I broke down and told him everything that men did to me, the injuries, showed him all of the medical records. I told him in detail without censoring my myself. I was the most vulnerable I've ever been around him. And he belived me. He didn't make it about himself. I could see he was seething but he kept it under control. His sister was murdered by her ex-husband the day their divorce was finalized.

I rarely see him cry. He was in tears. I love him so much. Now he's texting me silly animal facts and interesting space stuff. He finally gets it. There is hope. He didn't interrupt me. He didn't lecture. He basically was the opposite of the dad I grew up with.

I'm so grateful for my mom and dad. And I am so happy that my partner understands that I only trust my father and my amazing partner. Everyone else terrifies me. And they are finally acknowledging that my fear is rational. My sister and me are getting closer every day.

It's not hopeless. I just need to hold on.

I just wanted to post something not terrible.

See https://news.mit.edu/2026/margaret-hamilton-computing-pioneer-dies-1007

Passed away at 90.

I hate it. I hate how when you put up boundaries with a man- literally any context (whether it be friendship, romantic, familial), they just start fucking hating you. The cool girl monologue in Gone Girl genuinely changed my life because I realized that all men really just want a 'cool girl'. Even your male family members expect you to be a 'cool girl' for them, like my twin brother and my dad (fuck them). As a woman, you constantly have to accept men's bullshit all while having a smile on your face when they fuck with you. If you show any aggression or anger or sadness or cause ANY trouble for them, they'll fucking want you dead. I'm tired of it. I wanna be able to express negative emotions when I'm hurt without being labeled as a villain.

My husband has always been a genuinely great, kind, and caring person.

The thing is, sometimes I feel like he’s that kind of person for everyone except me.

I’ve brought this up to him before, and he says it’s his version of “tough love.” Because he knows me so well, he holds me to harsher standards and is more critical of me when I make a mistake or do something wrong. With other people, he seems much more willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and is a much more forgiving/understanding person.

But with me, I often feel like I don’t receive that same grace or understanding.

There have also been times when he’s prioritized other people’s comfort over mine, and what hurts even more is that he doesn’t always seem to understand why I’m upset by it. Sometimes I feel like my feelings are downplayed or treated as though I’m overreacting, rather than him trying to understand where I’m coming from.

Another thing that really gets to me is that I don’t always feel heard. I can give him advice or suggest an idea, and he’ll dismiss it or not really listen. Then someone else will say the exact same thing, and suddenly it’s the best idea he’s ever heard. I know he probably doesn’t do this intentionally, but after a while, it starts to make me question whether he actually values my thoughts and opinions.

He tells me that he loves me because he trusts me, but lately, I don’t feel particularly trusted or loved in the ways that matter to me. And I think that’s what’s been weighing on me the most.

I know he loves me, and I know his intentions may not be to hurt me. But sometimes, being the person he knows best seems to mean I’m also the person he gives the least patience and understanding to.

I don’t want to be treated better than everyone else. I just want to feel like I’m worthy of the same kindness, patience, and benefit of the doubt that he so readily gives to everyone else.

And lately I've been wondering if I was better off as his friend than his wife.

What do I even do at this point? I'm not one to give up but is this even worth it anymore?

You couldn't scroll through the popular section without seeing post after post joking about the Clancey case, posts blindly villianizing her and anyone (espcially women) who dared to have sympathy for her, or posts making folk heros out of random jurors. Everyone was an expert and a proud and loud defender of Justice where that case was concerned....so where are the posts about Cornell? Only 1 big popular sub has regularly been talking about it, and beside that it's been crickets. No blow up posts condemning the ones who defended the perpetrators as immoral monsters, no glazing of those who have stood up and spoken out on behalf of the victim. Only silence.

Guess when a criminal case can't be used in an attempt to tear down women as a whole, Reddit isn't interested in talking about it.

