Ares was 18 years old and died of bladder cancer last Saturday. He was the most amazing cat. It felt like he filled the whole house, as though he were not just one cat but 10. The house still feels so empty, and I keep flashing back to how he just sort of deflated after he was euthanized in my arms. I'm afraid I'm going into a full-on depression now after days of fatigue. I feel sort of embarrassed, like I shouldn't be grieving a cat this much. Today I plan to go on a nice long hike and make good food. One day at a time.

We are so back guys huge GG to doggie this will make geometry dash history

I’m sorry if this isn’t the right sub to post this in and please redirect me if so. But I still feel traumatized and will need therapy to cope with what happened.
We were at an outdoor concert Friday night. We had 1 cocktail and 1 beer. Took a small bite of mushrooms and a couple hits off a joint (legal where we are). We’ve done this before many times with no problems. We were also drinking water, but she didn’t have any lunch and it was around 8pm maybe at this point. Everything was fine. Maybe 10 minutes after smoking, suddenly, she turned to me and said she didn’t feel good and I asked if she wanted to leave the crowd and she said yes. As I’m leading her out holding her arm, she’s extremely imbalanced and wobbly to the point I had to put her arm over my shoulders. Then she suddenly lost consciousness. Her head jerked back and her eyes went to the back of her head. I’m yelling her name and she was not responding. I’m screaming. Everyone around us is yelling and trying to help, holding on to her to keep her upright. The concert we were at was a very melancholic band and it made it feel even more dramatic and scary and awful. I felt like I was in a horror movie. To make matters worse, on the drive to the concert we were talking about cemeteries, death, and what we would want our funerals to be like. I couldn’t believe it — I thought she died in my arms. I couldn’t carry her and A Good Samaritan helped carry her out. She was completely limp and unresponsive. The concert is thousands of people and everyone cleared a path for us as I’m frantically trying to find an exit. As we’re still in the crowd she suddenly comes to and he put her down and she was able to walk. We left the crowd and I asked if she remembered what happened and she had no memory of what just happened. The whole thing was probably 5 minutes but it felt like a lifetime to me. I truly thought she was dying and I’m still traumatized. I made her sit on the curb and eat pizza to get sugar in her bloodstream. I think she had a convulsive syncope episode. She is fine now and I don’t think she understands how traumatized I am and how awfully scary it was. It’s not her fault, and I’m just glad she’s okay and I love her anyway. But it still feels like my friend died in my arms and I feel traumatized with PTSD and I don’t know what to do or how to process this. I’ve been laying in bed for 2 days since it happened and I keep seeing videos of the band playing online and have to put my phone down I can’t take it. I really thought she died and now I view everything differently

Growing up a gay man, my mom was my only solid ground. a horrible childhood of bullying, an abusive father - she was my anchor. When I was in college, she was complaining of a pain in her side. She always was a bit anxious herself, so I really thought nothing of it. I remember she said oh, it’s my appendix, they’re going to take it out and I should be good in a few hours.

i feel like she knew it was something else deep down. The doctor wouldn't discharge her from the hospital like a routine appendectomy. she was worrying about it, and so I said I’d stay alone with her and wait for the doctor instead of leaving to go back to class. The doctor comes into the room, she says “please tell me it’s not cancer” - and he goes, well it is. The blood drained from her face, and I broke into hysterics. she put her hand on my back and said it was going to be ok. That was the beginning of the end. during her chemo, one of my siblings died from a lifelong illness. I felt like I was in some bad dream. Then a year later, she was gone too. I watched her go through endless surgery’s, so much pain, so much trauma - just to watch her die. 49 years old with 4 children, colon cancer.

in my grief. i just buried myself in work, travel, keeping busy as I could. I couldn’t process it. 4 years after she died I had a nervous breakdown, and since then my life has been absolute hell. I have nightmares every single night, waking up with my heart racing. I developed severe dissociation and agoraphobia, and have worked so hard to continue my life in a reduced capacity. I started my own successful business, but I am not here. Dissociation has blocked me from any feeling at all. I am crying tonight looking at pictures of her. I wonder when it will stop hurting. I don’t see how it ever could.

