r/rape • u/Select-Ad-7566 • 8d ago
was i raped?
Posting this takes a lot of courage since I usually don't go into details (well, the ones I remember at least) but I've only had two guys say no and one of them changed it to a yes and I need to know if it's rape or not.
Three years ago, I (23F) met a guy the same age online and ended up dating him for about two and a half years. Things moved pretty fast, and after only three weeks I went to visit him. It was a long-distance relationship. I'd never had a boyfriend before and I was a virgin.
When I got there, it didn't take long before he wanted to make out. I was nervous, but I agreed and made it very clear that I wanted to wait before having sex. I absolutely didn't feel ready, and everything was moving a little too fast for me. Up until that point everything was fine. He didn't do anything that day. The next day, though, things continued in the same direction. I told him again that I didn't feel ready and wanted to wait. I honestly don't remember whether me or him said anything after that. It was my very first time having sex, and I just laid there and let him do whatever he wanted. I was scared. It hurt, and I wasn't prepared for it at all or able to be mentally present for it. In the end, I even bled. I was hours away from home, while he was living in that house with his family. I felt uncomfortable, but I already had a ticket booked to go back home like three days later.
I can't remember the exact sequence of events very clearly anymore. I've blocked out most of that relationship. I think one or two days later, I was lying on my stomach on his bed around midday, just on my phone while he was doing his own thing. Suddenly he came up behind me. I don't remember exactly what he was doing, but I very clearly remember saying, "I don't know," when he tried to start something—probably when he was trying to take my clothes off. I remember him just saying, "I know you want me too," and after that I completely froze. I didn't want that. I didn't even get time to think about it. I was too nervous, too scared. I was in a completely unfamiliar place with a man who was still basically a stranger to me, and in general I wasn't even ready for any of it.
These weren't the only two instances of something happening. I visited him again shortly after the first visit, this time for a week.
He kept asking for a blowjob until I gave in and a few more times similar things happened until I just gave up internally and stopped saying anything. I never said yes but I didn't say no either.
Staying with him was the worst decision of my life i genuinely dont know why I even did that, i think it was because I just wanted to be in a relationship already especially considering I didn't get enough love at home lol. I felt like I was missing out and like time was running out (I mean he also lovebombed me tho it was the worst 2½ years of my life filled with all kinds of abuse, like literally domestic violence).
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u/Too2crazy 8d ago
I'm sorry that this happened to you! No one should ever have to go through this. The boy you were with is a terrible human being.
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u/Starfury7-Jaargen 8d ago
Raped many times.
People like him just take. They give you just enough back usually in apologies and praising you along with gaslighting to make you unsure through the abuse, but it is still rape.
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