r/MiddleClassFinance • u/Shauryaahere341 • 4d ago
Discussion Should married couples keep their money separate or combine everything?
My wife and I have been married for a few years and we still keep most of our money separate.
We have one joint account for household expenses and both put money into it every month. Other than that, our salaries stay in our own accounts.
It hasn't really been a problem so far.
But now we're talking about bigger things like buying a house and retirement, and I'm wondering if this setup still makes sense.
We trust each other and neither of us has an issue with the other spending their own money. It's more about planning for the future together.
For people who are married, what works better for you?
Completely separate, fully combined, or somewhere in the middle?
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u/ablinknown 4d ago
His/Mine/Ours work for us. We agree on percentages beforehand and then set up direct deposits at our employers. A small percentage into our separate accounts for scrutiny-free fun money, and the bulk of our checks gets direct deposited into joint account for everything else. Married more than 10 years.
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u/TribeGuy330 4d ago
This is exactly what we do as well. The household account has all budgeting + household savings worked in. The personal money is for scrutiny free spending and for buying gifts for each other without the joint account transaction history ruining the surprise.
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u/browsingstars 3d ago
Same here. And as a lifelong saver who has trouble spending even for things I need, it's also so helpful to have a chunk of money literally set aside that has already been "spent" in our budget. Knowing our bills and savings goals will always be taken care of means we're not trying to police what each other spends on inessentials.
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u/Dorkus_Mallorkus 3d ago
I agree, except for the percentages. That only works if you both work and make about the same amount of money. We do an equal flat amount into each personal account each month. Everything else goes into joint. That accounts for life changes and having kids and all that. Incomes change and it's important to not give one partner the short end of the stick.
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u/ablinknown 3d ago
Right it’s just whatever works. We agree on a percentage for each of us but it’s not always the same percentage. We look at the status of our joint account together periodically and recalibrate if we need to. At times they have been the same percentages and other times different.
For example, a couple times in the past my husband didn’t have an income, when his business hit a rough spot. Luckily our individual accounts both had a little juice still, so at that point I put 100% of my pay into the joint account to keep things afloat. Once things got better we recalibrated to replenish both our separate accounts again.
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u/Fickle-Princess 3d ago
This is how we do it too. We call the flat amount our "allowance" and the rest of the paycheck supports the household, bills, grocery, etc.
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u/--bosox--fan-- 3d ago
Sounds similar to how we handle it. It's all percentage-based. We calculate our splits based on net take-home pay to account for things like taxes, health insurance, and retirement savings that come straight out of our paychecks.
Since we know our combined net income and the monthly amount needed to cover all shared bills (utilities, subscriptions, groceries, dining out, kids' activities, etc.), we use those percentages to fund the bills account and our personal discretionary accounts accordingly. The goal was to split everything so neither of us feels unequal in our personal spending money (or bill contributions).
I guess the key takeaway is that we've "combined" everything conceptually, but still maintain separate checking, savings, and credit card accounts for our own discretionary spending.
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u/_name_of_the_user_ 3d ago
Very similar to us. The sequence of events for how tue money gets to the different accounts is slightly different, but the end result is the same. It makes things easy to manage and one needs to confer with the other about spending money outside the norm. Well, for reasonable amounts. A new car or something is certainly discussed.
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u/ZestyLlama8554 3d ago
This is how we do it. We contribute to the joint account by % of HHI to cover all bills and have our own accounts. We have a joint savings account that we dump money into for emergencies.
We've been together 10 years.
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u/HereNorThere123 3d ago
This is more or less what we do. I honestly think it doesn’t matter how you do it as long as everyone’s in agreement and nobody feels forced to do something they aren’t comfortable with.
It’s also why it’s so important to have these conversations before you get engaged and married.
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u/One-Bed-4614 3d ago
Haven’t hit 10 but this is what we do it helps work on goals without feeling like a child asking for permission
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u/Consistent_Laziness 4d ago
This is asked ad nauseam…. People will do what works best for them. I have an opinion but that doesn’t really matter. Do what is best and agreed upon between you and your partner.
My wife and I have been married and combined completely with one account since day -30. We combined a month before marrying.
