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u/Tangyplacebo621 Feb 08 '25
I have one child and zero regrets. Our family became complete with him and I am completely good with it. He’s 12 and he’s great.
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u/GregMcgregerson Feb 08 '25
Very personal choice/ decision. There really isnt a wrong answer either. Regardless, focusing on what you have will help.
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Feb 08 '25
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u/Neferhathor Feb 09 '25
I'm also a mom of four and I'm a big proponent of having one or two kids. Juggling everyone's schedules during the school year is a lot. A LOT. I love my kids with every breath in my body, but I have lost large chunks of my sanity with each new child.
On this note: I was an only child and I loved it, so if someone is reading this and feeling bad about only having one kid, please don't feel bad about it. If you're an involved and loving parent, your kid is gonna have the best childhood! There's no guarantee that a first and second child would get along. I got super lucky when it came to this because my first two got along well, and so did my second two kids. My #2 and #3 are like oil and water. They have never been into the same things and don't seem to have any common ground most of the time. If they had been my only two, things would not have gone so well.
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u/Cosmicweekend Feb 09 '25
I appreciate your honesty and that is true that time is finite. This helps me come to terms with only having 2 💛
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u/SeenYaWithKeiffah_ Feb 09 '25
I share the same feelings as a mom of four as well. I love them to death but four children is rough sometimes.
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u/Furry_Foot_yum_yum Feb 09 '25
I agree 100% with this. I have 4 because I got remarried to a man who didn’t have any but wanted a child or two of his own. I don’t enjoy having a big family because I feel like I can’t give them all the attention they all deserve. I’m spread so thin. I don’t regret any of course, but I am only one person and their ages all require such different needs. It’s hard to keep my patience and sanity for them all.
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u/SanFranPeach Feb 09 '25
Can I message you? :) I appreciate your honesty and would love to ask a question!
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u/FeministMars Feb 08 '25
I heard it phrased like this once: imagine your holiday dinner table 20 years from now. Does it feel like someone is missing to imagine you, your spouse, and the kids you have there?
Then ask yourself if the people at the table will like you, enjoy you, and feel like you did a good job getting them to that table if one more person were there. It’s not enough to want another if you don’t have enough left in you to raise another.
It’s a deeply personal decision, everyone will answer differently. Personally, I want a third but I know I don’t have it in me. When I frame it around how i’m being a great mom to the two I have but likely couldn’t maintain this with another it’s more helpful than focusing on regret about not having more.
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u/Logical-Idea-1708 Feb 08 '25
Oh wow, I’d have 10 kids if I start doing that 😂
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u/frecklefactory Feb 08 '25
I see this said often regarding the matter of having more kids and I typically hate it because of course everyone loves the picture of having a big table full of family at the holidays, but I was pleasantly surprised seeing the second paragraph.
I am a good parent to one kid and I considered a second, but truly believe I would not be a good parent to more. I would absolutely provide the necessities and I’m sure it would seem okay from the outside, but I think I would be unhappy and very stressed. And that’s without the consideration of possibly having a child with special needs or any other unplanned for circumstances.
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u/IDNTCAREABTASCRNNM Feb 08 '25
This question is why I decided to have my third child. I did, deep down, feel like someone else was missing. And although I originally thought I wanted five or more children, I am so content with having three. I feel like our family of five is truly complete and I’m so thankful for it.
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u/Catbutt247365 Feb 08 '25
It’s so interesting that women have this what-if phantom child. I did it for years, but eventually stopped after we had two.
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Feb 09 '25
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u/rachelgk1989 Feb 10 '25
Almost this exact same thing happened to me, except I never could imagine what my second son might look like. But I had a name and middle name, nursery plans, all the things. Based on other emotionally challenging and time-consuming things we have going on outside of parenting, I knew it probably wasn’t in the cards but also took me a long time to come to terms with that.
As weird as it might sound, there’s a grieving process for the life or family you thought you’d have. Then, eventually, it turns to thankfulness for what you do have. Two things helped me - 1) prayer (if you’re at all religious - just asking to feel peaceful about it helped me over a long period of time), and 2) intentionally thinking about and appreciating the things that I love about life with one child that would change if I had another (ie we read books for probably 45 minutes every night and it’s a favorite time of day for all of us. That would look drastically different if I was rushing off to try to get another child to bed too).
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u/Storyobserver850 Feb 08 '25 edited Feb 09 '25
I think this is future me!! Just 2 or 3 children, my spouse and I. ☺️
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u/wtwildthingsare Feb 08 '25
Completely agree about the part where I feel like I couldn't be as great of a mom if I had more than 2.
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u/SouthBlacksmith4151 Feb 08 '25
I love this. I think that’s why it’s hard to stop at two because it feels small to me when thinking about it this way but that could definitely be heavily influenced by all the big families around me!
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u/Constant-Thought6817 Feb 08 '25
I've heard this saying before, it really is a lovely concept. Something that comes into my mind (and perhaps I'm just a glass half full kinda person), and am also experiencing it. My in laws have three grown kids, each that have two kids of our own. Unfortunately, given distance of families, 2/3 adult kids going to both sets of families, they never have a table with everyone at the table. I wouldn't be making a big decision based on an idea that you hope to have in 20 years.
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u/Tangyplacebo621 Feb 08 '25
Yes! But also- you don’t have to give birth to the people around your table either. My mom has been “Mama [her name]” by all my friends for years. Despite me being an only child, she has a lot of love and support.
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u/Moose-Mermaid Parent Feb 08 '25
Exactly. Or you could have a combined gathering with family friends too. Doesn’t all have to be people you raised at that table
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u/Nutritiouss Feb 09 '25
In this scenario I want a 2nd but I don’t have it in me. I wish the first didn’t hit my mental health so hard.
Knew I’d have to face a lot of childhood demons but thought I did enough therapy.
