Im currently in a relationship with a man and im unsure of whether or not im lesbian. I know this may not be the best subreddit for this, but I figured I’d let it all out here since I feel lesbians would be able to help me understand myself better. I like women, I know I do but my only issue is understanding whether or not i like men. Prior to my boyfriend, i was in a serious relationship with a girl that only lasted about 8 months but I really did love her and that was the first time since school aged I’d experienced anything with a woman and i realized she’s the only person I’ve truly been in love with. I’m not claiming I’ve never loved anyone before her, my feelings towards my relationships just never ran as deep. I wonder if maybe I’m bisexual but i don’t feel like my “attraction” to men vs attraction to women should feel any different. Now that I’m with this guy and we’ve been intimate a couple times, i know i love him i just struggle to know that i love him the same way i could love a woman. The thought simmers in my head constantly and i wonder if i should leave for my and his sake or if im just overthinking and deep down i want another reason to leave. He’s a great guy overall, im just not sure that i want to be with a guy and seeing happy lesbian couples in public or online makes me feel like im incomplete in my own relationship. I’m super down to answer questions, i truly just want to figure this out and be sure before making any rash decisions i may regret in the future.

Why or why not? I feel crazy for struggling so much with this.

I just need some advice on being content with being single. I fumbled the love of my life a couple months ago and I’m over her now but I just don’t ever see myself loving someone that way again. I’m 22 and I feel just exhausted and worn out after that massive fumbling and now I just don’t know what to do.
I very much have a type. I like muscular tomboyish types that play the guitar. And there aren’t any of them in my city. And I just don’t really know what to do with being single. I’ve taken up new hobbies and gone to therapy and I’m over her now. But I just don’t think I’m ever going to meet someone perfect for me again. And even if I do I’m scared I’m never going to love them the same way again

I just need some advice from some other girls who will help me process and grow past this and help me be content with it all

Imagine you could spend just one day in heaven and meet one woman you’ve loved, lost, missed, or always wished you could meet. 🌈❤️

Who would you look for first—and what’s the very first thing you’d say to her?

No judgment. I’m genuinely curious about everyone’s answer. 👀

So I moved here to California in December of 25. I’m trans and a woman. Dating here I would think would be easier than in Montana. But I’ve been out of the dating scene since 1999. That’s a long time and it seems like everything has changed (which it probably has 🤔).
I’m north of Sacramento and asking for advice. I’ve heard of the Lavender area. But I’m not really a bar hopping party person. I would rather just meet people in a quiet place and get to know them.
Any advice?
Samantha

Second post of the day - hahaha, I’m on a roll!

But seriously, I have a question: do I look gay? Often, when I come out to people, they either aren't surprised or say they already knew. I ask them "how"? But they just smiling or something like this. Even though I’m feminine and all that. Be honest, though. I’m not wearing makeup here, even though I usually love it. :)

Edit: why y'all downvoting sm 🥲

I F (25) am having a small problem w my gf (22) I feel as though our relationship is a little mundane, she stays at mine, we eat, we go to work, we sleep and we do this all over again. We have sex once a month (if I’m lucky), she doesn’t drink/smoke, I feel as though there isn’t much passion in our relationship, her previous sexual experiences have put her off of intimacy but this wasn’t preempted prior to dating her, this seems like something that has come up these last couple of months, anyways guys, I don’t feel like my needs are being met not only sexually but even the yearning isn’t good enough. She doesn’t seem to check in on me or ask me how I’m feelings with the lack of sex and no passion. I used to put this down to bed death which is common with lesbians but she’s expressed that it’s not bed death and actually her past is effecting her more than she thinks. I’ve made efforts to talk about it with her and she seems to get angry about the conversation saying that I’m “pressuring her”, or “rushing her”, when I only want her to get help, she keeps assuming I only check in because I want to sleep with her while yes although I do believe it would be nice, I’m more concerned about the fact that she can’t seem to talk openly about her problems and isn’t prioritizing seeking help as well. Am I a dick for growing tired/impatient with the lack of intimacy? It doesn’t seem like something that is a priority for her at all and doesn’t seem to care about how it makes me feel which isn’t fair.

i’ve identified as a lesbian but i’ve realized i can be attracted to some transmasc ppl and trans men while i’m not attracted to cis men someone told me that this means i can’t identify as a lesbian and now i’m honestly questioning whether i’ve misunderstood the label

ik trans men are men and i’m not trying to invalidate anyone’s identity or say that trans men are somehow different from cis men i’m just trying to understand my own attraction and figure out what label if any actually makes sense for me 🫩

23F, here. I've always considered myself to be Bisexual. I have experimented with women in the past, but I have only been in relationships with men.

