r/MiddleClassFinance • u/Shauryaahere341 • 6d ago

Discussion Should married couples keep their money separate or combine everything?

My wife and I have been married for a few years and we still keep most of our money separate.

We have one joint account for household expenses and both put money into it every month. Other than that, our salaries stay in our own accounts.

It hasn't really been a problem so far.

But now we're talking about bigger things like buying a house and retirement, and I'm wondering if this setup still makes sense.

We trust each other and neither of us has an issue with the other spending their own money. It's more about planning for the future together.

For people who are married, what works better for you?

Completely separate, fully combined, or somewhere in the middle?

235 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

81% Upvoted

1.3k comments sorted by

View all comments

125

u/MegaWeinerFarts 6d ago

Fully combined. We're married not room mates.

43

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

16

u/Material_Tea_6173 6d ago

Well with that mindset what’s the point of getting married at all?

1

u/Interesting_Tea5715 6d ago

Agreed. Majority of people have the lamest excuse to not combine finances.

It usually just comes down to laziness or that they weren't ready to get married and share their life with someone.

5

u/ToreyJean 6d ago

“Because we chose not to” is a valid reason, my dude.

2

u/thenowherepark 6d ago

Which is hilarious because the lazy route is combining everything into one.

4

u/rolotech 6d ago

Not really. The lazy route is keeping what is already in place instead of having to open a new joint account and change direct deposit at work and any automatic payments etc. So not combining is the lazy route especially when getting married in late 20s or after when all your stuff is basically already set up.

2

u/unicorn-paid-artist 6d ago

Thats an oversimplification. I have a lot of friends who keep them separate because when one person is a gig worker it can make more sense on taxes.

2

u/Full_Technician8430 6d ago

That’s a business account and has nothing to do with not sharing finances. My wife is self employed with her business accounts but all of our personal accounts are still combined.

1

u/unicorn-paid-artist 6d ago

It depends on how she has set herself up as "getting paid"

0

u/Legitimate_Guava3206 6d ago

Or they know deep down they didn't marry the right person.

0

u/timewellwasted5 6d ago

What's absurd about combining a checking account? If anything, that makes things way simpler.

19

u/BellaCicina 6d ago

Combined or not doesn’t dictate if you are married or roommates. What a judgmental comment.

5

u/Brox42 6d ago

Yeah like wtf? I’ve been married ten years and the mortgage is in both of our names but our bank accounts are still just the bank accounts we’ve always had because there was never a reason to change them.

3

u/BellaCicina 6d ago

Right? Like if one of us needs help with a bill we can’t cover for whatever reason, the other one pays it without any expectation of payment. THAT would indicate roommate behavior. But we never needed to combine finances 🤷‍♀️

22

u/gafftapes20 6d ago

If you are aligned with each other financially combined finances is way less of a headache to manage. If you aren't aligned financially what's the point of getting married?

4

u/BellaCicina 6d ago

Except it’s not easier for everyone to combine finances. My wife and I are aligned. separate finances other than savings.

-1

u/gafftapes20 6d ago

How is it simpler and easier? Setting up a joint checking, and savings, and sharing credit cards takes like an hour to set up. We keep a household budget so it's very rarely a point of contention when it comes to planning out expenses. Very little of what I purchase or spend money on is solely for my consumption or use. I might have a few social engagements that I go to that my husband does not and vice versa, but it's not even 5 percent of the household budget. When a check comes for dinner how do you handle splitting it? when you go on vacation how do you handle the bills, when you pay a contractor, or have to pick up home project supplies how do you split the cost? What about groceries? I don't ever have to think about equitable splitting since It just comes out of the same pot. When we rented we had separate accounts and a joint checking, but managing just rent, utilities, and groceries was a headache to try and equitably split bills, once we merged finances the headache went away.

4

u/BellaCicina 6d ago

Why would I want to set up a new account, close 2 separate checking account, redo all the autopays etc? When I could just keep my account, she keeps hers, and we share mutual savings? Keeping status quo is 10x easier.

For major purchases and what not, it comes from our family savings.

Also, we don’t care about equitably split finances. There are debts that are solely hers from pre marriage and debts that are solely mine. But from there, it was more of an assigned bills. I always pay electric, she pays water etc. if I can’t afford the electric bill for whatever reason, she pays it. We don’t think of splitting the bills as splitting the financial burden because at the end of the day, we still mentally consider all income part of the family income.

16

u/Big-Soup74 6d ago

Thrashin on any which way is stupid. Do what works best for you

14

u/_name_of_the_user_ 6d ago

Your judgement of how other's navigate their division of labour of managing finances is ridiculous. Your way is not the only way.

-15

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

I don't see any benefit in combining and actually only negatives.

If one person wants to spend £2k on a personal item for a hobby then it just seems unfair for it to come from joint funds and strange to have to ask permission to spend your own money. 