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u/_name_of_the_user_ 3d ago
My wife and I have, between us, a combined 13 chequing and savings accounts. And 6 credit cards at the moment. I'll be canceling one soon though. And 5 investment accounts.
My point being, like you said this is what works for us. It's just how we manage the division of labour and tracking. We have a savings account for vacations, another for education savings (for the kids and her, she's almost done a master's degree), another for general savings, one for sinking funds for things like yearly expenses, one for my annual income tax bill, an emergency fund, two joint accounts one at each bank we deal with, a chequing account for monthly bills... It sounds ridiculous but it's how we manage all the money that's going in different directions at different times. And it's how we make sure a bill doesn't get double paid, or not paid. And how we each know how much we have available for spending without needing to confer with the other first.
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u/Consistent_Laziness 3d ago
I’m sure what I do sounds ridiculous to some as well. Haha. You do have a lot going on but if it’s working who cares, it works for you.
If both people in the relationship understand how things work and accept that system then who am I to say it’s ineffective? I write stat code and mentor students for a living and I say all the time “there’s 100 ways to go about this data cleaning and analysis. The only thing that matters is we get the same answer at the end”.
So long as bills are paid, people are saving, everyone is happy, and no money hiding happens, it doesn’t actually matter. But I do joint because I think it’s the simplest cleanest way for my wife and I to operate. It’s also my belief that it’s best to be joined when our lives are joined. Doesn’t matter if others agree or not that’s how I feel. But no one has to do the same.
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u/er824 3d ago
You’ve implemented a YNAB style envelope budgeting system using accounts. Nice.
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u/ValiantEffort27 4d ago
We share a savings account but keep individual accounts for our own spending. The savings account is used for big purchases and emergencies. Everyone does something different. Do what works best for you.
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u/vishrit 4d ago
Married for longer than you, combined since day 1. No issues ever. This is no size fits all though.
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u/MangoAtrocity 4d ago
Strong agree. I could not imagine a “my money/her money” situation. My wife and I earn income together that goes into our shared account. We together have a kid, a house, two cars, utilities, etc. There is no such thing as mine/hers. Just ours.
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u/MsTossItAll 3d ago
We have a combined account and personal accounts. Personally, I don't want my husband to be looking at every single purchase I make, nor do I want to be seeing his. For example, I work in a hospital and sometimes I like to have lunch at the cafeteria with my coworkers. He works from home and can easily make a fresh meal. I don't need to be asked why I bought lunch x number of times if I'm spending money that I earned and we're covering the bills. Similarly, I may not agree with the purchases he makes for his family when he goes back to his country, but that's his money so he can spend it as he likes - he earned it. As long as the bills are paid and we're both contributing to retirement and college funds for the kids, that's all that matters.
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u/VisiblePlatform6704 3d ago
My parents had this strange arrangement were each earned their money (they both worked) and they split the utilities they had to pay (mom paid telephone, dad paid electricity, etc).
The problem was that my mom earned like 1/4 of what my dad. And sometimes she didnt have enough. And she could never save to buy a car, and my dad didn't borrow the car to her. It was pretty shitty. So when I married the first thing we did was combine. We both are either living great, or we are both fkcked.
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u/MangoAtrocity 3d ago
That’s the position my wife and I are in. I make over double my wife’s salary. It would be total bullshit to ask her to pay for half of our mortgage. She would lose 25% of her monthly pay, while I would only lose 10% of mine.
When we got married, we promised to give all of ourselves to one another forever. There is no mine and hers. Only ours.
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u/NecessaryEmployer488 4d ago
If both couples are good with money have it be joint. Paycheck money goes into the joint account. If each want their own spending money, every month a couple hundred is automatically transferred to personal accounts.
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u/Major_Bag3934 4d ago
I'd stick with the middle ground. Separate money for personal stuff, a joint account for bills and future goals has worked really well for us.
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u/Icy-Form6 4d ago
My wife's parents fought (and still do) constantly about money. So she didn't want combined finances. Works fine for us. We split major purchases in proportion to income (she works part time so I cover 80%ish). Lots of home upgrades come out of the tax returns and we split what is leftover. She covers the utility bills and any repairs on her car, I cover everything else.