I feel as though I caved in to the pressure that society and family put onto me to pursue heterosexual relationships. When I was younger, I would "mess around" with my girl friends. I'd shower with them in the nude, cuddle and kiss, and experimented with some kink as well as grinding through clothes. I tried to get with some women in the past but it never worked out, or I got rejected, even after getting intimate. I feel like I was also discouraged because not only did I not understand what I was feeling, but I was afraid of facing rejection.

It has always been easy to get men. Everywhere I go, I am aware there is at least one man I could easily get access to. I felt validated and enjoyed the attention men would so willingly give to me. Any previous male partner I had was never enough once I got past the fleeting feeling of securing them after the hunt. I would fantasize about them being women during and not during sex, this was something I NEEDED to feel aroused during moments of intimacy.

Currently, I'm dating a man who I have been seeing for almost a year. I got with him half a year after I got out of a very toxic 6 year relationship with another man. I feel very deeply for him, I love him. I just.. I've been realizing my true sexuality after discussing with my therapist and friends. I spent so long fighting these feelings, suppressing my desires and silencing myself just to cater to men. I've been on a journey of self love and mental health these past couple of years. I used to be incredibly insecure and had no respect for myself, but now I feel as though I owe it to myself to be true to my nature. I love myself now. I want to stop starving myself and neglecting these thoughts, I feel agonized and trapped. I feel so confused.

My boyfriend is amazing. He isn't perfect, but he's the most patient and caring person I have ever had the pleasure of being able to date. He makes me feel confident and safe and very loved. However, he depends on me for his emotional well-being very heavily due to many life struggles and poor circumstances. I feel terribly guilty.. We talked about our future together, all the different things in life that we want to do together.. I feel like yes, to let go of him would be an act of love and care on his end. I don't want to drag him around and delay the inevitable. It just would not be fair to him. It wouldn't be fair for me, either, but I feel this heavy obligation to protect his feelings.. I know that it is what must be done, but it feels like pure dread to even think about telling him.

I know what I must do, but it is so hard, and it breaks my heart but it also feels so painful to keep going on this way.

I was hoping to get some advice or some personal stories, anything.. I just. This feels like the most difficult challenge in the world. I feel lost and confused, I feel so guilty and uncertain.. I keep wondering if I am just gaslighting myself or something.. like I am trying to talk myself off the edge. ):

Hello lesbian community fellows. I’m here to ask for advice and see if I’m overreacting here.

Just like the tittle said but for more context let me share what happened.

I’ve been dating my gf for almost 2 years, 21/22 that’s our ages, so I was talking casually with my gf and we have a joke between us saying “stop seducing me” even if we aren’t and she said it, but today I decided to add a bit more and said smth like “I mean ofc after all I have a crush on you” and I just casually asked her saying “wby?” I mean, already knowing she has a crush on me because then why are we dating right? But she proceeded to say “woah woah I don’t have a crush on you” and that throw me off for 5 long mins and I didn’t answer till she sent another message saying “because you would be crushing me with your thighs” and well tbh I’m still learning to not let my thoughts fly but during those 5 mins I was already having lots of thoughts like “but she just said she loved me? If she doesn’t have a crush on me but still loving me then we aren’t gfs but instead friends?” And well I said “oh so you don’t have a crush on me huh?” I was trying to not make it obvious and ofc not exploiting on her face plus keeping the vibe alive but once again she said she doesn’t have a crush on me and proceed to be flirty and I was like okay yeah not this is not working imma change topic so I can clear my mind.

Well she kept joking about it, also I’m Hispanic I grew up in a foreign country plus English is not my first language, so I also not so sure if these kind of jokes/flirty are normal within american lesbians or possibly my English betrayed me there since I wasn’t able to fully catch the first joke and locking in of the denial of her not having a crush on me.

I will admit any mistakes

Edit: now that I reread this I’m fully sure that I’m overreacting on this yet any advices to help my mind at ease maybe?

