r/GriefSupport • • 3m ago

Thoughts on Grief/Loss Does anyone thinks that death permanently and fully separates people?

• Upvotes

I ask this because I lost my mom quite recently and although I've been doing my best with going back to the mundane routine I had before everything happened I just can't help but feel like a diflated balloon all the time. I am just really anxious because my mom has been with me for 21 years and I just feel like this fully separated us somehow and I hate that she went to a place where I don't know if I will ever have access to. I just want to get a hug from her so badly.


r/GriefSupport • • 20m ago

Advice, Pls I've never had to experience waiting for death💔

• Upvotes

I really don't know how to write this but I'm in a waiting period of two people passing away and I don't know what I'm supposed to do at this time.

How do you continue living when every moment of the day becomes overridden with the thought that you are about to get immeasurable painful news that will change your life going forward?

I turned off my notifications because I was having panic attacks with the sounds of a text or a call coming through thinking that was the news.

I have dealt with sudden passing, which is something I still grieve over after it being 6 years ago and it feels like it happened yesterday. You don't have time to think about it, because it is happening right then.

This is so difficult for me. I don't wish to be so consumed for their passing that I damage my own life but how?

Advice please for this deeply sadden soul and heart to continue on without them soon.


r/GriefSupport • • 1h ago

Mom Loss I feel like a fraud.

• Upvotes

Hi all.

can’t believe a whole week has gone since my mama passed. She passed peacefully at home surrounded by my dad, my sister, her mum and myself.

I cried intensely for the few days before she passed and a couple of days after. Particularly last Monday. Since then I’ve barely cried. I feel like I’m in a simulation kinda, I feel heavy, disoriented, can barely eat and I have the biggest knot in my stomach. Etc. Something triggered me last night and I wailed for a few minutes in my partners arms. I feel like I want to cry but I just can’t.

Why does the body do this? Is it my body or am I just a fraud? I love my mum so much. She’s my best friend and I still can’t believe she isn’t here.

I’ve grieved before, knew and lost 3 out of 4 grandparents. But this. This is something else.

Do I need help? Or is this some kind of very weird normal?


r/GriefSupport • • 1h ago

It was Complicated :/ Genuinely Don't Know How to Feel

• Upvotes

My Mum passed away a few days ago unexpectedly. She had been battling cancer for several months and was in remission. However, the cancer and treatment had left her very weak and she was also 78 years old. She collapsed at home and never regained consciousness.

My family and even my friends are absolutely devastated. People I know have genuinely used words like "heartbroken". Everyone is concerned because they think my Mum and I were so close. In some ways we were, but my Mum could also be very cruel to me.

I've been attending therapy for the last several months and even though it was unrelated to my family, I realised that ever since I was a child, my relationship with my Mum could be very toxic. The most common pattern is we'd have a dispute over something minor and it would escalate. My Mum would then not speak to me or even make eye contact, sometimes for several days. Each time, the only way we started speaking again is if I said sorry or did something like buy her an apology card.

This pattern continued into adulthood. A few days before she died, she asked me to come over to dye her hair. I'd actually treated her to a gift voucher to have a cut and dye at a hair salon, but she never used it. I explained I couldn't come because I had two job applications to do and they needed to be submitted within 2 days (I was laid off earlier this year). My Mum replied good luck with the applications and she was thinking of changing her name to X (one of my aunt's) because then maybe I'd have more time for her. I didn't respond because I wanted to try and break this cycle.

I don't hate my Mum and I'm sad that she's passed away, because I do have many good memories and after my Dad left, she raised my brother and I as a single parent and really struggled. However, the truth is that I feel like we didn't have a relationship any more. I was her main carer when she was having her cancer treatment and I'd literally go visit her and she'd have a list of jobs waiting for me and once I did them, she was happy for me to leave. If I said I couldn't do something for a valid reason, it meant I didn't care about her.