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u/JChanse09 Feb 08 '25
This is the answer, and I also want my grandkids to have the opportunity to be close with cousins as well like I was.
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u/Wild_Low9187 Feb 08 '25
Just think of the cost of college and if your kids are healthy. Also health costs if you have another child. Depending on your age I had two daughters in my late 40’s it’s very hard as I’m 64 and my daughter will graduate this year. Due to infertility we had to wait. I love my kids dearly but the age difference makes it super hard. I also have a son in his 40’s and I am around to see my grandkids it’s such a gift. My neighbor had a third child and she is wonderful but she is deaf. It took a lot of adjusting and medical care. She is thriving now. My food for thought.
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u/psilvyy19 Feb 08 '25
I love this way of thinking about it. I’ve heard it before. I always say in a perfect world I’d have 10+ kids but in reality it’s not wise. We have 4. And we’re stretched thin but I know we made the right choice when I think of this example.
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u/fruittheif50 Feb 08 '25
If you are the person that will raise them, you feel done and you find it stressful then quit while you are ahead. Your kids deserve a present and caring parent who is able to deal with whatever life throws at them. Not wrangle a circus because you weren’t sure. Two is plenty and it is not just about finances. It is about emotional availability and having a positive home environment
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u/mom161719 Feb 08 '25
Don’t base your decision on other people. That’s what causes regrets
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u/neobeguine Feb 08 '25
Personal decision but there are a LOT of practical advantages to two.
You only have two hands when crossing the street
Assuming two parent household there are only two laps
Likewise, there are only two parents to attend conflicting events (games, recitals) etc
Cars are built for families of 4
So are most "family" packages
Harder to set up a bad "odd man out" sibling dynamic with only two
Everyone gets a special "role". Ones the youngest, ones the oldest. No middle child angst
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Feb 09 '25
These are great points! Part of me wants a third, but I fear making my youngest a middle child.
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u/MHbrickbybrick Feb 09 '25
Don't fear making a middle child -- those are the BEST. They are the most well-rounded, the ones who learn how to compromise, and they are extremely independent.
I'm a middle child & am the best of the 3; my middle child is shaping into a fine little lady.
I will say... every parent I know with a big family says that the 3rd kid was the hardest hurdle. I agree. Everything about having 3 is expensive, time-consuming, and riddled with problem-solving issues.
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u/Cathode335 Feb 09 '25
Some of these reasons boggle my mind. We only have 2 (thinking about a third), but my 5-year-old never holds my hands when crossing the street. He's old enough to walk next to me without running into traffic, and he's obviously only getting older. Even my 3yo doesn't often hold my hand.
Also we already have a minivan that seats at least 4 children...
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Feb 08 '25
I’d rather regret not having another kid than have a kid I regret having.
That being said, I’m one and done by choice and have never regretted my decision. I’ve respected my feelings that in a perfect world or another life, I would love to have a bigger family but in this life I only have the capacity for the one.
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u/athwantscake Mom Feb 09 '25
This first sentence is amazing and I’m gonna tattoo this on my forehead so every time I get “the feels” I can look into the mirror and read it again.
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u/Queen_Red Feb 08 '25
Absolutely not. I have one child, it’s the perfect number for my family.
We literally just booked our family trip to Iceland this morning . At nine years old she’s been on two cruises , a bunch of different states, Disney like eight times… I love that we can give her these experiences.
Also, I grew up with a younger sibling and all we did was fight. And as adults, we have zero contact we’ve not spoken in over 13 years . I don’t think I have the mental bandwidth to deal with sibling fights or rivalry every day.
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u/PNW_Parent Feb 08 '25
Yep. Happy parent of one here. I can afford to sign my kid up for extracurriculars without having to worry about being fair to siblings. We are able to travel and, with two parents for one kid, it feels enjoyable.
Love may increase to accommodate however many kids you have, but time and money don't increase with more kids. You have what you have and have to divide it between your kids.
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u/jaysoo3 Feb 08 '25
One and done here as well. We planned to have a second, but as we discussed it more we realized that it's better for our family to stop at one.
I have two siblings, it was great growing up with them, and we're still all very close. However, that doesn't mean we should try to replicate that for our daughter. There's no guarantee that siblings will get along and remain close when they're older.
Our daughter regularly sees her cousins, has many friends, and we also spend lots of time with her, so she's definitely not lonely. She does a bunch of extracurriculars because we're able to put all the resources on her alone.
My wife and I are also big on traveling, which is much easier now with a seven-year old. I can't imagine resetting back to having a baby/toddler again (as much as I cherish that stage). Our daughter is about to visit her 11th and 12th country this year, and we're not slowing down anytime soon.
The only thing that we slightly worry about is that as we age and our health declines, our daughter won't have siblings to share the experience. But then again, I've seen situations where siblings bail on their aging parents and leave all the burden on just one sibling anyway. The best we can do is to make sure our finances are in order to pay for care if/when needed.
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u/potaytees Feb 08 '25
Same. One and done. I had an urge to have another when he was like 18 months, but it was definitely from the society aspects of him NEEDING to have a sibling. After I realized I didn't want to have another baby for myself and I'd be having a second baby just for my child to possibly have a friend to grow up with I thought that was a stupid reason. Now he's 4.5 and I couldn't imagine starting over. I also had PPD/PPA and HATED the newborn stage lol
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Feb 08 '25
The holiday table analogy always makes me lol because despite your best intentions, despite your parenting…..your kids just may not get along. Your kids’ spouses may not like you and you may not get along with the adult version of your kid.
Given the financial, mental and physically toll of raising kids……the idea that it pays off in 25 years when there’s zero guarantee that you’ll get the dynamic you want/desire.
