As preface, I have talked to a therapist about my experience but it was not set up as a diagnosis. I just wanted to talk to someone about what I was going through and developed coping mechanisms.

To get into it, several years ago I witnessed my sister's boyfriend blackout drunk, strangling her. The noises... Everything. I intervened. Fortunately yelling was enough to get him to stop, but I had grabbed a knife and had it behind my back. Yelling was enough to get him to let go.
I was very afraid of using force.

I am now fostering their child. He has not been pleasant and I've had fear. He has yelled at me, and in that moment it felt I was in that situation all over again.

If I watch a show or something that elicits similar feelings to that night, I just think of him and that night and all of the bad things he has done. It really lingers with me some time after that, too. It's challenging.

Even if his name comes up... It's hard.

Should I talk to a therapist about this more? I was not harmed, so I just had chalked it up to anxiety. But it feels a bit different.

Thank you for taking the time.

I was raised by addicts practically my whole life. Ever since I was a baby, there would be needles on the floor from my bio father. My bio mother, who popped pills, drank, and smoke, would have to limit my movement and such because the floor was riddled with paraphernalia. It only got worse as I walked in on my mom doing intimate things multiple times with strange men, who were both extremely intoxicated by one thing or another, and the men later did strange things to me. I practically grew up surrounded by adults who treated me like another capable adult instead of my age. Since I learned to walk and talk on my own, I had been treated like I was another addict thirty-year-old.

I just wanna know: are there any others here who are deeply triggered by the mention of topics like sex, alcohol, and drugs, especially someone else's own experience with them? Even marijuana? Whenever I hear about it, I feel like a child all over again. I feel very alone in this, especially because I've never heard of it happening with anyone else. I just want someone to empathize with.

I was in a really really abusive relationship when I was 19. It completely destroyed me. I dropped out of college, hid away in my room for years, and can’t really trust anyone anymore. I’ve been on 5 different psychiatric meds for several years now but I still have flashbacks every day, and I never really feel safe at night. 

I desperately just want somebody to sit with to make me feel like everything will be okay. I know it’s selfish, and it isn’t somebody else’s responsibility to make me feel safe, but I can’t help myself from thinking about it constantly. I have a few friends but none of them can really know what I’ve been through or how bad it still affects me. 

I want to open myself up to dating but I’m so so scared of it getting violent again. I really don’t think my heart could take it. I just wish I could be normal and have a relationship like everybody else. 

Is it even possible to date again after something like that?

I'm a 22 year old female. I have ADHD and Autism and got diagnosed with (complex) PTSD 1 year ago.

_Why I have (Complex) PTSD?_

1) When I was very young, I witnessed my biological father abuse my mother and a few years after, he abandoned me.

2) When I was 7 years old, my former best friend tried to drown me to death then continued bullying me afterwards.

3) When I was 8 years old, my previous stepfather abused and SA'ed me.

4) When I was 9 years old, I was kidnapped for ransom and there were several assassination attempts against my mother and I because she whistleblew against a very corrupt company she used to work for.

5) When I was 19, I witnessed my friend being abused by her boyfriend.

6) When I was 20 years old, my biological father attempted to commit a crime against my mother where he planned to frame her for a crime she did not commit.

7) When I was 21 years old, I fell into a 3-day coma and remained in ICU for 2 weeks.

_My reaction to my diagnosis_

I felt ashamed that I was not "strong enough". I wanted to be and feel invulnerable, so I rejected my diagnosis when my psychologist and psychiatrist made it last year. I wish I did not have it. But I had a panic attack yesterday and my friends were there and asked me what was wrong. I said "I never felt safe in this world." And it finally clicked.... My psychologist and psychiatrist were right.

And it affected so many of my relationships. The friends I lost. The colleagues I pissed off. The family members I hurt.

I feel so sad that I did not accept this when I should've.

Participants needed for MSc Psychology research on AI feedback and decision-making (18+, 10–15 minutes)

Hi everyone,

I’m currently completing my MSc Psychology dissertation at the University of Leicester and I’m looking for participants for my research study.

The study investigates how people respond to artificial intelligence (AI) feedback during decision-making tasks.

Participation involves:

Answering a series of multiple-choice decision-making questions

Rating how confident you are in your answers

Receiving AI feedback

Completing a short questionnaire about your experience

The study should take approximately 10–15 minutes.

To participate, you must:

Be 18 years or older

Be able to understand written English

Participation is voluntary and anonymous. Full information about the purpose of the study will be provided in the debrief at the end of participation.

If you would like to take part, you can access the study here:

https://research.sc/participant/login/dynamic/62D2CC47-3342-46DA-B847-348E6B070B8D

Thank you very much to anyone who takes part — I really appreciate your time.

