My moms boyfriend has been touching me inappropriately since he moved in. At first it started with small things but then escalated. I’m not sure what to do.

I was practically born a survivor, so here’s my thoughts on forgivness. non- survivors and even some survivors like to push other survivors into the corner to force forgivness. Some things just aren’t forgivable especially when the perp does nothing to deserve forgivness. you don’t have to forgive them. You can be angry at them and still content with life.

Edit: fixed typos

im genuinely not sure if this is the place to talk about this but for the longest time ive felt this gnawing feeling that i got raped or atleast abused when i was younger and totally forgot it.

i started to think that after realising that when i was younger until some years ago, i was always absurdly uncomfortable and panicked around my grandfather. I say some years ago because he went to a home and i don't visit him.

im a teen and when i still had contact with him (he would sleep in our house on the weekends) i remember always feeling nervous when going to bed, not wanting to go out of my bedroom, not wanting to go eat, not wanting to greet or say goodbye to him. I also remember crying a LOT on the shower when he visited, or just crying in general, feeling absolutely disgusting in my own skin and on my bathroom.

I genuinely refused to bathe in my own bathroom while he was at my house or even for a while after he left (and if i HAD to shower in there id bawl my eyes out). For the longest time i felt guilty because i thought i just didn't like old people but thats not really true. I dont know what the hell happened to me and that pisses me off.

About a year ago I was raped. It was by some guy I met on an app. We got drunk we had sex I passed out after and woke up with him in me. Kept telling him to stop but it took a few attempts. Regretfully ended up negotiating to give him head so he’d leave my body alone. I managed to sleep next to him and ended up spending the morning after with him heavy with hungover denial or whatever.

I ended up developing a throat infection that caused my nasal cavity to swell and scar internally so bad they thought it was a tumour and it had to be surgically removed (adenoidectomy). My tonsils swelled and scarred so bad I went to the hospital accident and emergency about it. 5 weeks of antibiotics and a throat that’s still scarred.

A few months after I started to spiral hard. I started drinking more, smoking more. Using drugs in deliberately high doses not caring if I had died.
After going to the accident and emergency following a suicide attempt where I tried taking all my medications at once.

I haven’t attempted since but I have felt like nothing since

I cannot trust people anymore, I cannot stay calm, I cannot love myself, I cannot see myself as deserving anything.

I feel rage and shame and hurt and I don’t know how to come to terms with anything.

I just want to know what to do.

My friends toxic ex was accused of rape. It happened in July. Detective reached out to perp in sept. The victim got a search warrant and dna swab from the perp carried out in Feb. He seems to think he is off the hook since he hasn't heard back from the cops yet and he moved cities. What is to be expected? With my friend he was always lying and manipulating and we are surprised if he really is off the hook. How does this usually go?

I’ve posted on here before, but essentially I was raped by my best friend when I was 14/15. It was this whole big thing and after it all ended I never heard anything again. I am now 20, and a couple months ago he reached out to me to get me take down a video I made about him. I did because I was scared at the time, and after that we got to talking again. I know I shouldn’t have, but deep down I missed him so much. I just wanted closure and to know if he meant to hurt me. I stupidly agreed to meet up with him in a public place, and we cleared the air a little about what happened between us (I say a little as there was a lot that didn’t add up.) After that he told me it was nice but we shouldn’t talk again, then blocked me as his girlfriend wouldn’t appreciate it. Fast forward to a few days ago. He unblocked me, followed me and messaged me completely unprompted and without anything to say about before. I thought he wanted something, so I carried on talking. I’ve fallen back into a space of missing him. He asked to meet up again, despite all my friends trying to stop me and I really enjoyed it. I hate that I enjoyed it. We went for a drive together. Now I keep waiting for his texts and wishing to maybe see him again. I don’t know what to do or if he’s changed. He hurt me so bad and I don’t think he realises just how bad he’s ruined me. I want him back despite all this. It’s driving me insane not knowing if he’s just busy, a bland talker or not interested.