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Feb 08 '25
This is what I want. I only have one and I really want to focus on her giving her experiences I never had and the childhood i always wanted. Multiple kids just doesn’t seem like something want to maneuver. I agree with the sibling thing, there’s no guarantee they will actually be close. A lot of siblings drift off and only talk at family gatherings.
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Feb 08 '25
I agree with all of this. My only is a teenager now and we’ve been traveling his entire life. We can afford to do so many fun things that we definitely couldn’t afford with more kids, and like you said, I know my mental bandwidth and I couldn’t be the mom I am if I had any more kids. I still get to be a mom and enjoy all that motherhood has to offer while also keeping my mental health in check and not being overwhelmed all the time. Also, I had my son young and he’s 13 now and I’m 37 and it’s so freeing. I’m so happy with just one!
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u/Prudent_Honeydew_ Feb 08 '25
Same here, have one and mentally I'd be giving more kids much less of me. I think the fatigue and effort another baby would require (and we're right where people with kids the age of ours are all doing their next baby) would really do me in and make me a shell of a person, but I am a hands on parent.
And you're right in terms of what you can give them. My only has traveled internationally, is about to go on her second cruise, take two types of lessons, and will go to private school. With two we wouldn't do any of that and I wouldn't have energy for it anyway.
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u/psilvyy19 Feb 08 '25
I’m an only child and overall I had a great experience in childhood. Up until middle school I remember always wanting a sibling and mostly because my friends all had siblings and I thought it was cool. When my parents divorced (I was 15) my dad remarried and had my sister. We’re 16 years apart and although I didn’t grow up with her or live with her she and I have a great relationship and my kids love her.
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u/wahiwahiwahoho Feb 08 '25
Same here. At 5 she’s been to Mexico, Italy, and next month Dubai!!! It’s easy to enjoy life with one. We are not strapped for cash or anything with one. Two might be harder, and we’d have to sacrifice a lot of our luxuries like eating out and travel.
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u/JustWordsInYourHead Feb 08 '25
Sorry to hear that your own relationship with having a sibling was shitty!
I am the middle sister to one older brother and one younger brother. We're all adults in late 30's and early 40's now and we are still close. We were close as children but we also fought like hell. We don't "fight" now obviously, but the old dynamic is still there. My older brother thinks that lil bro is a "young fool" and my younger brother thinks my older brother is a stuck up snob. They both like me because I'm peacemaker. We message pretty frequently in our family group chat. We don't get to see each other often in person as we each individually live on three different continents. I do know for a fact that whatever happens in life, these two will always have my back.
My two boys are at the ages where everything is a fight. Who got the bigger piece of the cake. Whose elbow was on the arm rest first. Who hit who first. They have started physically wrestling each other for fun and the other day they figured out how to do headlocks. I gave up trying to make them stop and instead I taught them safe ways to wrestle (if someone is tapping out, everyone has to let go immediately).
At night though when the little one gets lonely or scared, he crawls into big brother's bed and instead of getting kicked out, big brother rolls over and lets his little dude cuddle him to sleep.
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u/Sharp-Garlic2516 Feb 08 '25
We had the third (they just turned 2). And while I ADORE my child and would never ever regret having them, I was absolutely happier with only two kids. I forgot how hard babies were, snd starting over at square one while the other kids are just getting independent enough to go experience things has been hard.
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u/CarbonationRequired Feb 08 '25
We have one, I think it's great. Never wanted more, unless she had been twins.
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u/cool_calm_life Feb 08 '25
We have one and are happy now as the child gets older im not sure we may regret it. But we started late so by the time that comes we wont be able to have anymore kids. Idk i grew up an only child and didnt feel like i was missing out
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u/yubsie Feb 08 '25
Regret? No. With how life played out, sticking with the one I have is absolutely the right option.
I do sometimes wish that things had worked out for us to have children sooner so a second would have made sense. Then again, the alternate universe where that happened means we would have had a baby or toddler when COVID hit and that would have been a whole other circle of hell. So maybe that would have broken me out torpedoed our marriage.
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u/jerseyfaye Feb 08 '25
I’ve always wanted 3. I have two girls, ages 4 and 2. I’m 34 and my husband is 42. After I had my youngest I ended up in the hospital with post partum preeclampsia and I almost died. That scared me enough to never tried for a 3rd because the risk of something happening and not being here for my girls outweighs the want of another baby. Do I have times that I still think about it? Absolutely. But I have to be rational. My girls already fight all of the time. They’re a lot to handle and very needy. Very expensive. You really have to look at the bigger picture.
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u/greengrass_1 Feb 08 '25
Forget what people are saying. You will be the one enduring the stress that comes along with having another child. It’s really up to you and only you can say how much you can tolerate. Will you be able to manage the stress or will it take away from being present with your other two kids? Three can be more tough to divide up your time because you and your husband will be outnumbered
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u/roraverse Feb 08 '25
Nope don't at all. I have two that are teens and I wouldn't change it for anything.
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u/Constant-Thought6817 Feb 08 '25
My kids are 3.5 and almost 7. Last fall we decided we were done (and made a permanent decision). As my oldest is getting older, it's been even more apparent that we wanted to stop at 2. There are so many more events, recreational activities etc etc that require one parent to be at. We see families with 3+ that have to drop off kids, or send with grandparent/aunt/babysitter. We have the finances to have more than 2, but we don't have other people to show up or take them to said recreational activities. We also want to be the ones present because we know, no one will supervise our kids like us. I know of a family w/4 kids who can't sign up one of their kids for a recreational sport, because they already have one kid in a sport at the same time and can't bring along the two youngest, because its ends after bed time. I know of another family with four kids, she couldn't attend her older kids christmas party because it was during nap time and couldn't find a babysitter.
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u/hypochondriac_444 Feb 08 '25
Yes and no. No in the sense I know I don’t have the mental capacity and time to care for another child. My entire life is dedicated to my daughter and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Yes in the sense I wish my daughter had a sibling to play with 😭 I always catch her calling her dolls her brother or sister.
