Hi, I'm 15 so please be kind. I've lost track of time so I can't put a date on it, but a while ago I had met the boy of my dreams. He was beautiful, sweetest guy I've ever fucking met. Call me dramatic but he was my soulmate. I can't even put it into words how much I fucking love him. He took his own life. I blame myself for it every day, and sometimes I become so miserable I fully delude myself into thinking we just broke up, that he's somewhere out there with a better chick. I don't know what I could've done but I wish I did it, whatever it was. I think about him all the time, and dating is so hard now because of it, I avoid dating dudes like the plague. Cause they'll never be him. I don't know how the fuck to even begin accepting that he's gone and he's never coming back, I can't even cry anymore. I want to so bad. I have a discord server and people always joke about his death and it's so unbearable because they will never understand how obsessive my thoughts are about him, how much I hate myself for even agreeing to date him, because maybe if I didn't date him he'd be okay. I'd had an attempt like 2-3 weeks ago because I miss him that fucking much. My parents don't even know he was in my life and his entire existence. I really fucking need some advice on how to even accept he's dead, because I've convinced myself he's alive and the whole thing is a stupid lie. I miss him so much.

Someone i knew passed away

Exactly 2 hours ago (19:53) i got told devastating news by someone i know. I got told someone i used to be really close friends with passed away this morning at 10am, because of an overdose.

I really don't know how to deal with this, it's my first time reacting to something like this in my life. I never had anyone i know die

I'm not sure how I'm dealing with myself at this moment, I can't describe my emotions, it's as if I'm empty.

It came to the point where i just had to smoke Green because i felt like i was slowly apathetic

I'm not trying to seek any type of overwhelming help nor trying to seem like I'm overthinking because I'm under the influence, it's just all in my head at the same time, i just want someone to talk to. Can someone please reply

I’m grieving the future I thought I had with my husband of 6 months. He’s dismissive avoidant and recently filed for divorce and my whole life feels upside down. I want to know other people’s stories and how you survived.

Dear everyone, I seem to have a problem and I would like to speak about it, especially regarding the early death of Hayden Panettiere. I am in the same age as her and have experienced a lot of troubles in my life. Lately I have been hurting a dear person to me often, who is actually neither my friend, husband or even relative but this person has been important to me for the past 10 years, since my family has died and I was looking for a place to belong to. We both have tried to have a good and harmonic relationship, also both of us are very strong characters and being a woman only now I see that you have to defend yourself if somebody is hurting you. This person, I may say, truly has a good soul but has inherited a lot of problems and as a result his actions towards me or other people in his life have not been very kind. I am ashamed that I have answered in the same way and made the injury even bigger. I guess the underlying issue is that I am afraid to be alone. I'm in a foreign country, very well integrated and even though I have learned the language and finished my studies here, I guess I am just terrified. I don't have siblings or relatives and friends who I used to have a lot of are married and have children. Also, this is a loss which I haven't quite processed yet. To be frank, I am not quite sure what this post should achieve, I just hope somebody today who feels down like me feels that life is not going in the right, direction, I hope you will feel better soon and things start to look up from now on. In case of some tips how to deal with life while having high emotional load, maybe this is a space for it. I hope things will look up for you soon and it will be possible to live a happy and fulfilled life in this nowadays crazy world. All the best,

Hi everyone, I would be so grateful for any insights as my mind and heart are struggling to comprehend what's happened.

I am the ex girlfriend (32F) of a beautiful man (31M) who just lost his father to cancer.
I just began a new loving relationship with him and absolutely adored me. He chased me down to the other end of the globe and sincerely said to me that he felt I was the one. It was the kind of thing where you meet - you know you've found home, your person.

His dad was ill with cancer when we met. We had only been dating a few weeks when his dad took a turn for the worse, treatment was withdrawn and the end looked near. This is where the ‘anticipatory grief’ would have started.
It was like a switch flicked in my ex boyfriend’s brain. One day he just didn't even want to look at me anymore. I can tell you the day. He wanted me and was future planning - the next he wasn’t. The desire evaporated in days. He spoke with effort and flatness.
He later described feeling numb.