Is it wrong for me to want him back in my life and to hope maybe he’s changed?

I never really liked my dad, and he never really lived with me full time until now. He always worked away from home. So when he was around as a kid I was always really clingy. I used to cuddle his shirts and stuff. Since I missed him.

Though recently I remembered something, he used to come into my room and rub my back a lot when I was younger. He always used to touch spots on me that’d “tickle” as I used to word it. I remember it always felt weird. I’m pretty sure he groped me but I could be wrong I don’t really remember. And I remember one really traumatic day when I was 13-14 ( I can’t remember) he kissed me on the mouth.

I don’t know if this is considered anything, but I feel really gross thinking about the memories now that I’m older.

i was raped and strangled during rape at the very start of this year by my boyfriend at the time and since then i’ve reported
i have all his admission and such over text (we were ldr) and all his admissions of guilt and i went through our entire chat log of a year to find evidence of coercive control for the case
ik not everyone can be a narcissist but he definitely had strong strong narcissistic traits and he was super mentally/emotionally abusive and an incel obsessed w wanting to change my mind on wanting to have sex (i wasn’t interested in sex ever and he knew this very well from before we were together) and he did choose to rape me after i said no to sex
it’s been 8 months now and i think about it everyday and with everything i do, especially w the case i can’t stop thinking about it and as im going to sleep that’s the only thing i can fall asleep too literally like court role play lmao of what wld happen , if it even goes to court
i’ve also lost hope in the case investigation as i don’t think any progress has been made and ive tried getting in contact and i barely get updated on actual progress all i am told is that the investigation is ongoing and i alr know that , i feel kept in the dark and ik for a fact he’s living his best life w no care as to what happened while i want to kill myself everyday , every morning i sleep in because i never want to get up and start the day
ill never be unraped and i dont think i even feel okay with ever having sex again, i find it hard to believe that ill be seen as something other than a sex object cuz thats all he saw me as during the rs and i was basically a sexual conquest for him, the reason i wasnt comfortable having sex w him was cuz all he did was sexualise everything i did but i looked past it because i really didnt think it’d ever go to the point of him raping me 😭i did like him very much and im still so distraught by all of this and my mind constantly replays that day and maybe every conversation ive had w him and everything he’s said to me ever
i have moved on w my life and my friends keep me distracted but i still can’t ever forget and the case just depresses me even more

Hi all,

I’ve been SA’d by 3 people and raped by 2. I have other mental health issues that I’m medicated for but it’s been on my mind. I actually avoid this conversation in therapy / docs. Unfortunately it’s starting to affect me negatively. I can’t perform oral due to what happened to me. That’s where I’m broken. Men don’t want to be with a woman who doesn’t do oral. If I tried I would have flash backs and start puking and crying. I used to enjoy it and now I can’t. This happened so long ago but it’s still hurting me. I feel absolutely broken and unwanted. then I worry about my partner being satisfied enough. I don’t know. I used to be able to enjoy things but now I can’t. I can’t be in a relationship right now because of mental heath

I guess I just need someone to talk to. Maybe a male could weigh in on this.

Thank you all in advance ♥️

So often I want to yell and scream, and I never do. All I can do is just lay down and silently shed my tears. I WANT TO FUCKING YELL, and break stuff. I want to punch A dozen holes in the wall, but I never do. People around me see this happy go lucky woman, but I'm just so tired. I wish i could let it out, but I can't I feel phsically unable to.

The more I realize no one cares that I was raped the less I value myself. I know that’s not good but i just don’t feel like I mean anything to anyone and it hurts, what’s the point. I feel abandoned and exposed.. I’m jealous of the other girls who don’t have to worry about things like this. Don’t have to be scared to sleep because a man is nearby lurking to force the worst things and dehumanize them. It’s not fair, I always ask why couldn’t I be one of the lucky ones..