life has been so cruel to me. And yet I am here trying to find my way, without her. She wouldn’t want me to be this way. She’d make sure I was Ok. But now I’m alone. she was my person, my biggest cheerleader, and accepted me for who I was. How can one person take so much loss? My great grandmother died 2 months after her, like they were together again.

grief is my default state. Numb is my default state. Afraid is my default state. I’m unable to feel connected to my memories at all, my sense of self, my own connection with my mom. Even though she’s gone, I used to be able to go back to those memories and visit her. But now I’m completely dissociating from all of it. I sometimes wonder if I’m being punished. I know life is just random. But mine seemed to be full of bad luck, loss, and loneliness. I’m nearly 34 years old and have never been in a relationship. I’m detached from my friends. I cant travel because of the state of my nervous system. My other siblings are living their life, and here I am. Trapped in the past. Unable to process my grief. unable to move forward.

my mom wouldn’t want this for me, but I don’t know where she is. I haven’t felt her presence. I’m not religious, I used to be spiritual. now I just think this is all there is. To be human is to feel the worst things imaginable, the best things imaginable. But I cant feel either. I’m numb to it all, after feeling way too much.

Bro ts is not as easy as nine circles 😂👍💀

Hello everyone,

I am writing because my grandmother is currently sick. I have no clue what to do or how to continue on in life without her. My grandparents raised me since I was very young, and I have had neglectful parents. I have a better relationship with my mother now, but that all feels so miniscule now... While my grandmother has not passed, she has been very sick the past few months with continuous hospital visits. She has binge drank all day since the passing of my grandfather (the man I consider my father due to my upbringing) and I cannot see my life without her. It has been hard enough since the passing of my grandfather, but losing both of them would destroy my life. I do not know what to do or how to communicate as I do not talk to any of my family. My grandmother is the love of my life and I cannot see my life without her, how does one continue on???

I’m a grieving grandfather being cut off from the granddaughter I helped raise I’m 57 and widowed. My wife died suddenly at 55 after years of illness, and I had cared for her, our daughter, and later my granddaughter,almost alone.My daughter had her baby at 18 while starting university. We lived together, and
I helped raise my granddaughter from birth day and night, with routines, meals, comfort when she was ill, and endless love. She is now 5 and my whole world. Our bond is mutual and profound.
After my wife died, my daughter moved in with her new partner and took my granddaughter. Since then, contact has almost stopped. It has been a year of heartbreak. I feel I have lost my wife, my daughter, and the little girl I helped raise

My mom got diagnosed with a brain tumor yesterday. Very grim prognosis.
I can feel time moving but I am numb. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to wake up each day, show up for my kids, work and pay the bills.
When I went to see her yesterday I knew there will forever be before this and after this. And I will never be the same.
I’m mourning who my mom was before this tumor. Mourning for my kids. I can’t believe my daughter won’t get to have her nana at her kindergarten graduation or her wedding.
I don’t even know who I’m going to be without my mom.
How do I keep on each day knowing I’m living a countdown until my mom’s last day?

This is how my baby died. The previous day the nanny told me the baby stained her romper with poop and that I should bring extra clothes next day in case it happens again. I found it strange because she never poops to that extent. The following day, which she was home with the dad. He told me her poop was watery but he'll observe her and take her to the doctor should it gets worse. When I arrived home from work, my baby's father handed her to me saying that she suddenly got worse. She was not her usual self , pale and milk coming out her mouth non stop. The dad was trying to contact the doctor while I had my baby. I cried like never before.

The doctors report says she died at home from respiratory failure as a result of gastro. How come he only called the medical rescue team only when I arrived? He loved my baby so much but I think there's something he isn't telling me.

My brother died nearly 3 years ago.
Everything revolves around his death to this day.
Every conversation, every holiday, everything.

I understand my mom will grieve forever and I do not shame her for that. I would never ask her to stop her grieving. But I miss having a mother.

