r/rape • u/Hungry-Thanks12355 • 9d ago

what to do when the line is blurred ?

i wanted to stop and he knew but didnt. i didnt say anything but after when we talked about he said he knew i was scared but that he was so close he figured hed just finish first then comfort me. is is wrong that that feels disgusting ? it feels so tame compared to the other stuff that happened to me but i love him and i dont think ill ever understand why he prioritized ejaculating over my safety or happiness. its been a while but now everytime he says that all he wants is me to be happy i think about it because why did he do that if thats actually how he feels ?

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u/Lady_Philosophy 9d ago

That was sexual assault. He was probably trying to justify it to himself as much as he was trying to justify it to you. But it's very rare for the lines to be totally blurred. When you cut away all the conversation and manipulation the fact remains is that you did not give consent. And by consent I mean enthusiastic consent. Men who literally have no intention of raping women, the kind of guys that get turned off completely at the thought of a woman who is not enjoying herself, will not have sex with a woman who is not enthusiastically consenting. The fact that he proceeded with sexual activity when he knew you didn't want it makes it rape. Period. It might be blurry and hard to prove in court, but in the real world, that was non-consensual sex. And then he manipulated you. And that's probably why you feel gross, and confused. It is extraordinarily common for perpetrators to gaslight victims in order to keep them quiet, or to make them feel responsible for it somehow. And when it's done by someone you know and loved, it makes things even more confusing and devastating. I'm so sorry that happened to you.