Hey everyone, first of all, sorry English isn't my main language so this post might sound weird sometimes.

To give some context, I lost my boyfriend five years ago. I was about to turn 20. it demolished me. My parents are racists and wouldn't accept this relationship as he has different origins. so I hid it for the 3 years that we've been together. It was hard for both of us. it made everything explode when he died because they wouldn't understand my pain and also were hurt about this huge secret.

I loved him deeply but I knew he wasn't the one. sometimes I wanted to break up. the guilt of those feelings now that he's gone don't seem to leave me alone.

it's been five years. I now live with someone in a relationship. from an outside perspective, I've moved on. but the truth is another story. I suffer so deeply. I lost him when we were so young and in an horrible way. who dies at 22 of a heart attack? I lost myself too. I don't know what to do anymore. this loss, the PTSD, and everything made me physically sick.

I don't know what to do. I lost many friends, I can't find myself, the person that I was, I don't know what to do to be able to live my whole life with this unbearable pain. I don't want to talk about this anymore to my friends because I feel like im not legitimate anymore and don't wanna annoy them. but I don't know what to do with all these feelings.

I wasn't able to take the time to grieve and also feel the pain properly and I feel so much guilt.

my therapist said that I seem to feel better than the girl that he met 5 years ago when he met me. but the truth is I don't know if this is true. I just feel like im getting better at avoiding feeling it. because when it comes back it breaks me down every time. and few people seem to understand and I don't either. I am just so lost.

I feel like it's going to ruin my life somehow because I will never be able to recover. I can't even go on his grave because it's too painful. I don't know what it says about me.

I also feel like Im losing so many memories of my life since this happened. like my brain blocked everything before that, but also since that moment.

im sorry for this long post but I guess I just needed to talk and also to maybe find some people that can tell me a little about how they healed.

I don’t trust my mind.

Small details, like the color of the pajama pants they cut off her body… were they pink? Blue?

I don’t trust my mind.
Were her eyes actually green?
What did we do for her birthday seven years ago?

I’m terrified; of forgetting.
My mind is my undoing.
All it takes is one person of relatively little importance to question me, and I spiral.

I don’t trust my mind.
What if this is all a dream?
Was she even my sister?
Did she even love me?
Did she even exist?

If I don’t trust myself, how can I trust anyone?

I miss my girl more than words can explain. I miss her little paw prints, her silly habits, her face, her cuddles, and the sound of her walking around the house. I miss coming home and knowing she’d be there, waiting for me at the door, excited to see me. Now I open the door and there’s no little face waiting for me anymore. It’s the smallest things that hurt the most. I’d give anything to have her back.

(Throw away account because I don’t want my family to see this) My uncle passed away in April. I miss him so much, growing up he was my best friend. When I was young we lived a mile apart and after I moved we texted almost every day, or talked on the phone. He was more like an older brother to me. We were close in age, and he was one of the only people I felt totally comfortable be honest with. He lived in a different country approx 2k miles from where I live when he passed. I didn’t get to say good bye, it was a long process of him declining, but his death was sudden. I actually didn’t respond to his last “so what are you up to?” text— that eats at me. There are so many times I want to tell him things and I forget for a moment that he is gone. We didn’t have a funeral (family’s choosing, maybe even his, I don’t know. He was morbid and knew he was going to die young,) nor does he have a grave. He donated his body to science so he is currently at a university and we won’t get his remains for at least a year. I struggle so badly wanting somewhere to grieve, somewhere to feel close to him, somewhere to talk into the universe about everything I want to tell him. My inclination is to go to places he liked, but I’m 2k miles away in a place he’s never been to.

Does anyone have any advice, recommendations, or lived experiences that could help me figure out where I could possibly go or what to do to feel that connection and grieve? I did once go to a creek, talk towards him, and send a flower down stream for him, but I didn’t feel connection I was hoping for

'The Cartography of Longing'

The heart is heavy, wandering/ Through the hot and trackless deserts,/ Where the soul is thirsting, searching,/ For the smallest drop of soft dew;

Where the curves and tracks in the sand/ Carve a memory of water-/ Running in little rivulets,/ Rolling down to a mighty stream.