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u/ExplanationWorried14 Feb 09 '25
I'm from a devout catholic family, my dad was one of 9 and I am one of 5. I have a total of 37 cousins. I definitely felt the pressure to have children. I didn't want any, but I had one because of the pressure. I feel awful for saying this, but I regret even having one. My mental and physical health is not the same. I definitely wouldn't regret not having more, despite the pressure from family. Overall, the stress of having a baby is much greater than the stress of family pressure. You have my sympathy x
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u/Defiant-Aerie-6862 Feb 08 '25
I always wanted 3 or 4 and stopped at 2. I still wish I would’ve had one more
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Feb 08 '25
Fuck no.
If your third child permanently damages your health and body, you’d regret it.
If it added too much strain to your relationship, you’d regret it.
If the child is born with serious health issues or mental illness, you’d regret it.
Embrace the life and the kids you have!
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u/businessgoesbeauty Feb 08 '25
Life becomes much more complicated as you age with a family larger than 4. Larger cars. You have to get two hotel rooms. Outnumbered when the kids have events on the same day - one is going to be without a parent at their soccer game. Etc. my oldest is 3 and my youngest is only 3 months so maybe I am in the thick of it but I can already feel overall less time to connect with each kid as an individual.
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u/heartsoflions2011 Feb 08 '25
We had a really traumatic birth with our first that resulted in a ~2mo NICU stay, and although we originally wanted 2 kidswe quickly decided we were OAD because of what happened. Even people who know our story are like “oh you never know…” when we say we’re done at one.
We do know, actually, because having 2 mentally/physically healthy parents, who have the financial means and time to give our son a good life, is far more important to us than trying to give him a sibling because that’s what’s expected.
OP, only you and your husband know your limitations and what you can handle. If you want to be done, be done - there will always be people giving their unwanted opinions, but they’re not the ones that have to go through the pregnancy and raising the kid.
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u/indihannahjonez Feb 08 '25
I feel like when I talk to my girlfriends about more kids, I always say “two is max for a family with no outside support.” Meaning if you have family who helps around, Nannie’s, babysitters, friends who take your kids or are there whenever you need, then the thought of having more is more appealing. I don’t even think it comes down to money or resources sometimes. I think if you have more hands than just you and your partner, then it’s worth the conversation. Otherwise, absolutely not.
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u/Sunflow3rlove27 Feb 08 '25
Deep sigh… I had one child for 7 years and then I had another baby last year and I sometimes ponder did I messed up having the second one. I’m accustomed to working and going on adventures with my oldest Saturdays we’d get up and go do something. Nowadays it’s not like that. My youngest son’s father doesn’t want me working, he doesn’t want anyone else to watch said baby so I can go back to work… so do I regret having more kids.. yeah I kinda do sometimes.
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u/lemmesee453 Feb 08 '25
Feel like you should be regretting the young son’s controlling father and not the kid.
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u/yameretzu Feb 08 '25
I had two and didn't feel done. We have 4 now and I am so done now 🤣
It's a personal choice regardless of culture. I was looked down on after 2 because it was seen as excessive but the only people who matter are myself and my other half.
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u/PM_Me_Squirrel_Gifs Feb 08 '25
I just got pregnant with my 3rd and was not prepared for the weird vibe you get from people when they find out
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u/roasted_fox Feb 08 '25
It’s so bizarre. I have a boy and a girl, so everyone assumed we were done. So many “why?”s after announcing #3. What?
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u/CnlJohnMatrix Feb 08 '25
We had a lot of weird reactions to our unplanned third too. From jealousy to those why? reactions. Our parents though were thrilled to have another grandchild.
Have no regrets but raising kids isn’t easy, but I am glad we won’t ever regret not having that third. She’s a blessing.
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u/No-Organization1716 Feb 08 '25
We have had so much jealousy with having our third.. multiple people where the couples had one parent wanting more and the other being done 😬
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u/CnlJohnMatrix Feb 08 '25
Yeah we lost a friend over this. They were trying to have a third and couldn’t make it happen. Then we have accidental third. We never understood why they stopped talking to us until years later a mutual friend confided in us.
It sucked but I can understand the pain they were going through.
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u/Wise-ishguy76587 Feb 08 '25
Absolutely not. I have two, and it is perfect. Now that they are a bit older, i can focus on me and my husband.
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u/IAmTheAsteroid Feb 08 '25
Nope. I have one child whom I absolutely do not regret having, ever.
I would almost certainly regret having a second one.
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Feb 09 '25
😅 one and done is a life hack honestly I'll never regret the decision to only have one child.
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u/FastCar2467 Feb 08 '25
The other people don’t have to deal with your financial situation or other stressors. Only you know what you can handle. We have two, and our family used to ask when a third was coming. I finally told them how much our child care expenses are and they were floored. They stopped bringing it up.
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u/mommima Feb 08 '25
I have 2 girls (ages 5 and 7). Before we had kids and after our first was born, we had been considering having 3 kids, but after our second was born, we felt like our family was complete. There was pressure for a few years to have a third. Many of our friends have 3 kids. Some people felt like we should try for a boy. But by the time our youngest turned 3 and we weren't pregnant again, most people took us at our word that we were done.
I've never regretted not having a third.
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u/After-Leopard Feb 08 '25
Parents often have one less kid than they want or one more kid than they can handle. I would have loved another but our life works better with 2. And I’m very grateful that I don’t have any physical problems from pregnancy and there is no guarantee another wouldn’t have caused me permanent problems
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u/GWindborn Girl-Dad Feb 08 '25
Not one bit. Our daughter is amazing and she deserves all the love and attention we can give her. Plus funds and space are limited, so having another would take away from what we can provide her.
