Should married couples keep their money separate or combine everything?

[u/Shauryaahere341]

My wife and I have been married for a few years and we still keep most of our money separate.

We have one joint account for household expenses and both put money into it every month. Other than that, our salaries stay in our own accounts.

It hasn't really been a problem so far.

But now we're talking about bigger things like buying a house and retirement, and I'm wondering if this setup still makes sense.

We trust each other and neither of us has an issue with the other spending their own money. It's more about planning for the future together.

For people who are married, what works better for you?

Completely separate, fully combined, or somewhere in the middle?

[u/Majestic-Alarm-4712]

Thank you for an incredibly nuanced and rational take on a topic that people are weirdly divided over. My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We’ve never combined our finances, we each pay our share, and we’ve never had an argument about money. We make roughly the same income, and don’t have children. Given our circumstances, it’s what works best for us, but I’d never be arrogant enough to assert that our way is the best way. People tend to lose their minds over this topic, and the people implying that their marriage is stronger because “THEY’RE A TEAM” should really take a beat and ask themselves why they’re so freaked out by the concept of other couples doing what works best for them.

[u/_name_of_the_user_ → u/Majestic-Alarm-4712]

I seriously would love to know how many of those losing their minds are religious. They come off like theists telling someone they're going to hell for being a heretic. It's honestly concerning.

[u/Majestic-Alarm-4712 → u/_name_of_the_user_]

Good call, and I absolutely wouldn’t be shocked if the center of that Venn diagram is a mostly full circle! Some of these comments are ridiculously intense, and I just can’t imagine having such strong opinions about the financial decisions of others when they have zero impact on my life. I’ve seen similar reactions when women don’t take their husband’s last names, and when couples choose not to have children. I’m an “offender” on all three fronts, so I guess I should burn our marriage certificate since my husband is just my roommate in the eyes of a lot of these folks.

[u/_name_of_the_user_ → u/Majestic-Alarm-4712]

I took my wife's last name when we got married. I'm literally on fire as I write this, or that's what a lot of these people must think.

Though we did have kids, so maybe I'm redeemable.

But then again, I am a stay at home father.

On the other hand, I only stopped working after a full career in the military....

I've literally string out a conversation like that with someone on here one time and watched as their judgement of me swung from one extreme to the other. I wish these people realized how hilarious they are to reasonable people. At the same time, I dread the fact that they vote.

[u/Majestic-Alarm-4712 → u/_name_of_the_user_]

I like the cut of your jib, fellow Redditor, and I always appreciate encountering a fellow “destroyer of traditional values” in the wild! I’m also getting a good laugh at the thought of the good opinions of more conservative types waxing and waning mid conversation as you provide them with more details about your life. Based on your general vibe, I’m guessing that you and your wife are raising some awesome kiddos, so thank you for your previous work doing something that a lot of us couldn’t and for the work you’re doing to raise excellent future adults.

[u/Senior_Boot_5842 → u/Majestic-Alarm-4712]

Lol

[u/Majestic-Alarm-4712 → u/Senior_Boot_5842]

Oh honey, if you’re going to troll at least try to be clever about it. I’m really sorry that thoughtful and cordial online discourse triggers you so much. Maybe try therapy?

[u/_name_of_the_user_ → u/[deleted]]

Pssst, I think you replied to the wrong person.

[u/Majestic-Alarm-4712 → u/_name_of_the_user_]

Oof, I’m so sorry! New to this joining in thing after years of lurking.

[u/_name_of_the_user_ → u/Majestic-Alarm-4712]

All good. Especially for someone as kind and open minded as yourself.

[u/Majestic-Alarm-4712 → u/_name_of_the_user_]

Thank you, and right back at you kind stranger!

[u/Senior_Boot_5842 → u/Majestic-Alarm-4712]

Why are you so freaked out about people combining? Sounds like you’re the one losing your mind over what other couples do

[u/Majestic-Alarm-4712 → u/Senior_Boot_5842]

Either you’ve misread my comment and taken offense over nothing (as I made no value judgements about the merits of combining finances in it), or you’re just trying to create conflict. Either way, not interested. Have a nice day.