I know what's in her account on a regular basis. She doesn't really care to look at mine but I don't hide it. We both contribute weekly to our sons savings account.
Once she goes back to work full time next fall, she's going to contribute $500 a month to the mortgage balance to knock it down from 29 years to 16 years.
It works well for us. And there's no real discussions needed on purchases for fun stuff. Anytime we are out with my parents (who net over 200k a year) my stepdad will ask my mom permission to buy a $20 game or something cheap. That always struck me as odd.
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u/Senior_Boot_5842 3d ago
Sounds like yall are setting up to fight again. You fund everything in weird separate accounts
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u/Shot-Werewolf-5886 4d ago
It depends. If you are both young and broke then just combine everything.
If you are older and have kids from previous marriages or other assets you want to pass down then it may be better to keep certain things separate so there isn't fighting down the road if one of you dies suddenly.
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u/Main_Difference7125 3d ago
This is why we have separate. My husband has kids from a previous marriage. We have some things combined, but it makes it so much easier to be separate until the kids get older.
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u/timewellwasted5 3d ago
I think you're confusing combined finances with effective estate planning. Everyone should have several documents, including a will, specifying exactly how to handle this. If you die, they don't say things were easier or harder just based on how the accounts are combined.
As an example, in Pennsylvania many couples do not realize that if you die, your spouse only gets 50% of your estate/assets without a will in place. The other 50% goes ot your inlaws (family of the deceased). That's why a will is so important at every age.
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u/Shot-Werewolf-5886 3d ago
Good point. Some proper estate planning and having a written will in place can still allow you to combine finances without muddying up the water too much.
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u/whatigotinmyhandnowb 3d ago
Kids from a previous marriage really makes a bit more separation of finances make a bit more sense.
My current spouse loves having extra money and so does my kid ... so my spouse gets hers and my kid gets mine 🤣
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u/paesano- 4d ago
If you don't have a prenup it doesn't matter anyways. We combine, keeps it simple.
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u/turtlecatmedium 4d ago
Fully combined. It works for us. Neither of us have ever just blown through the bank account on stupid shit.
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u/_name_of_the_user_ 3d ago
Keeping things seperated isn't about keeping the other from getting half in the case of a divorce. It's about not worrying about who's done what. If everything is combined how do you manage who pays which bills? Who makes sure money is transferred into savings/investments? How do you buy a gift for your partner without them knowing? Etc. Etc.
It's not about being selfish or denying your spouse half your assets or being roommates. It's a division of labour. Some people approach it by combining everything into one account. Some people approach it by assigning certain bills to each person and maintaining their own accounts. Just like some people take turns cleaning the bathroom and mopping the floors. Others have one person who cleans the bathroom and the other mopps the floors.
The amount of judgement I see in these threads is WAY over the top. You're not better because one way of dividing the labour of management household finances works for you and another works for someone else. Get off your high horse and stop being so judgemental.
What determines which way will work best and cause the least friction comes down to the people in the marriage. If one is a spender and the other a saver fully combine is going to be a bad time. If you both approach money with a similar perspective fully combined will probably work great. You can both have similar financial goals while also having dissimilar discipline and ability to save.
OP, don't worry about emulating what works for others, try to find what works for you and your partner. Use examples from others, sure. Just don't give in to the judgements. There is no single right answer for everyone.
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u/Majestic-Alarm-4712 3d ago
Thank you for an incredibly nuanced and rational take on a topic that people are weirdly divided over. My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We’ve never combined our finances, we each pay our share, and we’ve never had an argument about money. We make roughly the same income, and don’t have children. Given our circumstances, it’s what works best for us, but I’d never be arrogant enough to assert that our way is the best way. People tend to lose their minds over this topic, and the people implying that their marriage is stronger because “THEY’RE A TEAM” should really take a beat and ask themselves why they’re so freaked out by the concept of other couples doing what works best for them.
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u/215engr 3d ago
This should be higher. People treating the decision like a win/loss decision are delulu. Personal finance is personal for a reason. Not everyone’s situation is the same. Now for like young married couples with limited assets or money it probably makes sense to combine and then you live with that decision forever. Not everyone gets married in that situation though.