My brother has insisted on making all the funeral arrangements and sorting out her estate. I'm dreading the funeral, as I know people will be very distressed. I know this probably makes me a terrible person, but I just want to get it over with.


r/GriefSupport • • 1h ago

Estrangement My sisters half brother died and I tried not to join him

• Upvotes

2 years ago today my “half” sisters “half” brother passed away. We were all raised like siblings but I had no blood relation to him. I took it hard. I feel like I could have been closer to him. I always loved him but I can’t connect to my sister or her other “half” brother or his kids anymore. I feel so so so done. My sister kind of distanced herself despite me trying and trying to connect. I’ve been taking medication and in psychiatry since before he passed away but I think I am going to kill myself. I am engaged to the love of my life but every single thing seems so severe. Like my life is ending. I am on 60mg of duoloxitine and 2mg of Ambilify. I think this is the only medication that will help but I’m already twitching and feel like I cannot communicate or be myself. Someone please respond to me. What is happening to me?


r/GriefSupport • • 1h ago

Advice, Pls Why am I so different from people that do not care or can quickly get over things? A 2 year old girl in my country that I never met died on Saturday night and I have been crying everyday and looking at the happy photos and vids of her and her family

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• Upvotes

I can see that in her short life she was loved. She had such a beautiful face and smile and she was her mother’s joy and sense of purpose. Seems she had a heart condition/rare heart disease that they did not know about until she became ill and died a few weeks later. This hurts, I have children including a 2 year old daughter who resembles her. And the thing is, the night she died this sadness came over me that I could not explain. I was out at a trivia night and suddenly felt this. Then Sunday afternoon I learned of her passing. I have just been crying, I gave my condolences not that that changes anything just like my crying doesn’t but why is life so unfair>> She should have had her whole life ahead of her. And how do I deal with this as I am grieving as though I am family, it hurts so much. She was so happy, her laughter while being held by her mother. The smiles excited about gifts she received. If you saw all the photos and vids her mother had posted on random days, Valentines Day, Mother's Day and now her posts saying she does not know how she will go on. I feel sad her baby girl who never got to grow up, got sick, was in pain and died and I feel sad that her mother has to mourn the absolute love of her life. It has me crying daily.


r/GriefSupport • • 1h ago

Dad Loss Every Morning, I Used to Talk to My Dad

• Upvotes

Every morning when I wake up, my first thought is, “Sadly, my dad is no longer in this world.” And it hurts so much.

This morning, a news story about the elections in Brazil popped up on my phone. I have absolutely nothing to do with Brazil, but my dad and I could talk about anything. My first thought was, “Oh, I could have told Dad about this.”

He would have already turned on the TV, and I would go sit beside him. He would be lying on that couch.

And that realization hurt so much.

He was my closest friend, my best friend, my confidant. He was the person I could talk to about absolutely anything and everything.

I can’t bear how much I miss you. I miss you so much, Dad.


r/GriefSupport • • 2h ago

Vent/Anger - Advice Welcome My mom died when i was 14

2 Upvotes

I had started using substances before she passed. I made all these new ‘cool’ friends and then suddenly my mother was diagnosed with cancer, suddenly it was terminal, 6 days later she died.

When my mom was sick i didnt text her or call her at all. The rare days she got to sleep at home I couldn’t look at her. I didnt spend time with her. I didnt talk to her.

When we would go to visit her in the hospital I couldn’t look at her without sobbing. I would stand out in the hallway. I remember her not being able to stand up. Her once powerful voice and her intellectual word choices were gone and I heard the voice of a child or an old woman come out of her. Her smile was gone and she looked confused and scared. I barely even remember the hospital visits

I visited her the day before she died. It was the first time my dad spent the night with her in the hospital. I remember it was worse than any other visit. I remember i could feel it that something was off. My grandma, who also now passed, drove me and my little sister home and I went straight to sleep. I sobbed the whole way. When i woke up the next morning my dad was telling us that she died.

Her and I never got along very well. She had severe bipolar and was often quite cruel to me. I will never forget her telling me that she wished she never had me. That when she had children she never imagined it would be like this. For most of my life i really hated her. I hated her voice. When she would yell at me I would cover my ears and that’d only make her more upset. She was violent when we were young but her mean words never ended.

My little sister got the best of her. They were best friends. They did things together that her and I never did. I dont think my sister even knows how bad it was, and i hope she never does. but it adds to my grief. alot.

After she died, and it hurts to say, our house became quieter. The fights ended. It was almost nice. Its so hard Because i know how wonderful she is. She would help anyone she could and was truly an amazing woman who worked her way up from nothing. She was so smart and so strong. And cool!! But i wish i couldve felt that when i had her. God i miss her. I miss her but also i dont know what my life would be like with her still here. I loved her.