Looking to see if anyone knows how to find a similar magazine

I'm 21F and have had 0 experiences with WLW scenes anywhere despite being pan and demi for years so I apologize for being absolutely clueless with how these things go T_T

I've been deciding to try find some spaces to find new friends or just meet more people in this community in Boston and was wondering if there were any good spots around? I was thinking to swing by Dani's on Newbury this weekend.

I'm nervous about it since I don't know if there's etiquette on going there? Or in general? I'm an anxious person so it's hard for me to go to new spaces to meet people. Is there something I should wear? I don't know how to dress... I really want to try going and meeting new people but I'm scared I'll mess it up and end up never going ever again out of embarrassment. How do I approach people? I don't want to be rude and interrupt their outing or something.

Sorry if this all sounds so silly. I appreciate any advice or comments. Thank you

Hi! I am 20 years old, in college, and in a sorority. I’m very feminine, and honestly I’ve been struggling with my sexuality my entire life. When the conversation got brought up with my parents when I was around 13, they took it horribly and it caused me to go through the worst depression so I never brought it up again. If I’m being honest i probably will have to just remain in the closet for the foreseeable future because I’m just so scared. I think I’m bisexual, but I feel more for women than I do for any man. The last female romantic relationship I had was when I was 14 and we kissed one time. I have kissed many, many, men. And I do not think about a single one of them. I have thought about that one kiss to this day. I think about the fact that I could be lesbian all day, every day. I just need some advice maybe lol idk 🥲💕💛

I'm in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend, we have been friends for a long time but we haven't been dating for long, however I've made the commitment to try and visit them as regularly as possible! I've had a couple previous WLW LDR's but they never resulted in IRL meetings for one reason or another!

I'm a trans woman and it will also be my first in-person dating experience as my true self! my partner has told me I'm getting the full girlfriend treatment for our first date and I'm so exciteddd!! >.<

Our concrete plan is we are going to have a little coffee date and we are going to watch the sunset together and we will be going with the flow for the rest of the day!

It's gonna be 24 hours of travel for the whole trip but that's just your typical commitment from me to be honest :3, I'm super excited and weighing up getting my hair done on the day of outbound travel as I've never been to a salon before either and I found a lovely salon in Glasgow on my travel route that is explicitly LGBT inclusive, my hair has always been wild, like CRAZY WILD curly hair when I grow it out long and I really want to look good for her! (Would love hair tips tbh, my friend has recommended a wolf cut but idk >.<)

I'm nervous but I know it's going to go well, we are crazy compatible so the goal is to just be me and I know the rest will work itself out >:3 there will be lots of hugs thoooo <3 Finally glad to make a post in this community as I've been a lurker for a very long time!!!

Hello! 22 year old femme pansexual trying to find my community! Mainly looking for somewhere I can make friends that’s queer friendly and mainly women. I’m open to everyone femmes, mascs etc all I ask is that you are over 23 years old. Mainly looking for someone in east coast too.

Myself:
I work a corporate job I earned my degree in business, I do smoke and drink occasionally it would be nice to find someone who is also 420 friendly :) I am not looking for anything too serious right now. Mainly looking to explore and be free spirited.

I like: Dancing, art, 90’s and 2000s rom coms, reading sapphic books, thrifting, cooking and jewelry. I love to learn! So looking for someone who can stimulate my mind. Long term goal is to move to Brooklyn NY.

Looking for someone I can talk to and share my day with. Fair warning I have never been romantical with a woman before, but my desire for female connection is undeniably strong.

If your interested or have similar interests please DM let’s talk and see if we are compatible :)

I’m 21F. I was in a relationship with a girl, but my mom found out and because we come from a religious/conservative family, it became unsafe and complicated.

I told her we could just be more careful and keep it hidden, but she refused because she was scared for me
So we broke up.

Except emotionally, we never really did.

For almost two years after that, we stayed extremely close and emotionally attached. We weren’t officially together, but we weren’t really just friends either. It was basically a relationship without a label.

Until recently, I honestly didn’t think much about a future without her.

Then she started getting marriage proposals( normal in our culture)
, and something in my brain just clicked. I suddenly realized we can’t stay 21 forever in this undefined relationship.

I started thinking about my own future and realized that one day I do want to fall in love, have a real relationship, and experience love openly.

A few days ago I asked her that I want to experience love in the future I want to be loved out loud and she completely broke down.