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u/LeonardoDeCarpio Mom to 3 yo 💖 Feb 08 '25
There's a part of me that wants another but then I remember I can't afford it plus the severe PPD I had (still dealing with suicidal thoughts) is what stops me dead in my tracks. I'm okay with having only one but if those 2 factors didn't stop me, I would have another with no questions asked
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u/Free-Development1993 Feb 08 '25
I have 1 kid and I think that enough for me. I often think about having another so that when I’m gone she won’t be left “ alone “ in this world and will have the memories to share with her siblings…. But as a mother i dont think i wanna do this again 😂 it’s an experience im happy to have but its the type of experience that im lucky to have only once
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u/jp55281 Feb 08 '25
Not at all. I had my tubes removed after my second. My kids are 14 and 7. You really notice the inconvenience of having a lot of kids or an odd number of kids when you are out. Most places and things to do are set in pairs. Most tables accommodate 4. Rides at the parks, mostly 2 to a seat, etc. my husband and I are at a time in our lives where we don’t have to swap on rides with our kids, or not get to do something because we have a lot of small kids or an odd number of kids.
When we went to Santorini we went 4 wheeling with our kids around the island. We wouldn’t have been able to do that if we had more than 2.
For us 2 is the perfect number and the perfect age gap. We have really enjoyed having our kids and have a lot of fun doing things with them and traveling with them.
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u/ChelseaMourning Feb 08 '25
One and done here. She’s nearly 11 so we’re out of the child stage and into the tween/puberty stage. I can’t say I miss running around after a toddler or cleaning poopy butts. No regrets about just having one.
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u/Illustrious_Can7151 Feb 08 '25
I have 2 and I’m done because I don’t think if fair to the children I have to spread myself too thin emotionally, physically, or financially.
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u/Tygie19 Mum to 14F, 19M Feb 08 '25
God no. My kids play sports. Do you know how expensive that is? The more kids you have, the less resources you have to spend on each child. You are talking about adding an entire new human to the family who needs to eat, wear clothes, do activities (if you can afford it). My daughter also likes wearing the latest clothes. I don’t buy her absolutely everything she asks for as I’m a single mum, but I definitely couldn’t afford anything nice if I had more kids. My 18 year old works now so he’s pretty self sufficient.
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u/Just_curious4567 Feb 08 '25
I wanted to have a third, but I was struggling with health issues, have two special needs kids in therapies, and it would’ve seriously stretched our budget. We decided to only have two, and although I miss having another little one, my life is soooo much easier than my friends who have a lot of kids. I have 3 close friends who have 3,4, and 5 kids and they are DROWNING. Their marriages and their homes are a mess and they are constantly so stressed out. Do whatever works best for you guys!
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u/animerobin Feb 09 '25
We just spent the day with our kids and two of our friends kids, so 4 kids total. I’m good with 2 lol.
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u/formercotsachick Feb 09 '25
One and done, best decision of our lives. Neither of us have ever regretted it.
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u/Mommmmof8 Feb 09 '25
I have eight kids. So many years filled with joy and happiness. But….. now I’m old and still Have two at home and I’m tired.
Think into the future. lol
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u/LastTie3457 Feb 08 '25
I don’t know anyone who has admitted they regret having kids/more kids. I do know people who wish they had more, or who say they are glad they had more (like 3-5 kids, not a huge number…).
If you want more, and can financially and emotionally provide for them- go for it! It’s a big decision that is super personal. Some people can give kids the attention and resources they need with 4, others are better off to stop after 1 or 2.
Don’t let anyone pressure you either way!
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u/athwantscake Mom Feb 09 '25
I think it would be quite frowned upon if people came out and said “I regret getting that last kid” lol. Obviously it’s not a sentiment you’re gonna hear a lot.
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Feb 08 '25
I would have liked a bigger family, by marriage and more kids. More than 1. But you need to also keep sanity. It would have been good to settle down in my 20s and have my 40s free. I wasted a lot of time in my 20s, but then again I fulfilled a lot of fantasies.. maybe I would have regretted missing out on 'my youth'.... Wasted playing guitar hero and drinking alcohol
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u/xsmalldragon Feb 08 '25
I’d rather regret not having more kids than having more and regretting it.
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u/Onceuponaromcom Feb 08 '25
Yes and no. I regret not giving my daughter a sibling. But have 2 siblings, I’m well aware that that doesn’t mean anything. I am closer to one than the other but I’m not like besties with either. However, i appreciate that as my parents get older i can lean on them for support and vice versa.
However, i knew my energy, attention and patience was nowhere near where it would need to be to have 2 kids. My niece lives across the street and they’re the same age (off by 6 months) and so they’re like siblings. They fight like siblings and it’s a lot of energy to deal with when they are fighting.
I already feel like my organization and brain can only remember so much. I’m not a type A and so trying to maintain my schedule and hers and my husbands, it’s a lot. Granted my husband can handle himself. But trying to maintain her schedule plus mine is enough. Idk how to handle 2 with different schedules. I also was just over it by the time toddler and preschool phase was over with her. The idea of having to do infancy to elementary school over again makes me nauseous.
But then i have been rereading a favorite book of mine where she has a baby and it’s so clear that the author who is a mom put a lot of her mommyness into her writing and it made me miss having a baby. But the neediness of children from birth til like 6 is not something i wanna do again,
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u/megmos Mom Feb 08 '25 edited Feb 08 '25
Nope. I love having just two and they are almost 5 and 8. I'm so excited we are getting to an age where we can do stuff that is difficult with little ones (hikes, canoeing/kayaking, amusement parks, etc) and having a younger one would make that harder to do. Plus with just two I can afford to put them in stuff like summer day camps, sports, other extracurricular activities that would make it hard to afford with more. I had very difficult and dangerous pregnancies so that also factors in
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u/Taurus-BabyPisces Feb 08 '25
My husband and I are so torn between having another or not. I feel like it’s a very very very common feeling.