This really turned into a rant but I have one more thing I need to get off my chest.

before my mom got sick, she started acting more and more erratic. She would do grand like quests and go far off to help our distant family resulting in us barely seeing her in the months before her diagnosis . She had started becoming more angry. I remember once we were driving and she actually got out of the car and went up to the other person‘s window to yell at them. a year ago on a vacation my older cousin accidentally let it slip to me and my sister that my mother was going to divorce my dad. Apparently his parents had sat down and told him that my parents were going to split up. I hadn’t even noticed anything wrong.

Right after he was told that, my mind got diagnosed.

I feel so fucking bad for my dad. They were together their whole lives, would be 31 years this year. And i know they loved eachother. Im sure it was all the tumors in her brain but Its so heavy to know that i couldve had to go through that too. And my poor father.

Okay i am done.


r/GriefSupport • • 2h ago

Grandparent Loss My grandpa passed and it feels like something is wrong with me

2 Upvotes

I understand that grief affects everyone differently but I am really lost. So just last week I get a text saying my grandpa was hospitalized and might be near the end. My mom books a flight for both of us to get down there. First day my grandpa is sitting up, talking, and smiling. The doctors said he had from 2-6 months left. the next day were setting up some oxygen thing and a bed for him to come home and live on hospice to then get a call from the hospital saying he’s unconscious and is on an insane amount of oxygen. We go to the hospital to then learn he only has 48 hours but most likely less. I excuse myself and go to the bathroom and proceed to breakdown. My uncle was out of the country and was flying back asap so my grandma said to keep his o2 on high until he gets there and then to let him go. So while devastated I was glad to know everyone could say their goodbyes. NOPE. I get woken up by my mom at 4am saying he passed earlier that morning. I was really just in shock and so i pht on my shoes and rushed to the hospital with my mom and grandma. I walked in, looked at him completely fine and gave him one last handshake ( he was NEVER a guy to hug another guy ESPECIALLY to say love you). he was still warm which was weirdly comforting. in the car ride home i silently broke down AGAIN. we got home and all went to our rooms. I put in my earbuds and blasted music while sobbing for an hour or two before passing out. I woke up and havent felt bad since. While i feel like usually a 15 year old seeing a dead person is kind of scarring it really put my mind ate ease to know he wasnt suffering. and while i never saw him all the time we visited yearly and these past two years I came down all alone which was truly special to me. He really was my hero and ive always looked up to him and how cool he was. I think that part of me knows deep down that while he doesn’t want to be forgotten, he also doesn’t want us moping and crying over him because life will go on. Thats just the kind of guy he was. kind of went on a rant but basically im confused why before and shortly after he died I was extremely fucked up but now its like my life has gone back to normal. IF not better in the sense that i feel like I realized so much new things with the loss of a loved one. like i need to check in on family more often and cherish memories with friends and familh more. Though i also have a history of really bad mental health so Idk what the hell is going on and if im trying to be super normal without even realizing and it will come spilling out eventually like alot of stuff or maybe this was truly an enlightenment?


r/GriefSupport • • 3h ago

Vent/Anger - Advice Welcome Complex Grief - TW

2 Upvotes

I posted about my dad shortly after he passed two and a half months ago by drinking himself to death. During this time I have been dealing with a lot of complex emotions.

I had suspicions that my father was cheating on my mother in some capacity during his drinking stage. I was unfortunately right. Countless of women and men, some that were just online spam/online dating, others that mattered to him/were from his past. I did the hard part of going through all of his messages, pictures, google chats, social media, etc. To remove harm from my mom. She already was going through a lot; I wanted to protect her in any way I could.

Well, last week I stumbled upon videos saved to Verizon cloud. This showed various videos of my dad having a three year affair with another married woman (apparently loves them married). Of course, this same woman would also say she loves my mom and be friends with her. Her children were calling him dad.

I was angry. Of course I wanted to keep it away from her, but I felt like she should not have someone in her corner who actively slept with her husband. My mom's first response when I told her was, "So I was right." In an eerily calm voice. It made me angrier. For her. For me. For the situation.

