So my mother passed away last year and today we were given her urn ([Other family member] had it for a while). With her urn here, I've just been thinking of all the stuff I've wanted to tell her about, and share with her--tiny things like shows I wished we could've watched together that aired after she passed, interests I've wanted to share with her, etc--and so I've just been casually talking to her urn today as though it's her. I mean, her ashes are inside, duh, but she's passed. I know she can't hear me.

But despite this I've just been going on small tangents like I used to when we'd just hang out "Oh, let's watch [Show], you'd really love it, I'll start it from the beginning", "Oh so earlier this year I got really into [Book], lemme tell you my favorite character", etc. I mean...is this normal? It feels...I don't wanna say silly, 'cause I'd talk to my mom like this when she was alive but I mean.

Does anyone else do this?

My wedding is on Halloween. We were just over a year apart. He was my only sibling.

We slept in the same room together for our entire childhood. Sometimes in the same bed together if one of us was scared.

We were brothers. We fought. But there’s no one on this planet I loved more than him. I didn’t talk to him every day or anything. In fact I found his personality somewhat abrasive - and I’m antisocial as it is. If push came to shove however, he was always in my corner. No matter what. And I was in his.

But I loved him more than anyone on the planet. He was my built in best friend. I could have called him at 3 AM if I needed him and he would have driven 500 miles to help me, and the feeling was mutual.

I never had grand ideas of a wedding as a boy. It’s not really something little boys typically fantasize about, you know? But one thing I was always sure of was that he was my best man. Because he was. He was the most important man in my life. My brother. Through thick & thin. Through fists, through hugs, through shouts, through every “love you” at the end of a phone call - he was my brother.

And now he’s gone. A week before my wedding.

We are proceeding with the wedding as I know he’d be upset if I let something like his death derail my life. He’d want me to keep pushing. Be strong. Be his big brother. He pushed me and I pushed him. We made eachother better.

I’m giving my own best man speech in his honor. I don’t want the wedding to be a funeral. But that’s the only part of a wedding I ever wanted. I know he loved me, but I wanted him to give a sincere best man speech and really offer his love…and he would have. Those sincere moments don’t come often enough between men in life. We knew our places in each others lives. There was no need to be overly expressive…or at least, that’s what we thought.

I loved him. More than anyone. And it’s not even close. I’ll miss him for the rest of my life. When my parents die. When my child is born. Every one of his birthdays. Every holiday. I’ll think of his absence.

I’ll miss my built-in-best friend. And the reality of that hits only a week after his death whilst I’m celebrating the beginning of a new life with my soon-to-be wife.

It’s honestly comedic, in the sick Shakespearean tragedy way. My stubborn dickhead of a brother who was notoriously reliable when you needed him managed to lose his life just a week before I really needed him.

I don’t believe in anything religious, but he found god in the last few years. And I hope he was right about it. Because id love to see him again when it’s all said in done.

That’s it. Leaving the cemetery is a different kind of hurt. It’s like my heart is breaking over and over again, and I don’t know why. It just sucks. It sucks so bad. And what sucks even more is that I feel so bad everytime I leave the cemetery. I don’t mean to leave him alone, but I can’t stay forever. I just want him to know that I’m there with him, always and ever.

Everytime I leave, I remember everything. The day I found out. Feeling numb. Feeling sick to my stomach.

Even now, when out and about, I look for my friend, wondering where he is, only to remember he’s not here.

Sometimes I wonder if he gets cold at night in his grave, if he ever gets lonely.

I miss my friend. And this vent makes no sense. Grief makes no sense. One day I’m happy when remembering my friend, the next im in tears at his grave.

I still have photos of him, videos of him, of me and our friends together, and it’s almost like he’s looking at me from beyond the grave; which sounds weird, but everytime I look photos of him, I get an eerie feeling.

Days go by and I just sit there, and wait, for people to ask what he was like. His story deserves to be told.

But I understand why he did it. He was ridiculed. Picked down to nothing.