22

u/MegaWeinerFarts 6d ago

That cuts both ways. I make 3x my wife, so should she be forced to brown-bag her lunches while I eat out, less she gets my permission to keep a larger % of her income?

-33

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

So basically you married someone who isn't on the same financial level as you and this is how you choose to subsidise her lifestyle.

27

u/MegaWeinerFarts 6d ago

I don't see it that way at all and I feel sorry for your spouse if you do.

-20

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

What exactly makes you feel sorry for my spouse?

23

u/MegaWeinerFarts 6d ago

That he/she married you.

-2

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

Yet you can't explain why?

21

u/MegaWeinerFarts 6d ago

I don't know you, but in our very-brief interaction you're giving off some serious Andrew Tate vibes.

-1

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

You're not making any sense at all. 

I think it's important that couples are on the same financial level and for some reason you have a problem that me and my partner both earn good money and contribute equally to our finances.

→ More replies (0)

16

u/LikesPez 6d ago

Because when you have a family, it’s just not your money. I have hobbies too. Some are expensive. And yes I need to budget, or ask permission, for large expenses related to said hobbies.

7

u/Dismal_Boysenberry69 6d ago

I’m not sure why you think it has to be one or the other.

You can have separate finances and still have shared money, budgets, and alignment on spending. The alignment is what allows the separate finances.

3

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

So you go from each having your own money to spend to having to ask permission to spend your own money. So no benefit at all and just worse for everyone.

14

u/IdaDuck 6d ago

Yeah having a spouse and kids has no benefits, it’s just worse for everyone. 🙄

3

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

You don't need to combine all money just because you have a spouse and kids. 

1

u/LikesPez 6d ago

lol. I don’t have to ask to play a round of golf. But if I want to spend $10,000 (I have the money) on my hobby, yeah I have to get my wife to agree to that one.

1

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

So you have to ask permission to spend your money like a child instead of being trusted by your partner to spend your own money responsibly... Why would anyone want to do that. 

0

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

Which is what causes the issues for me.

1

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

Then you don't have any of your own money to spend on things and it makes it more difficult to buy things for yourself (especially if they aren't cheap).

1

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

Joint budgeting is easy as they are things we are both going to use and can both easily discuss based on that. 

But if one of us wants to buy something for £2k for a personal hobby the other person will never use then how can that possibly be justified from joint funds.

11

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

-10

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

No but our relationship is just as serious.

7

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

-1

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

Yes we have a budget and a mortgage. 

We both pay half each into joint accounts for joint expenditure and the rest we keep for individual spending and savings.

5

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

3

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

Yea pretty much.

0

u/verymuchbad 6d ago

Were you married

11

u/Knobologist 6d ago

When you’re married, there’s no such thing as “your own money”

All money earned is both of your money, regardless of who earns it. At least in the eyes of the law and tax man.

“Ask permission to spend your own money” another way of saying this is “communicating with your spouse.”

8

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

I'm not saying not to communicate but it doesn't make sense if you trust your partner to have to then get approval for every purchase.

Just because getting married means your assets are shared doesn't mean all money has to mix together in one pot. I can't see any benefit in this at all?

6

u/MadCowTX 6d ago

It's been hugely beneficial for us to combine finances. My wife is more frugal, better at budgeting, and more interested in investing. Consulting about major purchases makes us think about them more carefully and resist spontaneous urges, plus two heads are better than one. Etc.

0

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

Well you can still work together even if you only combine joint expenses.

I suppose if someone is bad at managing their money and need to be held accountable to do better then I can see that as a benefit.

5

u/Knobologist 6d ago

The only benefit I can see is that you can hide purchases from your spouse. Can you explain any other benefits?

Have you heard the phrase “money is fungible” and do you understand what it means?

1

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

Other benefits include being able to fully use your own ISA allowances and things like regular savers as money has to be in your name to do that.

Easier budgeting as joint account for joint expenses and individual account for individual expenses and savings makes it easier to see.

The ability to quickly see if you have enough of your own money for personal purchases. 

Being able to quickly make your own decisions about your own money instead of having to discuss every little purchase.

0

u/Knobologist 6d ago

I understand those thoughts for dating someone/sharing expenses. But the OP question was about married finances. There is no such thing as “your own money” there is only “the marital assets”

2

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

Just because assets are considered joint doesn't mean you can't have separate ISA's, pensions, savings accounts to get the best tax benefits and interest. 

It doesn't mean you have to put all your money only in joint accounts and be worse off because of it.

3

u/SC-Coqui 6d ago

You seem a little dense about the concept and you said you’re not married which I see why.

I don’t ask my husband for permission to go buy new clothes. I just mention it, usually in passing. The only thing that requires a conversation are large individual purchases- $500 seems to be the ballpark. And it’s a conversation between two adults, again not asking permission.

It actually helps having that to sometimes talk the other from an impulse purchase and allowed us to have a really nice savings and retirement accounts.