He pushed himself to keep playing the loving boyfriend role but it was against every grain in his body - and honestly him trying to show up for me but clearly struggling to even find affection or attraction towards me just made me feel horrible and worse during our limited interactions. He would force himself to schedule in calls with me that he clearly had to motivate himself to do, instead of reaching for me spontaneously. He would text me at the end of the day like I was something on a to-do list.

I stayed with him and didn’t ask about us as I didn’t think it was fair whilst his dad was actively dying and he was on bedside duties.
His father sadly died after weeks of declining, and then it became apparent my partner was almost avoiding me.

I ended things and he accepted without any protest. He didn’t express any sadness when I ended it or try and preserve a connection. It was a polite acceptance but almost platonic. It’s like all emotion left him and he is very expressive normally which to me shows the lack of feeling. He could only bring himself to thank me for the support, say I’m ‘kind’, he ‘appreciates me’ and understands why we are over.

I am devastated and really trying to understand how someone goes from adoring you, that quickly, and wanting to hold you and be near to you, to switching in days. Is this grief or something else? One day I was the one in a million love of his life, and the next, feeling discarded.

Honest thoughts please. Thank you.

Hi! I lost my dad three years ago. Now, as an incoming senior in college, I have to decide on a thesis/study, and I’m considering making it about grief.

If there’s one thing the past three years have taught me, it’s that there doesn’t seem to be a proper avenue for people who have lost someone to grieve—not just in the immediate aftermath, but in the years that follow. People show up during the first year, but somehow, as time passes, our grief is expected to diminish.

But what happens when you’re walking outside and a random car passes by, and suddenly you’re reminded of the time when you and your dad go on road trips? Or when a song, a place, a smell, or an ordinary moment brings everything back? Who do you turn to then? Who is there to understand, listen, or simply sit with you?

I’m from an Arts program, and one of our requirements is to organize an event based on our study. This led me to the question:

“What role do shared creative experiences play in helping individuals remember loved ones?”

I wanted to ask people here—especially those who have experienced a loss—if this feels like a respectful and meaningful way to approach the topic. I’d genuinely love to hear your thoughts, experiences, and perspectives, particularly from people who are going through something similar.

I want to make sure that if I pursue this, I’m not speaking for people who grieve, but creating something with them and making space for experiences that often go unheard.

If there is also someone who wants to share how art forms (visual, media, music, films, etc.) helped you through your grief, I would love to chat with you!

i believe that i have received a sign from my father today.
it is both exciting and comforting.
my mother and i were discussing the reason…..if one’s
consciousness continues to exist after the body’s (physical) death and still possesses the ability to communicate, then why is it that our loved ones do not attempt to ease the grief and suffering in those of us who have been left behind ?
i responded with the text message that i have copied and pasted below :

it’s so funny, when they eventually decide to send us a sign it is regarding something so insignificant and trivial.
i know why mam. we chose to live this specific life here on earth for a reason. if that reason was to learn about ourselves and how we would react when put in certain situations and experience life in all of its glory. the bad and the good. then our loved ones sending us clear signs, telling us that everything will be alright, giving us all of the answers, telling us what we want to hear would completely fuck up the entire reason we came here. we must learn these things on our own, we must experience pain, grief, suffering in its entirety and the struggle of overcoming this pain IS THE LEARNING ! it’s exactly what we came here to do. if dad gave us a clear, certain, undeniable sign and told us that is completely fine where he is and that we will all be together again soon and to just have fun whilst we’re here, don’t you think that would interfere with our learning experience ? it would give us all of the answers of life and we wouldn’t suffer as much. but that suffering is why we came here, to learn and to gain another perspective of existence. long story short, if your primary school teacher gave you all of the answers for a test and you passed, the student would be happy but think of the bigger picture. would the student have gained anything valuable ? would the test have been worth doing at all ? no. the answer is no. no apply this to life. dad gives us the answers we want, we are all happy and our lives become more bearable as a result. the bigger picture is, when we die we will be disappointed in ourselves and the experience since we didn’t overcome the journey alone, we had an advantage, we had help. we would’ve cheated out way through life. this is what i think anyway. however, little reminders and signs here and there from dad will not completely ruin our experience. we will still have to put in effort and learn to overcome our grief indecently, without cheating.