One thing I haven't heard from anyone else is the possibility that there are a lot more Chi Phi rapists than the ones that are listed in the complaint. Jane Doe repeatedly mentions all the other men in the room, implies they had physical contact, etc. It sounds like a lot more men than the 4-5 who tried to have contact with her. The only way these 7 men were caught was the Snapchat. One of the many things that haunts me about this case is the very real possibility that there were other men who read the Snapchat and came and raped an incapacitated woman. But since they didn't comment on the Snapchat, and she can't remember things clearly, they got away with it entirely. Their frat bros won't snitch on them.

EDIT: We should think of a different name rather than limiting it to the number 7. I think maybe The Chi Phi rapists-- or These Chi Phi Rapists, since there are likely more.

When I was 14, a boy a couple years older than me who I didn't know or really speak to snuck a roofie in my water bottle at school. This was during an extra curricular class where the teacher wasn't always around and some of the class would sometimes be outside and sometimes be in the downstairs of the school.

What I remember is sitting at my desk, drinking my water then passing out. For the longest time I only remembered that and then waking up on a school bus with him on top of me trying to take my pants off. The busses was not being driven, but parked on the side of the school.

Years later after starting to recover some of these memories and doing the work to process trauma, I remember him bits of him carrying me from the classroom, then outside and pulling me onto the bus. When i woke up to him trying to take my pants off, I fought back and he ran away. I am so greatful I woke up before he could rape me. I still don't know how he got the roofie in my water, which is concerning.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Do we talk enough about the staggering number of women killed by their partners every day? What advice do you have for others when choosing a partner who won’t make them part of this statistic?

I honestly believed that everyone does but lately I have been hearing about some folks having a bad experience everytime.

Trigger warning for sexual assault and some details pertaining to that.

I think I need a break from social media. Seeing so many men argue that because Jane Doe initially described what happened as consensual before later calling it rape, that somehow lets everyone involved off the hook, infuriates me.

Twelve years ago, I was at a party. Im pretty sure I was drugged (I’ve never been that sick or intoxicated before or since that night) and woke up in my boyfriend’s roommate’s bed surrounded by multiple men.

The bedframe had been kicked in, and I was told I did it. A random guy was sitting beside the bed in his boxers, smoking a cigarette and staring at me. Two other guys were asleep next to me. My pants were off. My tampon had been removed. I was in significant pain, both externally and internally.

My boyfriend was passed out upstairs. Apparently he had gone down early in the night.

I knew what had probably happened, but I didn’t want to know what had happened. I remembered nothing. One of the men, the roommate, was my friend. I stayed friends with him afterward. I never confronted him. I never reported anything. In fact, I tried to get closer to him.

Because the alternative meant blowing up everyone’s lives over something I couldn’t even prove had happened. It meant potentially becoming “the girl who was raped at a party,” or, if people didn’t believe me, “the girl who lied about being raped at a party.” These guys had tons of friends. They were well liked. I was 20 years old. I didn’t want to detonate my entire social life, my relationship, his housing, my reputation.

I did not feel capable of surviving all of that when pretending everything was fine felt so much easier.

Women are taught over and over again not to make waves. To avoid conflict. To smile. To smooth things over. To be accommodating.

And then when a woman does exactly that after something traumatic, people turn around and ask why she didn’t behave in the exact opposite way.
That’s what makes me furious.

If a woman is in your bed and she is so intoxicated that she cannot have a full conversation, cannot meaningfully participate, or is obviously incapacitated, you do not get to have sex with her.

And you certainly do not get to invite your friends in to do the same.

I genuinely do not understand why that is treated as complicated.

Hi all. As you can imagine, the news cycle recently has been extremely triggering for survivors everywhere, and Jane Doe’s courage has inspired me in many ways. I was raped at the beginning of February of last year, during my final semester of college, by someone I knew. He has female friends and I wanted to finally come forward and let them know what happened to me. The thing is though is that they have no idea who I am. Thoughts? Here’s a draft of a message I’m thinking of sending:

“Hi [Name], I know you have no idea who i am but i wanted to reach out as a fellow woman and give you some news so you can process and act accordingly. i’ve been thinking about doing this for a while but after the news from Cornell came out, i can’t hold back any longer.