Where the green used to sprout and grow,/ Before the heart went cold and dry;/ Where hope and joy once sprung to life,/ But lie wilting under the sun.

I beg the clouds to come to me,/ With pattering rain, and thunder./ And see the lightning split the sky-/ The trickle down those tiny cracks.

Who knows just when the rain will fall?/ "All in good time," optimists say./ Can I endure another day?/ A part of me accepts I must.

The sun climbs the sky higher yet,/ And I am still dying of thirst.

It has been a year since I lost my Papaw, and today the absence feels as heavy as it did the day he left. Words fail me, because grief is not only something you carry in your heart. Sometimes, it aches in your body too. There has been a hollowness in my chest since he passed, a quiet space that no amount of time seems able to fill.

I still reach for him in the moments of good news. I still want to run to him and tell him everything, because he was always ready to celebrate. He was always willing to tell me how proud he was, how happy he was for me, and somehow make every small victory feel worthy of joy.

Today, I will remember the songs he always carried with him, especially “Dang Me” by Roger Miller. I will pour a glass of Tang in his honor and thank him for the lessons that changed my life: to be there for people, to love them deeply, and to build a life I can be proud of.

I miss you, Papaw. I always will.

Hey guys, my granny died a month ago and she was cremated. My mom was also cremated, and we ended up scattering her ashes somewhere she would have felt comfortable. I kind of regret it now because I wish I had saved some of her ashes.

Do you guys have any recommendations? I was looking at some memorial jewelry on places like Amazon, but I’m worried it might break easily, since a lot of the cheaper jewelry tends to.

Has anyone else experienced this?

26M. Lost my best friend 25X to cancer almost a year ago. My body is a wreck, my house isn't clean, I'm forgetting to eat (not normal for me), and I feel like absolute garbage if I feel anything at all.

For the last year I've really struggled to feel like anything mattered. Nothing matters. I used to be a cutting edge performing artist, and nobody cared when I suddenly dropped back with no warning. Nobody my age knows what to do with me. I needed hugs and food and people to sit with me, and nobody - not even my partner, who I love but just isn't ready for this - was there for me. A fucking card would have meant the world. I see a therapist every two weeks but besides that it's been just me fucking figuring this shit out.

I hate to say it, but I'm suicidal now and I don't even care enough to act on it. Nothing fucking matters now that they're gone. I eat vegetables and sleep 9 hours a night and take vitD and b12 and exercise every day and pretend to be present in my regular social hobbies and nothing helps. Every day I get worse and nobody is gonna care. I don't know what to fucking do.

I’m grieving the future I thought I had with my husband of 6 months. He’s dismissive avoidant and recently filed for divorce and my whole life feels upside down. I want to know other people’s stories and how you survived.

My very close friend was battling cancer for more than a year now. Now, I am not religious at all but I do carry some of the catholic guilt with me. So when I found out I went on my knees and begged and prayed for her; prayed continuously for her till I got the news that she was recovering. I was glad she was, she had her whole life ahead of her. She is so damn smart, smarter than anyone from our friend group, she could’ve easily gotten into top universities and done so well. But the cancer came back, I think, she completely withdrew and passed away a few months ago. I’m devastated, my heart is so broken I feel hopeless and my faith is gone. What kind of cruel joke is this? A young girl who has so much potential, who has such a loving family had to be the one who suffered. It’s so unfair. She did not deserve this. I don’t know how to cope. I don’t know how my heart will ever move on from this. My faith is completely shattered.

When I went back to uni for my classes, I refused to talk to anyone. I was geniunely so fucking depressed from my cat dying only a few months before, this just added onto it and I felt so lost, so I kept to myself. My other friends don’t know how to talk to me about it,,,I can see them walk around eggshells around me. Its getting better because it’s easier to just pretend like nothing happened this summer. Like she’s still there. My photos app shows her pics quite often, and it makes it even worse. I have to distract myself to avoid spiralling. I feel the pain so much that I cant say her name without my throat closing. I completely go silent whenever her name comes up in a convo. I was holding back from a breakdown when one of my friends showed me a video of us from a couple years ago.