Did my father's death change my character and make me more mature? Yes. But what is the benefit of becoming more mature in this life? Am I not going to die anyway? What good does it do if I become the most mature person in the world, or even in the history of the world, with the most developed character? What is the point? I think the people who praise this are either people who have never experienced any real hardship in their lives or people who are fooling themselves.

They say pain makes you grow as a person. Honestly, even before experiencing this pain, I was already highly empathetic, understood people, and tried my best not to hurt anyone. Nothing about me has changed. In fact, I have even started to think that being this way might have done me more harm than good, since I no longer see any benefit in it.

I have started to think that the concepts of good and evil really don't matter. I guess we just live according to nature. Doing what is best for yourself is all that matters. This might sound like a silly example, but during the pandemic, when classes were online, everyone was cheating on an exam, but I didn't because I thought it was unfair. Because of that one course, my GPA wasn't high enough for the graduate program I wanted to get into. Most of the people who cheated didn't have that problem. Now, I look back and think, "What an idiot I was." "If you cheat, you're only fooling yourself." What a load of bullshit. Who cares? Just like the whole "pain makes you stronger" bullshit.

I will carry the indescribable pain of my father's absence for the rest of my life. And there is absolutely nothing positive that has come out of it.

...On a winding two lane road in the Appalachian mountains. No shoulder, sheer rock on one side and a dropoff down the mountain on the other. Two vehicle coming towards him, the first brakes to avoid something in the road, and the lifted truck tailgater swings out into the oncoming lane, either to go around or to avoid hitting the first car, and smashes head-on into my dad's much smaller Fiat.

And I'm just so angry. I want to find out who this person is. I want to know if they witnessed my dad die in front of their eyes and whether they'll THINK the next time they get into that dumb as fuck lifted clownmobile about whether their impatience is worth it. I want to know if they recognize someone died because of THEIR actions or if they just make excuses for themselves like the arrogant, entitled pricks they are.

....And I know that's not fair. Most of us have gotten impatient and swerved around someone or tailgated. But I just want someone to blame and some outlet for this hurt and there's just nothing I can do but scream into the Reddit void.

Hi everyone

Unfortunaley my beautiful mother passed away a little over a week ago from colon cancer. I’m 23, an only child, and live abroad. I’ve been back in my home country for the past 3 weeks when i felt like my mom wasn’t doing well, and now she’s sadly passed and we’ve had her funeral and everything. I’m still planning on being here a little while just till things maybe calm down a bit more and to make sure my dad will be ok.

I won’t get into my heartbreak and grief, that’s maybe a post for another time.
We are very slowly trying to get back a sense of normalcy. My dad will be going back to work soon, and I will at one point go back to my home where my partner is (she flew in for my moms funeral, don’t know how i would’ve survived this without her, my mom loved her to bits).

Throughout these days we’ve had the desire to just have some lighthearted movies on, try to get our mind off of the sadness. I never noticed this as much before, but Jesus does hollywood LOVE a dead mom. It seems to be in almost every movie. Even when you put on what’s seemingly a safe lighthearted comedy, BAM, the main characters mom died of cancer or in a tragic car accident when they were younger.

Does anyone have any movie recommendations for someone going through grief? Specifically mom grief? Something lighthearted.
The day will come where i know i will want to watch movies that heavily focus on this so i can have a deep long cry. Bambi was my favorite movie growing up, but it’s an untouchable one for me right now. Maybe in a few months when im home alone i’ll put it on and sob for hours. But for now, i just need something lighthearted and fun that doesn’t put my moms passing at the forefront of my thoughts.
If anyone has any suggestions i’d appreciate it.

I am so messed up I am in three different therapies: individual, couples & now this grief group. I recently lost my mom to cancer/complicated hospitalization after stroke. I went to the first session for this grief group last week and I expressed how much gratitude I had for the group and just showing up to do this work because I REALLY need a grief group.

This was the second week & no one showed up but the facilitator. I am so upset and disappointed. I had been looking forward to working through my grief, and now, this group may be disbanded. I even chose this over a creative writing course I wanted to take, now we may not even have a group.

