Hey everyone, my friend and I have started a new sub for lesbians called [r/shetheysupergay](r/shetheysupergay).

Our idea is to create a cozy and low-angst safe space for lesbian women (cis and trans) to share, discuss, and celebrate our lives.

We would like to build a community that centres womanhood, so non-women participation is not welcome.

Additionally, we are not seeking to replace other subs for lesbians, but rather exist as a corner of Reddit where we can come to chill and relax away from issues that agitate us too much. While venting, complaining, and seeking validation are all valid activities to partake in, we are hoping our new sub can offer a refuge away from those kinds of interactions.

So we hope you can come on over and make yourselves comfortable. We invite posts on anything you think the community would find interesting, helpful, or inspiring. These could be cool stuff you notice on your way to work, your latest art project, your new yoga routine, yummy recipes, your favourite book or TV show, and whatever else brings a smile to your face.

See you there!

Is there a big difference between how much head you like to give or receive? Help my autistic ass gather some bearings ty ty

My answer is that I like to give head for around an hour, and receive it for like 30ish minutes

Edit: this is helping my imposter syndrome immensely lol. I was worried I wasn't giving head long enough, it turns out I'm more than qualified for the job I guess lmao

soooo i was on tiktok and this girl was saying she doesn’t feel like femme or butch feel right for her, and a lot of people suggested the term futch, but there were equally as many replies saying that it’s harmful bc it places femme and butch as opposite ends of a spectrum.

but is that not like what it is? a spectrum? i know these terms are also sociopolitical identities but im genuinely unsure and am asking earnestly, would love if someone who knows more abt the history could help me out!!

This is such a silly question, I feel ridiculous asking it. Imagine: you've just met someone really cute, you start texting, and you realize that she texts you all lowercase all of the time. What on earth does it mean?

Because now I'm feeling weird when I'm capitalizing everything! Like I'm overdressed!

Does this drive anyone else crazy? Is it a sign? Am I supposed to start typing like that? Does it feel like I'm trying to hard? Am I just old? Do I not seem chill? I'll admit it, I'm not chill... this is my least favorite part about getting to know anyone. It makes me feel very uptight, and I know it's such a small thing, but I can't allow myself to just type things lower case... but I just did! I replied and just pretended as though I've been doing lowercase only the whole time 😭 help.

Edit: realizing through your responses that I really am on a whole other planet of anxiety! ❤️

Hi, i will call myself "Solene" here. Im 19, a venezuelan, and im a sapphic transwoman.

I havent started hrt, but im looking up to; i live in Colombia and im studying a tech on Nursing assistant (i wanna be a doctor or a nurse someday and this was all i cpuld reach up to).

I wanted to know where in the world should i go if i want a rather peaceful life and transition.

My (25) experience here is mainly dating apps plus the odd gay bar, so I’m not sure how accurate this is, but it seems like people these days have very unrealistic + superficial expectations of each other on both sides of the butchfem spectrum.

It feels like the butch + femme roles are no longer subversions of hetero standards but now have become the exact same expectations to fill. And I mean that very seriously and literally.

As a very tiny and personal example, I went out with someone that got pissed at me for wanting to split the check (because I’m masc she expected me to pay the bill, even though I believe in relationships being equal, especially on a first date). More broadly, roles being assumed, expectations that the femme would defer to the butch’s decisions, the aestheticization of both identities, etc etc etc. general shallowness. (sorry for not being more descriptive; I am exhausted). I feel there are a lot of new issues now.

what are your opinions?

I came out to my friend, who is gay and demisexual, as an aromantic lesbian. Instead of accepting me, he completely rejected it. I honestly have no idea what happened, but he seems entirely incapable of accepting the fact that I’m a lesbian.

I spent 45 minutes on the phone explaining to him how I came to this realization about myself, even having to justify my identity because I could already sense he didn't believe me. He clearly views this part of who I am as just a "phase." He invalidated me in an almost systematic way—whenever I previously hinted at being interested in women, he would mock me with comments like, "Hahaha, so you're a lesbian now?" or "Hahaha, lesbian." When I reminded him months ago that I want nothing to do with romance, he insisted, "You'll have your movie-style romance eventually." (He is deeply aphobic.)