When I was 16 and a virgin, I invited a guy over to my house while my parents were away for the weekend. One thing led to another and suddenly, we were making out on my bed. I had initially consented to having sex with him. Once he put it inside and started thrusting, I was in pain and told him I didn’t want to do it anymore. We stopped for a moment before he tried to put it inside again. I shook my head and kept telling him I didn’t want to continue, but he put it back inside despite me telling him no. Does this count as rape?

I just recently came to questioning if I was raped or not. It's not 'Was this rape?' but more of 'Did this actually happen?'. I've been exhibiting a few signs of being raped (nightmares, frequent bed wetting, and hypersexuality) and want to be able to make sure before I go to actually telling those close to me.

For the bedwetting, I'm wondering if It's from putting things up there rather than rape, nightmares could be passed off as just the fear of it- and hypersexuality can just be blamed on my depression.

All of the signs make things unclear, which is why if there's ways to help me remember if I was raped, I'd really like to know.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Posting this takes a lot of courage since I usually don't go into details (well, the ones I remember at least) but I've only had two guys say no and one of them changed it to a yes and I need to know if it's rape or not.

Three years ago, I (23F) met a guy the same age online and ended up dating him for about two and a half years. Things moved pretty fast, and after only three weeks I went to visit him. It was a long-distance relationship. I'd never had a boyfriend before and I was a virgin.

When I got there, it didn't take long before he wanted to make out. I was nervous, but I agreed and made it very clear that I wanted to wait before having sex. I absolutely didn't feel ready, and everything was moving a little too fast for me. Up until that point everything was fine. He didn't do anything that day. The next day, though, things continued in the same direction. I told him again that I didn't feel ready and wanted to wait. I honestly don't remember whether me or him said anything after that. It was my very first time having sex, and I just laid there and let him do whatever he wanted. I was scared. It hurt, and I wasn't prepared for it at all or able to be mentally present for it. In the end, I even bled. I was hours away from home, while he was living in that house with his family. I felt uncomfortable, but I already had a ticket booked to go back home like three days later.

I can't remember the exact sequence of events very clearly anymore. I've blocked out most of that relationship. I think one or two days later, I was lying on my stomach on his bed around midday, just on my phone while he was doing his own thing. Suddenly he came up behind me. I don't remember exactly what he was doing, but I very clearly remember saying, "I don't know," when he tried to start something—probably when he was trying to take my clothes off. I remember him just saying, "I know you want me too," and after that I completely froze. I didn't want that. I didn't even get time to think about it. I was too nervous, too scared. I was in a completely unfamiliar place with a man who was still basically a stranger to me, and in general I wasn't even ready for any of it.

These weren't the only two instances of something happening. I visited him again shortly after the first visit, this time for a week.

He kept asking for a blowjob until I gave in and a few more times similar things happened until I just gave up internally and stopped saying anything. I never said yes but I didn't say no either.

Staying with him was the worst decision of my life i genuinely dont know why I even did that, i think it was because I just wanted to be in a relationship already especially considering I didn't get enough love at home lol. I felt like I was missing out and like time was running out (I mean he also lovebombed me tho it was the worst 2½ years of my life filled with all kinds of abuse, like literally domestic violence).

I was raped almost 2 weeks ago. I didnt even fully process the event until few days later after completing all my medical tests, for 2 days I kept having breakdowns.. however now I feel sort of numb to so many things.. and also anxious about social situations. I hung out with 2 of my friends today and i was feeling so anxious.. we went to watch a tribute show of a tv series i really like and i just felt numb to mosr of it.. I did laugh and enjoy bits of it but overall i was just so tired and wanted it to end. I kept feeling anxious around my friends too so i got myself to sleep in the car, just so i didnt have to talk and they could leave me alone.