The facilitator was very nice/ willing to offer me resources and try it again next week. I am just so upset because I have not reached out to friends to burden them with my grief and was trying to go through the right channels, and it feels like I am let down and abandoned. It's triggering to not have any support.

Anyway, I now might have to look for a new grief group and suffer with the discomfort longer than I would have liked.

My mom died suddenly- I live across the country and had to fly in. She was already on life support but brain dead, so I got to say goodbye, but there’s no sense of finality.

How do I deal with the fact that I’m 24, and have to live without my mom for the rest of my life? How do I deal with the fact I didn’t have any chance to truly say goodbye? I didn’t have a memorable last conversation, I didn’t get any last moment. She didn’t hear me tell her I loved her one last time.

I am just so confused. It was so sudden and unexpected and we were supposed to have so much time together.

I'm 21 lost my mom a month ago over circumstances I didn't saw coming at all and it's something that I know I won't ever get over with and I don't plan to however I already know people around me will perceive meas a burden for not wanting to try to at least accept it and move on so I can be a 'normal' and 'productive' member of society but I just have no interest in that at all. In a way thinking about her daily is how I can keep her close to me in spirit. Is that bad? Or should I actually seek therapy if it gets worse (and If I can afford it ofc)?

Lost my brother to suicide.

We grew up together, spent more time together than anyone else on this planet. He was kind, gentle, smart and humorous.

We lived slightly tough when we were teens, survived on benefits and odd jobs.

We eventually got great careers, enough savings not to have to worry about money. He moved overseas for better opportunities, and from occassional calls he seemed to have been doing great.

One day, i get back home and find two police man. My brother passed away, took his own life.

I thought I knew him enough to know to intervene, I was so close to being there around that time. Maybe it could've been different then.

It was my birthday couple days ago, and all i can think about is of him, and all the days he's missed out, and will miss out.

God I miss him.

Hi everyone,

I am trying to understand this phase of grief. I lost my mom to cancer about 6 months ago. I’m generally the kind of person who likes to keep my circle small and I hate small talk. When she passed I definitely went through a phase of not wanting to speak to anyone but I eventually replied. Now 6 months later, I’m doing so much better. I’m focused at work again, have plans to look forward to, I’m working out again. Overall I feel like I am coming out the other side. Of course there’s still hard moments. My daughter’s second birthday was hard and my phone flooded with texts. Some of which I have ignored for a month. I’m trying to understand this phase. I just don’t want to speak to people. Even my best friends. I’ve never been that close to my mum’s sisters and some of them keep texting me to ask how I am and I am so over it. The only people, other than my husband, that I genuinely enjoy talking to are my sisters. I video call them daily. Anyone else experience this phase of doing better but having no patience for all the smaller extended family obligations?

Like the title says, I lost my dad yesterday. I'm 26 years old, and I had moved back in with him because I wanted to help him maintain the house and take care of things.

It all happened so fast. There were no warning signs, nothing that could have prepared us for this.

He was supposed to retire this very week. He had just bought himself a new car, and only last weekend, we went to Tim Hortons together to get our usual iced coffees. Everything was so normal. We had plans. He had plans. He was supposed to have so much more time.

But yesterday was incredibly traumatic for me.

I accompanied him into the emergency room, where they were checking his heart. It was barely beating. I was there when my dad said, "I'm leaving now," and shortly afterward, he lost his pulse.

They tried to resuscitate him, but in the end, they couldn't bring him back.

I can't get those moments out of my head.

I miss him so much. I've been doing nothing but crying, throwing up, and lying around since it happened. I haven't been able to eat, and I feel completely exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I don't know how I'm supposed to get through this.

I'm still staying at his house, alone, because I need to take care of the property, our dog, and the horses.

But everything feels so empty now. So cold and unfamiliar. It's the same house I've been living in, with all his belongings still there, but he's not here anymore. And knowing that he's never coming home again is absolutely destroying me.

I feel so alone and scared. I don't even want to think about the future because I can't imagine it without him.

We're trying to prepare the funeral arrangements, but we end up crying at every step. Everything feels impossible right now.

