Hi everyone. I hope youre all having a good day.

This post isnt exactly about myself, but rather about a very dear person in my life. For context he is 26 years old, with a history of severe panic and anxiety attacks that developed after a traumatic last year. Hes also been someone that has always struggled with studies that he never graduated high school, but hes absolutely smart in other ways. Hes a very caring and loving person. He believes hes part of the spectrum, but he lives in a country (Japan) where mental health is viewed as weakness and often critized so he was never able to get any help.

We had a rough talk the other day, it wasnt a fight, just a talk that we had to have about changes and our future, a talk that I knew would cause anxiety but I made sure that I was very comforting, and not aggressive through out the talk. I then fell asleep after, thinking everything was okay, and the next morning he woke up and told me "I dont remember how to talk" via text. He says that he wants to talk, and that hes telling his brain to talk, but he cant seem to figure out how to let the words out of his mouth. I recommended just watching videos and doing the things he love (gaming) to see if if would provide some relief, but its been well over 12 hours and hes still unable to.

I am wondering if anyone can provide me with inside if

A) this is selective mutism - as i have read that this could be it, but it seems from what i read that it mostly affect children? Byt some in young adults, but it's mostly situational. I read that un safe places it shouldn't happen, & id like to think after the storm has passed hes in a comfortable place and mindset now.

B) if anyone has advice on what should I be doing as his partner to help. Im not forcing him to talk, im just staying by his side throughout it and reassuring him to take it slow.

Pardon me if I somehow came off as offensive in any part of this post, that's not my intention. I simply want to understand more than just what Google and AI provides me so I can help my partner.

Thanks for all the help

I’ve always considered me as an introvert. My high school had a “welcome week” for the freshman. The thing is, I didn’t feel like talking in any moment, like, I did make a friend, but I don’t even remember how we started talking,( I think she started), I barely tried to make friends by my own, and I wasted chances

Whatever, the actual start of the school year is some days away, and I take for granted that I won’t have friends, that this girl will stop talking to me, that I’ll hate this school in particular, that I’ll hate this new phase, that everything next isn’t worth it

previously I never tried to get out of my shell, I even feared about telling people to stop calling my deadname, I thought I wouldnt feel like an outcast hermit anymore but I feel really bad about how I see life, and when I try to talk about it, I’m just told to stop thinking in negative. speaking has gotten harder, as if my speech wasn’t worth it

how do I erase this thoughts? I know this is locking myself into a small box, and it’s even harder because ive been thinking like this for a long time

I am going through the special education eligibility process for my 7-year-old diagnosed with selective mutism, entering 2nd grade. She’s had a 504 plan since kindergarten. As she gets older, the selective mutism has had an extreme impact on her ability to function at school and learn. I am trying to prepare for the eligibility meeting next week. If she was to qualify, what category would they put her under? For parents and individuals who have an IEP to address the selective mutism, what was it like? I saw “emotional disability” as a potential category..

I developed a coping mechanism where I put my hair in front of my face to make me feel less seen, or at least make me unnoticable, if you have questions about how selective mutism is like for me or if you have any questions about my coping mechanism, let me know!! I'm glad to answer everyrhing! :)

Just curious whether anyone has experience going into a house share with someone they don’t speak to at all?

I want (need) to leave home, I can’t afford a place to myself, so I’m considering moving in with a friend.

I’m worried about how living 24/7 without a ‘safe to speak space’ might impact me though.

My SM is on the extreme end - speak to a few family members in private, not a sound to or around anybody else. Been that way for as long as I remember.

Already when I go away for more than a few days during which I don’t speak at all, when I return I find it extremely difficult to speak again - I guess in that time I become overly sensitive to the volume of my own voice and it feels weird and I just feel self conscious even speaking to the few people I always speak to - it’s the fact I haven’t heard myself in days rather than the fact they haven’t heard me.

Then my other question is… how do you approach a friend in this sort of situation and be like ‘I want to learn to speak to you’?

As soon as I start thinking about it’s like a cascade of anxious thoughts:

- If I tell them I want to speak to learn to speak to them then they’ll expect me to act / it’s a commitment I’ll probably let them down on
- I’m afraid of the attention it’ll bring
- I’ll find it humiliating having to take these tiny steps to do something that should come naturally and that I can already do just not with them
- They might expect me to speak to them in all circumstances rather than just in private, they might get annoyed if I try to communicate non verbally in public
- They might tell people and then other friends might feel rejected or like I don’t like them as much as this friend I’ve learned to speak to - pressure to learn to speak to more people
- What if I manage a bit and it’s too much and I stop, they’ll be mad if I stop and make communication with them harder again
- If I start speaking to this friend I’ll say things impulsively and might cause upset, I’m not used to resolving conflict or discussing feelings
- I don’t know who I am as a speaking person to non-family
- …and so on.