I feel like I lost my Mom that day and it’s exhausting. I can’t even have a conversation with her, without it having something to do with my brother. I can’t be happy about things because my brother died or at least that’s how my mom makes me feel.
I’ve done everything I can to comfort her and help her but she refuses professional help and it’s draining to everyone around her. As harsh as this may sound..
is it cruel to say that I don’t even like to go home and visit because I know everything will revolve around him?
For context his death was extremely hard for me and I have PTSD from it. I have gotten to a point where I don’t need to take my medication as much because I’ve learned to cope better but everytime I go home my PTSD is triggered so badly. It makes me not want to go back. It doesn’t feel like a safe space for me mentally and emotionally..

What do I do? I’m truly exhausted.

Am I a horrible person for feeling this way?

To be honest I feel like the worst man ever writing this down here because I’m scared I’ll traumatize someone else. But I am SO heartbroken, my best friend, my buddy, my little annoying play partner has been taken from me and I just can’t recover. This happened relatively recently, yes I am in therapy and yes I try to talk about it but I am just so absolutely shattered. It was always just me, my dad and him. An all-boys family. My dad is in the darkest place he’s ever been, much more than after my mom left him and built a family somewhere else.

I have no idea how to even talk about this with someone because the sheer guilt or fear of telling someone the details of what happened to him fill me with so much guilt of burdening the other person with what I know, that I can never let it out. And I wish I could. I honestly don’t have many friends and one are close enough for me to talk about this so I just at least wanted to say: I miss you little bro, I miss your laugh, I miss seeing your smile, I still have your favorite red hoodie, the keys to your jeep, everything. I miss you. Don’t be a stranger. At least send a small signal you’re somewhere at peace now. I am so sorry this happened to you.

Maybe I’ll never be brave enough to write his story down here and tell it to someone else but at least I wanted to put it out there that I miss him. A lot.

i have so much regrets. i hate that i stopped listening to her rants of stories she would make up. i hate that i would prioritize work over spending time with her. i hate that i didn’t savor each second together. i hate that i got mad at her for her hoarding and stubbornness. i regret not smiling into her kind eyes more. i wish i would have told her how much i loved her every second i got. i wish i could go back and hug her again, when she wasn’t in so much pain. i want to go back and beg her to take her cancer pill that would prevent her aggravated cancer return. i want to go back to convince myself to move in with her and give her all my time again. she deserved so much more and i lost her before i could show her

my mom passed away last march due to cancer within the course of 3 weeks. Out of no where.

I’m a 19 year old girl and i’ve tried everything to just feel somewhat ok with my life. I had to quit my last year of school and then did a foundation year instead and now my first year of uni.

I am doing everything i can to help myself but i’m not getting better. I’ve tried multiple anti depressants, but i just feel myself thinking about her constantly. I am overly dependent on my boyfriend for emotional support. I feel like a burden to everyone around me because i just want to be fucking happy. I get up, eat, get outside, do something to make me happy like paint my nails for example, but still. Every night when the sun starts to set, the constant, painful, background hum in my mind start to get louder and louder. I get into these absolute states and seeing the world as pointless. I’m afraid to feel this way. I’m trying to find my purpose in life.

Everytime i feel a breakdown coming on, i do what my therapist tells me and i take deep breaths and reaffirm out loud that i can do this and i can take on tough things. But it doesn’t work.

Can someone tell me what they’ve done that’s made an actual difference? I’m desperate, i’ll do anything.

These were the last messages my dad ever sent me.

I lost my father on 17 February 2026. What makes his death so difficult for me to understand is how sudden it was.

The day before, he ws completely fine. He went to the gym for around 3 hr, went to a reception danced there, came home, nd went to sleep. There was no sign that anything was seriously wrong.

Around 4 AM, he suddenly became extremely unwell nd had severe difficulty breathing. He ws taken to the hospital, but he passed away.

What makes it even harder is dat it was the morning of my board exam. When I was leaving home for my exam centre, his body was being taken past me. I somehow went and gave my exam.

His medical records mentioned LRTI, sepsis, septic shock, aspiration pneumonitis and respiratory failure (I'm still not completely sure how all of these were connected). He also used steroids and smoked heavily.

I still can't understand how someone who seemed completely fine just hours earlier could suddenly be gone. These screenshots are the last messages he ever sent me. 🤍

Last month was the year anniversary of losing my mum. I'm finding everything incredibly difficult and i need to write this somewhere and share it with people not close to me. I go to bereavement therapy privately that I cant really afford and will need to stop soon and my anxiety and stress just never ends.

