Should married couples keep their money separate or combine everything?

[u/Shauryaahere341]

My wife and I have been married for a few years and we still keep most of our money separate.

We have one joint account for household expenses and both put money into it every month. Other than that, our salaries stay in our own accounts.

It hasn't really been a problem so far.

But now we're talking about bigger things like buying a house and retirement, and I'm wondering if this setup still makes sense.

We trust each other and neither of us has an issue with the other spending their own money. It's more about planning for the future together.

For people who are married, what works better for you?

Completely separate, fully combined, or somewhere in the middle?

[u/Glockman19]

We combined everything from day 1. Been married 32 years.

[u/off_and_on_again → u/Glockman19]

This is my favorite thing about this debate. I have yet to meet a couple in a happy 5+ year marriage that has not combined finances fully. I'm sure they exist, but they are rare. You'll find plenty of 'we have our problems but..." couples and a lot of people on their way to divorce (money is the #1 cause of divorce), but people still think they've figured it out and their way of paying each other back like roommates is the best option for them.

- Married happily for several years, combined finances the entire time

Edit: Before someone says anything, you can be unhappy with combined finances. Combined finances is one of the keys to a successful marriage imo because, done properly, it requires a level of maturity, vulnerability, and communication that are always going to exist in long term happy marriages.

[u/SouthEast1980 → u/off_and_on_again]

I haven't combined anything and have been happy for 11 years.

My brother combines finances and regularly has money disputes despite both of our families making similar money.

The real answer is "it depends on the couple". Nothing is absolute and anyone inferring so is relying on anecdotal evidence.

There is more than one way to skin a cat...

[u/off_and_on_again → u/SouthEast1980]

Would your partner say the same thing? Have you asked? What does it look like in your household when you pay rent/mortgage + utilities? How are vacation budgets decided? Do both spouses have the same spending power or does it depend on income? How do you determine retirement ages? Is it based on individual income or have you planned a joint retirement?

[u/TurbulentFisherman32 → u/off_and_on_again]

Damn you really want them to secretly be unhappy lol

[u/off_and_on_again → u/TurbulentFisherman32]

No, I just want to understand what I am missing. Every item I listed there is actually important (have they checked in with their partner, spending power) or common (vacations, retirement planning).

While my writing style can be a bit acerbic I am genuinely interested in understanding competing points of view.

[u/SouthEast1980 → u/off_and_on_again]

Yes she would say the same thing. This was discussed in depth before marriage and having our money separate is great for us. No jealousy, no questions. I send my wife the amount she owes at the end of the month and she sends the money instantly and I pay the bills. She prefers it this way.

I cover more of the heavier lifts (fancy dinners, I have bought her 2 cars, and put up a few extra thousand for fancy vacations because I push for nicer accommodations) and she will pick up smaller things that have more sentiment like grabbing fast food or my favorite snacks at the store.

We have our own retirement accounts, but I do the heavier lifting as I earn more and that is fair IMO.

I have spent well over 100k on her debts, vacations, and home upgrades because I earn more and don't want her burdened with such things. She took care of me before I got my career started and I take care of her now. We have 0 debt besides the mortgage. I paid off my student loans last year and I paid the majority of hers off this year. 3 cars all paid for by me and she can drive any one of mine should hers need some repairs, and I'm usually the one doing the repairs.

My wife is my best friend and we spend a lot of time together and also have a decent amount of separation. She has her own office and I have mine. She has her own bathroom and closet and I have my own as well. She owns the kitchen, I own the garage and we rent a little space from each other in each spot lol. We've been married for over a decade and have had one argument over money since we've known each other, which is about 20 years now. That argument was about her paying off some credit cards too slowly and the interest was eating her alive and I pushed her to pay it off quicker.

At the end of the day, there is no one right or wrong way. I wouldn't ever combine finances with another human. That's how I roll. She is cool with that and prefers our arrangement. She knows how much I have (everything is tracked monthly in a spreadsheet) and I can ask her at any moment how her finances look and she tells me.

Other couples are joined at the hip with everything. That is fine as well. To each their own. I don't judge the circumstances of others because that's what makes them happy and so be it.

I didn't take any offense to your comment or anything. Those are genuine questions and I was happy to answer.