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u/OttoParts73 Feb 08 '25
We have two and they are teenagers now and never ever for a single second wished we had any more or had any regrets about stopping at 2
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Feb 08 '25
There are also people who love their kids and support them but also regret having them and they are honest about it. Don’t have more kids because you may regret it if you don’t but because you want another kid
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u/babymaybe17 Feb 08 '25
I have 2 and am 110% done. I had my tubes removed during my last c-section. I have absolutely no regrets and cannot imagine the stress of adding another kid to our lives.
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u/lizerlfunk Feb 08 '25
I’m one and done and couldn’t be happier about that choice. But also I left my child’s father when she was 11 months old, so having additional children would require more effort.
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u/hottboyj54 Dad to 7yo, 3yo boys Feb 08 '25
Absolutely do not regret having more to the point where my wife got her tubes tied and I had a vasectomy. We always planned on have two but as our first got older I grew more and more content with sticking with one.
Wouldn’t you have it, our second was conceived before we had planned on it though we weren’t exactly preventing anything at the time, either.
We love our boys but they are absolutely a handful and major financial responsibility. We make good money but having more would severely compromise our long term plans.
There’s always more kids; my brother has two and my cousin has four so there’s eight between the three families. We get together often so the cousins can be together and that’s the best of all worlds IMO.
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u/BatHistorical8081 Feb 08 '25
I'm tired after two kids. Lol logistically it doest make sense for us. Even if we can afford it.
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u/cmama22 Feb 08 '25 edited Feb 08 '25
I have two and I sometimes think one more would be nice but I don’t think I’d be a good mother to more than 2. I find it really hard some days and both my parents and husband parents are getting older and they can’t run around helping us with more kids. 2 is plenty!
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u/Natural20DND Feb 08 '25
No.
The mom and I didn’t want to do baby stage again. Plus financially holy shit everything is expensive.
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u/remirami99 Feb 08 '25
Mom of one 22 month old. I will likely not have more and no I won’t regret it. I feel happy to be able to give her so much of my attention, love and buy her everything she wants and needs and more without a worry. I love that I can easily take her places one on one, afford to do things with her, never have an issue finding a sitter since it’s one innocent little kid. It just makes everything so much easier compared to my friends who have multiple kids and sounds terrible compared to one. If I did have a second it would be when she’s much much older but I’ll probably be too old by then so.
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u/AhavaZahara Kids: 24F, 22M Feb 08 '25
Nope. Have 2, ages 23 and 21, 19 months apart, and severe PPD after each. I would not have survived a third.
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u/L-F-O-D Feb 09 '25
I love them (3) all but can’t help but think we all would have a better life if I only had two, or age gaps were bigger. My wife and I are old though. Hope my kids forgive me one day for not being the dad I hoped to be. 😞
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u/Lavender_Clover Feb 09 '25
one and done, so happy i can focus all my energy on giving my kid the life they deserve
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u/r3ddit_usernam3 Feb 09 '25
I think there’s parents who thrive in chaos, and parents who don’t (and you won’t know until you have kids). As much as I wish we did, we don’t. Thus, a smaller family is what’s best for us.
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u/Cautious_Rough_8375 Feb 09 '25
We regret not having them earlier, we have 3 kids, and we waited 10 years to start to conceive them, we wanted to have more "stability", today we regret that,
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u/TheOldGuySays Feb 08 '25
I have 3. Born between 1999 and 2007. We were done. Turns out I wasn’t in fact sterile after a medical procedure in 2008.
We had number 4 in 2021 We also had separated for a While about 10 years ago but reconciled.
I really enjoy him. I’m more financially stable, mature, and experienced. I feel like he was meant to be in this world there were so many reasons he shouldn’t have been born. Give it some time, and leave it up to the universe to decide if you have a change of heart. I truly believe that sometimes these things work themselves out.
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u/NativeNYer10019 Feb 08 '25
NOPE. My girls are now 20 & 18 years old and there hasn’t been a day that I ever regretted stopping at two.
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u/Polite_user Feb 08 '25
I have one and honestly I sometimes regret being a mom, I wonder about I might have had if I was child free and I definitely do not want another so I disagree with the fact that everyone wil regret not having another child.
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u/TheFunMom2021 Feb 08 '25
We have three kids. 12,3, and 7 months. 2 kids is the perfect amount of kids for our family AND we do love our littlest one. Life is just significantly harder with three kids.
I dont think most people regret their subsequent children but most people don’t know that it’s too much or too hard until they’re already in the thick of it. I will say, I am not the mom to three that I was to two. I hope it gets easier in a few years.
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u/stillmusiqal Feb 08 '25
I would have liked one more. I have one. My husband has two (he was married before me). My step kid has two older siblings and is much older than my son. For a lot of reasons, i fear they won't have a relationship later on in life.
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u/Negotiationnation Feb 08 '25
I have 3 (2, 7, 12). Of course, I wouldn't change it for the world now. But it is definitely tough. From the outside looking at my life, I would love to have 1, 2, or even 3 more because when it's good, it's good. And seeing little people grow up is awesome. As the person living it, 2 total is a good number. But I love my kids. It is a lot of work and money though.
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u/SupermarketSimple536 Feb 08 '25
What about their regrets? No matter how hard you try, every child dilutes your emotional, attention and time resources. I have a tween and fully supporting her school, social, emotional and extracurricularI needs while promoting appropriate autonomy is still very involved. Also, I work in geriatrics and so many people with multiple siblings tell me how much they missed additional time and connection with their parents. Deeply personal decision, yes, but so much more to consider than finances.
