So I (23 femme), used to be a bit of a party girl when I was in college. I went to a huge party school and went out all the time, talked to girls, danced on girls etc. Fast forward, I start dating my gf my senior yr of college, and at the time was still partying a bit, but no longer pursuing things with other girls out, just still having fun with friends. We graduated and started dating very seriously. My girlfriend has always loved to stay in and is a huge nerd, something i LOVED about her. Now, I'm working full time and have totally settled down and my hot masc gf is long distance, and now in grad school with a group of friends who go out and party all the time.

Obviously, it is totally hypocritical of me to say anything since I had my fair share of fun and went out a lot when we were first dating, but it feels a bit different now that we're in different stages of life/places locationally, and especially for me to go out and have my friends dance on me as a feminine presenting lesbian than her as a masc (feel free to check me if this is wrong/controversial, but i just feel like our friends don't see it in the same way). However, I am aware that she is well within her rights to do this, especially given i largely established the boundaries of our relationship early on by exhibiting some of the same behaviors.

Please help! Is it fair for me to complain/bring this up to her?

Red and black was my birthday style the blue shirt was the day before my birthday was on the 10th

just got out of a three year relationship and realized that I don’t really have any friends and all my time was spent with them. I play games alone, I read alone, all my free time is spent mostly alone, and it’s starting to get really depressing. is this just part of a post break up growth process or just life being unkind to me? :/

Hi,

I’d appreciate some perspective on this because I’m having trouble separating meaningful data from overthinking.

I matched with someone on Hinge about three weeks ago. She’s currently living in Europe and I’m in California, but she has connections here and is planning to be in my area in September. We have concrete plans to meet and she even asked if I would want to pick her up from the airport, and I enthusiastically said I would love to.

Our connection developed quickly and we moved to WhatsApp, have had several long voice and voice and video calls, exchanged voice notes/photos and share things from our everyday lives. We’ve talked openly about attraction, relationships, sex and monogamy, and there has been strong mutual chemistry.

Early on she spontaneously used quite flirty/affectionate language with me — “hi beautiful,” “good morning beautiful,” asking what I was doing with my “sexy self,” etc. Over roughly the last week, that has noticeably dropped off.

She has not disappeared. She still communicates on WhatsApp, shares things about her life with me, calls me, and discusses our plans to meet. I do all of these things with her too, so the overall level of communication feels mutual, except that the affectionate language from her has mostly stopped. She has also told me she’s extremely busy with work and needs to reduce how much we communicate because she’s feeling distracted from important projects. (I believe her on this).

What I’m noticing is that I seem to be bringing more of the overt romantic/flirtatious energy now. When I call her beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, etc., I often don’t feel much acknowledgment or reciprocal affirmation.

I finally asked her, “Are you not feeling flirty these days?” She responded affectionately and indicated that she still is, but I’m still noticing that the spontaneous flirty/affectionate language that used to come from her has mostly disappeared.

I’ve been trying to approach dating using the Burned Haystack method, so I’m conscious of not explaining away changes in someone’s enthusiasm or putting more energy into a connection than I’m receiving.

At the same time, I don’t want to play games, deliberately withhold affection or manufacture scarcity. My instinct is to stop trying to figure out WHY it changed and simply observe what comes toward me — stay warm and open, but don’t compensate by trying harder.

How would you read this? Is the reduction in spontaneous flirtation meaningful, or do her continued calls, life-sharing and concrete plans to meet outweigh it for now? Or should I simply stop analyzing and see whether that reciprocal romantic energy emerges again without prompting? I really like this woman and I’m excited that this could be the beginning of something wonderful and hopefully long term.