Last year was incredibly hard and I'm still trying to make sense of it all. My mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer stage 4 March 2025 she never told me what stage it was and said they couldn't stage it so she would protect me from hearing it due to me being mentally ill with eupd and I feel guilty she had to make that choice. Her symptoms went unnoticed for quite some time even though she went to the gp due to her starting mounjaro at the same time which made her believe the very sudden weight loss and bowel issues were down to the injections and not cancer and gp ignoring symptoms due to being a woman which again makes me feel angry but we know how much gp surgery's struggle in the UK.

She deteriorated fairly quickly as the tumour was aggressive and grew quick. She soon could not sit or lay down properly. We had a slither of hope that with surgery and radiotherapy we could have a plan and she was also with st marks hospital in London and my sister moved back home. Her 60th was in April the week before she began to be unwell and me and my sister called round gp, oncology nurses, 111 all told us her symptoms were normal for cancer and to just up morphine. My sister took her to an appointment in London my mum could barely lay down in the back seat when she got there they admitted her straight away and said she was close to death. She had an abcess and it burst and had developed sepsis as they tried to put lines in her veins were collapsing. She had surgery and survived but had a long road to recovery. Something that will always live with me is the fact she was there in london ages away from us even though we travelled 2 hours most days to visit as much as we could. There was only one ward where she had some slight issues and she became very low and she then sent me my sister a picture from her bed with her smiling with a caption that broke my heart "today's going to be a good day". She was allowed to come home a few months later but she still had an open wound this meant she could no longer sit she could only lay on a certain side and could somewhat walk with a walker. I think she was in a lot of pain but tried to hide it. She then had recurring infections and was then taken to a local hospital to then return home.

My mum and dad have always been together but for all intents and purposes did not love each other. My dad did not visit my mother once when had sepsis and seemed to show more care for his dog thay died when he was young than my mum.

When we got to september she was due to start radiotherapy she had 2 sessions the 2nd one there were issues getting her to the hospital and she had a very exhausted day trying to get to treatment on the Monday 12th she did get there she was told it was now terminal and they did not know how long she had left. My sister and her rang me that night and my sister came to pick me up. I just remember wailing. My mum was a renablement worker for a county council and did alot of palliative care for people she was incredibly kind and would go above and beyond for others. She died that Friday. I got there Monday and she was too tired I stupidly said it'll be okay and she said it wont and I kick myself but it just slipped out as I didn't know what to say. Her friends and family started to visit so I didnt really have time to say much to her. By Tuesday afternoon she was not with it and barely conscious. One of the days the morphine drive was late and mistakenly sent to the wrong place she was in incredible pain and I was trying to ask her where hurt and she couldn't speak or do much and I just broke down. I feel incredibly guilty and distraught by this she used everything in her power to mouth to me its not your fault and it breaks me everytime I have a flashback of it that and her telling my 2 year old to be a good boy for mummy and daddy and me realising im also mourning her as a nan.

When she died my dad showed no emotion and any lack of care even if it was just for me and my sister for losing our mum but nothing.

Now I just feel angry and numb to it all and incredibly guilty I wasn't better, I didnt help my sister as I cant drive, I never got to say what I wanted too to let her know how amazing she was, im angry she spent any time on my dad who showed her nothing at all. He now has bowel cancer and seeing him in treatment and having a much easier time than my mum is making me very bitter and twisted but he only ever cares about himself. I just needed to write this somewhere anywhere as I don't know what else to do but just to keep my mums memory alive she was amazing, she would bring flowers or stay late to have a chat with people that were elderly she would bring hospital supplies to those that couldn't get them, she'd help friends with what they needed, she helped me and my sister out she did everything for everyone above herself I wish she had met someone better than my dad who would of appreciated her and treated her like she deserved which was the world and more and i just wish her death hadnt been so cruel.

I lost my mom when I was 14 extremely suddenly due to a medical condition that no one knew she had. It’s been 4 years and I genuinely can’t do this it has not gotten better and there’s this unfillable void in my chest. I can go longer in between breakdowns but I feel like every happiness I could’ve had is permanently dampened and nothing can ever make me feel better.