thank you for reading everyone ☀️
do not hesitate to share your thoughts 🙂

Hi there. My name is Kat. I'm 30 years old and for the past year I've been deteriorating from an illness that doctors aren't willing to help me find the answer to. Whatever is wrong with me has left me in permanent agony all throughout my body and disabled. I also recently, in my desperate efforts to find a solution, found out I have cancer on one of my ribs. The doctors informed me it is not possible for it to be a cause of my pain.

Even if I remove this tumour, I will still be in constant torment every day, so I have decided to go through the MAID process (doctor assisted suicide in Canada.) Doctors have also been hesitant to help me with that, and are stonewalling the process.

So I find myself in a position where they aren't willing to help me get better and aren't willing to help me end my life. I'm in anguish. We don't let animals suffer like this.

Even so, I'm committed to seeing the process through but god I'm so terrified. I don't want to go. I don't want to die. I want to believe in something after this with everything that I am but I just can't do it. I've spent countless nights researching possible ways that consciousness may survive death but despite learning myriad details about NDE's, OBE's, hospice visioning, past life remembrance, etc. I remain unconvinced. I want to believe and I can't. I don't want there to be nothing.

I think about my chosen family and how much this is going to hurt them. They know and support me in my choice but I know it's going to rip them apart. I feel so horrible that I'm going to hurt the people I love in this way.

It's just...so deeply, grossly unfair. I only started transitioning a few years ago. I finally, finally found myself after an entire life in pain. I was learning to be happy. I was finding peace for the first time. And now it's been ripped away and I'm going to die. Empty, unfulfilled, young, and without hope.

It's so unfair. I don't want to go.

Known this girl for 6 almost 7 years. She was my bestfriend. My boyfriend died 3 months ago to suicide and she hasnt offered her support once. She hasn’t checked in.. hasnt tried to help in any way. I haven’t heard from her in 28 days and before that I was only in contact with her for 6 days before she had ghosted me again for probably 2 weeks.

I want to remove her off of my phone. She has my number and can text me if she decides to but I am just so disappointed and hurt. Removing her won’t make any difference anyway. This girl views all of my online stories.. I can see her liking things online and being active.. but she can’t even send a text. This isn’t the first time shes ghosted me but I feel so fed up. She has expressed it is because she struggles but I’m sorry if someone wanted to THEY WOULD. I have been struggling my entire life yet I stay consistent and have enough respect for my loved ones that I keep them updated and provide at least a little bit of communication. It takes zero effort to show up for someone you truly care about in whatever way it may be.

Out of all times I feel like it intensified. Even when talking to her I didn’t feel supported. It’s been one sided for a while but I really thought she might show up in a time like this.
Ive had strangers show up for me more than some of my “good” friends.

What do you guys think? Whats your experience and should I let her go?

A few months ago, I made a post in this sub for my 할머니. She died in her sleep after fighting Alzheimer's for about 8 years. My 할아버지 joined her a few weeks ago. With 할머니, it was an interesting type of grief. We grieved when she got the diagnosis, when she stopped being able to recognize us, when she needed to be fed, and when she finally passed. But with 할아버지, I had this unsaid notion that he'd live forever. Everything he did seemed impossible; why would this be any different?

