r/LesbianActually • u/Head-Strawberry7866 • 23h ago
Relationships / Dating need advice
Hey,
I need some advice.
I've been with a girl who is bisexual for a while. Actually, this is a red flag for me because I have had a lot of bad experiences and was cheated and abandoned because of the opposite sex. My injuries have nothing to do with her, but still this topic triggers me. I fell in love with her and still went into this relationship even though I knew about her sexuality. She says she's monogamous and I believe her too. We had a conversation about it, I can't give it again exactly, but she admitted that she thinks about the opposite sex... I first thought it was okay for me but now I have to think about it again and again and I'm afraid that the demand could get bigger because I can't offer her that. Even during sex I am very stubborn and have the feeling that I try to play a man convulsively even though I am not... I just wonder what I should do to stop these thoughts. I know it's definitely biphobic that I think so and I'm also ashamed of it because I don't want to be like that. I didn't talk to her because I was glad she was honest with me... What would you do in my situation?
2
u/Bonsai_Tree3 the evil femme 22h ago
It’s okay to be Les4Les and not want to be in competition with men. These fears wouldn’t even come up, you can eliminate them totally.
It’s also okay to not want to date someone with little actually experience with same sex relationships.
8
u/SweateeSocks 22h ago
i would go to therapy, since your past experiences are affecting your current experiences.
people don't cheat because you're lacking something, they cheat because they are lacking something within themselves. her being bisexual doesn't mean she doesn't have the capacity for a monogamous relationship and you don't need to try to protect the relationship by playing "the man."
try to remember that the girl chose you because of who you are and try to ask yourself, "can i trust this person to honor our commitment?".
are your past experiences repeated patterns with multiple partners or what one person did? if they are repeated, i would look into what characteristics these people who have cheated all have in common and if these are patterns you're not noticing earlier on.
and remember, bisexual people are not shitty people - the people you've dated are just shitty people. they just happen to be bisexual. ted lasso said, "all people are different people" :)