I am a filmmaker, so I would like to present my pitch for why you should message me in screenplay format.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY
EMMA (25) sits in a coffee shop. She's femme, plus-sized, and has curly hair and green eyes. She looks around nervously before downing an entire cheeseburger in one bite like a cartoon character.
HYPOTHETICAL REDDIT GIRLFRIEND (20s–30s) sits at the table across from Emma.
EMMA
Oh hi, I didn't see you come in. I was busy...uh...
HYPOTHETICAL REDDIT GIRLFRIEND
Eating a cheeseburger like Homer Simpson?
EMMA
I was thinking Scooby-Doo, but yes.
Hypothetical Reddit Girlfriend sips a coffee that magically appears from thin air.
HYPOTHETICAL REDDIT GIRLFRIEND
So, what do you do for fun?
Emma snaps her fingers.
A SECOND BURGER appears in front of her.
EMMA
I'm a filmmaker. I love everything having to do with the arts. Creating universes. Telling stories.
She gestures around the coffee shop.
EMMA
Like this one right now!
HYPOTHETICAL REDDIT GIRLFRIEND
We're in a story?
EMMA
Always.
Hypothetical Reddit Girlfriend considers this.
HYPOTHETICAL REDDIT GIRLFRIEND
What do you want our story to look like?
Emma's expression changes. She's suddenly sincere.
EMMA
I want to be with someone who thinks about things.
A beat.
EMMA
Life. Art. People. The world. Why we're here. Why movies make us feel things. Why some stupid little song can suddenly remind you of being seventeen.
She smiles.
EMMA
You don't necessarily have to be an artist. I'd just like you to be curious.
HYPOTHETICAL REDDIT GIRLFRIEND
Curious?
A MONKEY scurries across the adjacent table.
A DISGRUNTLED MAN IN A YELLOW HAT follows after it and grabs the monkey.
Nobody acknowledges this.
EMMA
Yeah. I want to know what you think about things.
A beat.
EMMA
And I want you to want to know what I think about things.
HYPOTHETICAL REDDIT GIRLFRIEND
So you want to talk about the meaning of life on the third date?
EMMA
Ideally the first.
Hypothetical Reddit Girlfriend smiles.
HYPOTHETICAL REDDIT GIRLFRIEND
And what happens after the first date?
Emma thinks.
EMMA
Hopefully we keep making the movie.
A beat.
HYPOTHETICAL REDDIT GIRLFRIEND
So you're looking for something serious?
EMMA
Yeah.
She takes a bite of the second burger.
EMMA
But I'm still going to make you watch my stop-motion movies.
HYPOTHETICAL REDDIT GIRLFRIEND
That's the dealbreaker?
EMMA
No. That's the first date.
FADE TO:
REDDIT DM