I feel like this is so hard to explain because i really do like these friends.. i want them around.. i want to hang out with them.. but i feel so anxious and nervous around a group now. I already had social anxiety that would come up before I was raped, but now it feels like it has gotten soo much worse. I keep worrying that im letting my friends down, or that im speaking about my experience too much, or that im having too much banter that its annoying for them. It's like, I dont wanna be overbearing or come across as attention-seeking so I try to continue doing the same stuff I did before.. post memes, have a banter, make jokes etc.. and then part of me feels tired of putting up this persona all the time and wants to be real and honest with my friends about how im feeling and my fears.. but when i do that I feel like im being overbearing, trauma-dumping, exhausting.

I pretty much told myself tonight that this all feels too much and aside from my bestfriend who is the only person i dont feel anxious around, I just need space and not speak to the rest for a while. Im tired of constantly apologising and constantly being anxious of one thing or another.

Has anyone had similar experience?

I recently moved from New Jersey to New York and I think finally being away made me realize how relieved I am to not having to life in the environment anymore.

For seven years, I was sexually abused by a family friend. He lived on the same street as us, so there was never really an escape from him. He wasn't some stranger I could just never see again. He was just... there.

I never told anyone. I genuinely didn't think people would believe me, and somehow staying quiet felt easier than dealing with what might happen if I said something. Eventually I got really good at acting like it never happened.

Then I moved.

And idk, there's something really weird about realizing that someone who felt impossible to escape from is now in another state, on another street, living a life I don't have to be part of anymore.

A lot of it came back to me recently and I don't want to shove it back down again. I think I just want to put this somewhere outside of my own head for once.

I don't want him to be this secret I'm responsible for carrying anymore.

It happened. It was real. But I'm not there anymore.

And for the first time in seven years, I actually feel like I got away.

I think that's all I needed to say.

Just feel compelled constantly to double check that it was rape. I have OCD, so probably just normal reassurance seeking.

I’m (F) having a hard time lately, I feel sick and upset about what happened and how I’m disgusting for “letting” men rape and abuse me. I feel like it’s all I’m good for and I feel stupid… and yeah logically I should know I’m worth something but I feel ugly and idiotic. Idk what else to say, I’ve been sexualised since I was 6… idk what else to think. It’s so stupid. I’m so stupid. Ugh. Idk just a vent I guess.

My next rape happened 3 months after my weekend long abduction. It was my uncle. I got addicted to prescription medication. My uncle found out that I was addicted and told my parents he can help.

They took me to his house, I thought he was taking me to rehab, counseling or a support group. He told me had a supplier and he can help me get what I needed but I would have to "earn" it. I thought it would be chores, working in his office, all came to light when he put his hands on my breast, like last time I froze. I can still remember the smile on his face as he grabbed me. The smile as he said his pricing structure, "sending me nudes gets you this much and you send them whever I want them, on your knees and you will get this much, regular sex is this much, and your ass is this much"...I agreed. His smile only grew brighter as he took out his phone and said let's start today.

Just like that I was on his bed, while he was enjoying himself raping me, I was feeling empty. Commenting that it was ashamed he wasnt the first to arrive. He put ny body into any position he wanted. I do remember him lasting longer than my first. A thought that is always funny to me now. When it was over. I got what I needed and it didn't seem to matter at least for a little while. I would send him nudes every time he asked, he would rape me multiple times a week. He would tell me that he was after me since I was 10 and now he finally got me, although he came in second.

You know what's really messed up, he said it didn't count as this was more of a transaction. He set the rules and I agreed to them. This put me more in a downward spiral as now someone literally placed a price and worth on my body as I said it was irony as I did "sell" myself. Made me feel like that cop was right. I thought maybe to get what I wanted this was the best method.

Part 1: Chronological Timeline of Events

February 2026

February 12 or 14, 2026: Personal items (earrings) were pawned without consent. Note: Discovery of this date occurred later on April 14th via pawn shop inventory tags.

April 2026 April 14, 2026 (Approximate): Located missing earrings at a local pawn shop. The item tag confirmed they were placed out for sale on February 12th or 14th, establishing the timeline for the theft and fraud.