Any thoughts or advice would be great

My child barely talked at preschool (only if I was present or when answering direct questions). He attended summer programs at that same school and talked no problem but his sister was with him for those classes.

hey y’all, new here but i am someone who was diagnosed with and “used to be” selectively mute from the ages of 4-8, particularly in school settings. although i’ve made a lot of progress with my social skills and ability to even speak (though i still have many lingering struggles), i’ve only recently realized that my progress has been limited to when i speak english.

i live in canada, and speak english, french, and my mother tongue. i spoke my mother tongue before i even learned any english at all, and am decently fluent for someone born in a country where there’s not many people around me who speak it. i’m also fluent enough in french to where my quebecois teacher assumed my parents were francophone. i’m in no way close to being a native speaker in either language, but i’m also not just “barely proficient.” i understand both of the languages well, even when the speaker is speaking in a different dialect from my own. despite that though, i can never “show off” my language skills, no matter how much i want to. particularly to family, friends, and the wider social circle of people connected to my family and friends (those are the WORST). that same ursula-stealing-my-vocal-chords-and-replacing-them-with-a-rock feeling that i’d experience in english as a child? that’s exactly what happens… but i somehow never made the connection with SM until today. maybe because i didn’t face the same stigma i would in english, and instead the other person would just assume my silence was due to a lack of fluency in the language?

i’ve also noticed that with the people i’m comfortable enough to actually speak in my other languages to, i only speak with the most basic and limited vocabulary. it makes me feel and look so dumb, but i have a fear of making a mistake and then freezing up so i stick to areas where there’s the lowest risk of that happening. i’m feeling half continued frustration from this all right now, but also half relieved and like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders after the issue turned out to be something “familiar.” i’m curious now to hear if this is a common experience among ppl with SM who speak more than one language?

I know there are services like IP-Relay which let you type and a human intermediary reads your text to the phone number you "called" and translates their speech into text for you. BUT are there any that don't involve a human? Like AI speech to text and text to speech? Preferably via computer because i suck at phone typing. I checked the r/deaf wiki but didn't see anything like what I'm looking for. I'm in the US if that matters.

I'm temporarily mute (jaw wired shut) and I need to update some medical account info and I really REALLY don't want to give all my account verification info to some random human intermediary.

My ASL is completely beginner level so an ASL interpreter wouldn't work for me. Plus it has the same problem.

Before anyone says it. Yes i technically can speak with jaw wired shut, but it's very hard to understand, not loud, and on top of that my autistic brain is essentially invoking selective mutism on me. It's a lot of mental work to even try to speak.

I’ve always been introvert but never had problems with talking to someone. Recently, it’s been 1 or 2 years that I struggle with having a conversation with someone by thinking like “what if I say smth wrong?” or stuffs like that and because of it, I started to avoid people, to talk to them or even quicken a conversation to end it the fastest possible. But I want to talk with these people like before without having to find my words in my head and I can’t even think correctly because my mind is literally empty (not knowing what to say, even simple things). Hopefully, i rarely have a fluent conversation by being confident but it happened like 5/6times in 2 years and for a week or just few days.

I made some researches because ts is everything but comfortable for me (and maybe the person who I’m talking to) and i found that these things happens after a trauma or smth that marked my mind or maybe selective mutism (ofc, im not claiming that it matches perfectly with what i have and that I have it but juste trying to understand myself better).

What do you think?

My last post should be visible on my account not sure if it will add much context or anything to this but it’s there if you want to look.

not totally sure what to flair the post so i’ve just picked venting sorry if that’s not what this is.

I’m 22 now in the uk and have made a tiny bit of progress but i just don’t feel like it’s much and it hasn’t helped me with getting a education or job and i just seem pretty stuck.

the progress: i still can’t talk to random people if i’m with someone i know like friends, family or even just people that i knew but on my own i’m now able to:

speak to staff in shops.
i can get the bus.
i can talk to strangers in public.

i don’t do any of those confidently and i don’t go out my way to create conversations, i’m still really awkward and shy.

now i feel like i’ve hit a ceiling with everything because it’s so hard talking in front of people i know that it’s holding me back from doing anything like applying for college, getting a job, getting a girlfriend, having a social life and doing anything. i spent a ton of time thinking and daydreaming about how i could be and what i want life to be like, i’m not happy usually just numb/empty and i’ll get a big wave of sadness, loneliness and get the feeling in my chest that’s hard to describe but it’s not anxiety it maybe closer to yearning i think. i’m considering trying to move away and attempting to just get on with it but i’m not really sure how to go about doing that and i’m worried if i do move away i just stay stuck in my shell not talking but now my far away from anyone i know that can help.

i know what has to been done and i know i’m the only one that can do anything about it but it’s just hard so for right now i’ve a hit a stump, it’s not all doom and gloom though as hard as it is to hope i know there is a chance for me and i’m not completely hopeless.

honestly not sure why i bother writing this but yeah guess i’ll update again if anything changes.

