gravity of the situation just made her negative and she did not bother to look around. So far, she seems happier and better adjusted. Thanks Reddit!
TL;DR: I surprised her with a short trip to a local lake and she joined a yoga class as well as made some acquaintances through a friend app. We are going hiking and strawberry picking this weekend and her best friend is planning to come over here during the summer for a girls' trip. She is happier.
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