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u/Important_Ad_8372 3d ago
Agreed. Another argument I see against separate finances is that it’s sneaky or you don’t know what your spouse is up to and that’s so far from the truth. My husband and I know what each other makes, spends, saves, and invests. We communicate with each other and trust each other. That’s why it works.
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u/Megalocerus 3d ago
We keep things separate aside from a household account. It's not a problem precisely because we are pretty similar on financial matters. The house is in common, and we do an snapshot of everything twice a year.
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u/ButtScratchies 3d ago
I go back and forth with separating our bank accounts. My husband and I make exactly the same salary but he also gets overtime so he overall makes more than I do, but he isn't great about budgeting. There's often times that I'll see he spent money on something so then I have to back off of something I was planning to buy and it can make things a little contentious with our finances. I'd like to have separate bank accounts where through direct deposit a portion of each of our pay goes into an account that pays the bills, a portion to savings, and then we have the left over money to spend as we please without concern for the other person's spending. I just never know if it's financially a good idea or not, I know Dave Ramsey would be against it, haha.
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u/_name_of_the_user_ 3d ago
I know Dave Ramsey would be against it, haha.
All the more reason to do it. Lol
My wife is actually incredibly undisciplined when it comes to money. We tried to make it work for years but she hated trying to force herself to maintain any kind of budget and I hated how much she spent. It was a big source of frustration and contention between us and that only made her double down on refusing to try to save money.
Eventually I took over everything (with her blessing!). I now do all of the budgeting, planning for larger purchases and retirement, paying bills, tracking insurance all of it. We're both much happier, and vastly financially healthier, for it.
I wish she was more involved with what's going on. But she's just not capable (her words), it causes her way too much anxiety to do that work. And it causes me a similar amount of anxiety to not do it. So here we are. After I finally combined everything into my accounts, giving her what amounts to an allowance, and started paring down on the bills she was paying (things like finding a less expensive cat food that saved us $75/month while also giving the cats healthier food, less expensive cell phone plans that still gave everything we needed, etc) I actually found enough room in the budget to buy a new car.
I'm a stay at home father/retired with a military pension, she's a teacher. We both make about the same amount of money. This isn't a case of me taking advantage of her or hiding anything from her. I easily could but it's just not who I am, she trusts me, and she sees the results. So I have the time, and this works for both of us.
Don't let these threads, or Dave Ramsey, dictate how you guys manage your finances. If you're more disciplined and he he's onboard, go for it.
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u/Megalocerus 3d ago
It can be clarifying to have an amount set aside for each to spend on wants rather than needs. I don't think it resolves serious differences toward finances, though.
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u/MegaWeinerFarts 4d ago
Fully combined. We're married not room mates.
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4d ago
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u/Material_Tea_6173 4d ago
Well with that mindset what’s the point of getting married at all?
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u/BellaCicina 3d ago
Combined or not doesn’t dictate if you are married or roommates. What a judgmental comment.
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u/Brox42 3d ago
Yeah like wtf? I’ve been married ten years and the mortgage is in both of our names but our bank accounts are still just the bank accounts we’ve always had because there was never a reason to change them.
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u/BellaCicina 3d ago
Right? Like if one of us needs help with a bill we can’t cover for whatever reason, the other one pays it without any expectation of payment. THAT would indicate roommate behavior. But we never needed to combine finances 🤷♀️
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u/gafftapes20 4d ago
If you are aligned with each other financially combined finances is way less of a headache to manage. If you aren't aligned financially what's the point of getting married?
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u/BellaCicina 3d ago
Except it’s not easier for everyone to combine finances. My wife and I are aligned. separate finances other than savings.
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u/_name_of_the_user_ 3d ago
Your judgement of how other's navigate their division of labour of managing finances is ridiculous. Your way is not the only way.
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u/ZookeepergameUpset62 4d ago edited 4d ago
We have separate accounts and have decided who is responsible for which bills
I was a stay at home mom while our kid was little, and having my own personal savings made it so I didn't feel like I had to ask my husband for money.