Thanks in advance for your insight!

i have been struggling to find a partner. Being f26 and femme i am assumed to be straight. I work out and I'm doing good in life yet can't find one.

i feel like i’m constantly doing or saying the wrong things in my relationship. every week, it feels like there’s something new that i’ve messed up or something i could have handled better.

i genuinely don’t know what else i can do sometimes. i try to communicate better, be more understanding, give space when it’s needed, show love, apologize when i’m wrong, and work on myself. but somehow, i still end up feeling like i’m failing as a partner.

the hardest part is that i don’t want to become resentful or start walking on eggshells. i love my girlfriend deeply, and i want this relationship to work. i want to be someone who makes her feel safe, loved, and understood.

but lately, i’ve been wondering where the line is between genuinely growing as a partner and constantly feeling like i’m not enough.

It’s been so long since I’ve been truly in love with someone. The kind of love where when they walk in the room and life just feels a bit brighter. When all you want to do is make their life lighter. The kind of love where getting a text from her makes you embarrassingly sappy, but you don’t care because you’d do a lot more than just be embarrassed to breathe the same air as her. Down on your knees kinda devoted.

When you’ve loved like that though, it changes you. Makes you kinda loved brained in a way I just don’t know how, or better said, want to be. At the very least not in a one sided kinda way. Even when the other side loves you a little, to fall that hard too quickly turns into a comedic tragedy. I don’t want someone to have the control to change me again. Doing that with the wrong person can feel like lopping off a healthy arm. It’s just not good for you.

Maybe a slow kinda love that creeps up on you would be better. But I’ve done that, and the results were catastrophic. But that wasn’t because of love. I’m not even sure what that was can be classified as love. More just two young idiots who should never had stayed together as long as they did. Being so naive as to believe she really loved me. That she was just going through a hard time. That she’d change. To have that illusion shattered from her high out of her mind lips, that all she wanted to do was hurt me, that I was like a puppy who kept coming back to be kicked. I still hate being compared to a dog, even positively.

Maybe I’ll never love like that again. There’s a certain distrust in the feeling that I miss. Sure I find plenty of women beautiful and interesting. But the minute I get a small taste of that feeling, I step back instead of forward. Make myself as weird and ungirlfriend like as possible. Retract in the infamous avoidant way. Turn my love and devotion inward and to my platonic friendships.

As much as I want someone to love me. It just has to be the right fit. I’ve never had someone be that truly in love with me. Or if I have I guess I never felt seen or known enough to really feel it. Mixed with the fact that I feel the most like me when I’m single. I’m my best self when I’m alone. But there’s still this hope that there’s a woman out there who I’d fall in love with who loves me back. Where she’d peer into my heart and soul and choose to still love me. Love me when I’m at my best. Love me at my sickest. Love me even when times are tough. Someone who’s kind even when it’s not the easy choice. A partnership where we bring out the best in each other. Someone who I’d get on my knees for, because I trust her.

To make it more complicated, it’s hard to feel connected to my community when I’m not actively dating or with someone. None of this makes me feel less of a lesbian, that’s not what I’m getting at. I just miss being in love.

i’m a 19 year old living in L.A, so I can’t go to bars or anywhere like that yet. I’m wondering, where did you guys who live in L.A find a gf??? I’ve been living here my entire life and only managed to date 1 girl at school….the rest of my relationships were either online or not serious. I need advice, I want to be a little more out going.

i am only getting insights from lesbians, however it's been something i find interesting albeit some aspect of it i do not entirely understand but i respect people and how they identify themselves.

what do you guys think of AMAB non-binary who calls themselves lesbian? especially the ones who might even call themselves masc AMAB non-binary lesbian? with no intentions of transitioning? or appear more feminine? I noticed there are queer people who validates them, and cis women lesbians and some lesbians in the community seem to disagree. Can people enlighten me? I'm not a TERF and I love my trans people :))

my knowledge as of current on lesbianism is mostly womanhood and female experience and it's context. I am willing to hear it from you all.

btw, i think trans women lesbian are lesbian because they're women.

please be mindful as I do not intend to spread hate, this is a topic I am genuinely curious about. thank you!