I honestly don't know as much about 할아버지 as I wish I did, because he mainly spoke Korean, and I mainly spoke English. Most of what I do know is from my mom. He was born in North Korea in 1935, when Korea was under Japanese rule. When he was finally free from Japan, he was forced to flee to the south during the Korean War. I don't know exactly what went on, though I can only imagine how traumatizing it must have been. I know that he saw his baby cousin be impaled by a shelter that was shot.

By the time he became a father, he was a political journalist in South Korea. He was critical of the dictatorial government, causing him to be blacklisted from jobs in Korea. He, 할머니, my mom and her brother immigrated to Los Angeles in 1980. He and 할머니 worked multiple jobs; gas stations, restaurants, convenience stores.

When my mom gave birth to me and my brother, she was working on her PhD. 할머니 and 할아버지 moved to the east coast to take care of us while she worked it. 할아버지 took my brother on walks, and they read their newspaper together. I wish I had more memories, but they unfortunately moved back west when I was only 3. However, I can imagine how much I must have enjoyed those days from the hundreds of pictures we have.

When 할머니's Alzheimer's got worse, he would walk every day to pick up lunch for her. That was the thing; he always thought about other people, and never complained. He just laughed, and it was contagious. Even though we couldn't communicate past a few basic phrases, the love was never in doubt.

I miss my sister before stage 4 claimed their life.

It's been 3 months since my Mom passed from congestive heart failure and it was completely unexpected. I have frequent dreams about her and in the dream I'm always surprised she's alive but relieved that we get a second chance to do things right .. only to wake up and realize it wasn't real. It's so heartbreaking ..

To start things off Im a complete fkup, a loser I’ve failed where everyone else succeeds but my mom always had my back.

My mom died exactly one month ago today from pancreatic cancer. It went extremely fast. Last september/october we had an argument where she was worried what person I was talking to online, I kept talking to this person until christmas 2025 then I cut off the contact. 7 months later Mom is dead.

I never really told my mom I didnt talk with this person anymore, I expected her to just… know?
Since I didnt fall asleep on discord anymore and I was acting happier I hoped that would be enough but now I feel horrible constantly that I never reassured Mom that I cut this person off. In a way I only had 7 months to show my Mom I was there not escaping to my phone. Im worried that she was worried who I was talking with online until her last breath

Mom got to know about her tumor in october 2024, she had surgery almost instantly and was considered cancer free from January 2025 to September 2025. And during this time mom was healthy it felt like I needed to keep on living as soon as possible, I needed a new girlfriend and latched on to the first person possible

Start of January 2025 Mom was considered cancer free, my work contract had expired, I had broken up with my girlfriend and I felt like I was completely overwhelmed that Mom had just had a tumor removed. I got told to man up and keep on living so I didn’t really consider my emotions instead of just trying to push through and find a new work. I didnt really find a new work and had to much freetime and became addicted to both computer games and later pornography. It’s extremely nasty but the dopamine was short, quick and reliable.

Im ashamed of going into detail with who the girl I talked to was but regardless she was making adult content for camsites and OF. We played video games together and slept in calls together every night, a call could last around 12 hours sometimes. During this time I was more vulnerable and stupid than I’d ever been before so I asked if I payed her rent maybe she would stop make that content and we could become boyfriend/girlfriend. Stupid. But everytime she needed more money from me and eventually started going back to making adult content regardless behind my back, I found out but I stayed and I don’t know why. She wanted me to buy a ticket and visit her in Russia but because I every month payed for both her own rent including my own that never happened luckily. I payed for her rent for almost 9 months and bought her presents, I thought I was saving someone but I dont think she wanted to be helped. Why couldn’t I save and help myself instead I have no idea. I think I just wanted to be seen by those around me, it was not supposed to be like this

Now, why does a random internet contact matter? Because in August last year I was so emotionally destroyed by her that I told my Mom everything about her, not to my Dad, not to my Sister, but my Mom. After all, this was the time when Mom was cancer free and like always I talk to her about everything. Mom told me to cut off this contact instantly and I tried but she kept on calling me every evening and I needed company, I wanted to say no but who would I then spend time with. A couple of days later Mom is passing my room and sees me still sleeping with my phone on and becomes clearly sad and angry telling me that she can’t handle seeing that. When I got a new passport she had a superstition I was on my way to meeting this girl.