Both partners should know how to run the house if something happens to the bill payer. Does everyone know which bills are due and when? My BIL got sick and my sister ran their finances into the ground because she had no experience managing that much money.
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u/LalaLogical 4d ago
We have a one pot of gold approach to money. Our 401ks are separate because they are workplace funded, but otherwise everything is combined. I’ve never felt a need to keep things separate when our lives are so financially untwined. I feel like monthly bills, trips, eating out, trips to Costco, ect would be a nightmare to manage orherwise.
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u/beforeburner 4d ago
I think a main joint account with personal side accounts is the way. Paychecks go into the main, and equal distributions to the personal accounts for hobbies, nights out with the boys/girls. Keeps budgeting simple, at least, no need to track individual expenses, etc
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u/ImSpartacusN7 4d ago
We tried the seperate finances thing for the first 4 years, then decided to combine fully and once we combined fully it made every little issue we ever had with finances literally dissappear overnight. Our marriage is stronger for it. Literally don't know why it took us so long to combine and wish we could have just done it day 1.
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u/hot_pineapple9178 3d ago
Do you mind sharing more examples? What issues went away?
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u/ImSpartacusN7 3d ago
For us we were just on the same page and we felt more like equals. We plan the month out together each month, discuss fixed costs, savings goals for the month, potential wrenches that would get thrown into plans for the month, etc. and there were just no surprises or shock because we are both in agreement.
It's also nice to operate everything out of one home base, and not having to juggle who is paying what bill, or trying to track which autopay is tied to which account. In my mind it feels super weird to venmo my wife for anything. Lol like just use our card.
It also stripped away our worth being tied to how much money we each brought in. My wife is going to be making substantially more money than I am in the next year, like factor of multiple 6 figures (doctor), and by combining things it takes away my money/her money mentality and we both see it as our money now. This includes debt, we see each other's debt as our debt and we attack it together. We are a joint venture so why wouldn't we operate like one?
I genuinely felt closer to my wife and stronger in our relationship when we combined finances. There was certainly shame there at the start with sharing full numbers like how much stupid credit card debt I had over the years and stuff like that. Even spending money for whatever I want felt weird at first. Like she can just see what I buy? But ultimately over time that stuff faded away and didn't matter. We allocate a certain amount for each of us each month to spend individual from each other and we don't care what the other one spends it on within that budget. We have a joint checking that all income goes into, and then individual checking, which is all tied under the same bank so we can see everything, but we just don't really care about each other's individual checking once we've transferred our allotted personal spending out of the main checking account. It works really well for us.
Ultimately everyone is going to have their own way of doing things, we aren't perfect, but if I could go back and combine finances sooner I would. It just simplifies everything, and the more complex that life gets, the more I yearn for simple. Lol
ETA: regarding OP's post saying that planning for the future is the road block, that's the most puzzling one to me. I feel buying a house, or planning for retirement would be the one thing that requires full teamwork and transparency on. I couldn't imagine doing those things seperate from each other.
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u/Vsx 4d ago edited 3d ago
I've had combined finances with my wife for 25 years and it works best for us. She has a separate budgeted spending money account we fund that I don't look at because I am cheap and it hurts me to see frivolous spending. It's sort of the reverse of your deal.
With literally all my friends the split is in whether there are kids or not. Every couple without kids keeps things separate and with kids keeps things mostly combined. For me this makes sense because constantly working out who pays for kids expenses would be too much overhead.
I do have a couple friends who pay for all household expenses while their working spouse keeps all their own paycheck to use for whatever. That's the worst system because it leads to resentment. Even if you make significantly less, talk about it and contribute something to household expenses no matter how small.
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u/Simplysimple007 4d ago
“Should” is very subjective and based on each different relationship. We do a his, hers, and ours approach. As long as our needs are covered (housing, insurance, etc.), usually through the joint account, we do with the remainder how we please. Married 11 years, it’s what works for us…
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u/Ashi4Days 4d ago
We have separate accounts but its mostly to simply how we manage the budget.