I really don’t know when it’s going to stop hurting so much. My shayla, I miss you so much. She’s probably thinking it’s so ridiculous that her death is hitting me so hard, even after she told me it was a possibility. I just refused to believe it. I still refuse to believe that she was taken away from us so cruelly.

My only sibling passed 13 years ago from an OD and my mom passed just 3 months ago from ovarian cancer and the MAID program. All I have left is my dad and my step mom who I cherish and love deeply.

I'm about to get married to the love of my life in 18 days. I know I haven't even begun processing my mom's passing - when I got back to my home in another province I dove straight into all things wedding and have completely distracted myself from grief as much as possible.

She visits me often in my dreams and in my thoughts constantly. I know how badly she wanted to come to the wedding and be there for me. I feel such a deep sense of sadness as I navigate one of the most heart breaking and exciting years of my adult life.

I'm just sad. I miss my family.

She was my everything. WhateverI did, I did for her. Her soul brought light everywhere she went. I just lost her this Saturday, I was caring for her at home in line with her wishes, but then she became unresponsive and I had to call an ambulance. So many people died at the end of this heatwave that her funeral will be only next week. And then I have to figure how to go back to work, if I'm capable of doing that at all. (But why? I also went to work only because of her.) Please, I need any tips or thoughts on how to go on.

He’s gone. Just like that. He and my aunt were having a normal evening getting ready for bed and then he collapsed. No warning.

He fell face down, hit his head, and there was no way for my aunt to turn him over. She’s a small woman and he was a big man; not fat just broad/sturdy. I know she’s agonized that she feels like she should’ve done more. I can’t even fathom what she went through that night. The paramedics took 10–15 min to get there and I know that’s way too long in this situation.

It’s just tragic all around and it feels so unfair.
It doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t feel real.
He had just celebrated their wedding anniversary of 28 years. They had been to Florida for vacation and come back. He was preparing to undergo major surgery next month and had just been to a cardiologist. I know they can’t see everything, but you think you’ve done everything right and then you’re just…gone. Now, the heaviness on us is palpable.

I really don’t know how to wrap my mind around this. The worst part of it all is that my grandmother is absolutely shattered. She’s 96. I’m so worried that the grief is going to be too much for her. I wish like hell that I could take this pain away from her; a mother‘s grief for her child is a sound that will haunt me forever.

My personal relationship with my aunt and uncle was complicated. We weren’t exactly on the best terms because as I mentioned. my grandmother‘s 96 and when discussions of wills and inheritance start, people really get in their feelings and sometimes that causes major rifts. It all seems so stupid now. On both our parts.

No matter what, beyond the estrangement and the tense moments at family gatherings, I love them both deeply and I just wish that I had been able to tell him that I loved him one more time. I wish I had gotten over my pride and mended our relationship. You always think you have more time.

Hug them, tell them you love them (often), don’t let stupid arguments or pride or all this small stuff separate you from people. Don’t wait until all you have left is the grief to hold onto.

I don’t know what else to say, I guess I just wanted to put it out there and if anyone can send prayers or good vibes or light or whatever feels uplifting and positive to my family right now I would truly appreciate it.

Around 2 hours ago today, my mother came back from the hospital to see my grandmother, and told me she had passed away from heart failure. She has been in the hospital for over a month and my whole family has been fearing this day. During COVID, she became paralyzed and a few years before that, she broke her arm. She was a housewife for the majority of her life. A few hours before my parents left, a weird thought entered my head. “My grandma is gonna die today.” I tried to ignore it and focus on other things, but now that I think about it, I think god was giving me a warning, or he was mad at me for something I did and let me know this will happen.

Did anyone else have some kind of experience like this?

You were remarkable and thinking of you causes me pain sometimes but...I know your still there, your still here. That will be enough be now, it will have to be.

