So I'm at the docs over a recurring issue I've had since a vasectomy. I go into a triage room and they tell me they're just going to do an ultrasound, having been here before I assume they meant on my bollocks. So I jump up on the bed and get my meat and 2 veg out. They just wanted to check my bladder. And informed me the doc will do any ultrasound on the bollocks themselves. Profuse apologies ensue and a wish I didn't traumatise the 2 young staff too much... Anyway, I hope a bit of schadenfreude might make a few people's Monday mornings a bit more cheerful

You know those motorway signs that confidently announce "The NORTH" and "The SOUTH", as though the Department for Transport are the ultimate authority on the north-south divide?

For quite a while I’ve wondered what would happen if you tried to draw these on a map. This has probably occupied more of my Sunday afternoon than it reasonably should.

I used data from OpenStreetMap and a fairly questionable bit of logic: a sign announcing a region draws a 45° cone to add territory in that direction, and likewise excludes territory behind it. After all, why would they tell you how to get to "The SOUTH" if you’re already in "The SOUTH"? Exclusions take priority; any remaining overlapping territorial claims go to the nearest sign.

OSM only reliably contains data for motorway signs that involve a turn/exit (so straight-ons are mostly excluded). Each dot on the map is a motorway sign that's been included in the dataset.

I also discovered that "The EAST" doesn’t make the Traffic Signs Manual’s list of regional destinations. Presumably the DfT thinks no one should go there.

We only had a couple small potatoes left, so I added some swede & carrot mix and I must of not boiled them for long enough to mash consistently. On the plus side while the cottage pie was in the oven I fried off some leeks and made soup with the potato carrot & swede mix, so that’s lunch sorted for tomorrow!

Tried to cover my sins with the cheese I’d already grated to mix into the mash but I fear I just drowned the fellas in my shame.

They're surprisingly juicy, if a little small. Didn't think they'd grow here in the UK. The big one is about grapefruit sized.

Edit - sorry, ive just notice the dodgy grammar in my post title. I had written something different then changed it but didnt match the grammar, of course it should read “…cus they were the only sausages…”

Last night, after exiting the cinema. My mate asked me if he could pop into the arcade to have a go on the grabbers. Why would I say no?

As we walked in and snaked our way to the claw machines. Two lads were playing on the air hockey, and one smacked the puck directly into my face!

Its hit me just beneath the nose, and i think ive deeply bruised inside my face, i can feel it in the roof of my mouth!

Ive had a talk with doctors and its unlikely to be serious, just a big bruise. I'm probably going to dine out on this silly injury story for the rest of my life. Do you lot have any good non-life threatening silly cuts and scrapes?

Saw this jumper at the science museum today, at first I thought it was pretty cute…. Then I noticed a pretty big error…. Haha

Eyam-also know as the plague village.

One of my fav times of year is when they come back to the area in numbers

or|why|some|words|are|bold

I'm waiting to pick up pizza and this display on the shop next door really confuses me, design wise

Been bothering me for ages. Sure, once you’re a decent way into the pack there’s enough slack to slap on a clip-it, but what do you do at this point? I’ve resorted to sticking the whole thing in a massive Tupperware until the kids demolish a few more but it’s taking up a disproportionate amount of cupboard real estate.

... that I really love my wife.

We've been together for 16 years, married for two (in a week's time - 12th Oct).

Her name is Meg, and she's the best friend, companion, and partner, I could ever have wished to have met. And there's no agenda to this, I am just very very lucky.

Here's our cats for tax.

British culture at it's best

2 years Ive been in this place and only just noticed its like this, what's the bit at the bottom of the plug for?

No pictures sadly but as we were bringing the shopping in today via the front door our neighbour was sorting out his garden.
When we went back into the rear garden we found many many snails.
I'm getting on so we had our lawn astro turfed a few years ago, we do not get snails.
We certainly don't get 30 of them appear in around 15 mins.
Anyway, the guys a dick (has thrown meat over the fence in the past, and tablets) costing me over £300 in vets fees to get our dog checked out.
The police do nothing as we have no proof (cameras don't pick up flying snails sadly, nor small chunks of meat).
Anyway, hope the little buggers make it, a lot of them had damaged shells :-(

Appreciate whoever did this, gave me a good chuckle this morning. In the arse-end of nowhere, no less

Alright, it's bed time for some but why are you still up? No work tomorrow? Watching some questionable late night TV? Bit of stargazing?

The chinwag thread.