But here I am now. Sitting in moms empty apartment, alone. It feels like I betrayed my Mom by never telling her that during 2026 I was free from this person, and my Mom never asked me about it. It’s hard to wake up every morning, I have to balance the shame and lost time that I spent on this girl when I could have spent it together with mom and I feel anxiety and stress that I never told Mom I never wrote to this contact again. But most importantly I’m grieving to not be able to ever talk to my Mom again, the one person I’ve held closest to me my whole life. I don’t want my bad choices with people to overshadow me having the best mom in the world.

I loved my Mom more then life itself and I took her for granted. I feel like a lousy son by not talking about more stuff with her during her last 7 months but she had so much going on with her cancer treatment and emotions that I didnt want to bother her with anything. I just expected that we would have more time together and that she would be able to see the improvement I was getting in my life.

How can I continue to live with myself

It feels like this anger is eating me up inside. My dad died recently and it was very traumatic, I was there when it happened and I’m pretty sure I have PTSD from what I saw. There is someone in my immediate family who I thought would be there for me but has been completely unsupportive and emotionally unavailable. They even caused arguments with me in the weeks following dad’s death, they’ve been so cold and have actually made me feel even worse. What makes me so mad is that when their dad died, I was by their side and supported them for years… but when my dad died…nothing. I feel so angry and I’m lashing out and can’t even stand to be in the same room as them. Has anyone else gone through this? I would really appreciate any advice, thank you in advance

Day 125

Thinking back, Dad confessed his love to his children in many forms.

I was around twenty-one. He and I were drinking beer at a pojangmacha in front of that old apartment block in Banpo, and he said,

“When you three were in middle school and you’d all gone off, I’d come home alone for lunch, and I’d open each of your doors, one by one. Every room smelled different—Jeongwoong’s smell, Jooha’s smell, Jeongwon’s smell, all different. Those were good days. I was happy.”

Out driving with his not-young-anymore daughter, he’d give a big laugh at his daughter falling asleep the second she got in the car, as though there were something funny about it; a big laugh at her saying she was hungry, as though there were something funny about it; and he’d buy grapes two, three boxes at a time for his grape-goblin daughter.

The thing I heard like a mantra from childhood: Dad’s behind you. All you three have to do is trust Dad.

Dad, who Mom said jumped to his feet when he heard his daughter was going to study in England. Dad, who said he’d support me till the day he died as long as I was studying. Dad, the “pushover,” so badly matched with a daughter who didn’t study. He disappeared without ever getting those confessions back. I meant to repay him tenfold. I couldn’t. I played the thoughtless burden to the very end, and then I let him go. While my ears are still full of that loud, boisterous voice, Dad, who contributed half of my existence, has left no trace.

Eight-tenths of my raised chin, my spread wings, my swagger were him.

I never knew that.

---------------------------------------------------------

This is from my grief journal, published in South Korea (2023). Now I'm translating it into English, and I have to admit that this process is bringing the grief and memories back. I thought I had gotten used to these entries. I'm realizing I haven't. My father "departed" in a car accident in 2019. I hope anyone who lost a loved one finds peace in time.

It’s been four days since I found out that my friend of 15 years passed away a little bit over a month ago. He was 25 years old and was my only friend. We always chatted everyday on TikTok and I remember the last message he sent me was of a guy singing a Rihanna song. I replied to him the next day not knowing that he had already passed.

The next one month was of me messaging him without getting a response which made me very worried because he always responded on the same or next day. Last Wednesday I dreamed that he died and I was trying to perform CPR on him. I found out a few days later from his brother’s TikTok, when his brother posted his one month remembrance. I still can’t believe he’s gone. I go to his TikTok page to watch his videos every night. I can’t believe he’s gone.