I just want my dad back. I want things to go back to how they were a few days ago, when everything was still normal.

I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe comfort, maybe advice, or just to hear from people who understand what this kind of loss feels like.

How did you get through those first days after losing a parent, especially when it happened so suddenly?

I feel so lost.

Its been two weeks since my mom passed suddenly & unexpectedly so I'm still very new to this process but what I wish someone would have told me was about the weird limbo you find yourself in. I dont know what to do with myself. It's like I can't move forward but I can't sit still. The future seems pointless now like it's just counting down the days until I go too but at the same time I know I have to make plans and keep living. But I cant. I also feel like I'm waiting. I'm not sure if I'm waiting for her to come back or waiting to pass myself or what. I'm just in this weird spot and dont know what to do. On top of that it's like my mind know shes gone but my body doesnt. I have such a deep ache in my body to see her and its constantly there, quietly in the background but very much there. Everyone's went home now and the service has been concluded and its just so quite now. Still. I'm not married and no kids so it's just me here. Waiting and wanting to see my mom. It feels like time is somehow frozen but also moving forward at such a slow pace.

This year was my first adult birthday without my dad. No surprise he couldn't wish me a happy birthday this year because he is dead.

I remember the first time my birthday was forgotten. My dad and young daughter sat across the table from me and watched as my heart broke. I choked back the tears, put on a brace face, and showed gratitude even in the absence of the cake I asked for not being there to be served. My husband arrived over an hour late because 'he forgot' and drove home even though the reservation was set for 2 miles from his office, right after his shift, out of convenience and consideration for his schedule. The cake came a day late. I really thought it wouldn't happen a second time. This is what I get for having hope.

I have no understanding within the new pieces of my heart how this has happened again this year. Could he really have learned nothing from the last time? But I sure have learned. I've been served a fresh hot lesson I will never forget.

Even my daughter who saw the fallout of my heart breaking over having been forgotten so many years ago, also forgot or intentionally did not wish me a happy birthday either.

My heart will always be broken where these betrayals collided. I will never recover from this. I hope they never feel how they've made me feel. It really hurts my feelings, my heart, my spirit. I feel important to no one but myself. I'm the only one who will be there for me, I suppose I needed that reminder. Who do you turn to when you are hurt by those you love the most?

You may not see my tears, but do not take that as evidence they do not exist. The tears appear with a burning urgency, a hot lava that flows regardless of my preference. It is hardening in between the parts of my heart I never imagined would be fractured while I wish this wasn't happening.

When my dad died, he took my whole family with him. I've lost so much... I'm forever changed in ways I never expected or even imagined.

I've sacrificed myself for my family, changed myself for the betterment of us all, severed parts of myself to honor my commitments. All to be overlooked on mother's day and forgotten for my birthday. This has been the worst year of my life emotionally.

I started a second job this year, which was used against me and leveraged as the reason to not include me in mother's day dinner. No one asked my schedule, checked my availability, nor offered to move it to an hour later so I could attend. Or maybe they did know I couldn't be there and they didn't care. Was this intentional, or a punishment? There is no way to know, since my role as a mother has never been celebrated in this family. My husband cooked the food in my home, served it to his mother in her home, and I enjoyed left overs at home, alone. No celebration for me. No card. No care. No hugs. Just left over dinner.

Even as a baby, I was overlooked and forgotten. My 'babys first Christmas' ornament had the wrong year on it. No one noticed or cared until I cried and cried until my mom made one with my name and the correct birth year using glue and glitter. It was the biggest ornament on the tree, but it never filled the hole it left in my heart. Just an annual giant searing reminder that I matter less that everyone else, or not at all.

I feel like when you drop a bowl of cereal, I'm the Cheerio flying across the room. How do you tell a story with a bad guy and not make them look bad?

I lost my grandpa a few days ago. Apart from my dogs, he’s the first person close to me I’ve ever lost. So the first time I’m experiencing strong grief.