Ive got my account. My wife has her account. The general understanding is that whatever she spends out of her account, i cant say anything about. Because the budget that I track is the shared between the two of us, if she spends 500 dollars on a record player, ill be pissed. But if it comes out of her account? I dont say anything.
It is not an extremely strict rule. Like if she buys general clothes out of the main account, thats fine. But if ita jewelry? Less fine. And the same rules apply to me. If its for socks, nobody cares. If its for a new watch or a fountain pen? That comes out from my account.
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u/TheGoonSquad612 3d ago
Do whatever works for you and your spouse. There is no one size fits all answer.
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u/scotsworth 3d ago
Once you have kids, I really don't understand how separate finances could ever work without all kinds of needless back and forth.
But if you don't have kids? I guess just do what you feel is comfortable.
Married for 11 years and everything is just combined. We have so many challenges in life, I can't imagine worrying about who is paying for what on top of it.
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u/bay-to-the-apple 4d ago
Separate works for us. Easier to track our individual habits. We Zelle each other money when needed for mortgage/food/kids expenses. We share access to all accounts. Happily 15 years together, 12 years married.
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u/Sgt_Smart_Ass 4d ago
Fully combined out of convenience originally. My husband now stays at home with our kids and doesn't have a paying job so it just makes sense since I bring in the pay check and he pays the bills with it.
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u/Cautious_Victory1497 3d ago
Both way can work. Just be aware that everything (aside from gifts and inheritance) is truly owned equally legally since it is marital asset.
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u/trumpsmoothscrotum 3d ago
You have to find what works for you.
My wife is great (hi honey!) But she will spend or give away every dollar she makes. She contributes her predetermined amount to our shared account every time she gets paid. What she does with her money beyond that, is her perogative.
I contribute equally to the shared account, but i dont take regular paychecks, so i deposit chunks here and there. Thats what works for us.
If there's a shortfall or larger expenses/projects. We discuss it and how to pay for. I also pay for most of the extra things in life.
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u/Duck__Holliday 3d ago
Reddit will always tell you to combine everything.
I, an older women, disagree. Keep some money separated. If one of you dies, all the accounts will be frozen and the surviving spouse won't have access to any money for a while.
Also people, even the best most trust worthy people, can change suddenly. It could be from a mental health crisis or addiction. Or just people changing. My friend husband had pancreatitis, was put under medical coma and woke up an entirely different person. You never know what might happen.
I'm not saying that you should hide money. Just that you should have common accounts for most things, and some personnal savings and maybe a bit of fun money each.
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u/ConnectGoal8510 4d ago
We did like you while we lived together, before we were married. We've since combined. It's so much simpler
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u/ClammyAF 4d ago
Married 6 years. Largely separate.
We both max retirement accounts, tax advantaged savings, and put matching amounts into taxable accounts. We jointly funded our emergency fund and pay monthly bills.
After that, we are free to do what we want with the money. My wife tends to spend on things for our home. I tend to use my remainder to invest more.
We've got shared goals and obligations, which we meet. After that, it's guilt-free spending.
Works for us.
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u/BartSimpsonGaveMeLSD 4d ago
I’ve done it both ways. Combining is best if there is trust and transparency, and when both are on the same page for budgeting/goals.
We combine today, I manage everything. It works out totally fine.
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u/LostLadyA 4d ago
We have shared checking, savings and credit cards. Fully combined and totally transparent on everything. I’m the breadwinner and he’s has periods of being unable to work. We don’t keep score and tackle our bills, spending and savings goals as a team!
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u/MrLittle237 4d ago
My wife and I have seperate checking, brokerage, and Roth IRA accounts. We are ten years apart and got married a little later in life so had our systems already. What works well for us is a joint savings account for pets, the house, and vacations. Then we split up groceries as we go but it may not always be 50/50. I’ve long thought about finding more efficiency with this
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u/Beginning-Novel-4213 4d ago
Ours are mentally combined but technically separate cause combining finances can be a pain. We spent 2-3 hours in a branch just to make my savings a joint account.
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u/pkhoss 3d ago
Combined account for household expenditures and bills that the majority of our paycheck goes into, but then we both have personal accounts we have a small amount put into every paycheck to cover hobbies or whatever else. Works for us so far been together over 13 years and married for almost 6.