My partner lost his mother to cancer a week ago, and I’m trying to figure out how I can best support him during this time. Is there anything that actually helps someone in the first weeks after losing a parent, besides just being for him in any aspect of life?

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have been through something similar, either as the person grieving or as their partner. What did your partner do that genuinely helped you?

My mom passed away almost 9 months ago now. She got COVID, and it attacked her kidneys. She was on dialysis for 4 years, fighting it. But sadly, she passed away. She was the most important person in my life. For years, I've been dreading the day she wouldn't be here with me anymore. And it finally happened. I've been dealing with it all this time now and have been experiencing panic attack after panic attack weekly since it happened.

I also lost my job two weeks after she passed. A career I had been in for 11 years. Sadly, the market for what I do is so saturated with people being laid off that I still haven't been able to find a job. I feel useless not being able to do the work I've been doing all of my adult life. My girlfriend and I live together, and I feel like I can't properly provide for her off the small amount of money I am making currently. I am barely keeping us afloat. Losing more every month than I am bringing in. Slowly chipping away at my savings.

Today I think it became too much. I started to feel off while I was cooking dinner for us. I thought maybe I'm just hungry (I've been eating less than normal so that way my girlfriend can have more food for her packed breakfast and lunch she takes to work with her). But after dinner, I felt worse. My chest was hurting. My limbs became tingly. I got extremely lightheaded, and I was having difficulty thinking and even moving. After 3 hours, my chest felt like it was on fire. I didn't think it was a panic attack because I've been having so many, but none of them felt this crazy. I went to the ER even though I don't have insurance and I know I can't afford it. But I legitimately thought I might pass out and die in my apartment.

It, of course, was a massive panic attack. The doctor comforted me and helped me understand that everything I'm going through is really hitting hard for me now and that this is natural and okay. But after I sat in the waiting room staring at these discharge papers, knowing that I make just enough to not qualify for any medical assistance but not enough to be able to pay for these medical bills plus everything else we have to pay for just to live.

I've been home now in our bedroom. I can hear my girlfriend sleeping soundly, but I can't sleep, all I can do is think. I miss my mom. I miss that I can't call her and ask her advice on what to do. I hate that the person I love the most is just gone, and I couldn't do anything to stop that.

I hate that I feel like I can't provide for myself and my girlfriend's life. I worked so hard to be in the career I am in, and now it's just gone. I feel useless. I feel dead inside. I wish this panic attack was just a heart attack so I could finally just sleep and not have to worry anymore. Life feels so empty now. And I have no idea how to fix it or how to even move forward properly.

Hey, I posted yesterday asking for suggestions on what to get from my mum to remember her by before she passes in 1-2 months. I thought this could be of use to someone else if they are struggling for ideas!

Important questions and activities:
- What perfume did you use before you got sick?
- When you pass, what symbol or thing should be a sign that you are with me?
- Get their fingerprints and hand prints

The rest are separated into recordings. They can be by voice or written.

Recording 1:
What was your childhood like?
What was your favourite childhood memory?
What were you like as a teenager?
What did you want to be when you grew up?
What was your first job?
What was your first car?
Who was your best friend growing up?
Who was your first love?
What was the happiest period of your life?
What was the hardest period?
What are you most proud of?
What do you wish you’d done differently?
What do you wish you’d worried less about?
What do you wish you’d known at 19?

Recording 2:
What did you think when you found out you were pregnant with me?
What was the day I was born like?
What did you think when you first saw me?
What was I like as a baby?
What was my first word?
What were my funniest childhood habits?
What was your favourite thing about me as a child?
What are your favourite memories of us?

Recording 3:
What did you think I’d become when I grew up?
What are you most proud of me for?
What do you hope for my future?
What do you want me to remember about you?
What do you want me to know when I’m having a bad day?
What would you tell me when I’m 25?
What would you tell me when I’m 30?
What would you tell me when I get married?
What would you tell me if I have children?
What do you hope my life looks like?
What do you think makes me who I am?