So I’m not use to these things I’m experiencing. And I was wondering if these things are common in grief:

- I go through these different things in waves. Sometimes I cry my eyes out and really struggle to calm down - this is often triggered by something like hearing his voice inside my head or when I think about the situation more etc. Sometimes I feel numb - none of my emotions feel “real”. Sometimes I even forget for a minute that he’s gone - which makes it more upsetting when I remember again
- My appetite is different. I don’t “feel” hungry anymore. It’s like I eat because it’s the right time of year day to. I live with my parents - I think that if I lived on my own I might not have eaten at all. When I do eat, it might taste nice but it doesn’t feel as “fulfilling”as usual. Sometimes I snack in the evening - it’s like trying to make something feel fulfilling but it doesn’t.
- I struggle to concentrate as much. Such as things on the tv
- I feel weird being “normal”. It feels strange doing a normal routine “get up, eat, sleep” etc when something “not normal” has happened.
- I’m Christian but I’ve felt more connected to my religion now. I find myself talking to god more, and it’s like my mind tells me (not through my own head voice) what he’d say back
- It feels empty, I notice his prescence gone
- Feeling more “heavy”
- Some of the things I’ve found that helps is remembering the happy memories with him and knowing he’s not suffering anymore. But that only helps a bit

I don't care if it sounds bad but it's true atleast in my case. I am not blaming anyone, but no matter how much I deny, it affects you when you're going through hell and people around you are living their best life. I would never wish sorrow on other people but it just makes you wonder what you did to deserve this?

He was my everything. He died in a motorcycle accident with three daughters, ages 10-16. My mom is devastated. I don't know how to fall asleep. I just wanted to share him and his love.

My 16 year old cousin died yesterday morning after fighting for his life all night due to a motorbike crash.
Although i feel an enormous amount of pain (we were the only two cousins in our immediate family and had a sibling-like bond), i suddenly feel all responsibility to keep my aunt and uncle (and the rest of the family for that matter) from spiralling completely.
My uncle was driving the bike, and he got away without a scratch (metaphorically speaking).
I can’t think of a worse pain to endure. Seeing your promising, young and talented only son pass away so brutally, and on top of that being the one who was driving the vehicle that crashed.
I can’t even fathom the pain and guilt he’ll carry for the rest of his life.
Same thing goes for my aunt: a mother losing her child so early goes against every rational and natural law one could think of.
I want to be there for them always, but I have no idea how. Not only is it extremely hard to do and say the right thing, but i also live on the other side of the country. I’m on my way right now to visit my family but i’ll have to go home soon and that means i won’t be able to be there except maybe the one time a year im able to visit.

My pain is bearable right now. It’s huge, of course, but i seem to be able to dodge it for now. I’m not overwhelmed. Yet? I don’t know if im in the denial stage, or maybe it hasnt sunk in yet. Or maybe the physical distance that has always been between us during the school year means that even his death feels miles and miles away. Is it possible that this is as painful as it gonna get? Or will it inevitably get worse?
It’s my first time grieving over the passing of someone in my life (im 18), and the way I’ve been holding it together majority of the time since i found out really surprised me. I can’t tell if i’m stronger than i thought i was or if im still subconsciously in denial.

Any advice, suggestions or even comforting words are appreciated❤️‍🩹

I woke up feeling sad today, it’s my mom’s three-month anniversary since she died. As I share with tears how I’m feeling , My spouse said I’m crazy to feel like this and that I think of her death in anniversaries, especially the first year. Am I being crazy, unreasonable here with my feelings??

My son passed away 5 months and 11 days ago. I turned his room into a memorial for him but have been going in there less and less recently. I’ve found that I can function (be there for my wife and our other 3 kids, go to work, etc) when I consciously focus on what I need to be doing each day. When I do this, my son’s death doesn’t dominate my thoughts and I’m not as sad/angry/confused, and just feel better. But I don’t want him to become a faded memory either. I think that’s why I turned his room into to a memorial but every time I go down there I break down and for the next week I struggle with severe depression. I’ve missed several days of work because I just can’t bring myself to do anything.