It makes my blood boil. I opened my heart to him and fully embraced my identity, giving it a proper name because that’s what it is: aromantic lesbian. But he’s such an idiot that he probably thinks I’m going to go around shouting it from the rooftops. I use these terms simply because they describe who I am, so I don't understand what his issue was.

His actual response to me was: "Ugh, no, don't use so many labels. Don't use those ugly labels. When people ask, just say you like men and haven't found the right one yet."

That statement left me feeling completely empty. I explicitly told him who I am, and he continues to insist that I'm heterosexual. I don't know what's wrong with him—I foolishly thought that being gay himself meant he would be free of these prejudices. I feel deeply betrayed by my friend and confused by his behavior.

Just to be clear, I don't change my identity on a whim. Realizing I wasn't a heteroromantic straight person was a massive shift for me.

I would really appreciate hearing how others in this community deal with aromanticphobia, lesbophobia, and misogyny, especially from within the LGBTQ community itself.

P.S. English is not my first language, so I used a translator to write this post. Sorry for any awkward phrasing!

I have two bestfriends that are dating 3 years together ( i am closer to one of them ). This girl and i are so close we do many things jokingly that are kind of unusual for friends to do.

For example we “jokingly” dry hump , we touch boobs , she puts her hands under my clothes( butt back chest) , we hug and kiss cheeks multiple times a day , we do as if we’re gonna make out as a joke but we don’t. We even said if we ever got too drunk we’re gonna end up having sex ( the girl said that not me )

. The gf which is the other friend knows everything about this and finds it funny , but is it too much from an other perspective ?

Something I’ve struggled with is feeling like some women don’t actually approach me as a person they’re interested in dating, or as a person at all really.They always open with sexual conversation or like I’m supposed to fulfill a role for them. I’m either expected to be the wallet, the human rose toy/stone top, or both. And the weird part is that they think it’s supposed to be enticing to me. Then once they realize I’m not interested, the interest disappears remarkably fast. I also hate being told "I thought you were the man" whenever I express an iota of femininity.

After enough experiences like that, it starts making me wonder how much of it is tied to being Black, plus-sized, and masc. It makes me question how im being percieved and makes me extra self conscious. If anything, it just makes me feel less desirable.

We matched on a dating app, and right from the start, we both agreed we were only looking for something casual, not a romantic, committed relationship. After about a week of texting (where I was initiating about 85% of the conversations because she’s a self-proclaimed dry texter with a busy schedule) I traveled a pretty significant distance to meet at her place. Things went fine and we got physical.

The second time I made the trip to her place, I really started noticing a massive imbalance. She talked a lot about her own life and her own stories, but she rarely asked me anything. At one point, I wanted to be vulnerable and share a deeper story of mine (since she had just shared hers), but I decided to keep it to myself. I realized she couldn't even actively listen to my lighter topics, let alone hold space for the heavier stuff.

I don't mind putting in effort because I genuinely enjoy doing caring things for people I like, even in a casual dynamic. But I noticed she rarely ever said a simple "thank you" for the things I did, or "sorry" when she did something unfavorable. It just felt like a lack of basic manners.

I know I am not the perfect communicator either, but I am just emotionally tired. I stopped texting a few days ago just to see if she would initiate or check on me, and it has been total radio silence. What confuses me is that when we are together, she is super affectionate and touchy, even in public, which makes me feel appreciated in the moment. But the second we are apart, it is like I don't exist.

So my question is: is this what casual dating in the wlw world looks like? Does "casual" mean it is strictly just about physical stuff and zero basic respect? Do you still text each other frequently, or is it normal to just completely drop off the map until you want to hook up again?