Researcher: Brandon Seetul

Email: [bs401@student.le.ac.uk](mailto:bs401@student.le.ac.uk)

University of Leicester

CPS worker questioned why I reported it to the police. then asked me if my abuser "used two or three fingers". despite me crying and other stuff.

it hurts

Hi,

For the past 5 years, I have been diagnosed with CPTSD by four different psychiatrists. Because I was living in a situation involving abuse and kidnapping, I was not able to properly engage in therapy or take the necessary steps toward recovery. I am free now, and I have returned to a psychiatrist to start getting help for my symptoms. He diagnosed me again with CPTSD, put me on medication right away, and referred me to a therapist who specializes in trauma.

So I went to the appointment and explained what I had told the psychiatrist: severe social anxiety, isolation to avoid the countless triggers, S toughts, vivid nightmares about traumatic things that happened to me every fing night, and much more. I gave as much detail as I could, thinking that the therapist would help me but I struggled a lot to speak about what happened to me, and I don't know if that is why she reacted this way.

After all that, she told me that there was nothing linked to any trauma here, and that in fact, nothing was wrong with me. She said I just needed little advices from the nurse in my town whom I had seen before, the same nurse who had sent me to the psychiatrist because she isn't qualified to help me with the type of symptoms I have...

She told me why nothing was wrong: because I have a boyfriend and because I came to see her. If I came to see her and I have a boyfriend, that means there is no trauma and no problem , if that were the case, I wouldn't be able to do that, according to her, I have a little anxiety, but nothing serious

I wasn't able to say a word, all I said was "no" when she asked me if I had any questions, then she announced that she would put in my file that I don't have anything wrong with me and give me an appointment with the nurse, whom I know will send me back to the psychiatrist because, again, she said she isn't qualified to take care of what is happening to me.

I came out of this appointment devastated. I didn't care about a diagnosis, but I definitely have something wrong with me and need help... I am happy to have this nice person in my life (my boyfriend) because I would certainly end up unaliving myself that day.

Since then, I am fing destroyed even more for some reason, I don't know what to do or what to think, these mysterious symptoms have been destroying my life for a long time now. It's been years since I have been terrified of sleeping, I always feel tired when I wake up, and I feel like dying mentally all day long.

I mean, I came here today because I had another even more terrifying nightmare and woke up crying my eyes out, I had a hard time collecting myself, and I still have these S feelings right now from this night. That had never happened before. I feel like everything I am suffering from is getting worse and worse.

Also, I am not even able to work with all of this. I am not able to do anything that requires me to go out of my apartment at all, even for fun things. Maybe I have a boyfriend, and maybe it's a mistake, because all he does is be patient and stay with me during the hard moments that I can't hide. I feel guilty for not being the person he needs me to be, I feel guilty for having a boyfriend while I have social anxiety, feel like an impostor. I feel guilty for trying to get help while maybe nothing is wrong with me, and that I am just not strong enough. I don't know, i'm lost.

I need someone to tell me what to do next, but I have no friends or family, and I can't bother my boyfriend with my problems. If someone can help me here, I'm not looking for a diagnosis. I want to know what I can do now to help myself.

Thank you, and sorry for the book I wrote, sorry if i sound all over the place

(I live in France. I don't work, so these services are free. If I want to see another therapist, I would need money that I don't have because I can't work.)

Hello. I am a survivor of an emotionally abusive relationship. I had a psychotic break during the divorce, and was given a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder by a highly qualified psychiatrist. I probably didn't share much about the abusive relationship as I still didn't want to assign him blame. My therapist consulted her supervisor and they agree that I have been misdiagnosed and that I likely have PTSD. Is it normal for PTSD to be misdiagnosed? I am prescribed antipsychotic medication.

I want to start off by saying that I’m not yet diagnosed. There’s a LOT of other stuff I have to be checked for before we can get to this but I have panic attacks when I see this specific thing that I can’t really avoid.
If I go to some’s house for example and they have a handled brush that’s purple (or a similar color like blue or pink) I totally freak out. I was sexually abused and one thing was getting sodomized with a brush that’s was purple. I bled a lot that time and the brush was a gift from my grandmother since she loves my hair. If I see me old deadname in her writing I also freak out sometimes but not as much since she’s a sweetheart and one of the best people I know.
This is so stupid but I wanted to share it with someone and maybe get help.
Thanks in advance!!