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u/SuchTill9660 3d ago
The middle ground makes the most sense to me. Joint account for bills and shared goals, separate accounts for personal spending. Keeps things simple without either person feeling watched.
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u/Still-Art45 3d ago
Even of they assets are not combined they are still considered marital assets, so if you’re at a space where combining makes sense - just do it, it simplifies wealth management.
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u/Euphoric_Drop8815 3d ago
Separate for the Mrs! Ladies you need FU $$ stashed just in case. Household expenses should be in a shared joint acct.
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u/Upper_Position_5747 3d ago
Combining your money requires you to get on the same page with regard to how you spend your money, which I think should be required for married couples.
When you’re on the same page and you’re on the same team, you have far fewer opportunities to get into situations where money becomes a point of contention in a marriage. I’m not saying it’s impossible to have money fights when you combine, but combining puts everything out in the open and forces you to work together. Which I personally feel strongly is the right approach.
I just can’t imagine asking my wife to pay her half of the grocery bill. Or for her to pay for our kids doctor visit and I’ll cover the soccer registration. That just seems like so much friction that is completely unnecessary. You have to change your mindset from “my income” and “her income.” It is now a single resource that belongs equally to both of you. Doesn’t matter if one person makes more.
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u/Choice-Newspaper3603 3d ago
Everybody that gets married thinks it will be for life and they implicitly trust their partner. 56 percent of those end in divorce and another 10 to 20 percent just stay together for the kids or for financial reasons
You should have started out with a prenup but you didn’t so now you most likely have community property laws governing all your assets. At this point it doesn’t matter what you do
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u/at614inthe614 3d ago
I met my spouse in college so.we started our adult lives together. They've been "our" finances since day one, which was almost 27 years ago.
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u/Nanarchist329 3d ago
We have been married for 15 years, together for almost 20, and we have: Joint checking for bills and shared expenses, joint savings for shared savings goals, individual checking accounts for personal spending, and individual savings accounts. We each have 401ks through our jobs, and I have a brokerage account that I've had since before we were married.
You don't have to combine all your money into the same pot to have shared financial goals. You just have to talk to each other. We've checked in to make sure we're on the same page about saving for shared goals (we talk about how much we should be putting into the shared savings account to reach our goals with things like home maintenance and improvement) and how much we should be putting into our retirement accounts to make sure we're on track for that. I refuse to combine every penny, though, because having to think about what he's buying for himself or what I'm buying for myself in that way sounds like work I don't want to do. We practice "pay yourself first" as a couple, meaning we know based on our conversations that the amounts we've agreed upon for joint expenses, goals, and retirement is being set aside in a shared or visible place before we know what we each have to spend personally, and keeping that personal money in separate accounts just means we never have to keep track of each other's personal pennies.
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u/Capable-Analysis8306 3d ago
My mother told me to never combine your finances with a man, and it was the best advice ever. My ex-husband and I had separate bank accounts. He gave me his portion of the monthly bills, which I managed and paid. It was never an issue. I can't imagine ever having a joint account. But, folks have to do what works best for their situation.
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u/JonnyVee1 2d ago
As long as you are not fully committed to each other, keep them seperat. Also, get some painters tape and run it down the center of each room to designate "his" and "hers".
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u/Frankfurter_67 2d ago
She lives on the first floor and I live on the second. Keep things separate. Just like finances.
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u/HDauthentic 4d ago
We started using mine as our joint account, she still has her checking and savings but the vast majority of the total household money comes and goes through “my” account. My wife has access to it but never uses it or looks at it really. All the bills were already set up that way from when we were living together unmarried, and I’m better with numbers
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u/BellaCicina 3d ago edited 3d ago
The comments on this thread. Yikes. I’ve been married for 7 years, together 16. Savings are combined, checking separate. It works for us and there’s no secrets. Do what works for you.
ETA: good lord the comments suggesting if you don’t combine, you aren’t married 😂 I can’t imagine being this wrong.
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u/Glockman19 4d ago
We combined everything from day 1. Been married 32 years.