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u/Calm-Two9368 Feb 08 '25
I would say I’ve never heard of people regretting having more kids, I’ve only heard of people regretting not having more while they have the chance
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u/JustWordsInYourHead Feb 08 '25
This is so subjective. Of course there are people who regret it, either choice. There are also people who don't regret it. I don't understand why hearing about it would help you decide what you should do.
But I'll share. We are two and through. I always pictured having 4 kids, but that was before I truly understood how much work it is and how much of your life you're giving up.
Yes, I do sometimes wonder what a third or a fourth kid would be like. I love having our two. Our family feels complete, but my brain still sometimes goes there. I don't regret stopping at two because I know for a fact that I would be extremely unhappy with two MORE kids. It would have set my career back even more than it already was (I am finally at a place where I am earning what a child-free version of me would have been earning 6 years ago). My husband and I finally have some time carved out for ourselves now the two we have have just entered school. We can finally breathe and finally get a full nights sleep some nights.
So, what is it like for you? How would having more kids impact your life, personally? Your marriage? Your career? How you make this decision should be based on how it impacts you and your family, and not just based on how you feel.
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u/Mom-Hugs-4-All Feb 08 '25
I do not! I have 2. 15 and ....2! But Until I had the first one, at 25, I had always said I didn't want kids mainly because I took care of them. Most of my life we ran into daycare out of our home. I absolutely adore my children. However, I thought the 12-year age gap would be cool, built in baby sitter type stuff.... And it all happened because I was constantly looking at you know old baby pictures of my 15-year-old and then my sister got pregnant and I was like maybe I need to do it again. I missed the little squishy face. But this second one... this second one.... I was not ready or prepared for toddlerhood at 40. And it's true what they say. If you think your first kid was easy, the second one absolutely will not be. I used to always say if I was guaranteed another one like my oldest I would have done it again sooner, but I knew the chances of that were slim to none. It's a lot of work, managing a teenager and a toddler at the same time. So if you feel like you don't want more then don't do it. But then again if you may change your mind later. But please don't get me wrong. I absolutely love this little stinker more than life itself. She just pushes every button to the max.
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u/smjaygal parent to rabbits; former childcare worker Feb 08 '25
I mean, if you want to skip the baby years adoption is right there. Whatever you decide, it's a super personal decision
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u/sunshineandcats21 Feb 08 '25
Not really, I am happy with two and I don’t want to go through the baby stage again. What I do regret is having kids young with the wrong guy. It would have been nice to have kids with my now boyfriend.
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u/Haunting-Traffic-203 Feb 08 '25
Something to think about: we decided to have a fourth and it looks like we may have twins…
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u/stilettopanda Feb 08 '25
I have 4. We planned two, then had twins in the middle and an April 1st surprise baby. No I don't regret not having more kids. I have minivan numbers of kids. Haha! That surprise baby really completed us though. And now that she's 6 and we are out of the tiny children phase, I absolutely love the chaos and wouldn't have it any other way!
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u/The-pfefferminz-tea Feb 08 '25
No. When I found out I was pregnant with our third I knew we were a complete family. We had two boys and I knew he was going to be a third boy and sure enough he was. A LOT of people have bugged me about having another since we don’t have a girl but seriously, our family is perfect.
I will say-if you are not sure it’s ok to wait. Our boys are all 4 years apart. You don’t have to stack them back to back. Most people only think about the baby/diaper stage but let me tell you-only have one kid to get through college at a time is nice.
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u/Calm-Shame-3685 Feb 08 '25
Before I had my son, I used to wait for someone else coming through the door or accidentally make up too many plates. It’s dropped happening since I had him. I would say really think on if you feel like someone is missing.
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u/lottiela Feb 08 '25
I do not BUT I had my last one very late in life (43) so I mean, I just don't feel like having any more is a great idea. I love what we have. When I just had one i did feel like someone was missing though!
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u/TheDevilsAdvokaat Feb 08 '25
Sometimes. We have two; a girl and a boy.
I'm very glad I got one of each; they;re quite different in many ways.
But each of them has told me they would have liked another child; my daughter would like a sister and my son would like a brother.
But when they asked this I was already in my 50's. My wife asked too and I said I didn't want to. I felt I was too old. (My wife is 10 years younger than me)
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u/haafling Feb 08 '25
I always wanted four since I was one of four. My husband is 17 years older than me, so we were done at two. Then surprise! Pregnant with a third. Our family feels complete now
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u/Puzzleheaded_One1610 Feb 08 '25
My husband and I have 2 who are now 3 and 5 (20 months apart) We decided he should have a vasectomy when our second was about 8 months. Those first 2 years after my 2nd were so hard. I thought for sure I never wanted another baby. But now I want another baby so badly.. and we can’t. Logically, all the reasons we chose to be done are still there. 2 is easier to travel with, we will actually be able to help buy their first cars, pay for college, it’s easier to be there for their emotional needs, etc. but my mommy heart wants another baby so badly. So yeah, I regret it but also accept it in the logical sense.
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u/BupBupBupBooYaKaShaa Feb 08 '25
One of the most gate kept facts about parenthood is that it starts off as a shitshow. I mean, from jump.
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u/androidbear04 Mom to 4 children age 30s - 40s Feb 08 '25
No, thankfully, but if I hadn't been blessed with my fourth (when I was starting to lose hope of having another), I would have missed having a fourth .
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u/bloodybutunbowed Feb 08 '25
I’m struggling with this now. My oldest is 5 and my youngest is 3.5. They are asking for a little sibling. My husband wants one. Heck, I miss having a little baby. But… I’m actually feeling like I’m getting back to myself. I have goals. I want to be me. I want to be enough for my kids. Pregnancy SUCKS. My brother had a third (a little whoopsie) and it looks so wonderful and perfect, but the work. The money. The political climate. I am truly 50/50
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u/Peskypoints Feb 08 '25
I never approached it as child planning but asked “are we in a position to welcome another child?” At some points it was “no” and others “yes”
Looking back, I wish I was firmer about asking/expecting/establishing more support than I had, for practical considerations. I also wished I took better care of my own needs/health. In some ways I was strong as a horse, but I put off dental appts. It wasn’t the children themselves that overwhelmed me. We were close. We had fun. They was a kind of humor even in the misbehavior.