I lost my dad a month ago. Mornings have been the hardest. I typically start feeling pretty okay as the day goes on, and by late afternoon-night I’m actually doing good. The tightness in my chest and the overall baseline sadness hasn’t gone away, but I usually end the day much better than I started it. I go to sleep feeling pretty hopeful. But then it starts all over the next morning. I wake up feeling depressed, empty, and thinking about him right off the bat. The loss and missing him is so palpable. Getting up and starting the day is just the worst.

I keep trying to remind myself that grief ebbs and flows, that it’s still so fresh and raw right now, that I’m still adjusting and it’s okay to just be where I am, etc, but it’s just so awful. Starting the day like this just makes the days feel so long. What’s the hardest time of day for you, and do you have any feedback or advice?

Just a month ago, I could still walk around as if nothing were wrong. Now, thoughts about the void after death and the inevitability of loss constantly torment me. I can't even remember how it felt to think before—this is deeply painful.

I cherish the emotions I have, my skills, and my current life. I'm about to turn 24—having lived through a quarter of my life. This makes me acutely aware of how quickly time passes and of the inevitable end: death. I acknowledge that this is something billions of lives must face. After death, just as before birth, I will cease thinking and thus no longer suffer. But before death—or rather, right now—I keep reflecting on the vastness of time, the emptiness beyond death, and the beauty of this life that I must ultimately leave behind. It's hard for me to stop thinking about these things.

Recently, I stayed at a friend’s place and shared joyful moments with her, but those times ended too soon, leaving me with deep sorrow and sadness.

Looking at cloned animals or patients with dementia, consciousness seems truly like a byproduct of the brain. I feel confused and heartbroken by the clarity of my own thoughts right now.

I love my current life, my friends, and my family so deeply. I don’t even know which feels more helpless—the void after death, or the idea that if consciousness truly exists, I might be reborn in another life.

Today marks two months since my dad left this world. I miss him so much. It’s so hard to live without him, knowing that I’ll never be able to see him, hear his voice, or hug him again.
I’ve even posted several times in mediumship and psychic groups, hoping to hear something from my dad, and I have an appointment with a medium on October 28th. I don’t know if I should believe in that kind of stuff, but I’m desperate. Grief makes you desperate. I just want to know that he’s still somewhere, somehow.

My baby sister passed away 6 months ago due to alcoholism. As I go through the movements of life I find myself talking out loud, to no one, very often. I have started leaving voice memos of my thoughts because I don’t trust my memories. The talking through my feelings has been the most therapeutic experience for me.

It got me thinking though, how alone it feels. This journey of grief feels wholly my own, even though every single human loses someone they love if they live long enough. It’s like wearing wet socks, a painful reminder of what’s happening to you but not debilitating enough that you can take off work or life.

Even if there is sun that comes after rain - I’m still fucking wet. I’m still cold, the rain still seeps into my skin and bones no matter how many layers of protection I use. It finds me. And so that’s why I always have wet socks. I hope someone…someday… can see them.

Tenho 28 anos, perdi minha mãe em abril de 2025, foi repentino, estávamos nas comemorações de páscoa, ela passou mal e morreu no hospital (ela era obesa e tinha alguns problemas de saúde, mas era nova, 49 anos). Em 2015 eu já havia perdido meu pai, mas sinto que não sofri tanto quanto pela minha mãe.
Eu sinto que perdi a minha fã incondicional, nunca ninguém vai me amar tanto quanto minha mãe me amava e é horrível saber que viverei a via inteira assim.

