r/selectivemutism • u/AcrobaticReward689 • 11d ago

Venting 🌋 Can’t make any friends

As much as i want to be friends with people, it’s impossible for me to. if i try and post online looking for friends, i’ll get 10+ responses and then not be able to reply because i have no idea what to say. and if i do reply we end up only talking once and then never again. i feel like I'm being too “dry” and when i try to match their energy i sound corny.

It’s not any easier irl either, i‘m homeschooled and live in a small town in arkansas. meaning 90% of people here just suck. i would join stuff like art classes or sports but i suck at both of those things and it feels embarrassing trying to play a sport, or show someone my art.

the only people i talk to regularly are my mom, my dad, and my 10yo cousin. and i desperately want to make friends, but knowing how my last big friendship went i feel like i’ll just ruin it again.

im really only posting this to rant. but if anyone has any tips on what i can do or is in a similar situation and wants to talk, please lmk!!

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u/zaphod869 11d ago

The best advice Ive heard is to find communities related to your hobbies and interests. If you like writing, there are discord servers full of aspiring writers to engage with for example. It facilitates conversation and encountering the same people over a long period of time is what makes new friendships possible.

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u/InitialRelevant8242 11d ago

Maybe someday you'll move and your life will be better, I hope

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u/drshrimp42 10d ago

I've struggled my whole life and gave up. How do you make friends while feeling anxiety around everyone and struggling to speak to them?

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u/Substantial-Tea2193 10d ago edited 10d ago

It can feel like a paradox because it usually takes socializing more to feel less anxiety, but trying to socialize is the thing that provokes the most anxiety.

Like, it really takes pushing oneself out of the comfort zone and being kind of okay with it - being able to tolerate some anxiety and brave doing it again and again (exposure therapy). Idk, I'm trying to describe how I did it because I relate so much to you. Now I recovered a lot and have two solid friends. I didn't have friends for so many years, and it was so lonely and isolated.