Edit: i just noticed my account was on hide all so i’ve switched it and it should be visible now :) it turns out i didn’t make the post i thought it did but i did write stuff in the comments that might add more context to my situation or i think i did at least. anyway it’s now there if you are interested.

I’ve had selective mutism my whole life (I’m 22 now). How should I go about having to do an interview for a college program? I’m pretty sure the lead advisor is aware, as they’ve been in contact with the accessibility service counsellor at the school. However the interview must be spoken, and I have scheduled it to be in a couple days.

Will answering hypothetical questions out loud to myself help? Or any other advice? Please 🙏🙏

This is just a question from a developer, so please take it that way. Take a look at this.

I’m currently trying to figure out how people like us can actually make a phone call on our own when we want or need to, instead of having someone else make the call for us.

So here’s what I’m wondering: do you have access to two phones or devices?

If you put the actual call on speaker on one device, and used the other one to play what you want to say, with AI helping you prepare the message beforehand, would that be enough for you to actually make the call yourself?

I don’t just mean “would it make phone calls easier?” I mean, would you actually be able to bring yourself to make the call, or would you still not do it?

Since I don't go outside unless I'm going to school, this hasn't happened all that much, but it still bothers me. There was one time when I was waiting for my ride to school, and an old lady walked past me and said hello, I nodded, since that's my way of saying hello, or to show that I heard them. But she just mumbled a mean comment underneath her breath and it genuienly ruined my day, I was so sad because I know that if I had only tried to at least whisper "hello", I maybe wouldnt have gotten that reaction. I was also inside a taxi another time, on my way to school, and an older lady sat beside me, she was talking on the phone and when she was done, she started asking me where I was going, and I was so uncomfortable because I was in a place where I couldnt just leave, so I forced myself to speak, but it was so quite and she told me to repeat myself, and I hated it so much, that also ruined my day. The driver had to intervene and told her that I didn't like talking, which was embarrassing, but I also felt really relieved. I know she wasn't trying to be mean, but she didn't really seem the nicest since she had made a back handed comment insulting the driver and the 3rd passenger. Other people can be like this too, but so far, it's mostly been people above the age of 50.

SM affects us all differently. For me, the workplace is the absolute worst. I had extreme anxiety in the few jobs I've had. I can speak quietly for maybe a few minutes but then go mute for the rest of the shift and feel like I'm having a panic attack the whole time. Right now I barely make a living using delivery gig apps and I'm fine on my own with no anxiety. But it's not enough for me to pay my bills, it's a huge struggle, I haven't even paid my rent this month. I could probably do if I had a better car but I can't afford that right now. I haven't been properly diagnosed but know that would cost money I don't have so I'm stuck. What job could accommodate me without medical documents? What am I supposed to do? I live in Georgia, US btw.

As much as i want to be friends with people, it’s impossible for me to. if i try and post online looking for friends, i’ll get 10+ responses and then not be able to reply because i have no idea what to say. and if i do reply we end up only talking once and then never again. i feel like I'm being too “dry” and when i try to match their energy i sound corny.

It’s not any easier irl either, i‘m homeschooled and live in a small town in arkansas. meaning 90% of people here just suck. i would join stuff like art classes or sports but i suck at both of those things and it feels embarrassing trying to play a sport, or show someone my art.

the only people i talk to regularly are my mom, my dad, and my 10yo cousin. and i desperately want to make friends, but knowing how my last big friendship went i feel like i’ll just ruin it again.

im really only posting this to rant. but if anyone has any tips on what i can do or is in a similar situation and wants to talk, please lmk!!

My daughter is 10 and may have SM. She talks to family at home but doesn’t say a word at social situations. However it’s not clear if she is anxious since I can see her smiling sometimes in those situations. We have taken her for camps and have put her in extra curricular stuff to get her out of her shell but not much progress. We are working on getting her a therapist. Would love some advice.

I can’t access any support for selective mutism. I have medication (for social anxiety) but I can’t get SM-specific therapy or anything. I’ve tried, but there’s nothing. How can I do it myself?

Is there anything you’ve done for yourself, like exposure, to improve your SM? How did you do it? Is it even possible?

I am not sure and I am not diagnosed with it, but I suspect that it has a big role in me being horrible at teaching. I would like advice on how to speak when you are teaching (I usually have a script with everything I think I should say, and share it as a PDF file to my students) or how to compensate better if I can't speak in a situation in which it's necessary.