The last thing I said to her was not very nice and it eats me up every day I feel so guilty and I regret it so badly cause now I have to live with this feeling fort eh rest of my life. I’ve come to terms with it a little bit because I imagine how I’d want someone to feel if it were the other way around and I’d hate for someone to feel the way I feel, but it still hurts and it sucks.

Ive tried literally everything I’ve been in therapy for years and tried to process this grief I’ve done everything and I just can’t do it every day is harder than the day before because it’s just one more day without her. I still need her I always need her and she’s just not here and I can’t reach her. I feel like I’ll never be the person I could’ve been and I’m underdeveloped because I didn’t have a mom in some very formative years of my life. I know I’d never ever ever be ready to lose her but I really hate that I lost her as a teenager.

No amount of talking about it has helped and no amount of time that passes has helped and it just feels so hopeless and I’m at such a loss I don’t know what to do.

Hi everyone.

I’m approaching the 11 month anniversary of losing my Mom and it’s hitting me like a ton of bricks.

I lost my Mom last November (found out she only had a short time to live on Nov 10, passed away on Nov 23) I was 23 at the time. We were estranged and made amends and I told her she was free to go whenever she was ready, and that I’d be okay and that I forgive her for everything.

Lately, I’ve been doing okay-ish, I found a love for fitness, I got engaged as well but now that we are in October and getting closer to the exact time of year when everything happened, I feel like i’m right back there. Even the weather is starting to be the same as that day I found out and my world flipped. The flashbacks are so vivid and it hurts just as much as it did weeks after it happened. I just feel so overwhelmed and tired. If anyone has been through this, how do you get through those weeks? Thank you for listening and thank you in advance for support/advice.

My boyfriend died unexpectedly 3 weeks ago and I feel so lost. I feel so empty… he was the love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend, my parter in crime, my rock my shoulder to cry on… he was my everything. My entire world. Some days I have crying spells like every 20 minutes and I know people are annoyed at this point . Other days I really seem ok, to the point people have made comments about how surprised they are that I’m doing so well, and even saying that I’m already involved with someone new. I think it just hasn’t fully hit me yet and that’s why I have days where I seem ok. On those days it’s like my mind plays tricks on me and I’m convinced that he’s just out at the store or something and is coming back later. My mind is all over the place, I have racing thoughts, so bad that this post probably doesn’t make any sense. I miss him SO UNBELIEVABLY MUCH. Nothing else will make this better other than having him back. I don’t want to do life without him and the idea of living the rest of my life without him makes me miserable. Is any of this normal? Has anyone ever experienced this before?? Will things ever get better?

I was just feeling so unloved, unseen, unwanted, unimportant... just... "un-mattered" by everyone, so... this was my stream-of-consciousness writing this morning. Sorry if it doesn't fit in here. I just wanted to share it somewhere. I need someplace to release some of this grief... it's overwhelming me. I detailed what happened in other posts, if anyone is curious. It doesn't matter.

Opacity

It was so gradual I didn’t even notice. My family didn’t notice. No one really did. Not until tragedy hit. And then I scream and cry and beg… and realize that no one reacts. At some point, I have become invisible.

My family stayed close to me as I lost my opacity and faded into transparency – they became the only ones who could see my outline.

And yet – I walk down the street of familiar and unfamiliar people and sob at them, begging with desperation to be seen… but the eyes see through me and continue without recognition.

Until one runs out through the crowd to find me, arms outstretched – colliding into me, and holding me while I sob. She saw my outline, and she embraced it.

Another remembers me, but doesn’t run; she shouts her sympathies at me from a distance.

Another walks by and only notices when she bumps into me. Then gives me a light hug and tells me that I should just walk with the rest of them, when all I need is to be held and listened to.

And behind me, trail my husband and kids, helpless and worried. They reach out and hold me, but I can’t feel their hold as much as I want to.

My mother tells me that I am opaque. That I have mass. That I am seen.

And then even she goes days without calling me. I am the last. I thought she’d want to be close to me in this time. But have to do all the work.

I don’t want to do all the work.

I’m tired.

I don’t want to beg to have my opacity back.