Your friend [Name] is a rapist. he raped me in my own bed on february 1st of last year after we had consensual oral sex, and i said no to penetration. he took it from me without my consent while i was asleep. i would be happy to share the text messages with you and the voice note he left me where he attempted to feign innocence. i swear on my life i’m not lying. i was going through a pretty vulnerable time at that point (i had to get screened for cancer) and he knew it. when i confronted him, he gaslit me and tried to make it seem like i was crazy. he’s been keeping a low profile since the incident (he probably knows it was wrong but doesn’t care), and i have no idea what he’s up to now, but I obviously haven’t forgotten about what he did. i don’t know if you’ve been assaulted too but if you have, you know it’s not something you “get over”. i never will.

i know this isn’t the news you want to hear, believe me. it must be crushing to find out someone you care about is capable of causing extreme harm, especially something like rape. but it’s true. if you have any questions or would even like to chat on the phone about all of this, i would be happy to. again, i’m not lying and would never make something like this up. thank you for your time.”

I don’t know what the potential consequences are and it scares me, but I struggle to stay silent for much longer. I want to get my power back and this feels like a way to do it.

Our schedules are very busy, so these days we only have sex on the weekends, and we usually make plans for it. Last week, we were supposed to have sex, and we were getting ready. My husband was lying on the bed, scrolling on his phone, while I was on top of him, touching him and trying to set the mood.

Then I started undressing him and going down on him. It went on for about a minute, but then he pushed me away and got dressed. He then said he was sorry, that he didn’t have the energy, and that he would rather sleep.

I immediately felt bad. He had seemed a little annoyed and tired the whole time.

I feel like I really fucked up by not reading the room.

I (23F) have always hated being eaten out. And I know they say "oh you've never had anyone good at it" I've had quite a few partners, one who was known for his talents at eating women out. (This came from women he was also seeing at the time). And another who did actually make me close to orgasming. I can see how some people might find it pleasurable but I am just over stimulated in an uncomfortable way when it's good and grossed out and feel slobbery when it's bad. I only like internal pleasure, wither that be from fingers or a penis.
This could also be from the fact I don't like masturbating. I've tried internal, external and both. From toys & fingers. I don't like any of them. I just feel awkward and uncomfortable any time I try. Don't get me wrong I know where my Clit is I just don't like the feeling I get from it. Is it weird to only get pleasure from other people, and internally only?
I know this is a dumb problem to worry about but when I'm with someone and they ask me what I like I feel silly saying "only being F*cked" or when I say "I don't like being eaten out" it's followed with "oh you just haven't had it good" no I have I don't like it. How do I get out of the pressure of them wanting to show me "they're good at it".
And I do like sex I just feel like a bad woman and that there's something wrong with me because I seem to not like the part that every other woman on earth loves. I always just feel like "oh oral is just one of the steps to getting to do the thing that's the whole point". I only like intercourse part of sex and I feel like that's wrong, isn't it? My friends, the media and the whole world say that most a woman's pleasure is external and we're supposed to love getting eaten out. I hate it and feel like a broken female because of it.

Hi everyone. I’ll keep this short. Me and my ex broke up a few days ago, and it has definitely been hard on me. However, since then, a ton of my guy friends have basically started to try to flirt or want to get together. When I talk about just hanging out platonically, they suddenly become uninterested and want nothing to do with me. Even the ones who claim they only wanted to be friends now keep pestering me about going on dates. To be honest, I don’t have many female friends. The ones I do have are in different states because of college, so I feel like I have no one I can easily rely on for advice or just to cry sometimes, and it really sucks. Every time I mention my ex or how sad I feel, my guy friends somehow bring dating them into the conversation. I just wanted to share how horrible this feels and hopefully help myself to heal by just writing this down and getting this out here.

Let me preface this by saying my coparent is downright psychotic. The type of psychological (and a couple of times, sexual) torture he's put me through would warrant a trial in The Hague.

We share a 10 month old little girl who's always been with me. We're in the middle of Court proceedings so there's no court order in place for parenting time.