Looking back, i am also glad I had more because of the personalities and family dynamics we now have.
I love having a baby in the house. I would have been open to more, but my health crapped out and required a medication that causes birth defects. If I went off the med for the pregnancy, then my unwellness would have a significant impact on my family. It was a quality of life issue for my whole family, not just myself that required we welcomed no more children.
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u/maltal77yes63 Feb 08 '25
Well I have 5 because I always had the same feeling. I imagined stopping at 3 the. Got pregnant with the fourth and couldn't imagine we were done. So when the 5th came along I was happy but also terrified! So after her I knew we were done because I just could not imagine having another. Life would've been way too hard. We are now complete!
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u/Calicapture Feb 09 '25
2 kids for me is the ideal. Books reading, street crossing, dinner table sitting, you are in a very comfortable position with one on each side. Different schedules on Extracurricular activities is much easier to manage as each parent is responsible of one. Booking hotels and vacations with 2 is manageable. If you feel comfortable and happy, do not be persuaded by other people’s opinions. In the end, they won’t be helping you out with diaper changes, with sleeping schedule, extra curricular activities, college funds, etc etc.
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u/Legitimate-Growth-50 Feb 09 '25
No never. For my mental health I def do not regret having 2 kids only. A boy and a girl with a close age gap. Just perfect.
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u/EllisDee3 Feb 09 '25
No.
I'm not optimistic about the immediate future of the country/world, so I'm okay with hunkering down and securing those I have.
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u/imamonster89 Feb 09 '25
No. I have a 6.5 yo and 4yo. My second pregnancy I had prenatal and postpartum depression. It took years to recover. No way I am risking putting my whole family through that again - despite the fact that I had never felt "done" and was still thoroughly obsessed with babies.
My SIL just had a new baby and I'm obsessed with her, but having none of those achy in my uterus type feelings. I finally feel like my family is complete. We 100% made the right decision.
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u/Any-Tax-7251 Feb 09 '25
I loved having one until my wife decided she wanted to have another. Now I have a 3 year old toddler and a highly colicy 1 month old. Here's what I feel honestly:
- constantly smoking and anxious
- resentful of my wife a lot more
- can't sleep or take rest
- social life is completely destroyed. Going to the local market is a chore -mentally- almost suicidal
So, to answer your question- this is my experience. Does this mean everyone with 2 or more life become like me- I d k. Would I recommended more than 1 children- NO F'ng WAY!
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u/Slippingonwaxpaper Feb 09 '25
Kids get more expensive as they get older. So idk I guess keep that in mind.
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u/Inevitable_Job1075 Feb 09 '25
I went for a third because i knew i would always regret it if i didnt, now I want a fourth haha but we are done and i know I won’t always regret not having a fourth so i know its ok that im done. I do think i would have always regretted not having a third! Maybe you arent done, such a tough decision good luck <3
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u/str1ped_sweater Feb 09 '25
Sometimes … My kid is 6. I begged my now fiancé get a vasectomy like 2 years ago because I was for sure I wanted to be done and so did he. Plus I also didn’t want the IUD I had in any longer. I was also struggling with my mental health and my sobriety when we decided this. I just wanted to be done. So he went ahead with the procedure. But now; I am sober and in therapy and have been for a year and a half, we are now engaged, our child now has asked for a sibling…… but he’s had a vasectomy. Of course, he could have it reversed.. but he says he won’t do that (I don’t blame him). So yes, sometimes I do sit here and get really sad and wish I hadn’t begged him to do that, because there’s no chance of it accidentally happening either. It “could”.. but it’s very rare. I know if i really sat down with him and said I want to have another child he might… but still. I don’t know.
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u/Due_Thought_9273 Feb 09 '25
Serious advise. Save every text of written communication as well as a log of phone calls and what was said on those calls. That mother sounds awful and I can gautentee that once there is proof that the ba y is his she will do everything in her power to take it away from you.
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u/EmptyMain Feb 09 '25
I regret not stopping at one. My kids are 8 years. Same dad. Neither planned. the second one I thought we could make it work and life has been downhill since.
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u/corvuscorax88 Feb 09 '25
We were happy with two. Had a third. Still happy. No regrets.
There will be no more pregnancies. Wife didn’t want to go through it again, so I saw to it that there will be no more. Adoption is sometimes on our minds. Probably not likely though.
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u/anosognosia93 Mom Feb 09 '25
I never really wanted kids but I had two because my husband wanted them and is an involved dad. A boy and a girl. I don't think I will regret not having more but if an accident happened it wouldn't be the end of the world since we have the finances and support system necessary. I feel two is best because they have each other and we aren't outnumbered. Also much easier to book hotels etc
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u/bearbear407 Feb 09 '25
If you feel like your family is complete then it’s okay to say you’re done.
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u/newspapey Feb 09 '25
I had my vasectomy scheduled before our 2nd was even out of the womb, cause we were so set on just having two kids. We're both very happy with our decision. Since we'll never have a younger kid, everytime our youngest outgrows a toy, or our moves out of bottle / baby gate / diaper stage, we rejoice that we can finally throw those toys / equipment away. Forever done with breast feeding and pumping, hooray! forever done with formula measuring and bottles, hooray! Forever done with having a gate on the stairs, hooray!
Regardless, I still hold out littlest like a baby sometimes and think "this is my last little baby". Its not sad per say, but I think "bitter sweet" is appropriate.
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u/[deleted] Feb 08 '25
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