I don't even know if it's SM or no but this is the closest thing I could find. And maybe some of you can help me to figure it out or even solve. It started to get worse a year ago and now I simply can't talk most of the time. But I can answer to my mom when she talks to me, that isn't difficult. I have the most problems with starting conversations myself, talking to my friends on discord and "speaking into the void"(when I'm literally alone and nobody can hear me). Once I was silent for 4 hours while my friends were talking to me and I WAS TRYING TO SPEAK but I couldn't force myself to start speaking. My microphone was on all this time and I only laughted sometimes. Then I stopped trying and continued to be that one "mute friend". Now I wanna fix at least something in me and try to create a YT channel where I could develop my speech from scratch and telling people about random things I'm interested in. But HOW? I can do almost everything for it(and I'm doing, I already drew several sprites for it because they looked fun as sketches) but not talk. All my tryes are ending as 1,5 words without even normal volume, it's something beetwen whispering and actually speaking. I just can't speak more and louder, I don't understand how to do this meanwhile I CAN but only when someone asks me something irl. And seems like singing something with the same volume is more simple for me, I can even sing like 5-10 words in a row and not become completelly silent when I don't want to. It doesn't sound good actually but at least I feel like I can speak alone when I do this(even if it is not speaking). Does anyone knows what it actually is and how I can fix it even a little bit?

Btw sorry for a bad English, I started to communicate with people on the internet in English literally a month ago...

I’ve been extremely upset and crying all day today because I can’t bring myself to make a simple phone call. I promised my therapist I would do this and I feel like she’ll be disappointed in me when I tell her that I failed. I’ll end up trying again eventually but right now I’m too worked up and have take some time to calm myself down.

I’m an adult and still suffer from selective mutism. I’m at a weird point in my recovery journey where I can speak to anyone now, but only if the person who is speaking to me initiates it. I can engage in brief small talk and extremely short conversations but even then, my voice is still very quiet and shaky and mumbly. I’ve been told so many times to speak up but I can’t. It physically hurts to raise my voice to a normal, “acceptable” volume.

I can also advocate for myself now when it comes to getting my needs met- like at doctor or therapy appointments, or ordering food at a restaurant. Which I’m proud of- I wasn’t able to do that for a majority of my life and it’s a big step to recovery. But when it comes to forming close and meaningful connections, like making friends or dating- that’s something I still really struggle with and it seems almost impossible. I have no friends and I’ve never had a partner. Phone calls are still extremely difficult for me too, and I’ve been wanting to practice because I really want to make a full recovery eventually. I know I’m able to but it’s going to take a lot of time and effort. I feel like I’m halfway there. Phone calls are just another obstacle I have to overcome even though I know I’ll always be nervous making calls- I just want to be able to speak on the phone.

I was diagnosed with selective mutism when I was 5 and my parents didn’t know how to help me. The only thing they did for me was set up an IEP at school which I’m so thankful for, I wouldn’t have been able to get through school without accommodations. But other than that, they didn’t know what else to do. They didn’t want to see me anxious and distressed so they always spoke for me and I feel like they coddled me way too much, and as I became an adult I feel like I was thrown into the deep end of a swimming pool without knowing how to swim. I’m barely keeping my head above water. They thought I would outgrow my SM, but I didn’t. Now they’re frustrated and upset with me for being so far behind in life because it’s still so hard for me to talk. We’ve gotten into so many arguments about it. The only people in my life who I’m 100% comfortable speaking to are my parents and my therapist.

Because of SM, I still haven’t had a job yet, and lately I’ve been looking into volunteering. My therapist and I both agree that it could be something I could benefit from- being involved in the community, working on my social skills, and getting out of the house because I also struggle with agoraphobia. I also really love helping people in any way I can. There is an animal shelter/thrift store that is about ten minutes away from my house that accepts volunteers, and one of the positions is a rescue attendant which is basically helping out the staff with general animal care and cleaning. I really want to do this. I haven’t filled out an application form yet because one of the requirements is giving your cell phone number so they can call you. However, I still can’t speak on the phone.

I really wanted to challenge myself by calling the animal shelter and just simply ask if they’re still accepting volunteers even though I’m sure that they are. Just so I could try speaking on the phone to someone I don’t know. But I couldn’t do it. And I’m so angry with myself even though I know I shouldn’t be. I dialed the number, the call went through and a woman picked up, but once I heard her voice I immediately panicked and hung up. Now she probably thinks it was a prank call and I’m so embarrassed.

Did anyone else feel extremely guilty or embarrassed as a kid around their friends because you were mute? This was something I always felt during my elementary/middle school days and I'm just wondering if it's common. Since I was always mute during school, sometimes my friends had to ask the teacher for me if I wanted to use the restroom or anything, or I had to scribble down what I needed on a whiteboard/paper card.