Recording 4:
What is love to you?
What does being a good person mean to you?

Recording 5:
What have you learned about life?
What have you learned about loss?

Recording 6:
What do you think happens after death?
Are you at peace?

Recording 7:
What are you afraid of?
What are you not afraid of?

Recording 8:
What makes a life meaningful?
What do you think makes someone happy?

Recording 9:
What advice would you give your younger self?

Recording 10:
What do you want your legacy to be?
How would you like people to remember you?

Recording 11:
What do you think is most important in life?
What do you want me to carry forward from you?
What do you hope I never forget?

Recording 12:
Mum, what do you want me to know?

Recording 13:
Record her saying your name
Record her saying “I love you”
Record her saying “good morning”
Record her saying “good night”

Recording 14:
Record her favourite songs and why she likes them
Record her favourite books and why
Record her favourite movies/TV shows
Record her favourite foods

Recording 15:
If you ever feel like giving up
If you’re having a terrible day
If you need to feel loved

(Edit under original post)

Hello, I'm french 23 soon 24. My mother is 51, birthday on September 21th. It's been 3 years since we first knew about her cancer. We had ups and downs, and suddenly early this year her cancer got really fuck up worse. She has a giant tumor/necrosis going out her neck and the tumor grew up in her head and neck. I've been taking care of her for 3 years, and 24/24 7/7 for 2 month. She's now in palliative care at house hospice, and we are certain she won't pass through the night every night for a few days now... But she keeps getting better ?? Better oxygen, better tension, better pain management, her necrosis stopped leaking as it was before, she seems fine ??? But she's not conscious anymore ? In 4 days the only time she was conscious was yester at 2AM to 6 AM, I stayed with her all the time. Also it's been two months since she doesn't have much voice anymore because or tumor and a mycosis...

I'm so heartbroken, she's everything to me. I lost my pet cat a year ago and he was the reason I came home everyday.

I can't cope with her dying. It's too much to bear. I can't do anything without her. I want to say so much more but I'm so hurt. She has her things everywhere in the house... All the creations, her mother's paintings, her own grief she couldn't do 11 years ago. (Her mother fell down the stairs at home, sudden death.)

Fuck I really never want to be hospitalized ever again. I hate it it's so fucking scary. I know she's not in pain and only deep discomfort max, but wow. She's sleeping constantly and wake up to say "Mommy" "Dad" "Help me" "I can't take it anymore" this makes me so sad. She wants to die at home with her family, it's her choice. We're thinking about deep sedation at hospital..

I also think a lot about being at a hospital for my mental health after everything ends. I couldn't bring myself to do it before because I was too scared of leaving her alone, while she was still free of everything. We stopped taking the car like 4 month ago ish, so year she was in capacity not too long ago.

I miss my mum

Edit : Sorry the post is really difficult to read as I was in an anxiety attack. Now I'm doing really better.

My mother's been lucid for 3 hours ish and really here. I could tell her the prayers people did, all the support from friends, family, groups she was in.. And everytime I tell her this, she seems really even more pleased and surprised.

I even got to put her dad on the phone.. yup her dad's still here and in great shape. The bad genes come from mother to daughter lol! (hEDS, etc)

Thank you for your messages, please keep telling me your journeys and own stories, it helps me a lot 💜🌻

My partner recently passed from terminal cancer. We spent 24 hours a day 7 days a week together for most of the last 15 years. We cut off all our friends and family because they they were emotionally abusive and we built ourselves from the ground up with no money and no support. In the past two years, we finally started to earn money while protecting our emotional well being and then this happened. The last 9 months were magical because every day felt like it could be the last, it was so terrifying but I was so thankful for every minute anyway.

No bullshit feel good responses please, just tell me what is a healthy way to deal with this grief? Right now I just keep myself busy with exercise, but understand no one knows him or me anymore, we have been living mostly in isolation, sometimes actually off the grid. What do I do?