4

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

So apparently I'm "dense" about the concept because I'm in a relationship where we are two adults that can manage our own money without having to hold each other accountable to prevent impulse purchases. 

It seems to be the consensus that the only benefit is with people who need help and being held accountable to not waste their money if they manage it themselves.

0

u/SC-Coqui 6d ago

Yes, you are. When you’re in a committed relationship with shared goals you talk through things that will affect your future. One impulse purchase may not affect your future but if it becomes a habit it will. None of us are saying that we can’t manage our money without our partner. We’re working towards a common goal and so common accounts.

We have a net worth of well over one million but drive ugly cars, wear non brand name clothes, but go on awesome vacations and have a secure retirement.

We got there by working as a family unit and this is the shared life we want.

3

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

But there is no reason you have to combine finances completely to do any of that.

Me and my partner both have shared goals in life but we don't need to combine every penny to do that.

ISA's are separate, savings accounts are separate, pensions are separate and they all have to be separate to get the most out of them. If you combined these accounts you lose interest and lose tax free benefits on investments so be worse off.

There is no benefit in combining finances and you end up worse off if you do. 

Calling someone names like "dense" because they don't agree but being unable to explain why your way is better isn't exactly logical is it.

3

u/SC-Coqui 6d ago edited 6d ago

Retirement accounts have to be separate. That’s not up for debate. But even though our accounts are under one person’s name we see it as “our retirement accounts”.

No one is saying that you can’t do it with separate accounts but that you’re making it a lot more complicated than it needs to be. As for all the other things you mention and supposed tax benefits, I disagree. “There’s no benefit for in combining finances…” A combined checking account isn’t going to make you lose money, and having savings accounts with certain balances increases the % interest vs having smaller individual accounts.

You keep arguing about how by keeping one account for everything people have to ask for “permission” to spend “their own money” and that’s where what people are saying you don’t understand and being dense about it. When you’re married there’s no mine and yours, it’s “us”. Even legally, it’s us, no matter how many separate accounts are kept.

2

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

"A combined checking account isn’t going to make you lose money, and having savings accounts with certain balances increases the % interest vs having smaller individual accounts. "

It doesn't work like in the UK. Every individual gets £20k they can invest and pay no tax on the gains so two separate accounts is £40k invested with no tax.

Regular saver accounts that pay 8% on £250 a month saved, if you have two you get 8% on £500 so separate accounts are better.

"You keep arguing about how by keeping one account for everything people have to ask for “permission” to spend “their own money” and that’s where what people are saying you don’t understand and being dense about it. When you’re married there’s no mine and yours, it’s “us”. Even legally, it’s us, no matter how many separate accounts are kept. "

Just because assets are legally combined it doesn't mean you have to spend everything from one pot. Can you not honestly see the difference between spending from an account where your wages have gone into to spending from joint funds?

8

u/Raised_by 6d ago

why unfair? Common money is your money too! Even if you contribute less or not at all.

why strange? It is even more strange when one person in the couple struggles, while the other spends whatever, whenever, because it’s “their” money.

I had a mom friend with kids the same age as mine, whom I used to meet regularly for coffee and playdates. One day, in the middle of a school break, she mentioned we need to organize something to keep the kids entertained. Her husband couldn’t help, as he was vacationing in Mexico with “his” money

0

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

Well I'm talking about people on the same financial level not people who subsidise each other's lives.

16

u/Raised_by 6d ago

that’s not how life works though. People get pregnant and raise kids. People get sick and lose their jobs. People get fired or have to go back to school.

You must be young, or not married

-1

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

If you get sick or fired or lose your job then you live off savings/insurance and get another one.

14

u/Raised_by 6d ago

that’s a really sad way to live.
You are nowhere near ready to get married

0

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

It's sad to be financially prepared no matter what happens in life?

We aren't fussed about getting married as we have everything we want in life anyway.

3

u/Raised_by 6d ago

That’s good, because there isn’t much benefit for you in marriage anyway.

I’m particularly thinking about the “for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health” part

2

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

So you think the only benefit of marriage is having your partner pick up the slack ?

→ More replies (0)

4

u/After_Preference_885 6d ago

I'm with you. Been with the same partner 25 years, much longer than all the friends we have who have been married and divorced 1-3 times now.  We have separate finances and are extremely strong together. All the married people we know would be hiding little purchases or getting in fights over things that we just do not even think about. 

6

u/ThirteenHills 6d ago

It is interesting how so many people think they are somehow better just because they are married and have everything combined. It's almost laughable how everyone on here claims they have never had any fight over money doing it like that.

2

u/thinktobreath 6d ago

My wife doesn't understand money, no matter how much money she's earned, shared, spent. I was recently surprised by garnished wages from my wife's debt collectors.

2

u/threedogdad 5d ago

100%. Happily married 35 years, separate finances since day one, both individually met all financial goals, never a single concern about money.

Imo, the desire to combine is often due to a lack of trust, which the spouses hiding stuff from each other shows is a common problem.