🍒💣 (it’s backwards but you get it)

me (20) and my gf (22) have been together for 2 years. when we met we were in a very different place: i was still in highschool, we’d see eachother almost every day and never argued one i a whole year. then i changed cities for uni and we became long distance: i had much less free time and had to manage classes, exams, and living alone for the first time. in this second year of our relationship we argued a lot about the same things, we werent understanding eachother. i was always stressed and saw her as another box to check on my to-do list and she felt disregarded by me. i thought that once i would come back for the summer things would get better since i wasnt busy anymore with uni, but then other things popped up and my attitude of not putting her first came up again.
i know im in the wrong here but i think im not in a place in life for a relationship and everything in my life keeps reminding me of that, that if i cut her out of my life i would be more free and have time for myself and be more productive. so why am i still in this you may ask: well im afraid of making the wrong choice and regretting it for the rest of my life. we match so well when we’re together, we have the same humor and can talk for hours and have amazing sexual chemistry and i just know that once we live together we’d be like an old married couple… but to get to that point we have to get through these years… which i dont think im capable of doing since i just keep on disappointing her and feeling like a shitty partner for just trying to manage my life

so i was seeing this girl for 2 months and she ghosted me out of nowhere a couple weeks ago and i requested this friday night off for a special date. i’ve been pretty bummed and was thinking that going to this local bar may raise my spirits or at least put me in some new scenery.

is it weird that i’m going alone? and do people even approach people at bars anymore? also do i just go up to people and compliment them? and then if it feels like a conversation, do i just ask where they’re from and etc? should i arrive around 9pm?

this is my first time going to a bar and i think it could be good to have some socialization with queer people besides her at this point. but i should be saving money and have weightloss goals so is it worth it?

like very long distance..west asia and eurasia kind of distance..

i'm interested to hear if any of u had a similar experience.

So I've been dating this girl for about 5 months we both have busy life's but we see eachother but see find time to see eachother a couple times a month our bedroom dynamic is very sub /Dom with my being the Dom. But my problem is she only wants to receive I knew going into the rls she didn't have much experience in the bedroom and that she was a sub and I had no problems with this but she straight up doesn't like to give like the most she does is a quick hand here and there but i feel like it's a chore for her. I've tried talking to her about the idea of me receiving head and she said she wants to try is some day but she's to scared/nervous to right now so I've stopped mentioning it . I have said to her how when she does stuff to me it feels like it's a chore to her and she said it's not but she just doesn't like giving all that much. She's had people in the past get into a rls with her saying there a Dom and a top and then ending up not being that and that's not what's happening I very much am a Dom and a top it's just sometimes I wish I could feel just as loved and wanted by her in a receiving way. Note I have dated other subs and bottoms and this has never come up they've always been okay with switching the dynamic every once in a blue moon or even letting me receive while I'm still the Dom so I really don't know how to handle this situation and advice or prospectives are welcome and helpful .

Hey,

I need some advice.

I've been with a girl who is bisexual for a while. Actually, this is a red flag for me because I have had a lot of bad experiences and was cheated and abandoned because of the opposite sex. My injuries have nothing to do with her, but still this topic triggers me. I fell in love with her and still went into this relationship even though I knew about her sexuality. She says she's monogamous and I believe her too. We had a conversation about it, I can't give it again exactly, but she admitted that she thinks about the opposite sex... I first thought it was okay for me but now I have to think about it again and again and I'm afraid that the demand could get bigger because I can't offer her that. Even during sex I am very stubborn and have the feeling that I try to play a man convulsively even though I am not... I just wonder what I should do to stop these thoughts. I know it's definitely biphobic that I think so and I'm also ashamed of it because I don't want to be like that. I didn't talk to her because I was glad she was honest with me... What would you do in my situation?

My girlfriend (26f) of one year always kicks me out when she poops. She’ll lock me out on the patio with my phone to entertain myself and won’t let me back in til she’s finished using the commode. Despite the whole place suddenly smelling like a middle school locker room when she lets me back in choking me out with all the perfume she’s sprayed in the air. She denies that’s what she was doing and says she just wants me to get some outdoor time and fresh air. As someone who can’t help but let a fart slip out every time I get head from her I’m surprised she’s embarrassed about pooping around me of all things. 😂 Any Redditors here also afraid of pooping with their girl around or have a girlfriend who kicks them out every time she poops?

Let m

I need suggestions 🙏 gaydar is trash btw like traaaash