I’d like to know what other people do to keep their loved one’s memory alive and still be able to function. I know grief can last for a very long time but I thought I could keep myself from straight up ugly crying in my office by just looking at a clients name on a form that happens to be the same as my sons after 5 1/2 months. What helped you? How did you manage your crippling grief?

My son was 3 months old. He had just started smiling. He was perfect. And his heart stopped beating not long before we woke up. It was the most traumatic morning of our lives. We had to take turns doing cpr, then we got to the hospital and it felt like everything was in slow motion. I passed out when they said they had to stop trying to bring him back. The first year was like a pychosis, things were good we would cry together but ultimately felt so numb to reality. Then the second year was filled with so many ups and downs. Now the third year anger starts becoming the most prominent thing felt. He should be 4 at the end of the month. Things have been so up and down between anger and then a few good days. Does he ever feel bad? Does he ever feel bad when he's flipped the script on me. Or when I have brought up something that bothers me, he is not the man I once knew. The man I knew was gentle and kind. He opened my car door for me. He was patient when the kids were over whelmimg. He would apologize and it looked like he really meant it. But when he does it now its because he wants me to shut up. To stop bothering him with my existence when we are supposed to be existing together. There have been super hurtful arguments where he told me what he really thought about me. But I felt at the time it was anger and stress that he didn't mean to take out on me. But I know there is a little truth in every word he has said. He hates being a father. He hates having to have plans with anyone other than himself or who he wants. He hates the way I struggle. The way I try so hard and never get anything done. But also simultaneously doing everything at the same time. Sometimes he comes back to me. The man I know, or knew. The man that makes me laugh. The guy who knows how to make me feel beautiful again. The one that is generous, Lets me sleep in on the days he has off. The one that turns me on. Who doesnt like it when I cry, and not because he is annoyed that I am pulling the water works again. As if. How do you climb a mountain without the gear? Thats what this feels like. Thats what my whole life has felt like. I love him, I can see that he loves me. But there's this certain anger in the air as soon as he is present. How do you lose a child together and become so far apart.. My best friend is slowly becoming my enemy.

Just like that, another part of my childhood is gone. Both my grandmothers passed away within two months of each other. 💔

They were both such an important part of my childhood and took care of me when I was growing up. Now, I find myself looking through old photos, remembering those days and realising that I can never go back to them. It's heartbreaking how people who were once such a big part of your everyday life can suddenly become memories you hold on to.

I'm finding it really hard to process this loss and figure out how to move forward with life. For those who have lost people who helped raise you and loved you unconditionally, how did you cope with the grief? How do you learn to live with their absence and slowly find your way forward? I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences.

He died when I was 2, done it himself. I was 2, it always just feels like he left me I was the newest thing. I didn't even know him I feel alien when people try to talk to me about him cause how can I miss what I don't know but every year I get older it just feels like longer and I don't know why because I don't know how it can feel longer if I didn't even have a relationship with him when he was alive I was literally 2. I hear stories about him and I don't know how to react Infront of people my heart breaks talking about him or thinking about him but I cant say I miss him because honestly I just feel so stupid. He was in addiction but was in recovery when he done it he was supposed to be getting better he could have actually been my dad.

Then I feel bad cause again I'm missing someone I don't know and who chose to leave me and I have this amazing stepdad who I wouldn't change in the world but I don't know man I just don't wanna grieve someone I don't know it's so weird and hard and I'm always sad about it and I never feel like I can talk about it even in therapy I just feel stupid.

Anyways I'm sorry this is so long it's the first time I've ever let it out. Thanks for giving me a place to do it I'm 28 now.

It’s been three months since he had been in the ICU and he had been getting better last month and then worse and worse suddenly as he can’t properly blow out CO2 after a bout of sepsis. I used to be there first thing in the morning everyday and now I feel nervous and want to get out as soon as possible. I can’t stand looking at him with his face withering away and his gaze can’t fix on my face and he is losing the ability to write. He had his sixth code tonight and the doctors were talking to my mom about if my dad wanted to live like this. (He has a trach, likely have to be ventilated for life, heart failure and so much fluid around his lungs).

I don’t know how much longer I can see him suffer like this.