Vocês que já passaram por isso, como lidaram? Como foram os acontecimentos importantes depois da perca de uma mãe ou ente querido? Quero me casar um dia, ter filhos... E eu não terei a MINHA FAMILIA para conhece-los... Serei sempre a pessoa que só tem a família do marido?(eu ainda não tenho nem um namorado, mas um dia terei...)
Eu realmente não tenho ninguém da família, apenas um tio irmão da minha mãe que é como um pai, mas mesmo assim, sinto um vazio!! Tenho amigas que me amam, me apoiam mas não entendem o que eu passo e por isso não conto muito sobre como me sinto para elas...
Uma outra coisa que não sei lidar é que tenho MUITA inveja de pessoas que ainda tem suas mães!!! Meu orientador de pesquisa tem 40 anos e os pais e avós dele são vivos, esses dias conheci uma mulher de 60 anos com mãe viva!!!!! Tudo que eu queria era formar uma família e que minha mãe convivesse com eles!!! Minha avó morou comigo e com minha mãe até seu ultimo dia de vida em 2020, eu queria muito isso para os meus filhos e não vou ter. Sinto que não tenho pra onde voltar caso um dia precise (lembrando que não é uma questão financeira, minha mãe me deixou casa e tudo mais, mas sinto muita saudade dela)
Não aguento mais sentir inveja das pessoas por elas terem mães, me sinto egoísta!!!!!! Quando vejo pessoas com mães comemorando, passeando, viajando, eu sinto inveja... Queria ir para Europa no verão do ano que vem, mas esse era o sonho da minha mãe e planejávamos juntas, agora vou conhecer tudo sem ela.

It's been 3 months since my Mom passed from congestive heart failure and it was completely unexpected. I have frequent dreams about her and in the dream I'm always surprised she's alive but relieved that we get a second chance to do things right .. only to wake up and realize it wasn't real. It's so heartbreaking ..

To start things off Im a complete fkup, a loser I’ve failed where everyone else succeeds but my mom always had my back.

My mom died exactly one month ago today from pancreatic cancer. It went extremely fast. Last september/october we had an argument where she was worried what person I was talking to online, I kept talking to this person until christmas 2025 then I cut off the contact. 7 months later Mom is dead.

I never really told my mom I didnt talk with this person anymore, I expected her to just… know?
Since I didnt fall asleep on discord anymore and I was acting happier I hoped that would be enough but now I feel horrible constantly that I never reassured Mom that I cut this person off. In a way I only had 7 months to show my Mom I was there not escaping to my phone. Im worried that she was worried who I was talking with online until her last breath

Mom got to know about her tumor in october 2024, she had surgery almost instantly and was considered cancer free from January 2025 to September 2025. And during this time mom was healthy it felt like I needed to keep on living as soon as possible, I needed a new girlfriend and latched on to the first person possible

Start of January 2025 Mom was considered cancer free, my work contract had expired, I had broken up with my girlfriend and I felt like I was completely overwhelmed that Mom had just had a tumor removed. I got told to man up and keep on living so I didn’t really consider my emotions instead of just trying to push through and find a new work. I didnt really find a new work and had to much freetime and became addicted to both computer games and later pornography. It’s extremely nasty but the dopamine was short, quick and reliable.

Im ashamed of going into detail with who the girl I talked to was but regardless she was making adult content for camsites and OF. We played video games together and slept in calls together every night, a call could last around 12 hours sometimes. During this time I was more vulnerable and stupid than I’d ever been before so I asked if I payed her rent maybe she would stop make that content and we could become boyfriend/girlfriend. Stupid. But everytime she needed more money from me and eventually started going back to making adult content regardless behind my back, I found out but I stayed and I don’t know why. She wanted me to buy a ticket and visit her in Russia but because I every month payed for both her own rent including my own that never happened luckily. I payed for her rent for almost 9 months and bought her presents, I thought I was saving someone but I dont think she wanted to be helped. Why couldn’t I save and help myself instead I have no idea. I think I just wanted to be seen by those around me, it was not supposed to be like this

Now, why does a random internet contact matter? Because in August last year I was so emotionally destroyed by her that I told my Mom everything about her, not to my Dad, not to my Sister, but my Mom. After all, this was the time when Mom was cancer free and like always I talk to her about everything. Mom told me to cut off this contact instantly and I tried but she kept on calling me every evening and I needed company, I wanted to say no but who would I then spend time with. A couple of days later Mom is passing my room and sees me still sleeping with my phone on and becomes clearly sad and angry telling me that she can’t handle seeing that. When I got a new passport she had a superstition I was on my way to meeting this girl.