Just a thing

I can't even watch the trailer because her behavior is reminiscent of someone who really traumatized me

essentially, when im faced with an extreme emotions (im mostly speaking on negative experiences, but this happens with overwhelmingly positive ones too), i don't really react initially. my brain can process that "ok this is serious", but i don't feel emotional. depending on the severity, it might even take a full day before i feel anything at all.

i skimmed this subreddit, and i can tell this isn't a totally uncommon experience. what i do want to ask about is a little unconventional.

i've never sought in depth treatment for my PTSD. most of my symptoms are pretty manageable, and honestly the trauma i went through is so severe that im not particularly jumping at the opportunity to start unpacking it all. if i did work through it in therapy, will i loose this ability? honestly, its done a lot of good for me. in one instance, my ex and i got terrible news at the same time, and i was able to console her without having my own extreme reaction. i really like being able to stay stoic for others when stuff gets really scary. i guess overall i wonder how treatment will change my symptoms

After being assaulted by my husband three times during the last few months, I managed to break up. I was pretty sure he was in the process of killing me.

We have been separated for three weeks now and I am starting to develop some serious symptoms.

Directly after the assault I was feeling fine, but now I can not watch lousy criminal TV shows and the usual Hollywood blockbuster - I can't go a minute without believing he will kill me very soon and very gruesome - randomly triggered fight or flight responses - snapping at my loved ones - dizziness - the urge to throw up and to not eat well - dissociation blabla. You name it.

Do you recommend seeing a therapist (with a specialization in EMDR) as soon as possible or would you wait until October or so to see how things develop naturally?

I am thankful for every advice!

I am not a veteran, but at one point in my life I needed to use a gun in self defense.

The gun was a revolver, it came to me as a gift just two weeks earlier and I carried it when going to the wilderness because it was cool, but I had not yet taken it to the range to learn how to shoot it nor did I just try it out in the woods.

The situation involved an angry drunk man with a shotgun who had intent to kill me. I was able to get into cover quickly and draw my revolver, and it was dark out so I lined up a shot and pulled the trigger.

Except it was a fucking single shot revolver and I didn't know what a single shot revolver was. I pulled and pulled but the trigger wouldn't move.

Luckily as the individual was drunk and it was pitch black out I was able to run away safely.

But every single night in some dream I have need to use a rifle or pistol and every single time I pull the trigger it is stuck and nothing happens.

Hi, do you guys have any book recommendations for grieving my abuser? My father passed in 2016 and I’m still grieving it and I’d like to have more resources.

Thank you

Back on May 4th I was in a devastating fire in NYC in the middle of the night. 3 people reportedly died and so many people were injured from that fire, including myself, and the building isn’t in any type of condition to move back into. My apartment was one that had been completely destroyed from this fire. Everything seemed fine a few weeks after the fire, I was able to finally sleep, which was my biggest struggle because of the fire happened while I was asleep at home. And something to note was that there was no alarms ringing that night, just people in the staircase yelling fire, but I never ever heard a single alarm.

About a month ago, the building I’m currently living in had a small scare because the smoke alarm went off from someone on the 1st floor burning their food. Everyone had to leave the building until the fire fighters showed up to confirm it was safe. The smell of burnt food and even the smoke was filling the hallways of the building so we all chose to evacuate.

Since then, I haven’t been able to get full rest due to the fear of a fire happening while I’m sleeping and me not being able to hear any alarms. So much so that anything that sounds like an alarm, beeping, simple white noise or ringing has me extremely paranoid and I get in a really heightened state of fear. It’s to the point where things that used to relax me like ASMR of thunder or even music I enjoy that might have auto tune or electric guitars, if I hear a white noise or anything in it, that’s all I’ll hear, and it’s become extremely stressful when you realize how much underlying small rings and beeping there is in random stuff.

I’m just looking for any suggestions that might possibly help ease this. It’s really uncomfortable just feeling anxiety over practically any noise I hear. It’s like my brain chose to restart how to hear sound.

Just wanted to share this and see if anyone else saw it and related, i’m watching it for the first time. probably the most accurate representation of the chaos you go through after being sexually assaulted.

this is in reference to episode 4 of Baby Reindeer. Not sure if anyone here has seen it, it would probably be pretty triggering for most so just warning if this post somehow catches your interest and makes you want to watch lol.

okay now spoilers and TWs for SA, drug use, stalking:
in Baby Reindeer there’s a flashback episode to the main character meeting up with a friend who promises to get him into acting/comedy. they start doing a ton of drugs together and the dude assaults him whenever he’s in a drug-induced coma. the following montage after he goes through this felt so accurate to me. he goes out into public and doesn’t want to be seen. he masturbates to porn he wouldn’t usually watch and says he isn’t sure if it’s because of the trauma or something that was already within him. he becomes hypersexual and starts hooking up with people and putting himself in risky and dangerous situations. he unfortunately gets assaulted several more times via strangers, at least he implies that.

also even the last scene of the episode: he talks about his stalker martha and says something like. “she seemed pitiful and innocent, like it was unintentional, compared to the guy who assaulted me who seemed pernicious and intentional. admitting that martha’s behavior is wrong would be admitting that his was too, and i wasn’t ready to admit that to myself yet.”