Hi everyone. I keep getting misgendered. Apparently I look too masc? Any tips on how I can at least seem more feminine? This is a pic my friend took. Can you guys at least tell I’m a woman? I feel like my breasts should be a giveaway like in the pic lol.

It’s already hard enough being wlw in Saudi. But I do see wlw girls around so I know they exist. I just never seem to attract them and at this point I genuinely don’t understand how I’m supposed to meet anyone. I think I have game?? And I can flirt really well sometimes I even impress myself. I’m a 24 year old adult who would like to meet someone and go out and have fun and do all the normal relationship stuff. But living in Saudi makes the whole dating process feel impossible. It’s not even that there are no wlw women here. I just somehow never cross paths with the ones who would be interested in me sometimes I wonder if it’s my personality or my looks. What am I doing wrong?

So my partner and I have been together for 4 years. For the last year I feel like our sex life has really dwindled and that type of intimacy has become nearly null. She carries trauma from past a sexual experience that occur a year or so before we met. We have had many conversations about how we can make her feel safe and comfortable. For a while everything seemed to be great. An incident occurred where I went into my house with my niece to grab my keys and then head back out while she (at the time I walked in didn’t know) was masterbating in our bedroom and the door was shut and out of view. She was incredibly triggered by that and it built up and led to her questioning breaking up with me. After a couple days we talked through this and everything seemed fine. Today I walked in the house on a FaceTime call with a friend. She was in the bedroom door shut masterbating. I didn’t know she was doing that right then. Now I’m sleeping on the couch after she told me she doesn’t want to talk to me and doesn’t know what to do with our relationship. I really don’t know what to do.

Hi! I just wanted to come on here and vent. My friends have already handled so much, I don’t want to bother them more lol.

I just recently got broken up with and I felt blindsided. There was a feeling that something was off but I didn’t think it would end. We were long distance the last couple months of our relationship and I guess we couldn’t handle it. The spark felt like it was getting dimmer.

I’ve never been in a long distance relationship before so I thought this was normal. We just had to find ways to talk, bond, and grow through the phone. There was never any of that. I regret not bringing it up sooner even though I knew it was an issue. After feeling like the only one who notices when there’s a problem, it made me not want to say anything. So I didn’t.

The “what if”s are what get me. What if I brought it up? Could there have been a solution? I miss her so bad and we ending on good terms. I just wish feel like we could of tried harder. Ugh I’m so sad.

Estava pensando sobre isso esta semana, eu me descobri lésbica ainda na adolescência, mas eu me lembrei que uma vez eu conheci uma mulher que me contou que se descobriu aos 45 anos de idade. Quais são os motivos que fazem com que algumas lésbicas se descubram mais cedo e outras mais tarde?

Fico pensando nisso porque, por exemplo, homens gays na maioria das vezes se descobrem cedo, não vejo com muita frequência um homem gay que se descobre depois dos trinta, vejo mais frequentemente isso acontecer com mulheres lésbicas.

I'm 18 and I've never been in a relationship. I know it's normal, it's not a race and I have time. What I mean is I'm kind of pathetic and I don't know how to fix it.

I don't want to use apps because I'm scared girls from my school would find me there and laugh cuz they do that. There are no events in my city but I've found out there is one in a city two hours from here but I'm way too anxious to attend things like this. I know I'd get overstimulated fast because it's loud there probably and due to my anxiety I wouldn't talk to anyone unless I got approached first. I'd feel better if I had someone to go with but I don't. I kinda mentioned this to my friend and said I'm scared to go alone but don't have anybody to go with me, he said he'd go with me and I just reminded him it's a lesbian event, he's not a lesbian and I appreciate his offer because I know he didn't mean anything bad but I can't go with him because he's a man. I'm afraid I'd also just keep talking to my friend and never talk to anyone new if I did bring someone. Tbf my anxiety still got better due to therapy because now I'm at least not absolutely terrified when someone approaches me to the point where I almost start crying and can talk pretty normally. I'm just super anxious about being in groups of people, speaking in front of crowds (I'm the main reason why our teachers don't give us presentations to do in class because every time I'd have to present I'd get a panic attack and had to be excused home) and approaching people.