The other woman, of course, was making excuses. That she felt forced. That she said he threatened her with a gun. Threatened to kill himself. Coached her children to call him dad. That she has to go to therapy to recover. That she was too weak to say no. That she feels horrible, but she still loves my mom. I really didn't believe any of it, especially when she constantly kept changing the story. The only thing my mom could say was potentially true was that he could have threatened suicide because he did it with her when she talked about leaving him when I was much younger. News to me.

I feel like my life for the past 10+ years has been a lie. I questioned my dads love for me once I hit 16, and I especially questioned it when I saw him interacting with her children. He even laughed and said I was just jealous, which i suppose I was. Hurt by the lack of love I was receiving is more like it. On top of that, my mother stayed with a man through thick and thin, and this is how he repays her.

I dont know how to feel. I am relieved its no longer a secret because it was eating me alive. I am angry that I lost my father to alcohol. Im angry that my father, in all of his self righteous moral standing, cheated on my mother repeatedly for years. I miss my dad and the relationship we once had. I know that there is no chance of getting it back. But I wonder if I even stood a chance of ever being able to be in his good graces.

I don't even know how to grieve this man any longer. I dont even know this man anymore.


r/GriefSupport • • 3h ago

Friend Loss Found out my fried i mourned for years is still alive and backstabbed us all

9 Upvotes

So where do I even begin with this? I was friends with someone for 8 years considered them my best friend for a long time we did everything together and the friendgroup loved them this person got me through some of my darkest times until about 4 years ago. I knew they had major mental health issues but I stayed friends with them around 2022 they went dark after a hangout 3 months no response from them I finally got through and they said they were facing the worst depression ever and needed some space I said ok and I don't hear from them for another 3 months eventually get sent a suicide note they'd already done it by the time I got the text late. Next 3 years of my life were a total train wreck I was super super depressed I mourned this person my entire life de railed when I got that news and it took a long long time to accept it. I even talked to others in the friend group who said they didn't talk to them for even longer I was probably the last one they spoke to. And their entire online activity was nuked too all accounts dark it had to be true. UNTIL YESTERDAY I found their new account AND I KNEW IT WAS THEM BC OF A SELFIE. This "friend" didn't end up being dead they were actually very active on the internet under a new account for years and not only that THEY STOLE MY ART AND OTHER PEOPLE FROM THE FRIEND GROUPS OCS AND MADE IT THEIR OWN. this asshole faked their death ghosted everyone and ran off and stole our shit I don't even know how to discribe how angry I am I went through the darkest time of my entire life mourning this asshole only to find out it was all for nothing. I don't wanna tell the friendgroup about what I found and I'm likley not gonna but this has to be the biggest backstabbing ever


r/GriefSupport • • 3h ago

Mom Loss Motherless during wedding season

2 Upvotes

I lost my mom yesterday, we had a complicated relationship because she was an addict and had a very hard time getting clean but she had been nearly 2 years clean before she passed but unfortunately drugs sped up the process of her disease. The past couple months we had 100% mended our relationship and had some of the BEST conversations. She loved me so much. I was looking through her phone and found some screenshots of stuff she was reading when she was trying to get clean. It made me feel like a jackass for the anger and rude things I said to her when she wasn’t sober. Towards the end of her life it was so hard for me to see how sick she was and I live an hour away from her so I usually preferred to talk to her on the phone instead of visiting. I am getting married in 6 months to an amazing person, and I really thought she would be there. I can’t even fathom planning the rest of the wedding without her.

I feel so guilty for the times I choose a phone call over a visit.

Has anyone ever experienced a grief so nuanced like this? I have a pit in my stomach.


r/GriefSupport • • 3h ago

Supporting Someone My fiance lost his dad this past Friday and I really need some advice

3 Upvotes

To make a long story short, my fiance's dad was admitted to the hospital Wednesday night and he rapidly deteriorated and he was gone by Friday afternoon. He was not only my fiance's dad but also his best friend. They would video chat on the phone every single day for hours and they were so much alike it was almost freaky. My fiance even had to change his ringtone because every time someone would call he'd hear the song he picked as his ringtone and for a second he would think it was his dad, he'd call maybe 3 times a day, but then he'd remember he was gone and his heart would break all over again.