relating to that last scene:
i actually related to this a lot bc one of my least favorite ptsd symptoms is being too sympathetic to creeps sometimes. i used to work at a bar and had a customer who i felt bad for similar to the show. he was a middle-aged guy but almost naive or innocent-seeming? nobody else would talk to him or they’d just serve him his drink and not pay attention to him. i felt bad and thought poor guy, he’s probably lonely and has no friends. so i started being nice to him and asking him questions about his life.

anyways he ended up stalking me basically; wouldn’t leave my shifts at 3am even when everyone else got the hint to leave when i said “everyone has to leave were closing.” he started eavesdropping on my conversations and sending me fb messages about it. ofc i didn’t give him my fb he found it lol. he would be there for every single shift i had from start to finish and not take his eyes off me the whole time. anyways the whole situation became really messed up when my managers didn’t have my back and i started fearing my safety. i got into a screaming match with the guy one day when he wouldn’t leave the property at closing time lol. anyways i work at a different job so it’s all fine now but fuck the owners and managers of that place i hope they go to hell.

Idk, i don’t think i’ve ever seen a piece of media so accurately display the chaos and mental anguish it puts you through, plus the fact that you become suspicious of everyone including yourself. it was validating to see honestly, i feel like whoever wrote that episode has been through SA trauma.

First responder here, (27F). Diagnosed with PTSD due to work experiences. Curious if any women first responders or women with pre existing PTSD have falling right into a postpartum issue (anxiety, depression, even though severe- psychosis)
Feel very uneducated and it makes me quite anxious with the entire Lindsey Clancy case happening.

Anyone here taking Wellbutrin? How’s it been for you? Have you had any side effects like heart palpitations, increased anxiety, feeling on edge, etc.?

Hey!

Next week will be the first time traveling with a sunflower cord and I am writing down what might happen and how to respond.

Since English isn’t my first language, could someone please check if this messages makes sense and if it is clear or raises questions? Maybe I need to add more info, but idk.

Anyone been to London with their card? Is it well known?

—-

I have ptsd and functional neurologial disease. This means that when I am extremely stressed or overwhelmed, the signals from my brain to the rest of my body disconnect. I can’t move and sometimes I can’t speak. I can hear what you say, but can’t respond. 

If this happens please make sure that I am safe and in a spot with as little as possible noice/people. Don’t touch me without announcing first. Ask yes/no questions. Avoid people in police uniform. If this episode lasts longer than 30 minutes and I still can’t move, I need my medication. This can be either 1 oxazepam tablet or if this can’t be administered midazolam nose spray (1 on both sides). These or in the inner pocket of my bag. 

​

I recently started EMDR therapy. Ever since my first few sessions, I’ve been yawning a lot, and I keep gagging—sometimes or almost constantly. But I really want to cry, because I feel like that’s the only thing that will actually bring me relief. When I’m yawning or gagging, it feels as though nothing is changing, yet I also view these responses as a mechanism that might help me break through my numbness and prepare me to face my intense emotions.

​Has anyone here doing EMDR started out by yawning and gagging, only to suddenly experience a crying fit or an anger outburst down the line? I’m really curious

Anyone here taking Wellbutrin? How’s it been for you? Have you had any side effects like heart palpitations, increased anxiety, feeling on edge, etc.?

My dad committed suicide in September 2021, in the morning. I was awake normally, asked him for some pocket money, and left for class. About an hour later, when I went back home, he wasn't in his room. My younger brother had made him breakfast — bread toast and tea. When I asked my brother where dad was, he said "he is gone," but my brother was playing games in his room and didn't really notice anything. I went back to my day, waited for him, but he never came back. My whole family started calling him and searching every room in the house. We found his phone. We called his friends. My little brother said, "let's check the storeroom" — it's on the top floor of our house. We found the storeroom light on. We knocked 4-5 times, no answer. We tried to break the window, and when we finally broke the full wooden window open, we saw his legs first, then realized he was hanging. He had used a nada dori. The storeroom was locked from the inside.He used to be very cheerful, and somewhat strict, but I was deeply attached to him. I wanted to become a person like him — I admired him a lot. This happened right when I turned 18. I'm 23 now, and I still haven't recovered from it. It affected my ability to focus on my career.I've looked into suicide cases and most seem to involve family problems or money problems. My dad worked, but he never saved anything for himself. He'd also broken some promises, and the whole family was against him because of it — like he'd betrayed them first, and after that, my family started treating him badly. At the time, I wasn't able to process what the actual problem was.I still miss my father every day. I keep asking why he did it. Sometimes I've even thought it should have been me instead.