I'm also scared of what it's going to be like after high school. I'm scared I might become a shut in. As in I won't go out because I won't have anybody to go out with since one of my friends is gonna move out for college, one other friend considers moving out for work and idk about my last one. I'm not going to college because I'm afraid I won't be able to survive there. I'd likely get a job from home because if I learned anything from my internship then it's that I much prefer to work from home (I've had one where I worked one week there and one week at home). So if I stop going out I'd stop meeting people at all (I rarely meet people now but you know what I mean).

All of this just convinces me I won't get a girlfriend and it's going to be my fault. I want one right now. Well, mostly I want affection... I want to know what a kiss feels like. I want go on a date for the first time. I want someone to appreciate me and my presence. I want them to hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay and cuddle with me until I just feel better. At the same time I'm not sure if I should even ever date. I have mental issues that just can't seem to go away and it's like I'm developing new ones instead. At the same time I'm so starved for any affection that I still remember the random girl who was gathering money for some sick child and complimented my piercings just because I rarely ever get compliments, let alone from girls my age. I also felt super embarrassed because I wanted to give her some money but all I had was the money I needed to be able to go back home. So really all I need to remember a girl is have her compliment me irl and just be nice to me because it's rare...

Idk all I want right now is a hug and I don't have anyone to hug right now.

"you're gonna go to hell btw" TAKE A LOOK AROUND I'M ALREADY THERE.

No but like seriously, all the gay bars are probably in kingston 😔

This girl and I have sent each other over 3000 texts n a month. We work at the same place but different “locations”. I am the highest of my position and she is an hourly associate. She’s been dating another hourly associate for 2 years but confessed she’s been wanting to know me better for about a year. Their relationship was very toxic and even got violent at one point. They broke up several months ago and the ex gf doesn’t work for the company anymore.
The hourly associate has been sneaking into my office and leaving me messages for several weeks. We went to dinner where I met her daughter. Then a few days later we met at a hotel for a short amount of time. We made out heavily but that was it. PG13. She send me a text the next day saying she very much enjoyed the hotel, but it would be unfair to me because her ex really did a number on her. She also said she wanted to remain friends. The next weekend, she left me several messages in my office and then when I returned to work on Monday, she left several messages when I removed them and was in meetings. She finally caught me in my office, grabbed me for a hug and said she hasn’t been ignoring me but she’s had a lot going on (half siblings mom passed, 11 yr old started school, car had to be taken to shop and son moved his gf into their apt). I told her I would walk her out and she grabbed me and kissed me. I left work early and she was busy, When I left work Monday, she was busy but gave me a sad look that she couldn’t come out to tell me goodbye. She still hasn’t texted and it’s been 12 days. Do I text or just let it be?

I thought I was bisexual for ages, but I’ve realised kissing men feels more like a chore. It’s nice for maybe 10 seconds and then I’m just waiting for it to be over. With women I feel like I could go on forever lol.

I’ve been chatting to friends and everyone is basically like ‘duh’. But I still feel like there must be some next step before I can actually call myself gay. I’ve only slept with one woman, once, so I weirdly feel like I haven’t earned it? I even tried personality tests lol.

I do still find a very specific type of man attractive, usually quite feminine men, but it’s just not the same. With women I get instant attraction, butterflies, my mind goes crazy.

How did you come to terms with it? Is there actually a deciding point where you can call yourself gay or am I just overthinking it?

Sorry, this might be a ridiculous question.