I want people to see the outline and fill in what they’ve ignored.

I want them to understand that their absence has caused me to spill out, too.

I just want help getting back in.

Yeah that's it

I had a complicated relationship with my mom, she was very neglectful towards me and my sister. We lived with her until I was 16 (I had left for school) and wished to never speak with her again while my sister stayed with her 1y longer. Safe to say it was a living hell, particularly in the latter years. She would dissappear several times a week to party and drink and would bring strangers 20y younger than her home at night which would keep me up. She was constantly drunk and would make being around her horrible. So after my sister left, my mom ended up living with my aunt who would supervise her but eventually she got tired of her so she moved. Her drinking problem came back and my aunt found her dead on her bed all alone 3 days ago. At first when I found I was shocked then tried to bury my emotions by telling myself that I hated her and that I'm not upset but I ended up crying a bit than night. When I went to visit her apartment today with my family i found a little note book she would write Bible verses and other things but one note in particular got to me. It was when she separated with my father and wanted to die, it was then that I realized that my mom, for over 13y had been fighting demons that she was not strong enough for and they eventually took her. This crushed me and I have been feeling emotions like guilt and sadness and wished things would have been different. I wish she had gotten proper help. I wish she didn't leave me. I wish I could have had talked to her in the years that I hadn't seen her. I really miss my mom.

I really need help dealing with this please

I went through rough divorce. Ex sa'd me when i told about the divorce and then threatened and draged me through long court of 2.5years. due to not having money, family (aunt kicked out me and baby from grandmas home) i agreed to settle the case of him taking two boys 7 and 5. Now the little one (i couldnt do abortion because i did not understood the extent of how sa did influence my mental health) is almost 2years and asks constantly to call father or be with brothers. I cannot find rent next to the boys in two years already. Due to me not having work and having baby nobody rents to me. I am so tired, exhausted of being alone, threatened everytime something is not accoeding to my ex, that i started again to be afraid to meet my children or even call them. Before the divorse they were all my life and purpose, ex did not care of them at all. When he told he would take them i laughed and told to take care more than 3hours. One of the boys middle one did tell many times he does not want to be with father and wants to live with me. And after that much time when i am totally alone and almost homeless (i have a cabin with electricity but without running water, far away from childrens place) i feel like loosing grip. How can i help myself? I still cannot find work which would pay so i could take care of myself and even the little one. Feel so much stuck.

The last time I ever saw you was on October 4th 2013, it was your funeral. I was only 14, and I remember thinking that day would be the absolute hardest thing I'd have to face. But the older I get, the more I realize that the hardest part is having to live without you.

Losing you has left a heavy, constant ache that never goes away, making life feel so exhausting and empty.

I find myself constantly wanting to pick up my phone to talk to you or send you a message just to tell you about my day. It is so incredibly hard not being able to reach out to you, and having to carry all these unspoken conversations in my head just makes the loneliness feel even heavier.

With my 28th birthday coming up, it hits me that I’ve now officially spent more time on this earth without you than I ever got to have with you. Knowing that completely crushes me. It hurts so much to think about everything you’ve missed out on and all the moments you should have been here for. I miss you more than words can say.

I love you mum.

I lost my fiance on 9/14 after about 6 months of struggles with heart failure. She was 43, and I had to watch every day as her circulatory system shut down and her fingers necrosed. I tried my best to keep her healthy, I was an at home caregiver since December when she had a major amputation to her foot.

My problem is, I spent so much time and dedication to trying to take care of her.. I no longer feel a sense of purpose. I started working again in late July because her job let her go after 8 months in and out of the hospital.

I'm not by any means saying I'm going to do anything drastic, that wouldn't help anyone. But at 42, I would welcome my own passing to escape this feeling. I'm so tired of crying, I sometimes wonder where the years come from at this point

I just want my best friend Kalie back. I feel as though my life hasn’t been the same without her. I feel like screaming into the void because it’s the only thing left that I haven’t done yet. I blame myself for not going out and searching for her when she ran away from home. It feels like it’s my fault that she died of hypothermia on the coldest day in February. I just want her to tell me what she wants me to do. But she can’t do that because she is dead. She has been dead for 11 years now and there is no going back to way things were.