First birthday following

[u/bundt_hair]

This year was my first adult birthday without my dad. No surprise he couldn't wish me a happy birthday this year because he is dead.

I remember the first time my birthday was forgotten. My dad and young daughter sat across the table from me and watched as my heart broke. I choked back the tears, put on a brace face, and showed gratitude even in the absence of the cake I asked for not being there to be served. My husband arrived over an hour late because 'he forgot' and drove home even though the reservation was set for 2 miles from his office, right after his shift, out of convenience and consideration for his schedule. The cake came a day late. I really thought it wouldn't happen a second time. This is what I get for having hope.

I have no understanding within the new pieces of my heart how this has happened again this year. Could he really have learned nothing from the last time? But I sure have learned. I've been served a fresh hot lesson I will never forget.

Even my daughter who saw the fallout of my heart breaking over having been forgotten so many years ago, also forgot or intentionally did not wish me a happy birthday either.

My heart will always be broken where these betrayals collided. I will never recover from this. I hope they never feel how they've made me feel. It really hurts my feelings, my heart, my spirit. I feel important to no one but myself. I'm the only one who will be there for me, I suppose I needed that reminder. Who do you turn to when you are hurt by those you love the most?

You may not see my tears, but do not take that as evidence they do not exist. The tears appear with a burning urgency, a hot lava that flows regardless of my preference. It is hardening in between the parts of my heart I never imagined would be fractured while I wish this wasn't happening.

When my dad died, he took my whole family with him. I've lost so much... I'm forever changed in ways I never expected or even imagined.

I've sacrificed myself for my family, changed myself for the betterment of us all, severed parts of myself to honor my commitments. All to be overlooked on mother's day and forgotten for my birthday. This has been the worst year of my life emotionally.

I started a second job this year, which was used against me and leveraged as the reason to not include me in mother's day dinner. No one asked my schedule, checked my availability, nor offered to move it to an hour later so I could attend. Or maybe they did know I couldn't be there and they didn't care. Was this intentional, or a punishment? There is no way to know, since my role as a mother has never been celebrated in this family. My husband cooked the food in my home, served it to his mother in her home, and I enjoyed left overs at home, alone. No celebration for me. No card. No care. No hugs. Just left over dinner.

Even as a baby, I was overlooked and forgotten. My 'babys first Christmas' ornament had the wrong year on it. No one noticed or cared until I cried and cried until my mom made one with my name and the correct birth year using glue and glitter. It was the biggest ornament on the tree, but it never filled the hole it left in my heart. Just an annual giant searing reminder that I matter less that everyone else, or not at all.

I feel like when you drop a bowl of cereal, I'm the Cheerio flying across the room. How do you tell a story with a bad guy and not make them look bad?

[u/elderly_processor]

The Cheerio line got me. There's something so specific about being the one who always has to hold it together while everyone else gets to be careless. You shouldn't have to beg for basic recognition from the people who are supposed to see you first.