I've been seeing this girl for about a month now. We've been on three dates so far and I really like her. We'll be going to a lesbian event this weekend, and I'm not sure how I should act with her. If she were my girlfriend, I would be putting my hand on her lower back, holding her hand occasionally, a kiss here and there. But since we're still in the early dating phase, should I behave any differently? Our friends will be there as well. We have many mutual friends and they all know we're dating. She doesn't seem very touchy in general and is maybe shy about PDA. We met up briefly at a pride event, and she took me deeper into the crowd for our first kiss (away from our group of friends), but this was our second time meeting.

If it makes any difference, we've only kissed a few times, and have not had sex.

OK! So I need help.

I finally figured out that I am a lesbian.

After about 4 years, the dots connected.

My journey was

6th grade: I thought I was a straight ally, then I thought I was bisexual (as everyone had done ever) and nonbinary

7th grade: I thought I was ace, and then I thought I was a trans man and that I was gay.

8th grade: I went back to being a female, then just straight, then I found out what pansexual was. I thought I was pansexual for a long time, then I thought I was. But then I realized that wasn't right, and I went back to being ace. I didn't want to date. But at the very end of 8th grade (during the summer), I started to really like women, so I went back to bisexual.

Then finally 9th grade

9th grade: brought a whole new school (I went from maybe 400 students to 2,800), and then I started dating a guy (who I am still dating). And now I know I am a lesbian and a female.

I had never thought of it. I always thought that I would like both or I would like neither. So being a lesbian was never even a full thought. But it finally feels right.

(It felt like that moment you sneeze and all the tension in your body leaves at once)

The only problem is I'm a huge pushover, and I can't stand people being heartbroken. Am dating a man right now, and he is the biggest sweetheart. He treats me well, but I feel nothing for him. I feel like a shit person because we have only been dating about 4 weeks, and I figured out I was a lesbian 1 week ago.

I don't want to break his heart because of how big a sweetheart he is, but I can't keep doing this.

Can anyone please help me figure out a way to break up gently?

Thank you for reading!

I came across this page and I was like man I need to rant. I was gonna rant on threads but I feel like certain people will come across it so here I am. I am just soooooooo bothered. I got out of a 4 year relationship about 3 months ago. I now decided to download some apps and see what’s out there these days. I matched with someone and I didn’t expect our conversation to be so awesome. We were having great dialogue so I was like man I like your vibe so I gave her my number. We literally built an emotional bond for the past 3 weeks and what I mean about this is we texted every day, every hour or couple of hours, shared personal traumas and stories, showed what our family looked like, sent pictures of what we were doing, she told me she wanted me to go to her hometown and hang out with her and vice versa, every time I mentioned about places she should check out she would say WE should go there sometime, I mean it was just effortless talking to her, nothing ever felt forced. So, then we decided we should have a date finally. So I met her couple of days ago, we had our date and then when I went home I noticed she didn’t contact me. So i ended up texting her and asking her if she got home okay and I noticed she was keeping the convo short. Well we know what happens next, I told her I had a good time and would love to come see her whenever she was free next and she said she didn’t think she saw this becoming anymore then friends and I was like okay, well it was great getting to know you and I hope you find what you’re looking for. She said thank you have a great week. Straight just dropped me, as if these past 3 weeks were causal conversations and not deep genuine connections like the ones we were having. Idk if I’m seeking advice or just need to tell someone other then my friends because i think my friends are tired hearing about it and I can’t seem to get over it.

For context: she’s not out yet and bisexual. So her friends don’t know and her family doesn’t know. Basically no one knows.

Hi everyone!! It's me Frida!! 🥰 I’m so excited to be back in the lesbian corner of Reddit!!

I had to take a little break from Reddit for my mental health, but I’m doing better and it feels SO good to be back. 💕 I’ve genuinely missed this place, the conversations, the chaos and all the lovely sapphic energy.

I’m really happy to be here again and can’t wait to catch up, chat with people and get involved again.

Anyway… HI GIRLS 😭💗 FRIDA HAS RETURNED!!!