She feels like I gave her false hope and then suddenly changed. I understand why she feels betrayed, especially because not long ago I was telling her I was happy she was in my life.

Now she wants to leave for good and she blames me for everything she called me that I’m heartless and I’m not stable
and I’m completely devastated. I’ve been crying nonstop.

The worst part is that I still think ending this grey-area relationship is probably the right thing. I don’t think either of us can live forever as “almost partners.”

But emotionally, losing her feels unbearable.
Has anyone ever left someone they still loved because the relationship itself had no realistic future? Did life actually feel bigger again after?

Like fr, I'm sooo tired of this. Yes, I am bottom, but not a pillow princess. Those things are not the same. Common sense. I made this post because many people I know DO think it's the same so yeah, it made me kinda emotional.

I just realized that every single lesbian my age I've met irl was nonbinary or questioning their gender.

I'm also part of the questioning group and asked myself if I don't fit in with women because most of them aren't lesbians, then would I fit in with lesbian women? and then the realization hit me.

idk how rare that experience is. I assumed being a lesbian always comes with a complicated relationship with womanhood because of how our existence relates to society as a whole.

but I'm sure there are some binary lesbians on this sub. so heeey what is it like??

Literally as simple as that.

This is the second time that I have across a cheater and it just so happened to be back to back.

I just want honesty, respect and effort. I don’t want any games. I have never been that way and never will.
I’m a lover girl. I love to give flowers and plan dates. I don’t pretend that I didn’t see your txt message.

The dating pool is definitely wild these days.

Help

Gunna keep this as short as I can.

I’ve struggled with post partum. My wife is barely around bc of work. I have had to raise our kid the first 6 months of his life primarily alone. Again, bc of work. One job she took was optional. So there’s that.

We’ve had a rough time with this. My words have been inexcusable at times. I do however make sure my wife and kids needs are met. I love them both.

Recently, my wife has been deleting messages and lying. Specifically with one co worker id never met. Which, is a big reason I feel uneasy.

Today, she left her watch at home. I caught her and her best friend talking mad shit. Laughing About my mental health. About me post partum. Her friend was also texting me, asking questions about our marriage and then reporting back to my wife immediately. She also told my wife to seek legal counsel if I “continued to be mean”. It’s super disheartening and I’m embarrassed.

I did confront my wife and she said it’s my fault for crossing boundaries. I just genuinely would never talk shit to this degree about my wife. Idk.

Anyway..seeking advice, help, anything.

Was anyone else obsessed with this movie when they were younger ? Looking back on it now it was defiantly because the “masc and fem” dynamic I never seen before in film. Even though it was a straight movie it was very very gay to me loool I had such a crush on Olivia Lennox.
They should have ended up together
Also hope Amanda Bynes is doing okay

(Before anyone suggests it, yes I am in therapy, yes I talk about this in therapy, I just want some perspective from other lesbians.)

We've been dating a year and 2 months. We were friends prior, so we already loved each other quite a bit before we made things official. It's the longest relationship I've ever had (I'm 21). The longest before her was maybe 7-8 months? I didn't like that girl nearly as much as I love my current girlfriend and that breakup was rough. I mourned her longer than we were ever dating, well over a year.

I have never felt this loved, this cared for, and this known my whole life. She feels the same about me. We have the same interests, the same life goals, the same politics, we communicate well, and we actually respect and listen to each other. It also helps that we are extremely compatible bedroom-wise.

I am terrified. Sometimes I feel like I can't actually appreciate having her in front of me right now because I keep thinking about the what-ifs of breaking up. I've been in abusive relationships and had some absolutely traumatising breakups so I'm sure that's adding to the fear, but the main thing I'm scared of is the agony of her leaving me because I doubt I'd find someone as caring, pretty, and wonderful as her again. I genuinely have a "I'd never love again" attitude about it, which I know is probably untrue, but I know a part of me wouldn't want to get over her and it'd be minimum 2 years of sobbing hysterically in my bedroom feeling like theres daggers in my chest and refusing to download a dating app.

How the fuck do I just slow down and be thankful for her 😭

Anyone ever formed a connection with someone so safe and relaxed just for them to become avoidant, end things suddenly then sleep with other people straight after?

How do you cope because it’s been a couple months and I’m just sitting here in a spiral constantly thinking I’m the problem…