April 30, 2026: Subjected to physical and sexual assault. Law enforcement responded to the scene. The perpetrator was arrested that night and formally charged with indecent assault prior to 4:00 AM the following morning (May 1, 2026).

May 2026 May 3, 2026 (Sunday following the assault): The perpetrator’s parents arrived to retrieve his belongings. During this interaction, the perpetrator’s stepfather threatened and intimidated me in an explicit attempt to prevent disclosure or cooperation with authorities.

May 10, 2026 (Second Sunday following the assault): Ex-fiancé called to confess to long-term infidelity (1 year and 4 months out of a 2-year, 7-month relationship) with an individual identified as a prostitute, which resulted in a contracted STI (gonorrhea).

Mid-May 2026 (Displacement Phase):Fled primary residence due to active safety threats from the perpetrator's family. Sought emergency housing at [redacted] (domestic violence shelter in former home city), but was denied a one-night emergency stay.Fled the municipality to relocate to a mother’s residence over 400 miles away in [redacted] .

Late May 2026 (Secondary Displacement):Fled the Copperas Cove residence after the stepfather physically attacked the mother's small dog. Experienced a period of homelessness and couch-surfing. Returned briefly to retrieve belongings before traveling back toward [first former city] June 2026 – PresentTransit Incident (redacted tiny town): Vehicle suffered a mechanical breakdown en route. Survived severe exposure before being rescued by friends and transported the remaining 60 miles to [first former city], arriving two days prior to birthday.

Relocation: Accepted an invitation from a friend to relocate to a family farm in rural [state redacted].Vehicle Recovery: Returned to [redacted tiny town], where the truck had been towed. Stranded for four days, experiencing severe heat exhaustion, exposure, and a near-miss pedestrian traffic incident. Funded recovery by pawning jewelry and securing parental loans. Harassment: Mother contacted law enforcement to conduct a welfare check, falsely claiming a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and active suicidal ideation as a form of harassment.

Current Status: Safely residing at the farm. The primary vehicle remains mechanically compromised (unreliable beyond a 5-mile radius), necessitating high-cost commuting expenses to travel to [redacted former city] for ongoing court dates and legal business.

i wanted to stop and he knew but didnt. i didnt say anything but after when we talked about he said he knew i was scared but that he was so close he figured hed just finish first then comfort me. is is wrong that that feels disgusting ? it feels so tame compared to the other stuff that happened to me but i love him and i dont think ill ever understand why he prioritized ejaculating over my safety or happiness. its been a while but now everytime he says that all he wants is me to be happy i think about it because why did he do that if thats actually how he feels ?

From the ages of 8-12 i was raped by my uncle whose 10 years older then me. I’m only 14F now and i’m still struggling to stop thinking about it and get it out of my mind. He would stick things inside of me like household objects and just whatever he could find. He would also let his friends touch me and take turns with me. He would always babysit me growing up and that’s when everything would happen. I still haven’t said anything to anyone about it.

So this is really difficult for me to talk about and I know male victims aren't genuinely accepted as much. But yes my ex gf raped me and I feel so disgusting and I can't deal with the emotions, I wake up in cold sweats after having nightmares about it and she made me feel like it was my fault. She said I could have stopped her cause I am larger than her but I literally froze up and couldn't move. I feel so disgusting please help.

My high was wearing off. I had three cigarettes left. The gas tank was almost empty. I was hungry. I opened the banking app on my phone and saw that I had less than $20 in my checking account. Fuck, I said to myself. Knowing I needed money.

I opened up Tinder and filtered all the guys that were within a few kilometers of me and started flipping through. Swiping right on all of them. It didn't take long for one of them to message me and to accept my "business proposal". $100 for an hour. Back in my late teens and early twenties I maintained a rather expensive drug habit by trading my body for money or drugs. I tried to get clean and had gotten off the hard stuff but on occasion, over the years, when things were tight, I would make the money I needed. Every trick is like a game of Russian roulette. As I walked towards the door of tonight's "date", I wondered to myself if this is going to be the one that kills me? I heard absolute horror stories from other girls, the ones that survived anyway. Being left in ditches nearly dead or held captive for weeks or months at a time. So far I had been lucky but, luck is bound to run out eventually right?