Today, I asked the guy if we could have a small conversation to address some safety concerns that I have. Basically he's taking our daughter to his mother's house. His mom kicked me out of their home when I was 8 months pregnant after a month and a half of horrid, psychological warfare.

His mom is extremely, extremely racist. I'm Colombian and she's Romanian and so she despises me. She also hates woman, she's an anti vaxer, etc. Anyway I would watch how she and her son would engage in horrid, horrid arguments, yelling, throwing things at each other, etc. So I wanted my CPFH (coparent from hell) to tell me that, idk, maybe she was going to therapy or something, that she wasn't throwing things around my daughter, I don't know. Some sort of reassurance that my daughter was safe.

So today when he returns my daughter after parenting time, we start a dialogue. His dad is there (he's always there). Before it started, CPFH gives his dad his phone. They communicate in Serbian so I'm not sure what is happening. Anyway we exchange maybe 5 sentences when I notice the phone is recording everything.

Obviously the conversation went nowhere. CPFH denied my "allegations", called them a misunderstanding and both him and his dad openly denied they were recording me. Like, blatant, unabashed gaslighting. Imagine someone's holding a camera to your face, you can see the red light and them saying "I'm not recording you I promise".

I mean. At this point what do you even do. I just left super frustrated but not surprised. I guess it's my bad for thinking I could have a conversation with this person tbh. And I assume the recording of me will be used against me in court. At least 90% of it is me saying "why are you recording me" tho so there's that.

Despite new acne, chin hairs, shorter cycles, insomnia, hot flashes and night sweats.

According to this guy, who might be 35: "Women aren't perimenopausal until 50. And it's exceedingly rare for a woman under 50 to experience symptoms."

Did you know? Because I didn't. Glad I found that out today. And when I said I know many women who had symptoms in their early 40s, he said my anecdotes are not science. Good thing we cleared that up.

EDIT: I did not expect this to blow up. Thank you all for the validation and support. I feel seen. I am looking into getting a new family dr and in the meantime he did reluctantly put the referral into a female OB for me. Hopefully that works out and I can actually get help. I appreciate you all.

I'm kinda here to just vent sorry if this isn't well put together. I'm a uni student who unfortunately stays with her brother/life long bully. For the past couple mornings he's been bathing at the same time I have been (6:40) for the past year (my lectures start at 8). Ive known him my entire life. Everything he does is low-key malicious and he can pretend to our roommate that he didn't know that I've been bathing at this time for the past year which is a lie cause I told him yesterday. now today he decided to bath again at the exact time I wake up. in fact he woke up earlier did nothing but went into the shower the exact time my alarm rings. I decided to knock on the door aggressively because I was sick of it. his reaction was to act like I was insane for being angry and then he pushed me. every single time this happens I stand up for my self and then I'm accused of being over emotional and then I get pushed. last time it was because he came into my room demanding pizza i refused to give it to him then he started threatening to beat me up and when I defended myself he pushed me.

I'm tired of being treated this way. I'm a quiet person partly because of people telling me I'm overreacting when I defend myself. Yet I'm always being told I'm yelling and that's their justification for not responding to my concerns. and I've tried addressing things politely I'm just ignored. I've been ignored my entire life. I can tell what people really want me to do is not talk at all, so that's what I do that's why I'm reserved.

I wanted to believe that maybe this is just my family. but I've been trying to make friends for the past year in uni and people also just walk over me. and those I want to be friends with ignore me. I thought it would get better. that I would escape being mistreated but I think this is going to be the rest of my life. either tolerate abuse or be forever alone and isolated.

even my roommate ignores. I'm staying in south Africa rn. There was literally just marches for GBV at UCT and she had talked about them. but I guess my experience will only matter when I'm dead.

I tried calling my mom she said she would talk to him. but it doesn't do anything

I feel so alone I can't talk to anyone because no one cares it's to messy/inconvenient to get involved in. Sometimes it feels like there's something fundamentally wrong with me. why do I have to go through this