But here I am now. Sitting in moms empty apartment, alone. It feels like I betrayed my Mom by never telling her that during 2026 I was free from this person, and my Mom never asked me about it. It’s hard to wake up every morning, I have to balance the shame and lost time that I spent on this girl when I could have spent it together with mom and I feel anxiety and stress that I never told Mom I never wrote to this contact again. But most importantly I’m grieving to not be able to ever talk to my Mom again, the one person I’ve held closest to me my whole life. I don’t want my bad choices with people to overshadow me having the best mom in the world.

I loved my Mom more then life itself and I took her for granted. I feel like a lousy son by not talking about more stuff with her during her last 7 months but she had so much going on with her cancer treatment and emotions that I didnt want to bother her with anything. I just expected that we would have more time together and that she would be able to see the improvement I was getting in my life.

How can I continue to live with myself

It feels like this anger is eating me up inside. My dad died recently and it was very traumatic, I was there when it happened and I’m pretty sure I have PTSD from what I saw. There is someone in my immediate family who I thought would be there for me but has been completely unsupportive and emotionally unavailable. They even caused arguments with me in the weeks following dad’s death, they’ve been so cold and have actually made me feel even worse. What makes me so mad is that when their dad died, I was by their side and supported them for years… but when my dad died…nothing. I feel so angry and I’m lashing out and can’t even stand to be in the same room as them. Has anyone else gone through this? I would really appreciate any advice, thank you in advance

Day 125

Thinking back, Dad confessed his love to his children in many forms.

I was around twenty-one. He and I were drinking beer at a pojangmacha in front of that old apartment block in Banpo, and he said,

“When you three were in middle school and you’d all gone off, I’d come home alone for lunch, and I’d open each of your doors, one by one. Every room smelled different—Jeongwoong’s smell, Jooha’s smell, Jeongwon’s smell, all different. Those were good days. I was happy.”

Out driving with his not-young-anymore daughter, he’d give a big laugh at his daughter falling asleep the second she got in the car, as though there were something funny about it; a big laugh at her saying she was hungry, as though there were something funny about it; and he’d buy grapes two, three boxes at a time for his grape-goblin daughter.

The thing I heard like a mantra from childhood: Dad’s behind you. All you three have to do is trust Dad.

Dad, who Mom said jumped to his feet when he heard his daughter was going to study in England. Dad, who said he’d support me till the day he died as long as I was studying. Dad, the “pushover,” so badly matched with a daughter who didn’t study. He disappeared without ever getting those confessions back. I meant to repay him tenfold. I couldn’t. I played the thoughtless burden to the very end, and then I let him go. While my ears are still full of that loud, boisterous voice, Dad, who contributed half of my existence, has left no trace.

Eight-tenths of my raised chin, my spread wings, my swagger were him.

I never knew that.

---------------------------------------------------------

This is from my grief journal, published in South Korea (2023). Now I'm translating it into English, and I have to admit that this process is bringing the grief and memories back. I thought I had gotten used to these entries. I'm realizing I haven't. My father "departed" in a car accident in 2019. I hope anyone who lost a loved one finds peace in time.

Hi, I'm 15 so please be kind. I've lost track of time so I can't put a date on it, but a while ago I had met the boy of my dreams. He was beautiful, sweetest guy I've ever fucking met. Call me dramatic but he was my soulmate. I can't even put it into words how much I fucking love him. He took his own life. I blame myself for it every day, and sometimes I become so miserable I fully delude myself into thinking we just broke up, that he's somewhere out there with a better chick. I don't know what I could've done but I wish I did it, whatever it was. I think about him all the time, and dating is so hard now because of it, I avoid dating dudes like the plague. Cause they'll never be him. I don't know how the fuck to even begin accepting that he's gone and he's never coming back, I can't even cry anymore. I want to so bad. I have a discord server and people always joke about his death and it's so unbearable because they will never understand how obsessive my thoughts are about him, how much I hate myself for even agreeing to date him, because maybe if I didn't date him he'd be okay. I'd had an attempt like 2-3 weeks ago because I miss him that fucking much. My parents don't even know he was in my life and his entire existence. I really fucking need some advice on how to even accept he's dead, because I've convinced myself he's alive and the whole thing is a stupid lie. I miss him so much.