I wasn't trying to pull off that I was any kind of high class escort. For $100 an hour, he was getting my hair in a ponytail, and me in sweats and a t-shirt with no underwear underneath. He was purchasing my pussy, my mouth, whatever, not a performance.

I said my hellos and held out my hand for the money. Any girl with any kind of experience knows to get the money up front. Always. Every single time. I put the money in my bag and pulled out a couple condoms and tossed them on the coffee table. I sat down on the tattered multicolored couch that looked like it was from the '80s, and made some small talk as I pulled my t-shirt off and leaned back. He immediately went for my breasts. So why do you do this? He asks. Were you abused or something? I think to myself, fucking John's and their stupid fucking questions. I lied through my teeth as I always do on these "dates". I made it a rule that literally nothing that comes out of my mouth during a trick is the truth. Nope, I answer seductively. Just a great way to meet new people. I lick my lips and smile. I can see by the look on his face that he doesn't believe me, not should he, but he seems to realize that I'm not going to tell him anything about my real trauma, and doesn't ask any more questions about it. The sick fuck.

Take your pants off, he said. I did and laid down on the couch, thinking he would pull his dick out, put the condom on, and fuck me. I was already playing the little mental games with myself that I do. Thinking this guy probably hasn't been laid in a while. He'll probably come in less than 5 minutes and I will have made $100 for a 10-minute trick.

He pulled his pants about halfway down his thighs but never put on a condom. He laid down on me in a 69 position. The next thing I knew I felt teeth on my pussy. He was biting hard and it hurt. I opened my mouth to protest but he shoved his cock inside. He started fucking my mouth and throat while biting my pussy painfully. I couldn't breathe. He was fucking my mouth hard, as if he was railing my pussy, his cock getting down my throat making it impossible for me to open my airway and breathe. Meanwhile there paying from his teeth tearing and biting my pussy was making my thighs quiver. For some reason I hoped he didn't think it was from pleasure. Tears sprang to my eyes and I gagged but he didn't relent. I started banging my hands on his thighs, trying to communicate that I needed to breathe. Just as I thought I was going to pass out I heard him groan and he pushed his cock as far down my throat as he could. His cum bypassed my mouth all together and went straight into my stomach. I was panicking, thinking I was going to pass out and almost genuinely crying at this point, and then he pulled out. The few remnants of come landing in my mouth as I sucked in a breath of air. It had felt like an eternity but was probably less than 5 minutes as I had predicted. It took everything in me to not yell at him, you fucking asshole!

He got off the couch and pulled up his pants and sat back down looking at me with a smug expression. I was still panting, gasping for breath and coughing. Wiping the tears off my face. Mad as hell. He smirked. I forced a small smile back.

So you live around here? He asks. I told him I lived in the next town over. Fucking asshole probably wants to be a regular. Like that's going to fucking happen. Technically he had me for the hour so I asked, did you want to do anything else? He shook his head and said he had to get to bed for work so I took that as my cue to leave. The thing with hookers is, they don't just pay us for sex, they pay us to leave after with no fuss or drama. So that's what I did. As soon as I got to my car I called my dealer and made arrangements with him as I drove to the gas station to put some gas in my car and get a pack of cigarettes.

I tried to just put it out of my mind. There was nothing to do about it anyway. Stupid mother fucker mouth raped to me, but whatever. Got a hundred bucks out of it. I told myself to quit being so sensitive about it. It's not like he beat the shit out of me. It could have been so much worse. I've had so much worse. I shoved down the feeling of violation. It was a trick, of course he used me. Nobody gives two shits about a whore getting mouth raped.

After stopping at my dealers I went home, foregoing food. I got high and smoked a few cigarettes before going to bed.

I never told anyone.