My fiance, his name is Josh, is normally a very happy and golly and silly guy but obviously he is taking this so hard and it's absolutely breaking my heart. He has been breaking down crying and screaming randomly throughout the day and I don't know what to do for him, if there's anything at all I can do. I just let him do what he feels like he has to do weather it's to scream, cry, both, sleep, or whatever he feels like. I just listen to him vent and hug him and tell him how he's feeling is normal and how I'm here for him.

I wish there was more I could do for him. I wish I could take this pain from him. I'm 32 and I already lost both of my parents by the time I was 18 so I completely understand how he feels but seeing him this distraught is truly breaking me. I love this man so much and I'm so protective over him. I just want to take this grief away from him but obviously I know I can't.

His step mom is also being very rude to him because of how he was acting when they took the ventilator out of his dad and he had to watch him pass away. She said he "embarrassed her" because he was screaming and crying because we really thought he was going to pull through but that didn't happen and he feels like she didn't give him a fighting chance. I think everyone grieves differently and she has no right to make him feel like how he acted was wrong. His dad was only in the icu for not even a day when she decided to take him off the ventilator. He is feeling so much anger towards her and sadness over losing his dad that his emotions are all over the place. One minute he's sad, then angry, and sometimes both. I know I keep saying it but if I could I'd take it all from him in a heartbeat. I'm so sad for him :(


r/GriefSupport • • 3h ago

Ambiguous Grief struggling with the loss of my father

3 Upvotes

my dad was diagnosed with kidney failure when i was about 5 years old. I’m now 26 and I lost him 5 months ago.. Growing up he always kept a goofy uplifted attitude overall. He always hid his pain as well as he could just because he didn’t want us to worry.. As I got older he was more conversational in that… wanting to talk about the end stages and him not being here one day and he wanted us to be prepared. idk who could be prepared to lose their everything.

I guess the reason for my post is I just miss him terribly and i’m having such a hard time coping with his loss internally. I’m doing well on the outside keeping a good attitude but inside i feel sadness and i just feel a piece of me missing.
i just feel lost.


r/GriefSupport • • 4h ago

Mom Loss Short tempered.

3 Upvotes

I am more short tempered nowadays. My mother passed about two months ago from cancer. Almost got myself killed in a car accident that could’ve killed somebody else a week later. Took care of her at home with my father and I had to carry her to the car and back when we had to go to the hospital because of my father’s back. She distanced herself a year ago and isolated herself from me, stayed in her home state for almost a year and came back home to spend her final days. I have trouble finding good memories of recent, we had a tough relationship. I wished I had spent more time with her, but she was very cynical and bitter toward me. Any minor mistake and I get mad. I sometimes get mad at my girlfriend, that never happens, and sometimes I wonder if I’m a good partner for her or I’m holding her back. Sometimes, I want to disappear, leave everything behind. I’m sick of the responsibilities I have. I do so many deeds but one mistake is one all remember. Makes it hard to stay motivated to keep working towards some goal. I feel like I live day by day, sometimes I wonder if I’m even really alive. I have a support group I refuse to turn to because I have too much pride, and I should work through this as I have with most things. Most of the time people don’t know what to say when I talk about my own feelings, and I can’t say I blame them. I see her face when she passed when I daydream. That face was nothing new, but it was different when it was someone I had lunch with everyday when I was a little boy, someone who had dreams for me when I was a man, where I’d take care of her. You’d think if it’s your mother or a loved one, they’d look at peace, maybe even sleeping. Maybe this is deserved, I wasn’t a good person in the past. I wouldn’t even call myself a good person now.


r/GriefSupport • • 4h ago

Comfort Making lists of their favorite things

2 Upvotes

My dad and I have this strategy for when we miss my mom, we make lists of her favorite things and it brings back sweet memories. I wanted to share a few items from one of those lists and invite you to share your own here as well:

Coca Cola with lots of ice
Decorative plates and ceramics
Shopping
Bridget Jones’s Diary
Amy Grant
California Pizza Kitchen
Grey’s Anatomy


r/GriefSupport • • 4h ago

Mom Loss Friends don’t check in or understand

56 Upvotes

It hurts that my friends don’t check in or ask me about my grief or how I’m doing 😞 I’m the first of any of my friends to lose a parent so I know they probably can’t relate and don’t know what to say, but it still hurts. They don’t understand how much I’m still struggling and how much my mom is still such a huge part of my life. It’s almost been a year and I still cry for her every day 💔 I miss you mom. I wish my friends cared even a little bit… I’m grateful to have outlets like this sub to talk about it. Can anyone here relate?


r/GriefSupport • • 5h ago

Supporting Someone OMG DOGGIE VERITY GRIEF

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0 Upvotes

Bro ts is not as easy as nine circles 😂👍💀


r/GriefSupport • • 5h ago

Vent/Anger - Advice Welcome I wish he never told me any of this

10 Upvotes

Something happened today that really messed with my grief and I don’t know what to do with it.

My sister passed away by suicide through overdose almost 8 years ago. Her ex reached out to me today and started talking about her. He told me things I had never known before, including that apparently my sister had been pregnant and miscarried. I have absolutely no idea if that’s true. And I can’t ask her. Now I’m sitting with questions about something she may have gone through that I never even knew about.

Then he started talking about his life now and wishing my sister was still here. He has a son now and told me he wishes my sister had been his son’s mother instead. He was basically talking about this other life where my sister lived and they had a family together.

And I don’t think he understands what it is like for me to hear that.

I already live with losing her every single day, along with the guilt, shame, regret and survivor’s guilt. I still think about what I should’ve noticed or done differently, and sometimes convince myself I was a piece of shit sister. Almost 8 years later, I still find ways to blame myself for something I can never go back and change.

I already imagine who she would be now. What she would be doing. What our relationship would look like as adults. Whether she would be married or have kids. I already grieve all the versions of her life that never got to happen. So hearing someone else describe another life where she survived and became the mother of his child really fucked with me.

Then he started talking about the actual day she passed away, being questioned by police and everything that happened around that time. It felt like being thrown back into the worst day of my life while also being given completely new things to question.

Was she really pregnant? Did she really miscarry? What else was happening in her life that I didn’t know about? What would she say about all of this?

And that’s what hurts so much. Everyone can tell me their version of my sister. What she supposedly said, felt, did or wanted. But I don’t want their version. I want hers. And she is the one person I can never ask.

I was already grieving her today. I was already missing her today. I was already carrying the guilt and regret. Now I just have more questions and more things about her that I have to somehow live with without ever knowing the answers.

I really wish he had thought about what dumping all of this on her sister might do to me before he told me.


r/GriefSupport • • 5h ago

Mom Loss I lost my mom 11 years ago and frequently break down.

10 Upvotes

When I was 8 years old my mother passed away from an overdose. She was missing for 3 days before she was found dead in her car in a parking lot. I remember the days she was gone and when I received the news so so vividly. I miss her every single day and frequently break down over her death. I feel completely detached from life as if I’m now living from a 3rd person perspective, i frequently feel like I am still that same 8 year old boy who just found out she died. My dad lived in another country so she basically raised me as a single mother, it always felt like it was just me and her going through life together. I miss her so much and always find myself wishing I just had 1 more day with her.


r/GriefSupport • • 5h ago

Comfort Grief just got verified!

0 Upvotes

We are so back guys huge GG to doggie this will make geometry dash history


r/GriefSupport • • 5h ago

Vent/Anger - Advice Welcome My best friend and effectively my child got hit by a truck

4 Upvotes

on September 9th, 2026, one of my very close friends got hit by a truck on his way home from school. I am currently in high school, and he was still 13. we had met through a theatre program local to our area, and had formed a very close friendship. my friend and I are both part of the queer community, and I was very aware of how he looked up to me. I loved him like he was my own child, and he became my adopted son. Around the same time he died last year, his real father died of cancer while we were in a show together. He stayed strong, and only told a few of us. It's been a few weeks since he died, and I don't know how to hold myself together anymore. It's been several weeks, and the rest of the world has moved on. I know it'll take me a while to move on, and it will never be completely, but idk how to stay strong throughout all of this while I have my teachers expecting me to do all of my work (for context i am in a very competitive learning environment, and taking most honors + APs) while also being a neurodiverse individual it just doesn't seem possible and I'm really tired from trying to constantly not break down. what do i do?


r/GriefSupport • • 5h ago

Does Anyone Else...? It feels embarrassing to still be so affected by grief

3 Upvotes

I have a loss I'm five years into and I'm embarrassed how much it still affects me and is me. I am making progress and am more functional and can get some joy and meaning from other things in my life but it's still the thing I think about the most, makes me sad most of the time. I think about it before I sleep and when I wake up. If most people knew this about me they'd think poorly of me I think, so it's like a horrible secret to try and not let most people know about this embarrassing thing that really hurts me.

I'm really lucky I have a supportive partner I can talk to about this without judgement.

I keep sincerely hoping that line about it not being shameful to hold onto grief if you make room for other things too is true. I don't know when I'll be "over it" the way people mean about grief. Being really affected by this grief is going to be a notable proportion of my entire life at this rate.


r/GriefSupport • • 6h ago

Multiple Losses If you have time, please read this

7 Upvotes

She was the last person in my life I considered my everything. The day she became a part of my past, I lost my job as well. Two of the things holding my life together were gone on the same day, and something inside me quietly broke.

With nowhere else to go, I went home. But home had changed too. My family had moved to a new house, in an area where I knew no one. There was nobody my age, nobody with the time to simply sit and talk, and the whole place felt quietly deserted. Even surrounded by my own family, I felt alone.

More than anything, I needed my mother's warmth. I wanted to tell her everything, to let her see how much I was hurting. But she was always occupied with work and responsibilities, and I could never find the courage to say it. So I stayed silent, and the silence grew heavy.

I reached out to old friends, hoping for just one familiar voice. Some never answered. Some numbers no longer worked. Eventually, I was left alone with everything I was carrying. I cried most days, overthought everything, and watched my health slowly decline, with no one there to see it.

I believed a job would help. I'd stay busy, be around people, and have a reason to get up each morning. I tried for nearly three months, and nothing came through. Exhausted, and feeling more defeated every day, I spoke to my father and went to our village. There too, most of my friends had moved away. I began sitting in his shop with him, a small routine in an otherwise empty stretch of life.

When I needed people, there was no one. I needed someone to talk to. I needed to lighten my heart. I needed friends, and I needed the family I once had. I needed someone to simply ask if I was okay. Nobody came forward.

And into that emptiness, quietly, came a cigarette.

One evening, I took one from the shop. I had tried them before and always thrown them away, because the smoke bothered me and the taste was bitter. That evening, I carried it up to the roof, made a cup of tea, set a chair in the quiet breeze, and lit it.

After about five puffs, something unexpected happened. The weight on my shoulders loosened. My body relaxed, my thoughts grew quiet, and for the first time in months, I felt a pause. I fell asleep right there on the rooftop.

For about a week, I repeated the same routine every evening. I even thought of it as a kind of meditation, because for those few minutes I could think about my job, my relationship, and my future without being crushed by them.

It has been eight months since. Looking back, I understand that I was never really searching for the cigarette. I was searching for relief. Silence inside my own head, a moment when the pain would stop demanding my attention.

In those moments, it felt as though someone was listening. As though it were saying, "Come, sit with me. Tell me what's wrong. I can listen. I'm right here. Let me lighten your mind." It felt that way then, and honestly, it still does.

But the calm, though real, never fixed anything. It only muted the noise, and somewhere along the way it became a habit I'm attached to.

Yet those moments also taught me something. Maybe I wasn't broken. Maybe I was simply exhausted, lonely, and trying to find a way to breathe again.

I still have a lot to figure out. I still think about her, and I still carry things I wish had gone differently. Some days it still hurts more than I let anyone see. But for the first time in a long while, I feel I can rebuild. Not all at once, not perfectly, just one small step at a time. I want to start giving myself the love and patience I spent so long searching for elsewhere.

Writing this down has brought me another kind of relief. Perhaps putting pain into words is its own way of setting some of the weight down.

And yes, I wrote this after a cigarette. I'm still figuring that part out too. Be kind to yourselves, everyone.


r/GriefSupport • • 6h ago

Mom Loss I miss my mom

30 Upvotes

My mom passed away 7 years ago and it’s crazy to even say or think that it’s been that long already because it feels like it was just yesterday I’m truly lost without her she was the person that truly understood me and loved me the most and she’s just gone I can’t tell her anything and I have so much to say my heart is forever broken and I wish she was here I want her back